Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Marzipas;49745892]so uh i just kind of randomly installed tinder again just for some shit to do while on the toilet a few weeks back, started talking to someone just passively as I do since I never use it for actually meeting people, I just don't mind chatting with random people sometimes, and now I've just been asked for a coffee. I'm like, pretty shit at this sort of thing since I've never really gone for a coffee one to one with someone I've not met ever, and i'm studying abroad at the moment so really didn't expect anything to happen here and i've no idea what to do? whoops[/QUOTE] do it

[QUOTE=Sector 7;49742109]I keep having amazing first dates with awesome women that turn into slow painful fades this is fucking brutal. uuuugh. I seriously need to stop getting attached to people after only spending 4-5 hours together. The last girl I dated represented literally everything I wanted in a partner and I was on my A-game the whole time and we had fun just being together and we ended up making out before parting ways but it still just fizzled out anyway. We even had jobs in the same field and we had a bunch of super obscure connections. She even liked my favorite crappy pizza place! And now we're not going to talk ever again. Dating sucks.[/QUOTE] Why you won't talk again? Can't you go along "Hello? Wanna go out sometime?"

Ok, I just need to vent somewhere. I met this girl the first day of college. We really jelled together and became friends. We eventually became more then friends. In fact she was my best friend. I've never felt closer to someone, someone I could tell literally anything in the world and they would understand. She wasn't the best looking but she was really funny and could always make me laugh. I've known her for 3 1/2 years and we've been together 1 1/2 years. We weren't always on great terms especially over this last semester. She always wanted my attention but we rarely had sex because her meds didn't make her horny. There were some other reasons we didn't jell together mostly out of our control. I won't bore you with the details but lets just say most of these problems were pretty trivial and I always thought we could move past them. She texted me her concerns again this last winter break (and since we were in different towns). I told her maybe we can discuss these issues when we get back, since I was very busy preparing for a school related trip to a conference. She agreed and I went to said conference. The day after I got back she wanted to skype me. She seemed distant and wasn't talking to much. After she got some basic information out of me (like finding out we weren't celebrating my brothers birthday that day) she broke up with me. She said a lot of generic shit like "its too real for me" "things aren't the same" and stuff like that. She said I didn't do anything wrong. This breakup was a month ago. I'm completely devastated at first. I felt like I never got the chance to tell her my side of the story. I took everyone advice and didn't contact her, and overall so far I've been successful besides a few drunk texts. The breakup was hard but I just realized that I have no support group. She was the only person I felt connected too. I felt like even my parents wouldn't understand me. To make it worse we shared many mutual friends, and we always used to hang out at her place too. I feel like I'm about to lose all of these mutual friends one way or another. I didn't just lose my girlfriend, I lost my best friend, many of my other friends and I can't trust anyone, on top of it all I graduate this summer with no job lined up, and just feel very confused. Yeah so right after this breakup I literally told nobody, not even my parents. I didn't want to inconvenience them or have a pity party for me right before my brothers birthday. I tried to get through the whole break without telling them. Apparently my mom found out one way or another (she doesn't have facebook) the day before I left and it made me cry. She asked why I didn't tell her and I didn't have an answer. Anyway, beyond that stuff things look great for me on the outside. I get good grades, I started working out and working toward my career goals, even outside regular school. On the inside I'm still devastated and I'm not happy. This girl convinced me love existed then took my heart and crushed it into a million pieces, without giving me any chance. Valentines day went alright, all considering. I went third wheel to see deadpool with some of my friends. I also worked in the evening. I cried a bit yesterday but it was nothing out of the usual. This morning I checked facebook and see that shes in a relationship now. With a guy that was one of our mutual friends since last fall. This just brought all of my feelings back and I feel really shitty again. All of my other mutual friends are liking this. Its too much for me to handle. I feel so empty, I need a new support group but its hard when it feels like you've lost literally everything. I lived for this girl and apparently that meant nothing to her. I tried tinder for a little bit, it made me feel a little better, but in the end I just found I was completely bored with it. I got a lot of matches but didn't talk to too many because I felt shitty and didn't want to take rejection. Also I don't sleep around a lot anyway and am not really ready for that. So I know all of the generic advice "cut all contact" "hit the gym" yada yada but I still feel really empty and have no idea what to fill this void with. How the fuck do I get over this? What do I do now? I'm thinking about running a marathon this spring so I can work towards something and distract myself. I also might go on some sort of vacation after I graduate. But what is working hard and doing this shit going to really help me? I feel like more is needed, I'm not trying hard enough. Sorry for the wall of text, even if nobody replies its fine, I just really needed to tell someone. Because I feel like I have nobody.

