Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

I've had the same group of friends for years now and in September I began first year of university, and the first time in a while having to deal with a new place and new people and I'm not sure it's going great. In the 5 months I've been here I've yet to make any true friends, there's a group I banter with a bit but I'm not sure if we'll ever reach true friend status, to be honest I feel a bit awkward around them sometimes especially if they're joking about me, which is never in any kind of mean way but it has a tendency to make me feel like more of a weird group mascot than part of it properly. The main problem I have is that I find it awkward talking to new people or just people I'm not already friends with. I usually try to act the way I see other people act talking to people, and I usually just end up constantly asking people generic questions like how their day was because I can't think of anything else, which usually results in short and awkward conversations as I have no idea how to follow anything up. In group conversations I usually just butt in with the odd comment about something interesting but I have the habit of linking random shit to the current topic rather obscurely which makes me seem incredibly off-topic. I also tend to panic when people ask me really mundane things like if I'd like some pizza or when my flatmate asks if I want to do a shared order and then I end up saying an answer opposite to what I really wanted, but I become too scared of looking silly if I change my mind so I just stick to it.The worst part is I'm constantly aware of how weird I must seem to other people but I'm not sure what to do about it, I just wish I wasn't so socially inept.

Does anybody have any experience or advice about getting over strong romantic attraction to a close friend? Because I've been in this situation for a while and it's [i]really[/i] shitty.

I really hope my motivation keeps up. I've been getting this inspiring drive to keep socializing, carrying conversation with people. For my whole life I've sat and played video games. I'm done with that bullshit. I'm ready to change. I've always had a dream since I was early teens, that I would one day be a social butterfly. It's incredibly difficult but one day I hope to achieve that. :D I have some small advice, though you don't have to really take it if you don't want to... Don't just go up and ask a girl for her number if you're a COMPLETE stranger. I mean some people can do that, and the woman will accept. Though to make it look better when you actually FAIL, make sure you notice that person quite often so if you are denied or accepted so it wont be as awkward. Just some of my thoughts, feel free to disagree. EDIT: Now I'm not the smooth-talker kind of guy, and I'm certainly not the best at carrying a conversation, but I did achieve one thing -- giving my number to a girl for the first time, and reluctantly she accepted it. (This was only a couple days prior.) So there is hope out there. I'm gonna go out and say I'm probably one of the most introverted kind of guys people used to know. I would be Isolating myself in the home for almost an entire year at a time, not going out and doing anything productive at all. Just keep pushing guys. You gotta take it day by day.

Glad you are enjoying that. I shall stick to not doing that though as I tried that once and turns out I hate being social.

[QUOTE=gy2kts;49834900]I really hope my motivation keeps up. I've been getting this inspiring drive to keep socializing, carrying conversation with people. For my whole life I've sat and played video games. I'm done with that bullshit. I'm ready to change. I've always had a dream since I was early teens, that I would one day be a social butterfly. It's incredibly difficult but one day I hope to achieve that. :D[/QUOTE] fuck yeah life's too short to not be as great as you wish you were

[QUOTE=ISPYUDIE;49833930]I've had the same group of friends for years now and in September I began first year of university, and the first time in a while having to deal with a new place and new people and I'm not sure it's going great. In the 5 months I've been here I've yet to make any true friends, there's a group I banter with a bit but I'm not sure if we'll ever reach true friend status, to be honest I feel a bit awkward around them sometimes especially if they're joking about me, which is never in any kind of mean way but it has a tendency to make me feel like more of a weird group mascot than part of it properly. The main problem I have is that I find it awkward talking to new people or just people I'm not already friends with. I usually try to act the way I see other people act talking to people, and I usually just end up constantly asking people generic questions like how their day was because I can't think of anything else, which usually results in short and awkward conversations as I have no idea how to follow anything up. In group conversations I usually just butt in with the odd comment about something interesting but I have the habit of linking random shit to the current topic rather obscurely which makes me seem incredibly off-topic. I also tend to panic when people ask me really mundane things like if I'd like some pizza or when my flatmate asks if I want to do a shared order and then I end up saying an answer opposite to what I really wanted, but I become too scared of looking silly if I change my mind so I just stick to it.The worst part is I'm constantly aware of how weird I must seem to other people but I'm not sure what to do about it, I just wish I wasn't so socially inept.[/QUOTE] I feel ya. I've spent 4 years with my classmates now and never have I ever felt part of the group, or close to any of them. Frankly I think I just ended up in the wrong classroom. I used to think that I was the problem all along, but recently I've been meeting other people and things have kicked off really well with them so I am not the problem after all. Just try meeting new people and eventually you'll find a few who make you feel comfortable. Don't try to stick with people you don't really enjoy being with, it's a waste of time

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49834828]Does anybody have any experience or advice about getting over strong romantic attraction to a close friend? Because I've been in this situation for a while and it's [i]really[/i] shitty.[/QUOTE] I take it you've already considered the option of asking them out, since you say "getting over"?

