Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Crackodile;49794511]meh, try being asian, you're gonna have a bad time. girls arent into asians :( i'm skimming through the thread reading some posts and i'm like well at least you're not asian![/QUOTE] In my humble experience, most women would date you for your personality over your race or looks. Only exception to this is if you're like 400 pounds and have cystic acne. If you're just an average looking guy but extremely funny, good personality, confident, and fun to be around, you can land women you think are way out of your league. If you are none of these things, fake it till you make it.

[QUOTE=Crackodile;49794511]meh, try being asian, you're gonna have a bad time. girls arent into asians :( i'm skimming through the thread reading some posts and i'm like well at least you're not asian![/QUOTE] wat everyone loves asians source - me being asian & receiving love

[QUOTE=Crackodile;49794511]meh, try being asian, you're gonna have a bad time. girls arent into asians :( i'm skimming through the thread reading some posts and i'm like well at least you're not asian![/QUOTE] Women don't like you because you're clearly self-detrimental, not because you're asian.

[QUOTE=Crackodile;49794511]meh, try being asian, you're gonna have a bad time. girls arent into asians :( i'm skimming through the thread reading some posts and i'm like well at least you're not asian![/QUOTE] Here's a short version of your problem: You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49792054] Just tellem'. Don't try and guilt trip them into coming to see you but just be honest; tell them you want to be with them, do things with them, kiss them, ect. My girlfriend is 2hrs away and it's tough not being able to see her everyday like I want to. I've spent every weekend with her since we started dating but it's still not enough. All you can do is plan to spend time together and make the most of every second.[/QUOTE] What i meant by long is like. 8000km away on the other side of planet long distance.

[QUOTE=SgtTupelo;49797672]Here's a short version of your problem: You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49794876]In my humble experience, most women would date you for your personality over your race or looks. Only exception to this is if you're like 400 pounds and have cystic acne. If you're just an average looking guy but extremely funny, good personality, confident, and fun to be around, you can land women you think are way out of your league. If you are none of these things, fake it till you make it.[/QUOTE] This gets said a lot in this thread and it never stops being the best advice. I know a guy who is considerably overweight, not just a bit of a gut, but he's the nicest guy ever. Friendly and funny to everybody, even if he just met them. It lead to him having a relationship with this girl who was quite attractive. I bet most people would consider her way 'out of his league' if they saw a picture of them together, but you wouldn't think that at all if you knew him, because he's confident, he doesn't doubt himself. He's also an actual decent person as well, before anyone thinks that you need to be an 'alpha' shitlord to get girls. That's with being overweight, an actual physical factor that does affect how women think of you. Something as nebulous as race doesn't even come in to it on an individual level.

[QUOTE=DrugUnit;49798244]What i meant by long is like. 8000km away on the other side of planet long distance.[/QUOTE] You've obviously got it worse than I do, because I see my girlfriend about 2 days a week, but what I said still applies I think. Making plans helps, talk to them about when they're going to have a few days off in a row in the distant future and start looking at airline tickets. Having a tangible number to count down to seeing your SO helps cope a lot with distance.

[QUOTE=Crackodile;49794511]meh, try being asian, you're gonna have a bad time. girls arent into asians :( i'm skimming through the thread reading some posts and i'm like well at least you're not asian![/QUOTE] There's like 3 billion Asian people in the world, how can that be [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] maybe more [editline]23rd February 2016[/editline] imagine

so I've got in the habit of internet stalking people that I connect with on okcupid which, yeah, is blatantly creepy, but it's mostly because I'm sexually attracted to women who don't link their phone number to their facebook profile and because I think the information dystopia we currently live in is totally fascinating. Anyway, I exchange a few flirty kind of messages with this chick in my town, and on a whim I look up her first name (which is part of her username) and occupation on facebook five minutes later, I've discovered that she has a son and went to court a few months ago for committing domestic violence against her then-ex while at her then-boyfriend's apartment. she's also a hundred pounds heavier-looking than her photos indicate. I feel kind of bad for her, but

[QUOTE=Sector 7;49807654]so I've got in the habit of internet stalking people that I connect with on okcupid which, yeah, is blatantly creepy, but it's mostly because I'm sexually attracted to women who don't link their phone number to their facebook profile and because I think the information dystopia we currently live in is totally fascinating. Anyway, I exchange a few flirty kind of messages with this chick in my town, and on a whim I look up her first name (which is part of her username) and occupation on facebook five minutes later, I've discovered that she has a son and went to court a few months ago for committing domestic violence against her then-ex while at her then-boyfriend's apartment[/QUOTE] The internet is beautiful thing sometimes.

