Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Zoran;49946063]Is it weird to always be the one to start conversations like online? I've been talking to this girl, lately, and we've had some pretty good conversations, but when I think about it, I'm usually the one to say hi first. Is that weird? Or is it fine?[/QUOTE] Women are capable of being shy. My current girlfriend gave me one word responses for the first 2 weeks of us dating.

Facepunch I've done it. If you look through my post history, I have an entire years-long history on the Super Friendly board and I've made a milestone thanks to you guys! First time I've ever asked anyone out and she said yes! We're gonna get food this Sunday!

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;49946040]Had a date yesterday with a girl who turned out to be a midget. I hope my date friday with this other girl goes better. We've been texting a lot recently and she seems really cool! I deleted my ex's number, thinking about removing her from facebook and snapchat as well[/QUOTE] Wait, what about the small chick? Or is she the same as "this other girl"? I'm confused :v:

[QUOTE=fear me;49946105]Wait, what about the small chick? Or is she the same as "this other girl"? I'm confused :v:[/QUOTE] Small chick was the girl I saw yesterday, I'm not gonna see her again. Other girl is another girl, she looks hella cute

I actually had a really good lunch date! The guy was a 27 year old microbiology major who actually teaches at the college I'm currently going to. We had a lot in common and even though I was nervous, I had a lot of fun. This was probably my first date in like 3+ years so... I'm pretty pleased how it turned out. He wants to take me up to Austin to try another ramen place that has some better food and I'm pretty stoked, so I'll probably take him up on it.

[QUOTE=vizard38;49946080]Facepunch I've done it. If you look through my post history, I have an entire years-long history on the Super Friendly board and I've made a milestone thanks to you guys! First time I've ever asked anyone out and she said yes! We're gonna get food this Sunday![/QUOTE] congrats. don t fuck it up

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;49946040]thinking about removing her from facebook and snapchat as well[/QUOTE] do it I removed mine from my snapchat within a week or two, yet she added me back and tried to send me snaps. I never accepted, and never saw them. I sometimes wonder what those 2 snaps were, but I'll never find out, as they expired. on my way to work this morning, for some reason I cast my mind back to when my gf left me the first time (about 2 or 3 months before she left for good). she was acting odd, we talked, it ended badly, I gunned it to my friends house as I needed someone to talk to. got a text from her asking what to feed the dog because she was going to leave, I got back, she left and I went to my room, and she'd stripped the room of her stuff. fuck me that was an absolutely horrific feeling. the room was almost bare. she came back, I was happy for the next two months until she went for good, and I had to bag up her stuff. I'm not sure which time was worse to be honest.

So I'm finally going on a date with the girl I was talking about from up North. She lives 300km away from me but luckily they are pulling down the prices of the train tickets to a real cheap deal. And since I'm under 25, I get a discount on top. So yay, I can go visit her more often. I'm staying at a friend's place, and since she's a common friend of ours he said it's ok to stay there. I'm really happy about this. This girl's amazing, she's worth the trip. She's been very supportive and understanding with my issues and stuff. I mean, it's weird to have someone treat me well and actually caring about my well being after such a sea of troubled and emotionally abusive relationships. So tl;dr I'm going on a date with an amazing and beautiful girl.

that's only what, like a three hour drive? that's kind of shitty but totally doable.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49947402]that's only what, like a three hour drive? that's kind of shitty but totally doable.[/QUOTE] Well, yeah I mean I can't complain. Portugal's a really small country, I live in the center, she lives up north, there's trains and planes, and a train ticket from Lisbon to Porto costs only €9.30 now, and since I'm 24 I get a youth 10% discount on top so yeah it is. LDR here, aren't really as bad as anywhere else. I mean I take it LDR are terrible in big countries like the US for example, if both people live in different states.

Just saw her and her ex-boyfriend grab dinner together. I don't feel stress though I'm getting mixed feelings from different parties. Don't know what to think.

[QUOTE=vizard38;49949828]Just saw her and her ex-boyfriend grab dinner together. I don't feel stress though I'm getting mixed feelings from different parties. Don't know what to think.[/QUOTE] How old are you guys, how did you find out about ex-boyfriend and how exactly did the conversation where you asked her out go?

