Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

I pretty much always had a boner round my gfs, it's a sign you're physically attracted to them, so it's a compliment as long as you're not just standing there staring at them with a hard on then it won't be awkward

I apply the principle of mindfulness on my boners. I allow myself to have the boner.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49969980]i am not a girl but considering all a boner means is "oh boy look at me all aroused" i imagine you could see it as a compliment[/QUOTE] well maybe it's not actually awkward im just imagining a sitation where we kiss and get close and stuff and it just kinda gets in the way or im just a retarded virgin :v:

Chill, boners are good when kissing. It's when you're standing 10 meters away with a bulge in your pants just looking at her that it's not okay

[QUOTE=damnatus;49970323]well maybe it's not actually awkward im just imagining a sitation where we kiss and get close and stuff and it just kinda gets in the way or im just a retarded virgin :v:[/QUOTE] what kind of kissing or 'getting close and stuff' are you talking about There's no way in hell a boner would be a bad thing in that situation if it means what I think it means if you're talking about like, idk, a kiss and hug goodbye on your way to work, the boner might get in the way of you getting to work on time? yeah, it can be a bit awkward in those less-sexual intimate moments if you pop a boner, but only if you make it awkward, it's completely natural dude, nothing to fret about intimacy inspires arousal, it's all chill, just don't make a big deal about it if it happens, if you draw attention to it then it'd be a bit odd yeah

You can't decide when you get a boner. Especially during the teenage years they'll just pop up randomly. Beyond not thinking about sex, placing your penis in an "unstimulated" position in your pants or whatever, I don't think there's much you can do. Your girlfriend (or someone you're likely to get intimate with soon) probably isn't going to mind you getting the boner, in fact you'll probably find it's the opposite.

alright you've reassured me :v: [editline]20th March 2016[/editline] to be honest I just thought about it and it turned to be pretty psychological hello some unpleasant experiences from childhood (involving other people discussing similar stuff, not me, but i've listened to that and was stuck with this thought for more than 10 years)

my best friend raped me now im totally alone

[QUOTE=thecubanpimp;49971316]my best friend raped me now im totally alone[/QUOTE] I am so sorry this happened to you. I was in a similar situation in the past and it can really shake your faith in humanity. What happened was not your fault. There are many people out there who will understand and be willing to support you. You are more than welcome to message me if you need someone to talk to. I can also help you find resources for support groups or counseling if this is a path you feel comfortable taking.

[QUOTE=thecubanpimp;49971316]my best friend raped me now im totally alone[/QUOTE] What happened? If I may ask...

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49972405]What happened? If I may ask...[/QUOTE] went to my friend's house, we were supposed to dine together and sleep, we did this a lot of times already, but it didn't really go that way i am a male and he is gay (and already engaged) so i never imagined he could like me. as we went to sleep he started hugging and touching me (i tought he was just joking, he does this with everyone he knows pretty well) but at a certain point he started slipping his hands into my pants, i tried to stop him a few times, but he is way stronger than me and whenever i told him to stop he would just say "shh" and well yeah, he tried giving me a blowjob but after a while he eventually noticed my discomfort and stopped as i went away could sound enjoyable or not so disturbing (i too, always tought that getting raped didn't sound so bad), but to someone with social anxiety it made me feel like shit and it was one of the most horrible things that happened to me in my whole life i still find it difficult to explain it, im still kinda shocked, it happened around 19 hours ago

Being raped or molested is generally pretty traumatizing, regardless of how it sounds to someone else. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If or when you can, I'd advise you to seek professional help or talk to someone about it. It can really help to not be alone after going through that sort of thing.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49972695]Being raped or molested is generally pretty traumatizing, regardless of how it sounds to someone else. I'm sorry you had to go through that. If or when you can, I'd advise you to seek professional help or talk to someone about it. It can really help to not be alone after going through that sort of thing.[/QUOTE] as i mentioned, i have social anxiety and i am trying an exposure and response prevention therapy with my psychiatrist, telling someone else that i got raped would make me feel even worse. right now im just listening to music and i talked a bit about it on steam with some of my old irl friends that i've known for decades, they supported me pretty much and we are playing some video games to avoid thinking about it, my biggest fear is that as time passes, the anxiety and guilt will build up, thanks everyone for the support though. makes me feel warm that strangers can actually care for me more than people i've known for years.

