Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

tbh 'hey' twice a day is kinda pushy

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;49884743]tbh 'hey' twice a day is kinda pushy[/QUOTE] Meant to say once in awhile, not once or twice a day. I have a bad habit of Freudian Slips, sorry :S

So I dunno if this is the exact right spot, but does anyone have tips for dealing with test anxiety? Never really felt it until this semester :/

[QUOTE=bdd458;49884967]So I dunno if this is the exact right spot, but does anyone have tips for dealing with test anxiety? Never really felt it until this semester :/[/QUOTE] Can't say how it's like in America, but there's usually options for you to be able to talk with someone about it. My sister has it as well, and the schools here usually assign a psychologist to you if you've test anxiety. What I can say with certainty, however, is that you should absolutely let them know you're very nervous about the test (assuming it's oral), and then take it at your own pace. Don't rush through it.

[QUOTE=ShimTaco;49884537]Alright everyone, I need some advice with this. This is a friendship I really care about (above all else) and it's going down. Around 2 weeks ago my best friend started acting odd. She wouldn't reply to messages, and if she did it was 2 words at most. I didn't suspect anything until later. After awhile i asked her what was wrong, she said it was nothing. Later I found out she didn't like how I'd ask her friend for advice involving her. (I was crushing on her at the time). I apologized and said I'd never do it again, but she didn't believe me I guess. I did stop, and a week later, she is still acting odd. I asked her this morning, she said its nothing and it's just in my head. Something is wrong. You don't just stop talking to someone without a reason. I want to fix this. I've asked her and told her how much I value our friendship. I told her if there's anything I did or said that I'm sorry. What do I do? I don't want to end this friendship. I hate this so much[/QUOTE] listen dude, i've been in a similar situation. my honest advice is to just stop giving a shit. play it cool. i know it sounds blunt and kind of odd, but trust me. focus on your life. friends come and go, people have their own problems [I]([/I][I]that may not involve you[/I]) so just go with the flow and focus on you. if you keep focusing on this and try to dwell on everything that you've done to cause this (even when it may not be your fault in the first place) then that's going to get you nowhere fast. and i know you're not doing that right now, but saying things like "i hate this so much" shows that you're putting a little more thought into this than you should. if you put someone on a pedestal, the only thing they can do is look down on you.

Just got broken up with by the only guy I felt loved by and safe with and hadn't said "good enough" to, because he feels bad that he doesn't have enough time to spend with me because of grad school (even though I've told him repeatedly that I like that we have our own lives/time commitments and am going to be a grad student myself soon). Fucking sucks.

That sounds like the perfect relationship for me too. Sorry you lost it.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with this girl. We've already kind of had a date, but I'm not sure how to play it from here. I think I should just straight up tell her I like her because there's some bullshit where her parents would be pissed if she dated a non-Muslim and I just want to know if anything can happen between as at all (as in we can date without her parents finding out) so I don't get too attached and waste too much time on her.

I notice that it'd probably work badly to be friends with this girl. I haven't spoken with her yet since we talked, but I notice I get somewhat upset just seeing her name in the Facebook chat list. I suppose I'm lucky we cut it off now rather than later, but shiit, I didn't expect to get so hurt by so little? did I really tie myself to her so fast even though I was unsure about the entire deal myself? I don't think I miss her as a person that much, or maybe I miss her slightly, but I think what I really miss is just a relationship and everything that comes with it. I never got that comfortable with her, we never had much to talk about, but that was all forgotten when we cuddled, kissed, and so on. I think what I really miss is just that. the sexual side of things. it's not really that tempting to enter a relationship at all anymore. I think I'll be able to handle this fairly well since we never really connected that well, but what if I meet someone new and hit off really well? what about the day that ends? I have a feeling it'd completely destroy me. [editline]7th March 2016[/editline] I'm feeling a little sad. I miss having that closeness with another person, someone to cuddle with