Your story started very nice but ended very badly.. sorry mate. I know "emotional investment" can fuck you up in the long run. Anyway: Marathons are nice, you can put your frustration out on your legs (running as hard as you can).

Thursday is closing in and something that has been waiting to happen for a damn long time is supposedly happening. I'm meeting up with my ex. It feels almost surreal that it has come to this. As our lack of direct communication seemingly created some unnecessary tension during over half a year. But things got better, by talking. So much so that she surprisingly hugged me when I bumped into her the other week (I never expected it despite things having gotten better, as last time I bumped into her by accident she ran away). The anticipation is just hard to take as there is a lot of strong feeling still. Had a dream about her the other night. Can't remember what it was about other than that it included my ex and that I couldn't stop crying after waking up.

I have a date. I've not explained it, nor am I going to. The tl;dr is that the lesson I've learned is [B]the fucking thread title[/B]. My biggest concern is trying to go into it as a simple thing, trying to toss the years of speculation and overthinking about dating. Going to try and just hang out and relax.

Just helped my friend get together with his crush of 1 year. Feel pretty proud of myself.

[QUOTE=V_Buns;49755656]Just helped my friend get together with his crush of 1 year. Feel pretty proud of myself.[/QUOTE] im attempting to do that myself, any hints?

[QUOTE=healthpoint;49706946]Today was a pretty good day. Got my hair cut by the same cute girl that cut my hair 8 weeks ago. She remembered everything we talked about last time around, and she just seemed really flirty in general. So I thought; what the hell, and sent her a message on facebook when I got home. I told her I didn't feel like waiting another 8 weeks to get a chance to talk to her again, and that I was wondering if she'd like to meet up for a drink sometime in the future. She said that seemed like fun :)[/QUOTE] Idk if anyone even cares, but I felt like posting: I just got back from a date with this girl that lasted from 8:00 pm to 01:30 am. We met up in a bar and just talked and talked, and it went really great. It turns out we have a lot of stuff in common, and we both have strengths where the other has weaknesses. (I broke a beer glass half way through the date by accident which was awkward for a bit though lol. But we laughed it off.) I feel pretty good.

Fucking goddammit!!! So my ex and I want to go to the same weekly figure drawing workshop. But I can't be in the same room with her without trembling, and feeling sick. WHAT DO?!?!

[QUOTE=da space core;49756437]im attempting to do that myself, any hints?[/QUOTE] i think i got really lucky hahah. im either good at reading people or my friend was just very dense when it came to this girl. first off you wanna make 100% sure that their crush likes them. otherwise your egging-on could cause them to ruin their friendship. how you get them together could vary from person to person. i told him to ask her out for donuts since they both like this one donut place nearby. i hit him with the question "are you just gonna let these feelings peter out or are you gonna act on them" which i guess really struck home with him or something. i remember also saying something like "if you don't believe in yourself, at least believe in me, your best friend of 6 years" or something cheesey like that. if they're low on confidence, pump them up (or at least try to). also being friends with their crush can also help. gets them comfortable with you in the event that they like your friend back. hope i was of some help!

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;49762957]Fucking goddammit!!! So my ex and I want to go to the same weekly figure drawing workshop. But I can't be in the same room with her without trembling, and feeling sick. WHAT DO?!?![/QUOTE] Find another one or don't go or arrange with her to do it in alternating weeks then get mad when she shows up anyway

I'm in a dilemma, I have a small group of friends. I like them all a lot and can have a laugh with them fine but I feel more distant to them over time, I feel like I could never have a serious discussion or connection with them like others do with their friends. I care for them but I dunno, I feel like I can't be serious with them.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;49762989]Find another one or don't go or arrange with her to do it in alternating weeks then get mad when she shows up anyway[/QUOTE] It's at my school. SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO MY SCHOOL! Maybe the every other week thing might work. Idk

I asked a friend of mine out today She told me shes been considering the idea of me before But doesn't think shes sexually attracted to men So that's a neat way to be let down