[QUOTE=dcalde78;49832381]I know someone who had a door frame mounted pull up bar, she was on the up part of the pullup, it broke, she fell to the ground ass first and broke her back, basically pummelling one of her vertebrae. she's in a back brace and is on the mend, she was walking a couple of days after it happened, but that's the fear for me with those things[/QUOTE] Fuck sake man, I got one of those and used it 20 min ago. Now I want to get rid of it.

[QUOTE=Plattack;49717178]I had this whole post typed out then realized it was a novel so here's the tl;dr version. One of my friends got super drunk and we ended up spooning on a cold uncomfortable tiled floor, and after a week of avoiding the fact that I was developing feelings for her because that's my natural response to developing affection, my friends just came by and told me that when she was getting drunk she was going on about the fact she liked me and they could see us both being oblivious after the fact and decided to spill the beans. Gonna ask her out tomorrow.[/QUOTE] Update to this, we're going out now. We're taking it slow because we've got school and work to focus on. We went out last night to go see The Witch and her roommates ended up tagging along (one of them knew it was going to be a third wheel situation, but the other roommate forced her into it). We got korean food after then came back to the dorms. She came over this morning while my roommate was at class and we cuddled for a bit.

had sex for the first time in 10 months yesterday, amazing! we have gotten pretty comfortable regarding that kind of stuff now which is cool but I'm still feeling really unsure still. yet again, I like to think it's normal? I enjoy her company but maybe the trust and comfort isn't there just yet, these things takes some time to build.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49833403]My autistic traits leaves me completely unable to conform to any relevant social situation. Therefore I am constantly without a sense of identity. It's difficult to engage in conversation because without identity there's really no opinions about anything. I never argue because it's just information getting exchanged.[/QUOTE] Get a job in retail dood. Talk to people and make friends and figure out who you are. It's generally good to not be contentious but don't be afraid to speak your mind. I was the exact same way when I was about 18; easy going, passive, go with the flow, non contentious, avoiding conflict, ect. Hard to figure out who you are when you conform to those around you. Me working at walmart for about 2 years fixed that. Interacting with all the dregs of American society helped me out a lot and caused me to develop a real personality. I don't know if they have Walmarts over there, but get a retail job or a job where you talk to people constantly.

[QUOTE=153x;49836757]I take it you've already considered the option of asking them out, since you say "getting over"?[/QUOTE]I don't feel as though it's an option at all. They don't know anything about it and I don't see any alternative to changing that.

I hate people promoting vaginal blood as beautiful, like no that shit nasty AF but seriously like 90% of our bodily functions are nasty AF, it's fine to do it, stop being offended if i'm grossed out, i'm offended that you think i'm an awful person for thinking it's gross, i think it's equally gross to see people take photos of their shit or open wounds hate these "activists" that i find around people who shame people for bleeding are even worse though because it's like "i don't shame you for shitting or being retarded, you have no control over those things"

[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;49839130]I hate people promoting vaginal blood as beautiful, like no that shit nasty AF but seriously like 90% of our bodily functions are nasty AF, it's fine to do it, stop being offended if i'm grossed out, i'm offended that you think i'm an awful person for thinking it's gross, i think it's equally gross to see people take photos of their shit or open wounds hate these "activists" that i find around people who shame people for bleeding are even worse though because it's like "i don't shame you for shitting or being retarded, you have no control over those things"[/QUOTE] I have never heard of anyone doing something like that and I would probably categorize people who take pictures of their period blood as "crazy tumblr bullshit". That is totally not normal. That said, periods are a lot more normal/not gross for women than they are for men, just because women have to deal with it every month and it's pretty routine for us. I agree with the last thing you said especially - women don't really give other women a reason to be embarrassed about things like blood stains or needing to borrow pads/tampons. We get ashamed of those things more because of how men tend to view them. Especially true in third world countries where young girls will skip school every month because of their periods.