First year university student here 2 months away from end of 2nd term. One of my current flatmates has just asked me if I want to room with some of them, most of my current flatmates and another flat we know at some other place next year. I've already booked accommodation next year with someplace else because when I'd previously expressed interest in joining them, one of them told me they didn't want me. The others said that wasn't true and that they just didn't have any spaces, even confronted the guy about saying what he said but he kinda just slipped away instead of giving a reason and it's still left me feeling really confused/betrayed, because I thought he and I were getting on really well with each other. Every since that we now kinda just make brief conversation and it's always kind of awkward. It also seems really weird that he'd say that as if he was representing the group if that wasn't the case, maybe the others don't want me but didn't want to say it to my face because they're nice. Now there's space because someone from the other flat dropped out of uni but I'm not 100% sure I want to room with people who I don't quite know if they like me or just pretend to, but I'm also nervous about the idea of going somewhere else and rolling the dice with new flatmates, as my current ones are better than most in terms of friendliness and keeping stuff clean and I don't want to end up with horrible flat mates next year. Maybe this is something I should be working out for myself but I'm awful at making decisions so I was just wondering if anyone had any advice about this kind of thing.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49887163]I notice that it'd probably work badly to be friends with this girl. I haven't spoken with her yet since we talked, but I notice I get somewhat upset just seeing her name in the Facebook chat list. I suppose I'm lucky we cut it off now rather than later, but shiit, I didn't expect to get so hurt by so little? did I really tie myself to her so fast even though I was unsure about the entire deal myself? I don't think I miss her as a person that much, or maybe I miss her slightly, but I think what I really miss is just a relationship and everything that comes with it. I never got that comfortable with her, we never had much to talk about, but that was all forgotten when we cuddled, kissed, and so on. I think what I really miss is just that. the sexual side of things. it's not really that tempting to enter a relationship at all anymore. I think I'll be able to handle this fairly well since we never really connected that well, but what if I meet someone new and hit off really well? what about the day that ends? I have a feeling it'd completely destroy me. [editline]7th March 2016[/editline] I'm feeling a little sad. I miss having that closeness with another person, someone to cuddle with[/QUOTE] i know [I]exactly[/I] what you're feeling. in fact, the way you describe things is almost uncanny how similar it is to how i felt things. here's my advice: either stay away from social media or unfriend her. i think the former is healthier (i haven't been on any form of social media except for snapchat (used for communication) and tumblr (no real life friends on there, just for entertainment)) and i feel so much better. seriously, you have no idea how much it helps never to have to go through that tinge of pain every time you see their name, or see their face. because every time you do, your mind will drift to the worst thoughts. i'm sure you've already been through it. it always just put her at the back of my mind again, unable to forget. if you don't allow that happen, then it's for the better. you won't have to be reminded of her, and sooner or later, you won't have an emotional connection with her name or face at all. but until then, avoid everything that reminds you of her. again, staying away from social media worked very well for me. i was a wreck a few weeks ago any time i saw her face or name, i almost wanted to cry. but now i don't even think about her unless she is brought up, and even then, i talk about her like i talk about any other person. i know how you feel about future relationships. but don't let this bring you down. once you're over this (sooner than you expect), you might find yourself wanting one again. looking for women and all that. but, and i'm just assuming things here, i think you might get connected with people too quickly. i used to have that problem, and we had similar situations, so that's what i think. my advice would be to just focus more on yourself, even when entering a relationship. it actually works in your favor, too; girls like chasing a guy who's hard to get. if you immediately submit yourself to emotions, then there's no fun in that. she already has you. she has the power. don't give her that power. be in control of yourself. you are a gift. anyone would be so extremely lucky to have you. because you're amazing. put yourself on that pedastal. you are gold. people gotta [I]work[/I] to get you, pred. don't let them just snatch you off that pedastal. make them want to join you on it. this is her loss, not yours.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49887263]i know [I]exactly[/I] what you're feeling. in fact, the way you describe things is almost uncanny how similar it is to how i felt things. here's my advice: either stay away from social media or unfriend her. i think the former is healthier (i haven't been on any form of social media except for snapchat (used for communication) and tumblr (no real life friends on there, just for entertainment)) and i feel so much better. seriously, you have no idea how much it helps never to have to go through that tinge of pain every time you see their name, or see their face. because every time you do, your mind will drift to the worst thoughts. i'm sure you've already been through it. it always just put her at the back of my mind again, unable to forget. if you don't allow that happen, then it's for the better. you won't have to be reminded of her, and sooner or later, you won't have an emotional connection with her name or face at all. but until then, avoid everything that reminds you of her. again, staying away from social media worked very well for me. i was a wreck a few weeks ago any time i saw her face or name, i almost wanted to cry. but now i don't even think about her unless she is brought up, and even then, i talk about her like i talk about any other person. i know how you feel about future relationships. but don't let this bring you down. once you're over this (sooner than you expect), you might find yourself wanting one again. looking for women and all that. but, and i'm just assuming things here, i think you might get connected with people too quickly. i used to have that problem, and we had similar situations, so that's what i think. my advice would be to just focus more on yourself, even when entering a relationship. it actually works in your favor, too; girls like chasing a guy who's hard to get. if you immediately submit yourself to emotions, then there's no fun in that. she already has you. she has the power. don't give her that power. be in control of yourself. you are a gift. anyone would be so extremely lucky to have you. because you're amazing. put yourself on that pedastal. you are gold. people gotta [I]work[/I] to get you, pred. don't let them just snatch you off that pedastal. make them want to join you on it. this is her loss, not yours.[/QUOTE] staying away from social media in the past has worked wonders for me. I remember completely opting out for I think 2 years, but this was during a phase in my life where I had isolated myself from everyone. anyway, it really helps you not think about other people since you never see their name or face pop up. at the same time, I feel like I lose something by opting out. I want to know what people are up to, keep myself updated, you know? I appreciate the words, its good to know someone cares! right now I think I just need time and something to do to occupy myself, let my feelings settle. it hurts right now, but I know it'll pass, it always does, even if it feels like it won't. it didn't work so it would have never worked later either, shame though since she is super cute. I'm sure I'll find something better at one point