[QUOTE=thecubanpimp;49972669]went to my friend's house, we were supposed to dine together and sleep, we did this a lot of times already, but it didn't really go that way i am a male and he is gay (and already engaged) so i never imagined he could like me. as we went to sleep he started hugging and touching me (i tought he was just joking, he does this with everyone he knows pretty well) but at a certain point he started slipping his hands into my pants, i tried to stop him a few times, but he is way stronger than me and whenever i told him to stop he would just say "shh" and well yeah, he tried giving me a blowjob but after a while he eventually noticed my discomfort and stopped as i went away could sound enjoyable or not so disturbing (i too, always tought that getting raped didn't sound so bad), but to someone with social anxiety it made me feel like shit and it was one of the most horrible things that happened to me in my whole life i still find it difficult to explain it, im still kinda shocked, it happened around 19 hours ago[/QUOTE] Having been trough an extremely similar situation; I'm saddened to hear you've had to bear through it too. But I'm glad that you've been able to talk about it here so soon. We're here for you if it feels difficult to bring it up with anyone in person.

I was joking about my previous cheeseburger incident but that shit was also weird as fuck. I mean even though l had sex with her I feel I only did it to "get it over with". The way she was hitting on me was insane. Her advances were making me feel uncomfortable as fuck. She was constantly trying to kiss me and hold my hands even though l said stop. I know it barely qualifies as rape but it was still bad for me. I know it pales in comparison but I just wanted to get her home and never talk to her again. So I can't even imagine how terrible such a thing can be.

i was sexually assaulted once when i was drunk and i know the feel i was pretty drunk so my friend (who im now dating) put me to bed and told me they'd look after me, while i was sleeping someone opened the door, it was one of my now ex-friends who came in and had a crush on me (i knew this bc he told them he liked me and i didnt share any of the same feelings) he was cuddling me which was already uncomfortable to begin with but i had no idea what to fucking do so i went with it and tried to sleep, then he started rubbing some shit and i was just saying please god make this stop my friend opened up the door and was like "woah whats going on here" and this was to me, my oppunitity to bolt i ran out the door and hid myself in the toilet and cried pretty hard, luckily everyone was supportive and she took me to a nearby park to calm me down and hug me he was shunned pretty hard and felt all bad and shit, i thought i could get over it quickly and immediately said it was fine bc we were both drunk but when there was another drinking night happening, i requested he didnt come idk i felt just really uncomfortable drinking around him now and i doubt i will, when i see him in person its awkward and he's a general cringe bag, its fucking atrocious and it was one of the worst things to happen to me so yeah not fun isnt it

i don't know what compels people to do it. i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i forced myself on someone who didn't want it.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49976240]i don't know what compels people to do it. i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i forced myself on someone who didn't want it.[/QUOTE] It's partly a lack of empathy and partly a cultural thing. Many people believe in rape myths and have poor understandings of what it means to consent to sex. I've seen a handful of perpetrators quoted say things along the lines of their victim not knowing they wanted it/only saying no to play hard-to-get. Lots of people also believe that they're entitled to sex in certain situations ([url=http://i.imgur.com/kDwCcSs.png]here[/url] is some data from a study of 397 German residents' views of rape myths, just to give an example). I recently watched a documentary where a protester of a feminist movement on his campus said (to paraphrase) "lots of my friends have been called rapists. It's not fair that just because he has sex with a girl, and she says no, that that makes him a rapist". [editline]21st March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=fruxodaily;49976178]i was sexually assaulted once when i was drunk and i know the feel[/QUOTE] Mine was a trusted friend, too. I think the worst part of that night/morning was getting a text from him at 8am asking if I made it home okay. He honestly didn't seem to think he did anything wrong, even though five hours ago, when I was asking him to stop and saying I was too drunk for this, he said "it wouldn't have happened otherwise". A year and a half later, I still can't get that line out of my head.