[QUOTE=Sector 7;49807654]so I've got in the habit of internet stalking people that I connect with on okcupid which, yeah, is blatantly creepy, but it's mostly because I'm sexually attracted to women who don't link their phone number to their facebook profile and because I think the information dystopia we currently live in is totally fascinating. Anyway, I exchange a few flirty kind of messages with this chick in my town, and on a whim I look up her first name (which is part of her username) and occupation on facebook five minutes later, I've discovered that she has a son and went to court a few months ago for committing domestic violence against her then-ex while at her then-boyfriend's apartment. she's also a hundred pounds heavier-looking than her photos indicate. I feel kind of bad for her, but[/QUOTE] honestly i think a LITTLE facebook stalking is ok, for the purpose of catching shit like this. There is a line where it becomes creepy, but this is pretty surface-level shit.

both seem weird to me

In general, I never look up people on Facebook before we specifically discuss adding each other there. If there's anything I want to know, I just ask them. I'd rather give them the choice of what to share with me.

Welp, I asked her out to coffee for tomorrow, wish me luck fellas first date.

[QUOTE=Cinnamonbun;49809097]Welp, I asked her out to coffee for tomorrow, wish me luck fellas first date.[/QUOTE] ruin all other first dates for that motherfucker

What a fucking betrayal. Haven't been here in a very long time, but yeah. Here's my generic story: on OkCupid started talking to a girl, after some time we went out last friday, I got us both hot chocolate and we just explored Central London. After that, I thought that it's all great because she seemed to like me. We continue chat, I compliment her here and there, and randomly she aaid that the compliment I gave her "was the best thing anyone ever told her". One would assume that I got this, right? That true happiness isn't too far away now. NOPE, he just told me "I got back with my ex yesterday". You cried for help. But nobody came. :dog: But yeah, yet another backstab that pretty much points to me that I'm not allowed to meet pretty girls, take them out and compliment them on their personality, and sometimes looks. [editline]25th February 2016[/editline] I bet it's nothing special for you guys here and an advice would be "just get over it", but I just had to share this. I just cannot believe this, at all. But hey at least I got in contact with another girl on OkCupid who lives south of London(which might be a problem in a sense that we can't meet that conveniently) and she likes games and stuff. And XCOM2 is a heck of a great game so I can sink myself into that and uni assingments to stop thinking about this shit

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;49810100]What a fucking betrayal. Haven't been here in a very long time, but yeah. Here's my generic story: on OkCupid started talking to a girl, after some time we went out last friday, I got us both hot chocolate and we just explored Central London. After that, I thought that it's all great because she seemed to like me. We continue chat, I compliment her here and there, and randomly she aaid that the compliment I gave her "was the best thing anyone ever told her". One would assume that I got this, right? That true happiness isn't too far away now. NOPE, he just told me "I got back with my ex yesterday". You cried for help. But nobody came. :dog: [B]But yeah, yet another backstab that pretty much points to me that I'm not allowed to meet pretty girls, take them out and compliment them on their personality, and sometimes looks. [/B] [editline]25th February 2016[/editline] I bet it's nothing special for you guys here and an advice would be "just get over it", but I just had to share this. I just cannot believe this, at all. But hey at least I got in contact with another girl on OkCupid who lives south of London(which might be a problem in a sense that we can't meet that conveniently) and she likes games and stuff. And XCOM2 is a heck of a great game so I can sink myself into that and uni assingments to stop thinking about this shit[/QUOTE] What? That has nothing to do with what happened. Probably, nothing you could have done would have prevented what happened, I'm pretty sure you did nothing wrong. Also I don't think you were betrayed, if anything, it was pretty nice of her to tell you as soon as possible.