So, regarding my last post. She called me last night and we talked on the phone till 2 AM. I told her how I felt about her and she said she feels the same way. The only problem is the distance it seems and both our life commitments. Studying. I think we both want it to work though. I think we both hit the jackpot on one another. Turns out we have some of the same social issues, and we've been pretty much supporting each other on that. For the first time I feel that someone genuinely cares about me. It's just that Urgh! The distance is terrible though.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49877675]this is a complex situation with a long backstory but i'd like some advice. so some time through last year i met a girl at a party at my place. i didn't think much of it but 3 days later she adds me on facebook and asks me out. now shes 17 and i'm 21 at this time, she calls it off because the age gap is too big and her parents wouldn't approve. at this point i picked up smoking because i was sick of the old dating game and it's negative outcomes and alcohol was just too inconvenient to be my crutch. i'm trying to quit smoking now, it's really hard please don't start smoking anyone. all is well i get back on my feet again and start going out more with friends and talking to girls, meanwhile girl A isn't talking to me at all. i go to a friends birthday party and get beyond wasted, at the end of the night the group of people left is small. she wants me to hook up with her friend so i just take a chance on that and we ended up sleeping together. the next day i ask her out on a proper date and we do and its all sunshine and rainbows for now. a couple weeks into dating girl B, girl A begins talking to me again. she gets super jealous when i tell her that i have a girlfriend now and asks if i wanna hang out with her sometime. now this next part to my credit is potentially the stupidest fucking thing i've ever done wrong in a relationship: i say sure lets hang out some time and arrange a time to hang out with her and her friend. the day is a monday, i have work until 12 and then we hang out at 1. things don't exactly go to plan though as i get to work and i'm fired by 10. whatever, left the place, call my gf, had a few cigarettes and got on a train to my mates house to hang out. still go through with my plans of hanging out with girl A, however the issue is that it's my gf's birthday on this day. for some reason this didn't click in my brain as a stupid idea. on a related note my gf of the time hated girl A because we had dated before in the past. fair enough but she has no reason to worry i'm not going to cheat on her. later that night when i'm talking to my gf shes pretty mad at me for hanging out with girl A, she doesn't want me to be friends with her, but i'm not going to stop hanging out with her because shes a cool chick who is fun to hang out with. we hang out a couple more times then we just talk a lot on facebook. girl A has a lot of issues, shes depressed as fuck and suicidal. we become very good friends in this short time. 2 months later my gf breaks up with me (unrelated issues) and i'm down for a couple days. couple days pass and i decide to talk to girl A and tell her what happened. she instantly says we should hang out so she can try to cheer me up. hell yeah, i'm still super into girl A. we go on a couple of dates, nothing happens but i wanted to make moves and she later confesses she also wanted to. we plan another date, but she tells me she has to reschedule because her mum is in hospital. later i find out she was in hospital herself because she tried to kill herself on sleeping pills. this is where it all goes to shit, we start talking less and when we do its about her mental health, she accuses me of only staying friends with her to have someone to rebound to if/when i broke up with my gf. a short time passes and she is back to flirting with me, and in turn confusing the fuck out of me. i want to play along but i'm concerned at this point, she doesn't want what i want and i have no clue what she wants. the last time i talked to her was the 3rd of december last year. the conversation prior to that was pretty standard stuff. the absolute last conversation was me saying "hey", and her replying "hi" and i just didn't have it in me to go on with this anymore so thats where it ends. [b]now the part where i want advice,[/b] this girl has been in my mind ever since she first started talking to me and i've never experienced this before, i know shes bad news and i know its never going to work out but i'm totally infatuated i cant shake it, its been nearly a year since we met. i've been wanting to talk to her ever since and i think of what to say and then i go to say it and i back down. i miss the conversations we had and i miss hanging out with her, i'd just like to be friends with her again but i don't know if its a healthy thing to do. [editline]6th March 2016[/editline] whoa thats a wall of text, important stuff is in the last 3 paragraphs. rest is just backstory to set up the situation.[/QUOTE] Don't date someone whose severely depressed and suicidal. All it's going to do is throw unnecessary stress and drama on your plate that you can do nothing about.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49888593]Don't date someone whose severely depressed and suicidal. All it's going to do is throw unnecessary stress and drama on your plate that you can do nothing about.[/QUOTE] i disagree personally. i think someone who is severely depressed and suicidal would love someone who is just there for them in general, because they would think nobody is. it's not even additional stress, just seeming like you genuinely care about their life can boost their emotional state by leaps and bounds. [editline]7th March 2016[/editline] plus i really really enjoy making other people feel better about themselves