Might not have told you guys a story about sexual assault. I was in a club with my mates about 3-4 years ago, there were 4 of us. And there was 4 girls that came over, all my mates were single and all of them were single. Unfortunately, me being a homo, meant that one of them was going to be left out. The girls basically claimed who they wanted out of all 4 of us and they were all very drunk. It got awkward because my mates were all getting off with each other and i left the situation by going to the toilet. The girl that wanted me followed me and came into the toilet and i was just like "Woah! This is the mens toilet love" and she just forcefully pushed herself on me and i pushed her away gently and said "I'm really sorry about this but we bat for the same team" she just goes "What?" and i went "I'm gay" and all of a sudden she went bright red and started screaming. I backed off immediately because i had no fucking clue what to do. A bouncer game in the toilet and she just started shouting "RAPE! HE TRIED TO RAPE ME!" and i was scared as hell like wtf?! I was there with my hands up saying that i didn't even touch her at all. Thankfully there was a guy in the cubicle who heard everything a vouched for me and she got immediately chucked out the club. It was scary shit being accused of rape.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49976328]It's partly a lack of empathy and partly a cultural thing. Many people believe in rape myths and have poor understandings of what it means to consent to sex. I've seen a handful of perpetrators quoted say things along the lines of their victim not knowing they wanted it/only saying no to play hard-to-get. Lots of people also believe that they're entitled to sex in certain situations ([url=http://i.imgur.com/kDwCcSs.png]here[/url] is some data from a study of 397 German residents' views of rape myths, just to give an example). I recently watched a documentary where a protester of a feminist movement on his campus said (to paraphrase) "lots of my friends have been called rapists. It's not fair that just because he has sex with a girl, and she says no, that that makes him a rapist". [editline]21st March 2016[/editline] Mine was a trusted friend, too. I think the worst part of that night/morning was getting a text from him at 8am asking if I made it home okay. He honestly didn't seem to think he did anything wrong, even though five hours ago, when I was asking him to stop and saying I was too drunk for this, he said "it wouldn't have happened otherwise". A year and a half later, I still can't get that line out of my head.[/QUOTE] God this thread is bringing back some feels. And damn are there a lot of similarities. Close friend and then that "friend" downplaying what had happened.

I'm always terrified at the thought of just pushing somebody's boundaries like that, even A LITTLE. I really like physical affection but I'm really extremely conservative about it. Like when I was 18 I had a girl practically throwing herself at me (realized a year or two later in retrospect that she really badly wanted sex with me) but I never made a move because I wait until it's practically laid out in writing. I never even hug people I haven't hugged before unless they go for it first. The only reason I got my first kiss was because the girl I was with blatantly said "We should make out" and only lost my virginity because she later asked me if I had condoms. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have SO MUCH of a passive stance (i.e. ALWAYS waiting for the other person to make the first move), but it's like Lithium said, I couldn't live with myself if I pushed someone too far, even just a little. Like, I have a female friend who'd occasionally sleep topless with me, and she'd always been fine with me touching if I felt like it, but one night I heard her calmly go "That's enough of that" and I just immediately took my hands off her entirely and would have spent the whole next day apologizing if she hadn't made it such a point to assure me it's ok.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;49977135]I'm always terrified at the thought of just pushing somebody's boundaries like that, even A LITTLE. I really like physical affection but I'm really extremely conservative about it. Like when I was 18 I had a girl practically throwing herself at me (realized a year or two later in retrospect that she really badly wanted sex with me) but I never made a move because I wait until it's practically laid out in writing. I never even hug people I haven't hugged before unless they go for it first. The only reason I got my first kiss was because the girl I was with blatantly said "We should make out" and only lost my virginity because she later asked me if I had condoms. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have SO MUCH of a passive stance (i.e. ALWAYS waiting for the other person to make the first move), but it's like Lithium said, I couldn't live with myself if I pushed someone too far, even just a little. Like, [B]I have a female friend who'd occasionally sleep topless with me, and she'd always been fine with me touching if I felt like it[/B], but one night I heard her calmly go "That's enough of that" and I just immediately took my hands off her entirely and would have spent the whole next day apologizing if she hadn't made it such a point to assure me it's ok.[/QUOTE] What the fuck man where do you get those

Having an inferiority complex from being bullied for years, I've exercised an over-compensating behavior that has come to my attention to be perceived as being pretentious. Is this bothering people? I often ask other people what they think of me, and of course them being my friends they reinforce the notion that I possess characteristic behaviors of virtue. Do I need to further alter my behavior or are people fine with how I am? [editline]21st March 2016[/editline] Pretty paradoxical question considering a need to be evaluated while expressing trust issues is an internal conflict with ones own identity. My next therapy appointment is a week from now. I need to take a break from online forums since they perpetuate my exercise in the practice of virtuous volition. It's exhausting.

So I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month, and shit is great and all, but she has a waaay bigger need to talk daily through text than I do. She literally sends me a "good morning, how'd you sleep?" type text every morning and other meaningless (to me) texts during the day; asking me how work is/what I'm doing/what I'm gonna eat. I do like her, but she's very sensitive from what I can tell, so how can I break it to her that I'm not the type of guy that feels a need for daily smalltalk? (and definitely not through text) We meet up about twice a week, so honestly I'd rather just talk about what I did the past few days when I see her in person.