I'm noticing a lot of insecurity about my relation to this girl I've gotten contact with. I really like her and it feels totally okay to kiss her, cuddle up to her, hold around her and so on, but the thought of progressing to a relationship does not feel as okay. I feel like her type of personality is a perfect match for me but we don't really have that much to talk about. I've also only been in a single relationship in the past and that just clicked from day one, there was no insecurity at all and it just worked. then again, this was also 4 years ago when teenage hormones were more rampant so I suppose there were a lot more feelings. it's pretty amazing to be with her but as soon as I leave her the thoughts go crazy. I don't know if this is normal before you enter a relationship, to feel a lot of insecurity. I'm scared of getting hurt and I'm scared of having someone close. I suppose I just gotta spend some more time with her to see how this works out

So I asked somebody out for drinks and ohh this should be fun! It's highly likely to be rejected (and kind of knew this at the start) so this should be fun.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49767609]I'm noticing a lot of insecurity about my relation to this girl I've gotten contact with. I really like her and it feels totally okay to kiss her, cuddle up to her, hold around her and so on, but the thought of progressing to a relationship does not feel as okay. I feel like her type of personality is a perfect match for me but we don't really have that much to talk about. I've also only been in a single relationship in the past and that just clicked from day one, there was no insecurity at all and it just worked. then again, this was also 4 years ago when teenage hormones were more rampant so I suppose there were a lot more feelings. it's pretty amazing to be with her but as soon as I leave her the thoughts go crazy. I don't know if this is normal before you enter a relationship, to feel a lot of insecurity. I'm scared of getting hurt and I'm scared of having someone close. I suppose I just gotta spend some more time with her to see how this works out[/QUOTE] Thats pretty normal dood. The perfect relationship is finding someone who is a mirror image of yourself and shares all the same hobbies and interests, but relationships like that are extremely rare. Best thing you can do is try and get interested in her hobbies and interests. Find out what drives her and get involved, find out what her favorite movie is and watch it with her, talk to her about one of her hobbies and take part in it. My girlfriend is really into makeup cosmetology and wants to go to school for it. Prior to meeting her I couldn't give a rats ass about makeup or anything to do with it and I couldn't tell you the difference between foundation and mascara. But I've been having her teach me the differences between all of it, how to apply the stuff, and been looking at catalogs with her and picking out makeup and stuff. It's a small gesture but if she gets excited about some makeup she ordered, she can actually talk to me about it, and if I help her pick some of it out, when she uses it maybe she'll think of me. As you spend more time with her and have more experiences with her, you'll have more to talk about. A relationship isn't all about deep conversations and stuff like that, a lot of the time you'll just be talking about nothing. My girlfriend and I had a conversation a few nights ago about how 2 of her guy-friends probably pee in each others butts.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49767892]Thats pretty normal dood. The perfect relationship is finding someone who is a mirror image of yourself and shares all the same hobbies and interests, but relationships like that are extremely rare. [/QUOTE] I disagree with that, I think relationships should help the both of you grow as people and you're not going to grow as people if you're just hanging out with yourself. Having shared interests is good and all, but the differences are how you grow as people.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49768020]I disagree with that, I think relationships should help the both of you grow as people and you're not going to grow as people if you're just hanging out with yourself. Having shared interests is good and all, but the differences are how you grow as people.[/QUOTE] Well it's implied that you'd have fully matured and already grown into the person you're "meant" to be. Finding your soulmate without having grown as a person doesn't really happen.

You should never stop growing as a person. Like. Ever.

adults are just teenagers with crippling debt and a slightly better ability to control emotions you don't magically hit an age and POOF you're all matured and an adult and you've grown as much as you ever will

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49767892]Thats pretty normal dood. The perfect relationship is finding someone who is a mirror image of yourself and shares all the same hobbies and interests, but relationships like that are extremely rare. Best thing you can do is try and get interested in her hobbies and interests. Find out what drives her and get involved, find out what her favorite movie is and watch it with her, talk to her about one of her hobbies and take part in it. My girlfriend is really into makeup cosmetology and wants to go to school for it. Prior to meeting her I couldn't give a rats ass about makeup or anything to do with it and I couldn't tell you the difference between foundation and mascara. But I've been having her teach me the differences between all of it, how to apply the stuff, and been looking at catalogs with her and picking out makeup and stuff. It's a small gesture but if she gets excited about some makeup she ordered, she can actually talk to me about it, and if I help her pick some of it out, when she uses it maybe she'll think of me. As you spend more time with her and have more experiences with her, you'll have more to talk about. A relationship isn't all about deep conversations and stuff like that, a lot of the time you'll just be talking about nothing. My girlfriend and I had a conversation a few nights ago about how 2 of her guy-friends probably pee in each others butts.[/QUOTE] it's comforting to read that it's normal to feel unsure about this stuff, I feel much better now. I've compared this experience to the beginning of my last relationship and its been really annoying to think about since nothing matches up. going from full confidence in a relationship to this insecurity about a relationship has made the thoughts go wild. she's so cuuute. I can't wait until Saturday to see her again