I think it's very individual really. I currently have a friend who is severely depressed and good lord is she a pain in the ass to deal with at times. another friend of mine has a lot of issues herself and she becomes jealous for nothing and constantly suspect people because of her own mental state. another friend who suffers a lot with depression is also a pain in the ass to deal with. then there are people who suffer a lot but don't bring it out on others or let it out visibly like some others do. I wouldn't label everyone who is severely depressed as "un-dateable" as people tackle it differently. some tackle it via means that affect others a lot and some deal with in ways that only affect themselves and the latter are people I'd say are okay to date.

i guess i'm just a very understanding person because i've went through the same things. a lot of it can seem irrational and annoying at first, but somehow that comes off as endearing to me

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49888656]i guess i'm just a very understanding person because i've went through the same things. a lot of it can seem irrational and annoying at first, but somehow that comes off as endearing to me[/QUOTE] it really depends on the person for me. in my example with the three people I mentioned, only the first I mentioned is someone who bothers me a lot with her way of tackling stuff. there's always problems, constantly brushes off every attempt I make to help, shows no appreciation for me being there, doesn't help me out when I'm down and generally offers very little in return other than bringing more problems onto the table. people like her are someone I wouldn't have been able to date, it'd ruin me

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49888613]i disagree personally. i think someone who is severely depressed and suicidal would love someone who is just there for them in general, because they would think nobody is. it's not even additional stress, just seeming like you genuinely care about their life can boost their emotional state by leaps and bounds. [editline]7th March 2016[/editline] plus i really really enjoy making other people feel better about themselves[/QUOTE] Yea naw, heres the reality of it; Nothing you ever do will bring them out of their slump because it is all up to them to get out of it. Anything you do for them will not be enough, and though they might appreciate it genuinely they will never show it. If you try and be their shoulder to cry on, they'll think you're babying them, if you try and give them advice they'll think you're berating them, if you try to cheer them up they'll think you're patronizing them. They'll never leave their comfortable spot unless they're absolutely required too (food, bathroom, work). So you'll get home from work and find the laundry still hasn't been done and the dishes that were in the sink 2 weeks ago are still there, only moldy now. You'll be taking care of someone whose hardly self sufficient. You'll constantly be worried you'll get home to find your partner has been cutting again, you'll start to get worried any time they don't respond to a text, thinking they tried to kill themselves again. And you'll have absolutely have zero control over it. You are completely a victim to the moods of your partner. This isn't to say that depressed and suicidal people are bad persons, but you definitely don't want to date one and someone who is severely depressed and suicidal probably shouldn't be dating someone else either; it's just plain selfish.