[QUOTE=maeZtro;49836961]Fuck sake man, I got one of those and used it 20 min ago. Now I want to get rid of it.[/QUOTE] LET THE PARANOIA BEGIN seriously though she landed right on her tailbone on a fucking solid floor. Plus she's pretty thin, so there was less padding. Stick a sofa cushion under you or something when you use it

Ok, the most beautiful cat in the world (my cat) died today. It was very traumatic and I honestly feel pretty emotionally beaten up. Also I've been talking to a girl and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to let her know. How do I cope with loss? Bear in mind that I really really loved her. [editline]29th February 2016[/editline] She used to be my biggest emotional comfort damnit.

I knew this was probably going to happen going into this, but it really sucks to hear a girl you really like and feel some kind of connection with basically say "I can't date you because you're not the same religion as me and my parents would never approve." We went out for coffee today after class and we ended up talking about her culture because she's from Afghanistan. Then we got onto how relationships and marriage work in her culture and she told me about how the traditional way is supposed to work so I ended up asking her what would happen if she met a guy without going through the whole traditional thing and she said if he's Muslim her parents would have no problem, but if he's not Muslim there would be a problem. When she said that I basically just said "well there goes my chances" to which she responded with "don't be so sure about that" so maybe there's still a bit of hope, but I kind of feel like I should just move on.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;49839415]Ok, the most beautiful cat in the world (my cat) died today. It was very traumatic and I honestly feel pretty emotionally beaten up. Also I've been talking to a girl and I'm not sure if it's a good idea to let her know. How do I cope with loss? Bear in mind that I really really loved her. [editline]29th February 2016[/editline] She used to be my biggest emotional comfort damnit.[/QUOTE] The loss of a pet is never easy. Can be as hard as any death in the family (so I've heard). Never had a pet myself thank's to allergies, but I dread thinking about the day I get to hear that the battle-scarred drooling and absolutely lovable old tomcat has kicked the bucket :cry: But why wouldn't you tell her? If there's harm in telling then you know that she wouldn't be worth pursuing. [QUOTE=Taepodong-2;49839787]I knew this was probably going to happen going into this, but it really sucks to hear a girl you really like and feel some kind of connection with basically say "I can't date you because you're not the same religion as me and my parents would never approve." We went out for coffee today after class and we ended up talking about her culture because she's from Afghanistan. Then we got onto how relationships and marriage work in her culture and she told me about how the traditional way is supposed to work so I ended up asking her what would happen if she met a guy without going through the whole traditional thing and she said if he's Muslim her parents would have no problem, but if he's not Muslim there would be a problem. When she said that I basically just said "well there goes my chances" to which she responded with "don't be so sure about that" so maybe there's still a bit of hope, but I kind of feel like I should just move on.[/QUOTE] Well that depends entirely if the context of "don't be so sure about that" means "maybe if you convert" or that if she's defiant. Sorry for the clichéd saying, but: try to play your cards right and not fold immediately.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49838233]I don't feel as though it's an option at all. They don't know anything about it and I don't see any alternative to changing that.[/QUOTE] If it's out of the question then it really comes down to finding a distraction. I've been in that situation before and it really, [i]really[/i] sucks

What kind of distraction?

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;49840416]What kind of distraction?[/QUOTE] In my case, the feelings eventually subsided with time. It probably helped that whenever I found myself thinking about the subject I would occupy myself with something that required my full attention (which for me was painting) In truth, I've been dealing with that for a number of months now and I'm still not quite over it, but it doesn't have nearly as strong of a hold on me as it used to, so I feel comfortable in that at least. Obviously the alternative is to consider talking to them about it, which is totally up to you and varies from situation to situation

[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;49840012] Well that depends entirely if the context of "don't be so sure about that" means "maybe if you convert" or that if she's defiant. Sorry for the clichéd saying, but: try to play your cards right and not fold immediately.[/QUOTE] I'm kind of getting the maybe if you convert vibe. She did say if you fall in love with someone it really shouldn't matter, but I know if she doesn't want to get disowned by her family the guy is going to have to be Muslim. Like, I've considered converting to Islam before because the religion honestly makes a lot of sense to me as long as you're not literally interpreting it and using it as an excuse to chop heads off. Out of all the religions out there it just seems the most "correct" to me and I can't really explain why. But to do so over a girl would be absolutely fucking retarded.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49839170]I have never heard of anyone doing something like that and I would probably categorize people who take pictures of their period blood as "crazy tumblr bullshit". That is totally not normal. That said, periods are a lot more normal/not gross for women than they are for men, just because women have to deal with it every month and it's pretty routine for us. I agree with the last thing you said especially - women don't really give other women a reason to be embarrassed about things like blood stains or needing to borrow pads/tampons. We get ashamed of those things more because of how men tend to view them. Especially true in third world countries where young girls will skip school every month because of their periods.[/QUOTE] ah i keep meeting these crazy tumblr people around everywhere ; n ; it's like please stop showing me photos i'm just being friendly, i don't immediately need a life story or all of your combined views on society

