Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

Girl I had sex with last week keeps calling me and when I answered once she hesitated and said "sorry, called you by mistake", and then starts texting me, trying to start ip a conversation. She's all over me again and I was pretty clear about the fact that nothing's ever gonna happen. The thing that annoys me the most is that she insists on thinking and insists on telling me that this is somehow related to my ex. And for some reason I feel like in a certain way she created this fantasy in her head where I'm not being able to engage romantically with anyone because I'm too hurt from my ex to have the courage to try. And now she's trying to "save me". (I explained her what happened with my ex, because my ex goes to the same bars as l go, doesn't talk to me but keeps staring at me all the time like a fucking creep). I'm not gonna deny that what my ex did was cruel as fuck and that it left a scar, but I'm over her. It's not that I'm not ready for love, l just don't want anything with this girl in particular. What do? Should I be harshly clear to her for the 3rd time about it, or just start ignoring her?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49851362]Girl I had sex with last week keeps calling me and when I answered once she hesitated and said "sorry, called you by mistake", and then starts texting me, trying to start ip a conversation. She's all over me again and I was pretty clear about the fact that nothing's ever gonna happen. The thing that annoys me the most is that she insists on thinking and insists on telling me that this is somehow related to my ex. And for some reason I feel like in a certain way she created this fantasy in her head where I'm not being able to engage romantically with anyone because I'm too hurt from my ex to have the courage to try. And now she's trying to "save me". (I explained her what happened with my ex, because my ex goes to the same bars as l go, doesn't talk to me but keeps staring at me all the time like a fucking creep). I'm not gonna deny that what my ex did was cruel as fuck and that it left a scar, but I'm over her. It's not that I'm not ready for love, l just don't want anything with this girl in particular. What do? Should I be harshly clear to her for the 3rd time about it, or just start ignoring her?[/QUOTE] stop answering, you've made your point that it's not gonna happen or whatever, don't lead her on by giving her reason to think otherwise, she'll come to accept it, but if you keep responding or whatever she'll keep hanging on

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49851362]Girl I had sex with last week keeps calling me and when I answered once she hesitated and said "sorry, called you by mistake", and then starts texting me, trying to start ip a conversation. She's all over me again and I was pretty clear about the fact that nothing's ever gonna happen. The thing that annoys me the most is that she insists on thinking and insists on telling me that this is somehow related to my ex. And for some reason I feel like in a certain way she created this fantasy in her head where I'm not being able to engage romantically with anyone because I'm too hurt from my ex to have the courage to try. And now she's trying to "save me". (I explained her what happened with my ex, because my ex goes to the same bars as l go, doesn't talk to me but keeps staring at me all the time like a fucking creep). I'm not gonna deny that what my ex did was cruel as fuck and that it left a scar, but I'm over her. It's not that I'm not ready for love, l just don't want anything with this girl in particular. What do? Should I be harshly clear to her for the 3rd time about it, or just start ignoring her?[/QUOTE] She'll soon get the point if you ignore her. And if you said from the start it was just sex. Then she has no ground to stand on really.

Is it normal to really miss your girlfriend after you break up even though you know it's for the best? Cause I would love to just hold her and be with her right now but I know it's just not worth trying to make our different lifestyles work.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49851362]Girl I had sex with last week keeps calling me and when I answered once she hesitated and said "sorry, called you by mistake", and then starts texting me, trying to start ip a conversation. She's all over me again and I was pretty clear about the fact that nothing's ever gonna happen. The thing that annoys me the most is that she insists on thinking and insists on telling me that this is somehow related to my ex. And for some reason I feel like in a certain way she created this fantasy in her head where I'm not being able to engage romantically with anyone because I'm too hurt from my ex to have the courage to try. And now she's trying to "save me". (I explained her what happened with my ex, because my ex goes to the same bars as l go, doesn't talk to me but keeps staring at me all the time like a fucking creep). I'm not gonna deny that what my ex did was cruel as fuck and that it left a scar, but I'm over her. It's not that I'm not ready for love, l just don't want anything with this girl in particular. What do? Should I be harshly clear to her for the 3rd time about it, or just start ignoring her?[/QUOTE] Theres not really an easy way to handle it, but the best way to do it is to just be blunt and honest. Tell her you have no romantic interest in her and you are absolutely ready to date, just not her. Or just ignore or her till she loses interest, or tell her that you're not ready to date in an emotional capacity and theres nothing she can do about it. Honestly you have to be a dick any which way you handle this, just some ways are worse than others.

She says she lost her lip piercing in my car. I've been looking for it even vacuumed the whole interior and nothing came up in the water deposit. She's either just calling out for attention or she swallowed it. Anyway. I just met the most interesting woman yesterday and It's just a drag that she lives 400km away from me. But she seems like someone worth thr trip. I'll keep you guys posted if the situation progresses.