i just want to know if its a good idea to get back in contact with her after so long.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49888875]i just want to know if its a good idea to get back in contact with her after so long.[/QUOTE] Short answer: No. Long answer: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. If you really want to, probe and see how shes doing on those issues. If shes still in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts and depression issues (and still 17) then you want nothing to do with her on an emotional level.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49888870]Yea naw, heres the reality of it; Nothing you ever do will bring them out of their slump because it is all up to them to get out of it. Anything you do for them will not be enough, and though they might appreciate it genuinely they will never show it. If you try and be their shoulder to cry on, they'll think you're babying them, if you try and give them advice they'll think you're berating them, if you try to cheer them up they'll think you're patronizing them. They'll never leave their comfortable spot unless they're absolutely required too (food, bathroom, work). So you'll get home from work and find the laundry still hasn't been done and the dishes that were in the sink 2 weeks ago are still there, only moldy now. You'll be taking care of someone whose hardly self sufficient. You'll constantly be worried you'll get home to find your partner has been cutting again, you'll start to get worried any time they don't respond to a text, thinking they tried to kill themselves again. And you'll have absolutely have zero control over it. You are completely a victim to the moods of your partner. This isn't to say that depressed and suicidal people are bad persons, but you definitely don't want to date one and someone who is severely depressed and suicidal probably shouldn't be dating someone else either; it's just plain selfish.[/QUOTE] This isn't true for every person who is severely depressed and/or suicidal. And it's certainly not selfish to want a relationship with someone despite a mental illness that they cannot help. It may not be the best idea, but every circumstance is different. A relationship, for some people, may provide the catalyst for seeking help. For others, it may only be a further downfall. You can't group every single person suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies in the same situational boat. It's too varied of a thing to say outright that people with these conditions cannot or should not date, period.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49888927]Short answer: No. Long answer: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. If you really want to, probe and see how shes doing on those issues. If shes still in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts and depression issues (and still 17) then you want nothing to do with her on an emotional level.[/QUOTE] she isn't very open about her issues, for some reason she liked to talk to me about it so the only way i would know is to talk to her. i dont think it will go anywhere and i dont even think she will want to talk to me now just because she seems to get worse when i'm talking to her. [editline]8th March 2016[/editline] i just feel like i need closure or something because i can't stop thinking about it, and i've been thinking about it a lot lately.

I walked by a group of girls and they mentioned my name but then thought it wasn't actually me. So then they began talking about how much of a creep I am. ;w;

I am going to a bar by myself for my birthday soon. I mingle with the workers there from time to time, as they buy cigarettes at the corner store I work at (bar's right behind my store) I hope this leads to even the slightest semblance of a social life, spending 40 hours a week in isolation with no friends outside of work is starting to take a very large toll on me. It's likely that I won't meet anyone though The best part is that my bday falls on a Sunday and nothing else will be open, so I'll essentially have time for a couple of drinks and a 3 hour walk home, happy birthdaaaay What are people's views on non-college students joining college clubs or groups? It seems a little odd to me but i really don't know, Ive never tried to join one. It's the only thing in my area I can think of that would have like-minded people in it.

depends on how old you are, really

[QUOTE=Pascall;49889004]This isn't true for every person who is severely depressed and/or suicidal. And it's certainly not selfish to want a relationship with someone despite a mental illness that they cannot help. It may not be the best idea, but every circumstance is different. A relationship, for some people, may provide the catalyst for seeking help. For others, it may only be a further downfall. You can't group every single person suffering from depression or suicidal tendencies in the same situational boat. It's too varied of a thing to say outright that people with these conditions cannot or should not date, period.[/QUOTE] Fair enough, but is it worth the risk of starting a relationship with someone who is depressed or suicidal? In my mind it's not. Been through that more than once and I'll never go through it again.

My ex girlfriend had depression and if she wouldn't have told me I never would've known, same goes for a classmate of mine. It really depends on the person at hand

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49891543]Fair enough, but is it worth the risk of starting a relationship with someone who is depressed or suicidal? In my mind it's not. Been through that more than once and I'll never go through it again.[/QUOTE] It depends on how capable of handling it you are. There are plenty of people out there who have the strength and ability to take on such a huge weight in addition to their own lives without a problem. Granted, most people AREN'T ready for that sort of commitment, but that doesn't mean there isn't anyone out there capable of it.

pretty much a single day after me and that girl talked, another girl came around with a very obvious intent. always sitting in my lap, holding around me, hinting to sex, feeds me, said I had beautiful eyes (!?), and so on. I'm not really sure how to handle this as well, there's nothing on my side in this. she has already tried for a few kisses but I've always just looked the other way. I suppose it's not too bad but eh. I find it uncomfortable since it's very obvious that she likes me and she has a much bigger need to be physical with me than I have with her, mine is basically non existent. she's also veery forward. I did the mistake of saying "why not" to her coming over to sleep over earlier and right now I'm lying next to her snoring, thinking about what the hell I managed to involve myself in. this closeness and cuddling just makes me miss the girl I was dating