Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you
5,007 replies, posted
My problem is the guy was a facepuncher that has been banned multiple times, had one of the creepiest fucking profile comment histories I'd ever seen, sent me dickpics on steam when i still thought i was straight saying he'd convert me, mentioned how close he was to Seattle, how he had "contacts" here that could find me, etc etc. I was really quite scared- I'm a fairly diminutive dude who is (unfortunately) a stereotypical twink in build and musculature. This guy also had a fairly unstable mental health record, and I know that he got ostracized from a community because he obscured his STD status from all of his partners.
so yeah. that was unfun. I don't think a terrible lot about the photos I post, or I didn't, and i wasn't doing it for attention or anything. But the attention I did get was negative, unfortunately.
[editline]17th January 2016[/editline]
oh, and i got messages from both these people shortly after I had been called a "faggot" and shoulder-checked into a puddle on my way home near my uni
[sp]after which the guy i was seeing came over and we drank a bottle of white wine together and bitched about fashion trends, realized that legally blonde the musical got the "european or gay" bit right, and the like. that WAS pretty gay tbh[/sp]
that's the sorta stuff a mod should have been notified of cause I'm certain they'd have perma'd him and if he continued the harassment, they could have threatened him with contacting authorities
[QUOTE=loopoo;49552569]that's the sorta stuff a mod should have been notified of cause I'm certain they'd have perma'd him and if he continued the harassment, they could have threatened him with contacting authorities[/QUOTE]
He's gone for good now, because I told one of the mods when he was harassing a 16 year old or two in a chatroom I hung out in.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;49544220]you guys are being a bit weird about it too imo, like how do you make new friends if you don't interact with strangers? facebook is just another form of social interaction after all its up to you if u accept the interaction proposed to you by the stranger[/QUOTE]
I'm an introvert. I have enough friends and don't usually seek out new ones anymore, and trying to befriend guys only to have them hit on me has gotten old. I get to know other students in my classes and that's pretty much it.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
And I talk to some people in my uni's gaming Facebook groups. I don't mind talking to people in video games because that's a situation where I can get to know someone without my safety being compromised.
Gotta say that it has gotten old also from a male perspective, at least from what has happened to me.
Having so many friends surprise me by admitting that they have feelings for me, getting kissed by two friends at a housewarming party and even having been sexually assaulted once by someone I trusted.
A friend of mine was eager to go see Star Wars EP7 for a second time last Thursday and I was really anxious as I didn't know for sure if she's pansexual or lesbian.
At least that Thursday had this years highlight: talking with my ex on the phone for one and a half hours. It did give a hope of things to get closer with her again as we get our things sorted out, as it was the easiest time I've had talking with anyone for a long time. We even got off at a good start, both admitting our mistakes and forgiving each other for different things and beginning to address them. Hell I even told her a few things that left her speechless, with what I told her about my trust for her and alluding to that whole sexual assault thing I've only felt comfortable talking about to her. Topped off with that it took a damn long time to hang up the call, just like old times.
I just have to fight my own anxiety about calling her again. So I'll have to try again today.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49556118]I'm an introvert. I have enough friends and don't usually seek out new ones anymore, and trying to befriend guys only to have them hit on me has gotten old. I get to know other students in my classes and that's pretty much it.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
And I talk to some people in my uni's gaming Facebook groups. I don't mind talking to people in video games because that's a situation where I can get to know someone without my safety being compromised.[/QUOTE]
I was gonna say that not every guy who adds you on facebook is gonna hit on you, and that sometimes people just want to genuinely meet you and don't know how else...
But then the board game club at my university came to mind. And l just remembered how those wizards of virginity would just secretly jizz their pants every time a girl would step in the room. They hit on every girl so hard in the most cringiest way, that women no longer set foot there.
And all of a sudden l undetstand you.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49557298]I was gonna say that not every guy who adds you on facebook is gonna hit on you, and that sometimes people just want to genuinely meet you and don't know how else...
But then the board game club at my university came to mind. And l just remembered how those wizards of virginity would just secretly jizz their pants every time a girl would step in the room. They hit on every girl so hard in the most cringiest way, that women no longer set foot there.
And all of a sudden l undetstand you.[/QUOTE]
None of the people who have randomly added me have been from those groups... Most of them are people who I have nothing in common with.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
And considering that my uni's esports and League of Legends groups are both run by and heavily populated with women, the culture is a little bit different there than what you seem to think.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;49557046]Gotta say that it has gotten old also from a male perspective, at least from what has happened to me.