[QUOTE=153x;49840457]In my case, the feelings eventually subsided with time. It probably helped that whenever I found myself thinking about the subject I would occupy myself with something that required my full attention (which for me was painting) In truth, I've been dealing with that for a number of months now and I'm still not quite over it, but it doesn't have nearly as strong of a hold on me as it used to, so I feel comfortable in that at least. Obviously the alternative is to consider talking to them about it, which is totally up to you and varies from situation to situation[/QUOTE]I'd like to talk to them about it but I can't escape the feeling that I'd be throwing away a wonderful friendship forever

-snip- Probably shouldn't have posted this, a little too crazy to be a real problem. I don't actually come to FP for relationship advice.

[QUOTE=reevezy67;49840608]Say the girl you love is separated from you, in order to see you she resorts to prostitution. How do you react to that?[/QUOTE] Sounds like a convoluted mess and a bullshit excuse.

Still waiting for a magical moment when I suddenly get how to life and I find a passion for something. I thought compsci was my thing but it turns out that while it's less boring than literally every other course/subject it's still boring work. Only motivation I've had for a while now is the fear of disappointing my parents, otherwise I doubt I'd even bother to do anything. Should I try and stick with it? I doubt I'd find anything else I'd want to do if I drop out so I guess I should continue, get a degree and see how it goes from there but I'm worried as soon as my course requires proper effort I'll just flunk horribly.

[QUOTE=ISPYUDIE;49841331]Still waiting for a magical moment when I suddenly get how to life and I find a passion for something. I thought compsci was my thing but it turns out that while it's less boring than literally every other course/subject it's still boring work. Only motivation I've had for a while now is the fear of disappointing my parents, otherwise I doubt I'd even bother to do anything. Should I try and stick with it? I doubt I'd find anything else I'd want to do if I drop out so I guess I should continue, get a degree and see how it goes from there but I'm worried as soon as my course [B]requires proper effort[/B] I'll just flunk horribly.[/QUOTE] You ain't gonna get through life without putting proper effort somewhere, buddy.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;49841389]You ain't gonna get through life without putting proper effort somewhere, buddy.[/QUOTE] True that, I'm just not sure that it's something that interests me enough to really go for as a career. I've been doing pretty good in exams so far this year (80's and 90's, 56 was worst I got but that was for some god awful group presentation module) but when I started the year I felt there were a lot of people who weren't as good as me and that made me feel quite confident in the subject, now that most of those people have dropped out I'm kind of the lowest tier on the course, with everyone else being absolute compsci fanatics that live and breathe code in their spare time as well as academically, which makes me question if I've got what it takes.

[QUOTE=ISPYUDIE;49843363]True that, I'm just not sure that it's something that interests me enough to really go for as a career. I've been doing pretty good in exams so far this year (80's and 90's, 56 was worst I got but that was for some god awful group presentation module) but when I started the year I felt there were a lot of people who weren't as good as me and that made me feel quite confident in the subject, now that most of those people have dropped out I'm kind of the lowest tier on the course, with everyone else being absolute compsci fanatics that live and breathe code in their spare time as well as academically, which makes me question if I've got what it takes.[/QUOTE] Believe it or not I actually know exactly how you feel. It's called "Imposter Syndrome", basically it means that even if you're good at something, people tend to feel that they're not actually good at something, that everybody in their field is better than them/actually knows what they're doing, and that they're just a phony guy that somehow managed to stumble this far. Man you don't have to measure up to other people. There's always going to be people who are scary smart and will perform way better than you in certain areas. You just have to ask yourself- "Am I enjoying myself? Am I enjoying my coursework? Is at least part of this still fun to me?", and that's it. Don't worry about anyone else. You're not an imposter, you're just an average guy who accentuates the postive aspects of other people's lives while accentuating the negatives in your own. It's something we all do. Whether or not Comp Sci is your thing is your thing to figure out, I can't help you with that. But what I can do is tell you that if you constantly measure yourself up to others, you're just going to be disappointed. The only person who you can truly measure yourself against is yourself.