[QUOTE=healthpoint;49977559]So I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month, and shit is great and all, but she has a waaay bigger need to talk daily through text than I do. She literally sends me a "good morning, how'd you sleep?" type text every morning and other meaningless (to me) texts during the day; asking me how work is/what I'm doing/what I'm gonna eat. I do like her, but she's very sensitive from what I can tell, so how can I break it to her that I'm not the type of guy that feels a need for daily smalltalk? (and definitely not through text) We meet up about twice a week, so honestly I'd rather just talk about what I did the past few days when I see her in person.[/QUOTE] i doubt you could be able to hold a relationship without some daily smalltalk. i could explain you why but i don't know how to properly express myself, so i hope you will eventually understand the concept. I mean, if I liked someone I would even text her for the whole day. also, if i were in you i'd try to meet her some more.

Small talk is useless but it's a necessity. If anything it proves that she's thinking about you. That's pretty much the only goal I can see for small talk

[QUOTE=thecubanpimp;49977850]i doubt you could be able to hold a relationship without some daily smalltalk. i could explain you why but i don't know how to properly express myself, so i hope you will eventually understand the concept. I mean, if I liked someone I would even text her for the whole day. also, if i were in you i'd try to meet her some more.[/QUOTE] I can't meet her more than once or max twice a week due to work. And I get that small talk is important, but I just don't care for it since I find it kinda boring to talk about myself/my day.

It's the sixth week in the uni and I still have only one dude who I talk with whenever we have the same class. I'm really introverted and I don't know if it's even worth trying to socialize at this point, it was always hard to break out of my shell even in high school. Thing is, I realized I am kinda horny, not in the way having boner all day, but I think about girls a lot even in math class, and I have some pretty girls sitting around me in the class, either alone or in a pair. They always show a smile when I give them the catalog, but that's all the interaction for the day. Where do I start? How do I even start? What can I do to break my daily constant silence or something? Should I even get out of my skin or keep thinking I am a ugly shit... Today I wasted all my time at home browsing the interwebz and doing nothing creative inbetween (other than eating pissing etc) with all my motivation at the bottom even tho I want to start a gmod series someday which requires me to write a story, practice animating etc, and then I have to study some other shit for the exams happing in weeks, I just don't know where to begin and what to continue. I better go sleep away this bullshit, have to wake up at 5 am for the Solidworks CAD class which I love :v:

Haven't been in a real relationship since 2014, so I guess I'm writing this more for myself because I've learned a lot just coming back into the "serious dating game". Texting is one of those things that if you look too much into it, it will destroy you. I've been used to girls who text back immediately, and that's the thing, back when I was dating from age 15-19, I was with girls who were around the same level of education as me. Literally down the street from me. Now the girl I was seeing/hoping to get to know better is 22 going on 23, first year med student. That and she's loaded with things to do back to back. She interns/researches at a hospital and it eats a majority of her waking hours, she also has test after test with med school. She volunteers tutoring reading. She's great when I get to see and talk to her. She's busy all the time. I respect that. When she texts me, she texts me. Some general texting trends I've noticed are I text her first and I don't double text her. She's stoic as hell. She'll put in about as much as I text and ask her, then ask about me and my day, but then disappear to do some work. She texts me at 7 Saturday night, I send one back 5 minutes later. I don't get a response until 2 in the morning. I left her with a text asking her some questions about her research(because that's what we were texting about) yesterday and haven't heard back from her since. My goal was to talk to her more over the phone or in person. Texting is so bland, it's more fun for me personally to hear someone laugh at my bad jokes instead of going "haha:)" or "lol" . For me personally, texting really doesn't promote conversation. I've always been off the cuff, I love actively listening to people and participating in the conversation. It has been fun. Worse comes to worst, it was just another person I've talked to. I'm proud to just be back in the game. I'll go out with more people soon. I'm trying to grow as a person. Meaning actively maintaining the friendships I have, while still getting new ones and forcing myself to try new things. I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but I want someone who can bounce off of me and I bounce off of them. The whole, "Yes and..." mentality is something I really value. I feel better for just saying that, even if it is on here

Meanwhile, I'm unsuccessfully dating and doing the best I can not to throw myself at an attractive male like a dog in heat. There's a guy in my class who I've had a crush on for several months but never got to know since I was in a relationship (we've glanced at each other regularly in class and had a few hilariously shy conversations so I'm pretty confident he is attracted to me). I finally talked to him today and we stood outside class for an hour chatting. A minute or two after we had started talking, this tiny, mousy, fairly unattractive girl (the embodiment of "settling") came up behind him and he briefly looked at her, greeted her, and then continued with the conversation. 5 minutes later he said "oh, this is my girlfriend"... and then proceeded to not talk to her, talk about her, or look at her for 50 minutes. Meanwhile, she literally hid [i]behind[/i] him as though she was trying not to be noticed. Trying really hard to stay out of this one but this whole online dating thing is getting increasingly painful and I would not be surprised if their relationship ends before my search elsewhere does.