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;49810100]What a fucking betrayal. Haven't been here in a very long time, but yeah. Here's my generic story: on OkCupid started talking to a girl, after some time we went out last friday, I got us both hot chocolate and we just explored Central London. After that, I thought that it's all great because she seemed to like me. We continue chat, I compliment her here and there, and randomly she aaid that the compliment I gave her "was the best thing anyone ever told her". One would assume that I got this, right? That true happiness isn't too far away now. NOPE, he just told me "I got back with my ex yesterday". You cried for help. But nobody came. :dog: [b]But yeah, yet another backstab that pretty much points to me that I'm not allowed to meet pretty girls, take them out and compliment them on their personality, and sometimes looks.[/b] [editline]25th February 2016[/editline] I bet it's nothing special for you guys here and an advice would be "just get over it", but I just had to share this. I just cannot believe this, at all. But hey at least I got in contact with another girl on OkCupid who lives south of London(which might be a problem in a sense that we can't meet that conveniently) and she likes games and stuff. And XCOM2 is a heck of a great game so I can sink myself into that and uni assingments to stop thinking about this shit[/QUOTE] Heres your whole issue right here. Life isn't a video game; you don't just throw compliments at a girl until you fill up a meter and then suddenly she's your girlfriend. She's under no obligation to be in a relationship with you just because you're nice and friendly towards her. Furthermore, if she got back together with her ex, it means that someone who hurt her in the past is more fun and interesting than you are. The issue here is YOU, not her.

Idk who says they broke up for negative reasons?? ?? ?? Maybe they had just separated under the pretense of something else entirely and that barrier is gone now. That's a lot of assumptions to make.

Update: So I've been kinda missing here but for good and bad reasons. The bad reason being my grandfather passing away two weeks ago. He lived with us and would make it to 100 years of age this March. He took a pretty bad fall, and his health deteriorated pretty fast, and he passed away a week after that incident, here at home. It has been a sad couple of weeks, and I miss him so much - the man has been like a second father to me, the wisest person till the very end, and the biggest heart I knew in a person - but it was so quick, I'm just sad I never got to say goodbye or have one last meaningful talk during that week. I guess during that week where his health deteriorated, even though he would call me a lot to help him out getting up and doing his needs, I've been kind of in denial. Deep down I knew that the fall had been pretty rough on him and he wouldn't have much time left, but I kept shoving those thoughts away, you know. He would hold my arm and tell me "My son, I think this is the end of the line for me." and I would just reply "don't say that. Don't be foolish". And would just avoid him - I think deep inside I was telling myself "nah, he'll be fine, he's been through worse". He would always call out for me at night from every couple of hours, he always said "I feel more comfortable with my grandson", but I didn't go every time, and started going to help him out less and less, because my parents started covering for me, so I could also get some sleep. The last time I touched him was to help him out drinking water during the night. I just remember the feel of his warm wool sweater, and that old grandpah's smell, you know (funny how smells trigger so much emotions in us). Last time I heard his voice calling out for me was at 4am when I was getting back from a night out with my friends, but my father went in his room first and I went to sleep. I kinda felt guilty a bit, felt like I was failing him for not going. 3 hours later he passed away. I woke up with my mom screaming and rushed to his room and he had fallen over my mom's lap, completely motionless. I rushed him to the floor and when I looked at his face it was clear what was going on. Then everything went so fast - CPR, calling the ambulance, getting informed of his passing, Red Cross carrying him away in a body bag, cops showing up to write a report, and then the guy from the funerary sitting with us on the living room table. Those 4 hours since he passed rushed through in an instance. I know that the death of a loved one isn't so much related to what people use to discuss here, but I just wanted to give out some advice on this. I think we live so much in denial of our own mortality that most of the times we don't muster the courage to feel. If there's anything I regret about this last week with my grandfather was that I didn't accept that he was probably dying, and I shouldn't have denied myself to think that, and that I should have stood by him more often to hug him, and listen to him. So don't miss out on the ones you love. And this is the advice I give out to you. Don't be afraid to acknowledge that someone you love might be departing, no matter how hard it is. When death comes, it will take him away in a flash and about 90% of the times it won't be like in the movies where every family member gets to say goodbye at his deathbed. I sure loved my grandfather and he loved me from the bottom of his heart, I'm sure of that. You can't imagine how many people from all over the country told me that at his funeral - "your grandfather wouldn't stop talking about you". But I just regret not giving him one last hug that would last an eternity. I remember giving him an old photo I found last year of me and him holding hands when I was 5. When I visited his room after his death, I noticed he had framed it with an old frame and an old piece of glass and put it on his bedside table. I sat for an hour holding it in my hands crying on that moment. I took it in as his last goodbye and love proving. It's in my room now and I feel proud of having that man in my life for all these years. Well, the good news are: I finally got a job. It's tough. I'm going to be doing 12h day or night shifts at a factory during the weekends. I'm gonna miss a lot of concerts and free weekends, but it's good money, they pay the extra hours and the weekends and I'll have free weeks to do whatever the fuck I want, so I'm totally going for it. Oh and I have also made new friends. I met this girl on Tinder and we started talking. I'm not interested in anything romantic with her, but she's been a good friend and we've been going out with her friends. So, yeah, life's moving on pretty good finally. I can't believe how much my life was in need of changing, and how good that change has been to me.