Having so many friends surprise me by admitting that they have feelings for me, getting kissed by two friends at a housewarming party and even having been sexually assaulted once by someone I trusted.[/QUOTE]
I can relate. I was sexually assaulted by a close friend a bit over a year ago. The last time I actually made a friend in real life who I hung out with outside of school, he started flirting with me and constantly staring at me even though I had told him in 5 different ways that I had 0 interest in him and was already in a relationship. I could write a fucking book about how every single male friend I've made (because I rarely meet girls I get along with IRL) has either flirted with me to the point of discomfort or stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. Nobody seems to understand how going through that over and over again, on top of dealing with concern for your own safety/how far others will go to get what they want from you, would make you want to give up.
For fuck sake
Got a really shit haircut
Asked for a 2 on the sides, 4 on top and she just gave me a 2 all round fucking buzzcut
Or it might be a 1 to be honest its fucking awful I've worn a hat all day
I know its not a big deal but I'm not feeling as confident as I have been recently and this doesn't help
feels pretty damn good using the same hairdresser 3 years in a row. I had to go through like 3 bad haircuts but now he's got a general idea of how my hair grows out and he does a pretty good job of it. I end up having 1 week with weird hair and then it's perf
sorry for your loss, rip based hair.
PS: what I was trying to say is going into those generic hairdressers (Toni & Guy in the UK for example) and sitting down with any hairdresser is just asking for a bad time. if they know they're probs not gonna see you again, they don't really give a shit. I like to think my hairdresser gives a damn cause I keep going back.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49559198]
And considering that my uni's esports and League of Legends groups are both run by and heavily populated with women, the culture is a little bit different there than what you seem to think[/QUOTE]
Right. I forgot you're a psych student.
Well, I'm glad to hear that somewhere in the world there are still places where women can play games, free of patronizing computer science and engineering geeks drooling all over them.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49559198]None of the people who have randomly added me have been from those groups... Most of them are people who I have nothing in common with.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
And considering that my uni's esports and League of Legends groups are both run by and heavily populated with women, the culture is a little bit different there than what you seem to think.
[editline]18th January 2016[/editline]
I can relate. I was sexually assaulted by a close friend a bit over a year ago. The last time I actually made a friend in real life who I hung out with outside of school, he started flirting with me and constantly staring at me even though I had told him in 5 different ways that I had 0 interest in him and was already in a relationship. I could write a fucking book about how every single male friend I've made (because I rarely meet girls I get along with IRL) has either flirted with me to the point of discomfort or stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. Nobody seems to understand how going through that over and over again, on top of dealing with concern for your own safety/how far others will go to get what they want from you, would make you want to give up.[/QUOTE]
my friend tells me the same thing, and a similar thing happened to her too with sexual harassment and also the guy had anger management problems(which apparently is a very common thing amongst men that are attracted to them according to my friends)
she's still friends with the guy but i told her to stop talking to him because that's fucking disgusting, when she told me what happened i was like "what a piece of shit what the fuck"
she said aside from that single moment he's a nice guy but that just makes him more of a piece of shit, since he's only nice when he's getting what he wants and when she says no he throws a fit(and he's only known her for less than a month, and he says he's in love, puhleez)
the sexual harassment happened after she declined to go out with him
gah people disgust me
[QUOTE=loopoo;49560366]I end up having 1 week with weird hair and then it's perf[/QUOTE]
I dunno how people can get a haircut and their hair looks fine straight off. My hair always looks all fucked up for about a week after the cut and then it's fine.
[QUOTE=Loofiloo;49543802]Yeah I mean you might as well ask "why do fat people care about losing weight"
Like it or not, there's a lot of societal pressure for people to not be those things (the virgin thing applying more often to men obviously). Granted, people in a super friendly environment like this are going to be more understanding, but the world is full of idiots who will be like "lol get a load of this loser virgin." I got that occasionally in high school.
And I'm sure 99% of people would [b]prefer[/b] finding someone who really cares about them. That's why we get the old "Why don't you just hire a hooker?" argument. Nobody really does that to lose their virginity, because being a virgin is usually seen as an extension of that larger problem of just not having been in a super-intimate relationship. I think that's what people [b]really[/b] want.[/QUOTE]
Me and a female friend pretended that we had sex in school, just so people would get off our backs. So if someone said "Have you had sex yet?" and i'd say yes and they'd want proof, my friend would say she had sex with me, and vice versa, just to get us out of that social pressure. I highly recommend doing it with someone you really do trust. Me and her were really good friends. Mature friends, we didn't care much for the drama and shadiness.....
Infact, people thought me and her were gonna get married and got the "Destined to be a couple" award. Unfortunately, i turned gay and she turned lesbian after we left school haha.
I never lost my virginity till i was 21-22. And even worse was that it was a horrible time and it was with one of my school teachers.
[QUOTE=greeley;49563519]Me and a female friend pretended that we had sex in school, just so people would get off our backs. So if someone said "Have you had sex yet?" and i'd say yes and they'd want proof, my friend would say she had sex with me, and vice versa, just to get us out of that social pressure. I highly recommend doing it with someone you really do trust. Me and her were really good friends. Mature friends, we didn't care much for the drama and shadiness.....