Why do people always say you have to like your self before you can be in a relationship ? How does not being satisfied with yourself translate to being bad for someone else?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49853818]Why do people always say you have to like your self before you can be in a relationship ? How does not being satisfied with yourself translate to being bad for someone else?[/QUOTE] Because your insecurities will lead to you not speaking up I'd something has happened and using your relationship as a means to define your happiness

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49853818]Why do people always say you have to like your self before you can be in a relationship ? How does not being satisfied with yourself translate to being bad for someone else?[/QUOTE] it can work, I wouldn't say it's a necessity, but its nice to like yourself first. if you don't like yourself, then there's probably a lot of insecurity. maybe you don't feel like you're good enough for them, maybe you'll feel easily replaced since you have no worth (according to your mind) and so on. not liking yourself first in my head will most likely lead to more than a normal amount of jealousy which could provoke a lot of insecurity in the relationship and make you suspect your partner of various things. we're all different, maybe some people don't get jealous even though they feel easily replaced. I know I easily get jealous when my image of myself is low.

Tbh I don't really like myself but anytime I was with my gf I wouldn't remotely feel that problem, like she just had the power to release me of all that holds me down. I felt like I was totally fine and that managed to work while we were together. I'm quite sure now that you can in fact not like you and still be able to maintain a relationship, say you know you're good enough and you know you make her happy, but you're just not quite satisfied with yourself

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49853818]Why do people always say you have to like your self before you can be in a relationship ? How does not being satisfied with yourself translate to being bad for someone else?[/QUOTE] Note that there's a difference between liking yourself and being satisfied with yourself. You'll (probably) never be at a point where you're like "yeah i'm basically perfect and don't need to improve anything", which is a trap I've fallen into many times when I was younger. You really just need to not actively hate yourself. The reason for both of those is that when you're in a relationship you're basically just inviting the other person to be a part of your life, which means they'll have to deal with your shit. If you hate yourself or don't like yourself and rely on them for support or validation, that's draining for both of you. And if you're waiting to be in a relationship until you're compeltely satisfied with yourself, you'll jsut never be in a relationship the give and take is a really important part of relationships and while you'll both probably have times where you don't feel great, the other person can lift you up and put you back on your feet and that's fine as long as it's a two way street. which is why liking yourself is ideal, it's not as much of a burden on the other person and also relying on someone else or a relationship to define your own happiness just isn't healthy in the long run for you anyway, that's how you end up being a high maintenance codependent and other fancy words

I think what people mean when they say that is that you need to cultivate your own life and mental health and not assume a relationship and external validation will make up for neglecting yourself. The assumption when people say to "love yourself first" is usually that if you dislike yourself, it's because you're doing something wrong or neglecting your own mental health and happiness. Lots of people would not say that they love themselves and all of us get negative, self-critical thoughts from time to time. You probably aren't going to be 100% happy with who you are no matter what you do - that's normal and it prevents us from becoming complacent. What's important is that you try.

I feel like I'm posting more of the same but I still need to get thoughts out. I'm questioning my relation to this girl. maybe we don't have enough in common, maybe the chemistry isn't there anymore, do I even miss her "enough"? it feels weird being around her, she doesn't feel like a safe person unlike other friends. then again, I have a much stronger relation to my friends than I currently have to her so maybe I just need to build trust. it almost feels like the only reason I enjoy being with her is because she's someone I can kiss but I'm not really sure. I really want this to work out but I'm not sure if we really "click". with that said, maybe it does "click" just that it's nowhere near what I've experienced in the past. I've only been in one relationship and that was a dance on roses from day one but I think that's something that doesn't happen very often. I'm thinking that I need a lot more patience to figure this out compared to that relationship. what I really don't like about all of this is that I suspect my over thinking is ruining my view of this. all of the insecurity brings more insecurity which just keeps rolling. maybe we'd be super cute together and life would be perfect but I just can't see that because I'm constantly analyzing every little sign she shows?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49854542]I've had these same feelings with my girlfriend of 5 years. They are temporary sometimes, and with some subjects they are still present. You just have to get used to who you are dating. It took me a [I]long[/I] time to be myself around my girlfriend, and it's still hard sometimes with some subjects. For me, I feel as if it may be leftover reactions from middle school, where I had to hide my personality and likes/dislikes for years around people to not be made fun of. Do you have trouble being yourself around her? Are you afraid of how she might react if you told her something embarrassing?[/QUOTE] I'm thinking something along the same lines, that I just have to get used to her and learn what kind of person she is. for the last question, it might sound a little odd but I have no idea. I'm not really sure who I "am". I feel like I've gone around with a social mask for a long time but maybe that's who I've become? at the very least, I feel like I'm the closest to acting the way I am when I'm with her. there are certain things I withhold from her in the fear that it'll ruin her view of me, so yeah [editline]3rd March 2016[/editline] is it okay to ask her next time I see her about what we are? what our deal is? what she wants and feels about our relation? I think that some of this insecurity I'm feeling might stem from the fact that I don't really have any insight in what she thinks about our relation or what she wants.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;49853818]Why do people always say you have to like your self before you can be in a relationship ? How does not being satisfied with yourself translate to being bad for someone else?[/QUOTE] I agree. But I also understand why people tell you that. I wouldn't say that you have to like yourself to be in a relationship, but I'd say that being aware of your flaws, being aware of what you want and what you're willing to take, no matter how good the other person is. Is a big challenge. I'd say that you have to put your life in front of the other person and you have to understand the importance of that priority in order to be happy with yourself. Both alone and in a relationship. So I don't think that liking yourself is a mandatory requirement for a functional relationship. It may happen that you find someone that actually supports you with your issues and wakes up the best in you, but when you get a bad, manipulating person, not liking yourself is going to make you feel miserable in that relationship because you'll feel that you're never good enough. But answering to the last question. No, I don't think that not being satisfied with yourself, your life or your current status translates to being bad for someone else. No one is ever satisfied. That's why we make plans, objectives, goals. and if we needed to be at our peak condition to be in a relationship, then relationships would signal the end of improving yourself as a person. And I don't think that's fair.