[QUOTE=Zoran;49946063]Is it weird to always be the one to start conversations like online? I've been talking to this girl, lately, and we've had some pretty good conversations, but when I think about it, I'm usually the one to say hi first. Is that weird? Or is it fine?[/QUOTE] If I don't start conversations and just wait for someone to start randomly chatting with me I'll die alone. It's like this with my girlfriend too, though every time I suggest anything it's a very quick YES from her. She also responds to every single stupid "My leg is hairy" -type of messages from me, so I don't think much of it And about 90% of just simply talking with ANYONE it's me who has to bring up anything to get the conversation going. Otherwise it's just dead silent. Which kind of sucks because I'm not that social, but I quess it's a learning experience. :v:

[QUOTE=SgtTupelo;49950189]If I don't start conversations and just wait for someone to start randomly chatting with me I'll die alone. It's like this with my girlfriend too, though every time I suggest anything it's a very quick YES from her. She also responds to every single stupid "My leg is hairy" -type of messages from me, so I don't think much of it And about 90% of just simply talking with ANYONE it's me who has to bring up anything to get the conversation going. Otherwise it's just dead silent. Which kind of sucks because I'm not that social, but I quess it's a learning experience. :v:[/QUOTE] Same shit happens to me. Learning how to do small talk sucks.

[QUOTE=srobins;49949841]How old are you guys, how did you find out about ex-boyfriend and how exactly did the conversation where you asked her out go?[/QUOTE] I'm 19, she's 21. I had heard about her ex from a variety of other individuals and I've always been told she has a lot of baggage in that department. I was just pretty up front about it and asked if she wanted to get dinner with me over the weekend. She said that sounded very sweet of me and said Sunday should work.

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;49929889]At work last friday my co-worker left me with one of the waitresses of the place we work security at alone. She asked me if I wanted anything to drink and I told her a I'd like a Red Bull. She grabbed one and even opened it up for, something she doesn't do for anyone else, not even my co-worker, and me, being a dense fuck can only come up with one thing to say: "I could've opened it myself too." That was the only real opportunity I had to chat with her and I fucked it up as the rest of the weekend was busy as hell. I'm not sure if she thought what I said was funny but she smiled at me after I said that, either way, as I never ever have the time to chat with her I added her on social media, she accepted that and I wrote hey sometime later... She has not replied yet and I sent my message more than 12 hours ago however her last activity was like 4 hours ago. On a scale of 1 - 10, how hard did I mess up?[/QUOTE] She ended up not writing anything back. I guess I'll just walk into that place tomorrow and ask if she's got time to chat or is that a bad idea?

[QUOTE=vizard38;49951207]I'm 19, she's 21. I had heard about her ex from a variety of other individuals and I've always been told she has a lot of baggage in that department. I was just pretty up front about it and asked if she wanted to get dinner with me over the weekend. She said that sounded very sweet of me and said Sunday should work.[/QUOTE] Eh, could go either way. Personally I avoid people that still have a thing with their ex, but it could be a mature friends thing. You'll just have to see how things go. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=jonoPorter;49951324]She ended up not writing anything back. I guess I'll just walk into that place tomorrow and ask if she's got time to chat or is that a bad idea?[/QUOTE] Just ignore it, Facebook messages are meaningless and it's easy to miss one even if she meant to reply. Just be normal, I don't think you really need to ask her if she has a minute to chat.. Just say whatever you want to say and be done with it.

[QUOTE=srobins;49951936]Just ignore it, Facebook messages are meaningless and it's easy to miss one even if she meant to reply. Just be normal, I don't think you really need to ask her if she has a minute to chat.. Just say whatever you want to say and be done with it.[/QUOTE] My point is that I'm terrible at starting conversations, even worse with getting the timing right to start talking with her. Asking her if she has time to chat makes it easier for me to start as that is almost impossible to fuck up for me.

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;49952352]My point is that I'm terrible at starting conversations, even worse with getting the timing right to start talking with her. Asking her if she has time to chat makes it easier for me to start as that is almost impossible to fuck up for me.[/QUOTE] imo asking someone if they have time to chat kind of implies you have something important to say, not just shooting the shit and chit-chatting with someone. Just ask her how she's doing and ask her about something you heard in the news or something. It's not like once she says "yeah I have time to chat, what's up?" you're going to magically have something interesting to say, you'll be right back to square one only now she'll be wondering what you wanted to talk about.

[QUOTE=srobins;49952390]imo asking someone if they have time to chat kind of implies you have something important to say, not just shooting the shit and chit-chatting with someone. Just ask her how she's doing and ask her about something you heard in the news or something. It's not like once she says "yeah I have time to chat, what's up?" you're going to magically have something interesting to say, you'll be right back to square one only now she'll be wondering what you wanted to talk about.[/QUOTE] I get what you want to say, but I want to avoid her coworkers. Because if I walk in there and start talking with her casually her other coworkers will join in and make it impossible for me to ask her if she wants to go for a coffee sometime later. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Maybe I should just do it this way and show some spine...