Infact, people thought me and her were gonna get married and got the "Destined to be a couple" award. Unfortunately, i turned gay and she turned lesbian after we left school haha.
I never lost my virginity till i was 21-22. And even worse was that it was a horrible time[B] and it was with one of my school teachers.[/B][/QUOTE]
Whoa whoa you can't just drop that bomb and not indulge our sick curiosity about how that came to be
[QUOTE=loopoo;49560366]rip based hair.[/QUOTE]
:dead:
[editline]19th January 2016[/editline]
well, at least the company who gave me a free beanie yesterday gets free advertisement for me being a slaphead.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/AkoqZfJm.jpg[/IMG]
Went for a job interview just now. They want me to sell cable and l pretty much win as much as l sell. The guy said l got the job but l told him l was gonna hold until friday to see if l get more interviews for something more stable.
Got another interview for inexperienced salesman, next thursday too but l guess it's pretty much the same.
Gotta keep on lurking, l guess.
I'm already way behind on my final major animation and I can't bring myself to start animating it.
broke up with my girlfriend. It was the cutest 2 year relationship i could have ever asked. Sadly, im an idiot and insensible tool and by the end of it she felt uncomfortable around me. I could ask her to give me another chance but i asked her to end it up, since i dont know if i can change. I tried god dammit but maybe it isnt about changing? whatever, cant make her go through it again and again, i love her and i just cringed when she said she felt uncomfortable, like, i didnt see it coming, maybe but i thought it could be fixed, but she confessed she had doubts if she loved me by then, and i think that was it for me. Since i didnt have any doubts, i wasnt thinking of her, so maybe giving her the space she needs and the opportunity to know another guys that could make her happier is the last nice thing i should do for her.
now excuse me while i cry all over my pillow and kill myself.
[QUOTE=autodesknoob;49566875]broke up with my girlfriend. It was the cutest 2 year relationship i could have ever asked. Sadly, im an idiot and insensible tool and by the end of it she felt uncomfortable around me. I could ask her to give me another chance but i asked her to end it up, since i dont know if i can change. I tried god dammit but maybe it isnt about changing? whatever, cant make her go through it again and again, i love her and i just cringed when she said she felt uncomfortable, like, i didnt see it coming, maybe but i thought it could be fixed, but she confessed she had doubts if she loved me by then, and i think that was it for me. Since i didnt have any doubts, i wasnt thinking of her, so maybe giving her the space she needs and the opportunity to know another guys that could make her happier is the last nice thing i should do for her.
now excuse me while i cry all over my pillow and kill myself.[/QUOTE]
lowe it
focus on your life now
I can't stop questioning if my girlfriend and I are really right for each other. I think part of the problem is she's the first person I've been in a relationship longer than 3 months with. So I can't tell if I'm meant for someone different or this is actually what a strong relationship is. I don't have enough experience to make a comparison.
It's been two years and I question if that's all worth leaving behind over what I fear is just curiosity. Because it's not a black and white, bad relationship. Nobody has cheated on anybody, or been abusive, or etc. We get along fairly well, the sex is great, and have nearly identical future plans and values. And if I left there would be no turning back.
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49575370]But good relationships really are that simple. Maybe you're just looking for something thrilling or different? If so, you can always introduce some new things in a relationship to keep it interesting.[/QUOTE]
Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. I can't tell if the relationship isn't good enough for the long haul or if it's just stale. I'm worried it's all just from an overwhelming desire to see what it's like with someone different. I've never slept with anyone else either. I guess in a perfect universe there would be some morally right way I could satisfy the curiosity a little while and then go back to just staying with my girlfriend.
[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;49575427]Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. I can't tell if the relationship isn't good enough for the long haul or if it's just stale. I'm worried it's all just from an overwhelming desire to see what it's like with someone different. I've never slept with anyone else either. I guess in a perfect universe there would be some morally right way I could satisfy the curiosity a little while and then go back to just staying with my girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
Infatuation never comes back, and it's not going to be worth it to "satisfy the curiosity". You've got a good thing going on. As RenegadeCop said try doing something different - go on a small date together, start playing a video game together, cook with your SO, etc.
[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;49575427]Yeah that's what I'm afraid of. I can't tell if the relationship isn't good enough for the long haul or if it's just stale. I'm worried it's all just from an overwhelming desire to see what it's like with someone different. I've never slept with anyone else either. I guess in a perfect universe there would be some morally right way I could satisfy the curiosity a little while and then go back to just staying with my girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
You haven't made any complaints about your relationship, but your evaluation of it sounded pretty generic and unemotional/"good on paper". I suggest giving some thought to whether there are certain aspects of your relationship that you're unhappy with. They don't have to be reasonable complaints - just try to be honest with yourself regarding the reasons why you're not satisfied and are considering moving on. Once you recognize those reasons, you can work with your partner to change them.