Why does everyone I want to date a short-average blond English major I never thought I had a type but I guess that's it

are you asking why everyone you want to date is dating a short-average blond English major, o why is everyone you want to date a short-average blond english major? also what's wrong with english majors

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49855944]are you asking why everyone you want to date is dating a short-average blond English major, o why is everyone you want to date a short-average blond english major? also what's wrong with english majors[/QUOTE] Well I wrote the post when I realized that not only my ex-girlfriend fits the description but also all three girls that are currently on my "potential dating materiel" list. Nothing wrong with English majors, I have a sort of theory about them. Most female English majors are smart with normal personalities/generally good looks, unlike many of the smart women in the Engineering/CS programs.

this is going to be another rant about people i've met, but i really really hate the people who smoke weed and have to keep shoving it in others faces in order to prove that they smoke weed like i don't care, you and a lot of other people smoke weed, why do you feel the need to prove it to me by making every single part of your day about weed like "bruh 4/20 blaze it huhu, i'm so high right now, this is dank af" and yes it is very dank smoke somewhere else, you don't see people who smoke cigarettes go around telling everyone "hey man i smoke, everyday i get about a pack huhu" and generally they're all very courteous about it, excusing themselves a lot, rather than just lighting up right there because "bruh look at this", like most i've got from anyone who smokes was "hey you got a light?" god damn people who vape and do the same thing as well, a lot of time they're even worse(though i know a few who vape because they're quitting smoking, and they've kept all the habits of regular smoking, as in not doing it in peoples faces, being a decent human being, etc) but i see even more than people who smoke weed are people who vape, and feel the need to show off their e-cig whenever possible, what tricks they can do, and tell you how expensive it was god damn it sounds like i meet a lot of these people but really this is over a course of this year, i'm just complaining because of how easy it was to run into these people, and in the past it was not this easy to accidentally run into stereotypical people, it's like they've come out of the woodwork in the past year and then they see one person doing it and then bam congregation

My girlfriend just dropped off all my stuff that I'd left at her place... including a bunch of photos and a letter that she wrote to me when we broke up. I'm crying so much. I've never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life- she is 10 times the person I ever was. I totally took her for granted. I still think that it was a good thing that we broke up, but still I just feel like I'm a terrible person who fucked up the greatest thing to ever happen to him

A girl I went out with and then ignored me for 4 months texted me today out of nowhere . What would you guys do?

I really need advice on this guys, There's this guy who I like a lot, however he's not openly gay and is in the closet. I don't chase straight guys, but this guy came onto my radar after a few things he did. I have a feeling he likes me, however he's deep in the closet because of different variables. He knows I like him, I had a friend tell him I thought he was handsome, and I told him through a FB message that I did have a crush on him and I'd like to get to know him. I gave him my number and he thanked me for my information, didn't reject me. I've been trying to take it slow. Not bothering him too much, but trying to be present in his life. If you were in the closet, but you had a crush on this openly gay guy, how would you prefer he hit on you, or get closer with you? And consider that you may be in denial, but on the verge of accepting it. Thanks guys. He's the most intelligent, most successful, most attractive guy I have went for. I'm all three of those to some level, so it's nice to get somebody on my level.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49860926]Assuming someone is into you can be very dangerous.[/QUOTE] I know. I don't ever really assume people are in me. I think those things by reading their body language and thinking of their interactions with me. And based on our interactions I have the suspicion he likes me.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49794876]In my humble experience, most women would date you for your personality over your race or looks. Only exception to this is if you're like 400 pounds and have cystic acne. If you're just an average looking guy but extremely funny, good personality, confident, and fun to be around, you can land women you think are way out of your league. If you are none of these things, fake it till you make it.[/QUOTE] i go to a very large university, majority of ppl being commuters, so no chance there. it's basically a social wasteland, and im in my final semester as well. i also hear it's even tougher once you leave school.