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;49952489]I get what you want to say, but I want to avoid her coworkers. Because if I walk in there and start talking with her casually her other coworkers will join in and make it impossible for me to ask her if she wants to go for a coffee sometime later. [editline]17th March 2016[/editline] Maybe I should just do it this way and show some spine...[/QUOTE] I mean, it's not optimal if you can't talk to her alone but I think asking her specifically if she can step to the side and have a private conversation with you is a little much? It's not really a big deal for you to ask her to coffee in front of her coworkers.. You guys are adults, everyone understands that people go out and date and do adult things lol. I think you're overestimating how much her coworkers are going to be interested in your guys' relationship. Just chit chat with her and ask if she wants to get coffee, it's not a big deal.

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;49952352]My point is that I'm terrible at starting conversations, even worse with getting the timing right to start talking with her. Asking her if she has time to chat makes it easier for me to start as that is almost impossible to fuck up for me.[/QUOTE] asking her out in front of friends or acquaintances shows a lot of confidence if you do it right, but it usually requires a ton of it. It's easy to get ahead of yourself, stumble on your words and fuck it all up so I don't really recommend it if you're stressing this bad about it. Same goes for purposely isolating her to ask her, yeah it can work if she's already attracted to you but most likely she's just neutral to you (given that she didn't answer your message) just chat with her some, get to know her a bit before you ask her out and gauge what she thinks of you (opening a can for you can be seen either way tbh). you have the advantage of "accidental" frequent contact, use it

Wew lads I did it. Worked up the nerve to get his info, he was all for it. He suggested the movies maybe, it's great because we work essentially the same hours and are up most of the night anyways. I'm excited to see where this goes, I didn't do the dating thing in high school and I only really leave my apartment to go to work and go to my aunt's to do laundry so this is monumental for me.

Any random information I currently happen to obsess about. I've studied anything from korean history from the late 1800s to game programming, I've studied every major religion, pharmacology and pharmacokinetics, psychology, psychiatry, geochronology, evolution, astrophysics and quantum mechanics, neurochemistry, my life is obsession in information. The thing is, I can't give anyone anything with this. There is no entertainment value in reciting information, unless... I need to start practicing the art of being informative while at the same time using a form of rhetoric that provides an emotional impact for the reader. Sometimes when I'm hypomanic I'm really good at doing that. Now that I'm properly medicated I'm more productive but my posts lack the quality they once had. Stirring the hearts of the people is perhaps my new obsession then. Accumulating information is being a computer, sharing it without delivery caring is being an idiot-savant, but to sing revelations so powerful they are sinful to explore, would be the bliss that inspires me to do even more. Patience, I have much work to do.

My girlfriend just went on birth control and she started spotting while we were having sex. I'm glad that it wasn't like horror movie blood everywhere, but I just hope that she's okay with it and not too embarrassed. [QUOTE=Solodris;49955051]Any random information I currently happen to obsess about. I've studied anything from korean history from the late 1800s to game programming, I've studied every major religion, pharmacology and pharmacokinetics, psychology, psychiatry, geochronology, evolution, astrophysics and quantum mechanics, neurochemistry, my life is obsession in information. The thing is, I can't give anyone anything with this. There is no entertainment value in reciting information, unless... I need to start practicing the art of being informative while at the same time using a form of rhetoric that provides an emotional impact for the reader. Sometimes when I'm hypomanic I'm really good at doing that. Now that I'm properly medicated I'm more productive but my posts lack the quality they once had. Stirring the hearts of the people is perhaps my new obsession then. Accumulating information is being a computer, sharing it without delivery caring is being an idiot-savant, but to sing revelations so powerful they are sinful to explore, would be the bliss that inspires me to do even more. Patience, I have much work to do.[/QUOTE] If you talk like this all the time then people will feel really dumb around you, I feel like I'm learning every time I read whatever you post, but if you want to start being more relateable then you shouldn't really post in super long artistic writings.

I got a new girlfriend. My mate is not gonna stop with the jokes because i always end up with big girls and shes bigger than my ex