I might go out with an old friend from high school next week. Kind of slowly getting over my recent break up so I want to sort of get out of my social shell and go places when I'm able to. Hopefully I can have some fun. Honestly, I'm not sure if I have social anxiety or not. I doubt it, I think I'm more of just an anxious person in general. But I think that's why I like going out during the day and to places where I can be outdoors in fresh air. Helps keep me level and relaxed.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49768453]You should never stop growing as a person. Like. Ever.[/QUOTE] Nah I've hit max level. I ain't goin any further.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49768412]Well it's implied that you'd have fully matured and already grown into the person you're "meant" to be. Finding your soulmate without having grown as a person doesn't really happen.[/QUOTE] The whole concept of soulmates is incredibly childish. No relationship is going to be perfect, no matter who you're with it's going to require effort to maintain a healthy relationship long-term. It's also really pretentious to assume that there's such a thing as being a complete person. If you've already "grown into the person you've meant to be", what's the point of living? Shouldn't life be a constant struggle to improve yourself? How could you possibly be happy knowing there's nothing more for you to gain out of life? And how could you possibly be happy dating someone exactly like you, who holds the exact same opinions as you and responds to things in exactly the same ways you would? That's not what human interactions are for... That's what video games are for.

Had a date Friday. I planned very poorly, instead of getting a bite to eat, chatting for an hour, and going to see a movie, it turned out the only showing off the movie was like 4 hours later so we just sat around awkwardly for 4 hours trying to come up with things to talk about. I'd say it wasn't a good date, but it wasn't necessarily bad either. We did talk about a lot of stuff, so it wasn't that much different than hanging out normally except that we're sitting in a diner for an unusually long time. Anyways, she doesn't know how she feels about me yet and that's fine. It is kind of making me anxious about my own feelings, like I'm having all kinds of doubts. What if I'm not really attracted to her, and stuff like that. It doesn't seem like "we're good friends" and "I want someone to be close to" are valid reasons on their own? I'm very uncertain right now. [editline]20th February 2016[/editline] Maybe it's the anxiety getting to me, any case I shouldn't worry about it right now. If she's not interested I'll have been racking my brain for nothing. If she is interested, I can probably talk to her about it (or my doubts will magically vanish I don't know). I just shouldn't worry about it right now.

Guy who I was texting stopped texting me the last few days and I'm getting very short answers from everyone I try to talk to the last few hours. I know it's coincidental and I have zero interest in pestering anyone for conversation but man sometimes it kind of feels bad.

spent pretty much all day with this girl, what a great day today was. first time I've spent time with her alone and it went so much better than I expected. I was worried we wouldn't have shit to talk about, be bored to death, not do anything, and even though we didn't do that much I still had a great time and so did she. watched Sinister while cuddled up to each other, furiously made out afterwards and moved to the bedroom only to be teased with "I'm on my period". still had a great time but had to double check with her if what was happening was cool with her and luckily it was. I was feeling somewhat unsure about it myself but it felt incredibly right and natural so I didn't mind. more and more ice is being chipped away and its great. then we went to a friend of ours with some other friends and watched another movie. she was pretty heistant to go since she wanted to spend more time with me alone which is super cool to hear but we had already planned it. this wasn't as entertaining as we were 5 people in a tiny couch so I didn't sit comfortably at all during all of this and I was pretty tired as it was getting late. I also discovered I might have oral herpes when I got back home, nice. I started to feel it on Wednesday but I didn't see the mouth ulcers in my throat until like an hour ago which seems to perfectly match pictures of herpes. not sure where it came from as I don't really suspect this girl of being infected but I can't tell for sure. if she doesn't have it I've definitely infected her and that makes me feel guilty. luckily it's not that big of a deal from what I've read but still not cool to know that I have it now. getting tested on Wednesday so I'll know for sure some time after that

why would you get tested for oral herpes?? 90% of everybody gets oral herpes before they die. Just don't go down on anybody while you have an outbreak.