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me and not two weeks later she's already hooked up with her dream guy. We've been trying hard to remain friends but every day she grows more and more upset with me and she tells me about how much fun she's having with him, and all the things I did wrong in our time together, and how over me she is, despite the fact that I've wanted her back all this time. We've still been talking a lot about it and she is scolding me for feeling betrayed, telling me that it's unfair to her that I'm making her feel guilty about it by talking to her. It's so shocking to me because she was a shy, nervous wreck before she met me and I was a shy, nervous wreck too. We were each other's first kiss, first sexual partner, we were inseparable best friends. And now she's with a new guy not two weeks later and doesn't feel the least bit upset about leaving those two years of love behind, like I was a one night stand. I haven't been able to focus on anything. She's been on my mind every second of every day since and it's making me miserable. Just thinking about someone else touching her makes me want to put my fist through a window.

[QUOTE=153x;49866698]My girlfriend of two years broke up with me and not two weeks later she's already hooked up with her dream guy. We've been trying hard to remain friends but every day she grows more and more upset with me and she tells me about how much fun she's having with him, and all the things I did wrong in our time together, and how over me she is, despite the fact that I've wanted her back all this time. We've still been talking a lot about it and she is scolding me for feeling betrayed, telling me that it's unfair to her that I'm making her feel guilty about it by talking to her. It's so shocking to me because she was a shy, nervous wreck before she met me and I was a shy, nervous wreck too. We were each other's first kiss, first sexual partner, we were inseparable best friends. And now she's with a new guy not two weeks later and doesn't feel the least bit upset about leaving those two years of love behind, like I was a one night stand. I haven't been able to focus on anything. She's been on my mind every second of every day since and it's making me miserable. Just thinking about someone else touching her makes me want to put my fist through a window.[/QUOTE] The solution is to not remain friends. You and her aren't on the same page about this. She, breaking up with you, is emotionally over you and the expectation when you say 'lets be friends' is that you're emotionally over her as well. You're not; it's not your fault or anything (you're human) but she doesn't really have the right to say its unfair when she did the breaking up. Cut contact. If you get over her and see her in 6 months, cool - but if you're not in a great emotional state with the breakup you won't be able to be friends and it'll just suck.

[QUOTE=153x;49866698]My girlfriend of two years broke up with me and not two weeks later she's already hooked up with her dream guy. We've been trying hard to remain friends but every day she grows more and more upset with me and she tells me about how much fun she's having with him, and all the things I did wrong in our time together, and how over me she is, despite the fact that I've wanted her back all this time. We've still been talking a lot about it and she is scolding me for feeling betrayed, telling me that it's unfair to her that I'm making her feel guilty about it by talking to her. It's so shocking to me because she was a shy, nervous wreck before she met me and I was a shy, nervous wreck too. We were each other's first kiss, first sexual partner, we were inseparable best friends. And now she's with a new guy not two weeks later and doesn't feel the least bit upset about leaving those two years of love behind, like I was a one night stand. I haven't been able to focus on anything. She's been on my mind every second of every day since and it's making me miserable. Just thinking about someone else touching her makes me want to put my fist through a window.[/QUOTE] Your situation sounds similar to mine with my first gf, apart from she left me for a cunt. What you need to do is tell her to fuck off (perhaps not in those exact words). Friendship won't work now. It might work in the future, but right now, it won't. My ex seems to hate me, but I don't understand why. I didn't do anything wrong, and she left me, it makes no sense but I gave up trying to rationalise her actions after she shacked up with the scumbag she did.

Could someone analyze my personality and give advice on how to be a better person?

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49869126]According to your post history, I would suggest you quit taking xanax 10 pills at a time[/QUOTE] I will, but my tolerance is so high right now I barely get affected, I'm waiting to get sleepy.

Xanax is not the appropriate solution to your sleep problems. Xanax isn't even a barbiturate, it's used for anxiety... If you have sleep issues, speak to a psychiatrist. I personally have dealt with insomnia my entire life that I was never able to deal with and it basically evaporated when I started taking lithium for BPD. You do not need to abuse medication to get to sleep... There are plenty of drugs that are made to actually resolve your issue without having to abuse/overdose on them.