Any relationship can work as long as both individuals are willing to work on it. Infatuation and the hormones that come with it and make your relationship feel new and exciting only last up to a couple years. Any relationship will fall apart over time if both partners don't work to hold it together.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49578025]You haven't made any complaints about your relationship, but your evaluation of it sounded pretty generic and unemotional/"good on paper". I suggest giving some thought to whether there are certain aspects of your relationship that you're unhappy with. They don't have to be reasonable complaints - just try to be honest with yourself regarding the reasons why you're not satisfied and are considering moving on. Once you recognize those reasons, you can work with your partner to change them.
Any relationship can work as long as both individuals are willing to work on it. Infatuation and the hormones that come with it and make your relationship feel new and exciting only last up to a couple years. Any relationship will fall apart over time if both partners don't work to hold it together.[/QUOTE]
I can't find the paper, but the best relationships are based on active engagement and "turning towards" the partner as explained here:
[url]https://www.gottman.com/blog/t-is-for-turning/[/url]
Commonly couples therapy involves practice at this. So yeah, if the individuals are willing to work together relationships can last.
Also think about it - it's about what you've built. That infatuation period may have long passed, but you have built a history with this girl and seem pretty happy and content overall. It's not surprising you desire that feeling again, and it doesn't make you terrible or anything. Maybe try dating your girlfriend again, as in do some more stuff together and get out together more often?
And I would think more deeply about this relationship. Guy Mannly covered that well, just think about the relationship on a deeper and more active level. And don't rush into any decisions, take it slow and be considerate in your thoughts.
Disclaimer being that I've been perpetually single but I like reading research on relationship psychology cus it's interesting and I'm always trying to improve myself so that I can present myself as my best if I find a relationship someday. I don't have any fedoras, but maybe I should save one for these comments :v:
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49578025]You haven't made any complaints about your relationship, but your evaluation of it sounded pretty generic and unemotional/"good on paper". I suggest giving some thought to whether there are certain aspects of your relationship that you're unhappy with. They don't have to be reasonable complaints - just try to be honest with yourself regarding the reasons why you're not satisfied and are considering moving on. Once you recognize those reasons, you can work with your partner to change them.
Any relationship can work as long as both individuals are willing to work on it. Infatuation and the hormones that come with it and make your relationship feel new and exciting only last up to a couple years. Any relationship will fall apart over time if both partners don't work to hold it together.[/QUOTE]
Maybe saying things are stale is a bad choice of words. I moved pretty recently and we've actually had fun doing some new things together. And sex is still pretty active and fun for the most part. I think maybe it's more that I feel like I missed out on the "promiscuity" phase of my life, and I can't help but feel afraid that I'm wasting an aspect of my life by possibly going through it having only had sex with one person.
And then there's also the lingering question of "This is good, but what if there's something even better?". Which I think you guys have done a good job of answering that one. I needed some confirmation that this was normal. I'm really glad I decided to post about it.
There is always something better, there will always to be someone more fulfilling than who you have now all over the world throughout all eternity. But it's way better to treasure what you have than to just live out of fear of missing out.
Focus on your feelings for your partner. If it's good then why bother looking around in search of a mirage?
Stop obsessing about it so much and thing rationally and objectively about what you have on your hands.
Otherwise you'll be like that guy who has all the cable channels on his TV, but keeps on zapping and zapping from channel to channel in search of something more interesting than the current show, that he actually ends up missing all the shows.
If you don't have the same feelings as before, that's one thing. But putting it all away for fear of missing out on sex with other girls. Come on, dude...
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49579969]There is always something better, there will always to be someone more fulfilling than who you have now all over the world throughout all eternity. But it's way better to treasure what you have than to just live out of fear of missing out.
Focus on your feelings for your partner. If it's good then why bother looking around in search of a mirage?
Stop obsessing about it so much and thing rationally and objectively about what you have on your hands.
Otherwise you'll be like that guy who has all the cable channels on his TV, but keeps on zapping and zapping from channel to channel in search of something more interesting than the current show, that he actually ends up missing all the shows.
If you don't have the same feelings as before, that's one thing. But putting it all away for fear of missing out on sex with other girls. Come on, dude...[/QUOTE]
That's a good metaphor actually. Okay I think it's pretty obvious what to do. Thanks!
I felt the same way as you after jumping out of 4 years of depression right into a relationship. I felt exactly as you described. It's not worth it. Otherwise you'll just lock yourself in that limbo between wanting something else and being in the relationship. You'll end up losing both. And your partner will start noticing your distance.
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