I just came home from a meeting with people from the disability department, residential staff and social services about my problem with addiction that comes and goes. I thought it would be a nice gathering of people. But they managed to lower my self esteem by negotiating almost intimidating with a locked rehabilitation center for 6 months unless they can observe and control most of my life. I had to straight down tell them that this is making me anxious and I have social phobia, and might even have avoidant personality disorder, so they would calm themselves down a little. I know they're not psychologists but what kind of support is that? Certainly didn't feel like they are supporting me and I have enough trust issues as it is. Just making my way there was emotionally distressing, and they end up arguing while calling it settling agreements. I asked them if they even stopped to think and ask how I am feeling, but they just threw back "I did ask how you are when we greeted each-other.". But that's not genuine consideration. I tried to tell them that my new medication is working and it keeps me from self-medicating, but they kept coming back to "If things have gone wrong in the past, what's going to be different now?", I just told you, the medication is working. I'm a human being, not a waste dump for demands and expectations, that makes my condition worse, not better. "We need to understand how we can help your situation." Well, you could start by being friendly, and trust me when I say that I can take my medication on my own without people coming to my apartment twice a day to force them down my throat. Maybe their profession makes them deal with people all day and so get desensitized to certain aspects of communicating without reacting instinctively at something they perceive as noncooperation. I know I'm sensitive but they need to know that too before approaching me in order to help me in the best way possible. I need to talk to my therapist...

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49955872]I got a new girlfriend. My mate is not gonna stop with the jokes because i always end up with big girls and shes bigger than my ex[/QUOTE] Embrace it and he'll stop if he sees it doesn't bother you. How big are we talking? Big girls are awesome.

[QUOTE=Solodris;49958107]I just came home from a meeting with people from the disability department, residential staff and social services about my problem with addiction that comes and goes. I thought it would be a nice gathering of people. But they managed to lower my self esteem by negotiating almost intimidating with a locked rehabilitation center for 6 months unless they can observe and control most of my life. I had to straight down tell them that this is making me anxious and I have social phobia, and might even have avoidant personality disorder, so they would calm themselves down a little. I know they're not psychologists but what kind of support is that? Certainly didn't feel like they are supporting me and I have enough trust issues as it is. Just making my way there was emotionally distressing, and they end up arguing while calling it settling agreements. I asked them if they even stopped to think and ask how I am feeling, but they just threw back "I did ask how you are when we greeted each-other.". But that's not genuine consideration. I tried to tell them that my new medication is working and it keeps me from self-medicating, but they kept coming back to "If things have gone wrong in the past, what's going to be different now?", I just told you, the medication is working. I'm a human being, not a waste dump for demands and expectations, that makes my condition worse, not better. "We need to understand how we can help your situation." Well, you could start by being friendly, and trust me when I say that I can take my medication on my own without people coming to my apartment twice a day to force them down my throat. [B]Maybe their profession makes them deal with people all day and so get desensitized to certain aspects of communicating without reacting instinctively at something they perceive as noncooperation. I know I'm sensitive but they need to know that too before approaching me in order to help me in the best way possible. [/B] I need to talk to my therapist...[/QUOTE] As someone working in healthcare this is pretty much [I]exactly[/I] how it works. Even the most compassionate and understanding people eventually build up a thick skin and can seem insensitive and distant when providing care because of the sheer volume of terrible people that you have to wade through before they arrive at someone who genuinely needs and wants help and cooperation like yourself. I assume you're trying to keep your disability benefits but their stipulation is either 6 months in rehab or daily checkups? I don't know how negotiable your department is, but if there's any wiggle room in policy that would allow for you to just get on with your life on the new medication and keep your benefits, you should go for it. Consider that the people there really do want to help you and do genuinely care, but you have to sort of prove you're sincere and almost at their mercy in a way. As terrible as it sounds, that's kind of the psyche of people who work with the disabled for long periods of time, whether or not anyone would like to admit it: They deal with a huge volume of people who are rude, ungrateful, abusive and manipulative on a daily basis. Just try to show them you appreciate the services the department offers and that you really do want their help, but reiterate that your [I]new[/I] medication is working very well and you feel that the daily checkups are unnecessary and may even provoke your condition, and that the 6 months in rehab is similarly distressing. They should be able to empathize with your situation and if there's any room in the policy for them to allow you to continue receiving your benefits without checkups or rehab, they should award that option to you. [editline]18th March 2016[/editline] To be clear, I'm not trying to justify their poor behavior or lack of obvious empathy. Anyone working in that capacity should be able to put aside their prejudice and personal issues and be empathetic and understanding with every single person they sit down with.. But in the real world, that isn't how it works. I'm trying to give you advice on how to get the best results out of this situation, regardless of how unfair or inappropriate it may seem.

It applies to any profession. Be diplomatic and easy to work with and people will put the extra effort into accommodating you. You said yourself that your addiction 'comes and goes" - it's unsurprising they're worried about relapse. Aside from that, most people who experience drug addiction end up relapsing. Often they are predisposed to addiction and avoiding it can be a lifelong struggle for them. Phobias are generally treated with exposure therapy. If you deal with social phobia, the typical treatment for this would be exposing you to social situations. Avoidance does not help with phobias/anxiety, it only makes them worse.