they always say love yourself before trying to love someone else but how do you stop hating yourself

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49812680]they always say love yourself before trying to love someone else but how do you stop hating yourself[/QUOTE] start only eating steamed veggies and chicken breasts and get into the habit of exercising buy a pull-up bar so you can work off frustrated late-night energy buy a good multivitamin in bulk/go to bed on time and maybe you won't be so tired during the day also stop drinking and go clean your kitchen you piece of shit

Speaking anecdotally from a friend who finally worked up the courage to ask a girl he likes out. A lot of the advice I was giving him was based on the sort of thing you see people hear say; confidence is crucial for one thing cause it's only when he went balls on the table and asked her out that he ever got anywhere. The other man thing is trying to be yourself, sometimes he was a little bit awkward but he always stayed true to who he was inside and eventually he found someone who found that she liked who he was. So to anyone whose doubting themselves remember in the words of the great Zyzz "We're all gonna make it brah"

[QUOTE=Pascall;49810827]Idk who says they broke up for negative reasons?? ?? ?? Maybe they had just separated under the pretense of something else entirely and that barrier is gone now. That's a lot of assumptions to make.[/QUOTE] My point remains; she chose to get back together with a guy that they/he/she had already decided it was best to break it off rather than go with this new guy she went on a date with. Honestly the whole "got back together with my ex" sounds like a cheap excuse to break contact with someone.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49812680]they always say love yourself before trying to love someone else but how do you stop hating yourself[/QUOTE] Focus on being mindful of your thoughts and emotions - don't shame yourself for having certain thoughts. No thought is stupid or unwarranted - all of us have our own life context that has led up to us forming the opinions that we hold. We also can't control our thoughts - but the important thing to recognize is that our thoughts also cannot control us. You can allow yourself to have a thought or a feeling without acting on it. If you acknowledge your thoughts, you can then start addressing them. Figure out concrete things you're unhappy with, then set short-term, concrete goals. If you think you're lazy, first you could break that down into specific addressable actions, like failing to complete homework or failing to clean your living space. You could make a goal to clean your apartment every three days, or make new policies for how you maintain your living space (what helped me keep my kitchen clean was making a policy not to leave clean dishes in the dishwasher or dirty dishes in the sink - any dirty dishes either get hand-washed or go straight to the dishwasher). Everybody has negative thoughts about themselves regularly. Dr. Russ Harris mentions in one of his books that 80% of our thoughts include some type of negative content. We're wired to constantly be unhappy with whatever we have. [QUOTE=Sector 7;49812810]buy a good multivitamin in bulk/go to bed on time and maybe you won't be so tired during the day[/QUOTE] "Good multivitamin" is an oxymoron.

I might be the only person on this side, but I've always found the whole "you can't love someone until you love yourself" thing to be not the case sometimes and I'm not a huge fan of it. I mean, in the past I've had a successful relationship for three years which could have possibly gone on for a lot longer had my ex not been on the lazier side and me not really wanting him to rely on me to live his life for him. I was pretty in love with him and I can't say that the reason for our breakup was that I fell out of love. But I wasn't totally fond of myself back then either. I love myself in some aspects but not in others and I love myself on some days and not on others - such is the life of someone who suffers with anxiety and depression - , so it's hard for me to subscribe to the belief that until I'm essentially cured of my mental illnesses that I can't love anyone. I guess that might just be a personal distaste for the phrasing.

Trying to start relationships to compensate for low self-steem can backfire, as it is usual to put up a façade due to, well, low self-steem and insecurity, and façades are swallow, you know it, you fear for it to crumble and be left alone, and anxiety comes by quite easily. Things are surely easier when you are comfortable in your skin. I made [url=https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1482859&p=49706143&viewfull=1#post49706143]a post[/url] here some weeks ago that went ignored, and, well, I've been thinking about it. I appreciate the guy, I appreciate the girl, they make a good couple (even if, from an egotistical point of view, he'd make a better couple with the other mate he was involved with) and it is a shame they had to be separated. I still harbor a noticeable crush, and if I got a chance I would have to try hard to consciously waste it, but, I won't wallow on it, and just try to enjoy life and keep meeting people, even if I suck at opening up quickly.

I think it's when you get to the point where you're anticipating your SO to FILL those gaps for you. That's when it becomes an issue, I think. If you're of a mind that it's still mostly up to you to work through your issues - with some support, of course - then you'll be fine.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49814019]I think it's when you get to the point where you're anticipating your SO to FILL those gaps for you. That's when it becomes an issue, I think. If you're of a mind that it's still mostly up to you to work through your issues - with some support, of course - then you'll be fine.[/QUOTE] I think that's the way I'm leaning right now. I know lots of guys like me my age who are really insecure and self conscious still but ultimately if you improving and trying to become a better person than that I think it's fine to look for or accept a chance at a relationship. Dependency is the issue not just leaning on someone a bit; everyone does that to a degree.

I catched up with my ex a week ago. It was good. We talked a lot, got some things cleared out. I even got myself to finally tell her about how I was sexually abused a few years back, so she's now the first one to have heard that whole thing. The confusing part then came when I professed that I still have feeling for her and got to hear the clichéd line "You deserve someone better than me" and "I can't give you what you want". Answers that birth more questions than they answer. The first line reflects so much on her poor self-esteem that it begets the question if she means it for real or if she's trying to reject me with softer words (and failing at that) and also becomes borderline amusing from my perspective when pretty everyone who's been romantically interested in me deals with the same disorders. Even now there's a girl on this one website who's interested in me and to no surprise I learned that the same applies with her too. The second line irks me with that I didn't even get to say what I want. As I don't care about building a nuclear family or a highly prolific career, I just want to spend my time in the company of people that I love and can be vulnerable to and express myself artistically. Or is it a selfish reason to desire a relationship with someone because I've never felt the anxiety and recoil in intimacy caused by that sexual assault when with her? Maybe I should roll with what I can read: Very blurry words of rejection, whilst gentle stroke on her cheek produced a smile. And I talked about this with a friend of mine also suffering from depression & anxiety whom admitted to have used those same lines out of fear of hurting her then boyfriend. Anyways: I know what I want to ask: "Are you rejecting me because you're afraid of failure and hurting someone you care about?" (Stated a week ago that I'm very significant to her). This is almost becoming a bit of a ramble, I guess it stems from that when I talked about my ex here (or was it S,GF's&S) half a year ago; I wasn't in my best state of mind and got armchair-psychologists calling me a narcissist (which incidentally is one of my worst fears). But it helped that the latest topic here was depression, anxiety and low self-esteem in relationships. I can say from experience that a relationship between two people with low self-esteem can crash easily. With at least one person with an intact self-esteem there's an anchor. During a long half year I've changed. I still deal with dysthymia, but a big game-changer is that I no longer hate myself, instead I finally love myself in a healthy manner. [QUOTE]Funnily enough I was at first going to apologize for making such a long post that probably wouldn't even require posting, but instead I'm gonna have to thank [B]Pascall[/B]. I wouldn't have dared to start writing this long-ass message without your latest post. And writing this gave me the introspect I needed[/QUOTE] :cat: