Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v7 - Bro just do it, She prob likes you - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;49990611] [B]What I was trying to say earlier is that is an emotional drain if you empathize and try to care about every single person you meet who you think is making poor choices.[/B] Caring about someone's situation and wanting them to improve it does not change their chances of improving it. It only gives you an unnecessary burden. Wait for people to come to you for support - don't force it onto them when it's unwanted.[/QUOTE] I know this is barely related to the specific subject but that first sentence brought me back to a quote from Albert Camus's "The Plague". [QUOTE]“In fact, it comes to this: nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. For really to think about someone means thinking about that person every minute of the day, without letting one’s thoughts be diverted by anything- by meals, by a fly that settles on one’s cheek, by household duties, or by a sudden itch somewhere. But there are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live.” [/QUOTE] It's an amazing book by the way.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;49991154]I know this is barely related to the specific subject but that first sentence brought me back to a quote from Albert Camus's "The Plague". It's an amazing book by the way.[/QUOTE] That's a great quote. Every person is a culmination of their own personal experiences and genes - it's impossible for us to fully appreciate the context in which another person made their choices. Usually what I tell myself is that if I shared someone else's brain chemistry and had lived out their entire life the same way they had, I would be making the same decisions they are.

Ehh, I don't have many people I talk about relationship stuff in my life, so here we go Facepunch. I really like this girl I met in university a few years back, we became buddies and stuff and then I had to move to another city but we kept in contact. We met up every few months, spending a day together each time just taking walks, drinking coffee, chilling at some nice locations. Stuff like that. We get along great, we laugh a[I] lot[/I] together and stuff. The last time we saw each other we actually went to eat at a nice restaurant, cause she refused to just grab a snack somewhere or anything like that. I don't know if she sees these meetups as just hanging out or as actual dates... do they sound like dates to you guys? We're gonna meet up again early next month and I don't know if I should try to tell her somehow that I like her more than just as a friend or if I should just let it play out. There's a cherry blossom festival coming up that I am planning to ask her out to. Also, her birthday is coming up and I'm thinking of getting her a little present (we haven't shared any gifts before). Is a box of chocolate/pralines seen as a last resort kinda thing nowadays?

[QUOTE=Ray551;49994085]Ehh, I don't have many people I talk about relationship stuff in my life, so here we go Facepunch. I really like this girl I met in university a few years back, we became buddies and stuff and then I had to move to another city but we kept in contact. We met up every few months, spending a day together each time just taking walks, drinking coffee, chilling at some nice locations. Stuff like that. We get along great, we laugh a[I] lot[/I] together and stuff. The last time we saw each other we actually went to eat at a nice restaurant, cause she refused to just grab a snack somewhere or anything like that. I don't know if she sees these meetups as just hanging out or as actual dates... do they sound like dates to you guys? We're gonna meet up again early next month and I don't know if I should try to tell her somehow that I like her more than just as a friend or if I should just let it play out. There's a cherry blossom festival coming up that I am planning to ask her out to. Also, her birthday is coming up and I'm thinking of getting her a little present (we haven't shared any gifts before). Is a box of chocolate/pralines seen as a last resort kinda thing nowadays?[/QUOTE] Just on the topic of getting her a gift: A box of chocolates is so cliche, imo gifts are more about the thought than the utility of it. Try being a little more creative and get something that makes it clear you went out of your way to get a gift for this unique person rather than just getting "generic gift #0032" at the grocer.

Have plans to go out with the biology teacher on Friday and then on Saturday so I'm hoping we can get to know each other better. Pretty excited!

[QUOTE=Ray551;49994085]Ehh, I don't have many people I talk about relationship stuff in my life, so here we go Facepunch. I really like this girl I met in university a few years back, we became buddies and stuff and then I had to move to another city but we kept in contact. We met up every few months, spending a day together each time just taking walks, drinking coffee, chilling at some nice locations. Stuff like that. We get along great, we laugh a[I] lot[/I] together and stuff. The last time we saw each other we actually went to eat at a nice restaurant, cause she refused to just grab a snack somewhere or anything like that. I don't know if she sees these meetups as just hanging out or as actual dates... do they sound like dates to you guys? We're gonna meet up again early next month and I don't know if I should try to tell her somehow that I like her more than just as a friend or if I should just let it play out. There's a cherry blossom festival coming up that I am planning to ask her out to. Also, her birthday is coming up and I'm thinking of getting her a little present (we haven't shared any gifts before). Is a box of chocolate/pralines seen as a last resort kinda thing nowadays?[/QUOTE] buy a matching pair of trinkets or something for her bday, one for you and one for her.

Well, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. You've probably heard this kind of story several times before, I've always been shy, and in the last few years I've managed to make great improvements to my social life and ability to converse to other people, but there's some stuff I still need a hand with. There's a number of things, but this is the biggest thing for me right now. I sit next to this girl in one of my high school classes, have for the majority of the school year (6-7 months). For that entire time, I've spoken to her maybe 15 times total, most of it related to class. I want to be able to work up a nerve to talk to her more, but I have no idea where to start - I'm alright with conversation, but finding something to start talking about is pretty difficult for me. If I can find a reasonable way to get my foot in the door, I think it could be easier to talk to her again in the future. Unfortunately I only have her for that class, and don't know much about her, neither do I know any of her immediate friends. What I do know is that she seems somewhat shy herself, and I don't believe she's dating anyone at the moment. I do see her drawing a lot as well, maybe not quite drawing but she has one of those adult coloring books she colors in a lot when we're not doing a lesson. I'm guessing patterning is her thing. I was thinking of starting a conversation with her based off that, but realistically I'm not exactly sure how I'd continue it. What should I do from here? Would it be too awkward if I was to try talking to her only now, so late in the year after having said so little to her the whole time?

[QUOTE=srobins;49994562]Just on the topic of getting her a gift: A box of chocolates is so cliche, imo gifts are more about the thought than the utility of it. Try being a little more creative and get something that makes it clear you went out of your way to get a gift for this unique person rather than just getting "generic gift #0032" at the grocer.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I figured as much. Still got a month or so to think about it. Matching trinkets feels a little weird, like, I don't even know if she has the feels for me yet. Also, the last time I shared something like that with a girl, she just put it away and never looked at it, making me feel weird having it on me all the time.

[QUOTE=Ray551;49996173]Yeah, I figured as much. Still got a month or so to think about it. Matching trinkets feels a little weird, like, I don't even know if she has the feels for me yet. Also, the last time I shared something like that with a girl, she just put it away and never looked at it, making me feel weird having it on me all the time.[/QUOTE] Making something is always good. If they don't at least appreciate the effort you put into it, that's on them. I'm not good with my hands but I can code, so instead of making my gf a card for our 1 year, I made her a little e-card from scratch. Pick a skill you have (no matter how nerdy) and use it to make something for her.

[QUOTE=racerfan;49996163]Well, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. You've probably heard this kind of story several times before, I've always been shy, and in the last few years I've managed to make great improvements to my social life and ability to converse to other people, but there's some stuff I still need a hand with. There's a number of things, but this is the biggest thing for me right now. I sit next to this girl in one of my high school classes, have for the majority of the school year (6-7 months). For that entire time, I've spoken to her maybe 15 times total, most of it related to class. I want to be able to work up a nerve to talk to her more, but I have no idea where to start - I'm alright with conversation, but finding something to start talking about is pretty difficult for me. If I can find a reasonable way to get my foot in the door, I think it could be easier to talk to her again in the future. Unfortunately I only have her for that class, and don't know much about her, neither do I know any of her immediate friends. What I do know is that she seems somewhat shy herself, and I don't believe she's dating anyone at the moment. I do see her drawing a lot as well, maybe not quite drawing but she has one of those adult coloring books she colors in a lot when we're not doing a lesson. I'm guessing patterning is her thing. I was thinking of starting a conversation with her based off that, but realistically I'm not exactly sure how I'd continue it. What should I do from here? Would it be too awkward if I was to try talking to her only now, so late in the year after having said so little to her the whole time?[/QUOTE] don't make it your life's work to talk to this one girl. you want to get better at talking to people you don't usually talk to, so talk to people you don't usually talk to. that means the people sitting next to you at lunch who you don't interact with, or the fella always wearing that shirt of a band you like, not just women. your end goal should be getting better at conversation, and not just with a girl you barely know and probably won't even be a part of your life in the next couple of years - it just so happens that improving yourself in general will improve your chances at that, too

I always make handmade gifts for my bf, including cards, it's always the nicest because it shows you put a lot of effort in and it is more personal and meaningful that way.

Ah, how good it is to be in love again My girlfriend is really self conscious about her body, how might I help this? I feel bad for her

[QUOTE=racerfan;49996163]Well, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. You've probably heard this kind of story several times before, I've always been shy, and in the last few years I've managed to make great improvements to my social life and ability to converse to other people, but there's some stuff I still need a hand with. There's a number of things, but this is the biggest thing for me right now. I sit next to this girl in one of my high school classes, have for the majority of the school year (6-7 months). For that entire time, I've spoken to her maybe 15 times total, most of it related to class. I want to be able to work up a nerve to talk to her more, but I have no idea where to start - I'm alright with conversation, but finding something to start talking about is pretty difficult for me. If I can find a reasonable way to get my foot in the door, I think it could be easier to talk to her again in the future. Unfortunately I only have her for that class, and don't know much about her, neither do I know any of her immediate friends. What I do know is that she seems somewhat shy herself, and I don't believe she's dating anyone at the moment. I do see her drawing a lot as well, maybe not quite drawing but she has one of those adult coloring books she colors in a lot when we're not doing a lesson. I'm guessing patterning is her thing. I was thinking of starting a conversation with her based off that, but realistically I'm not exactly sure how I'd continue it. What should I do from here? Would it be too awkward if I was to try talking to her only now, so late in the year after having said so little to her the whole time?[/QUOTE] You're overthinking this by a mile! There's nothing weird about talking to someone mid-way through the semester. Think about if she approached you right now after ignoring you for half of the semester. Would you think "what is this weirdo doing talking to me? why didn't she say something on day one?", or would you just think "oh, that was nice. She seems interesting"? As far as jumping off points for conversation go, you can just ask her about something simple like homework, or ask her about the drawing you've seen her doing. When in doubt, ask questions! Not just to keep words flowing but because you have a genuine interest in this person and people in general. Ask her how long she's been drawing, what classes she's taking, if she has plans for after high school, what hobbies is she into? People appreciate having someone take an interest in them and you're not going to weird someone out by virtue of just speaking with them. My advice to you as a former social fuckup weirdo myself is to force yourself to talk to strangers when you're out and about. Chit-chat with cashiers and clerks, give people random compliments, ask people simple directions. Even just simple question-and-answer interactions with people will make you more confident at speaking. Conversation, like everything else, is something that gets easier with experience. It's not an innate ability you either have or do not. [editline]24th March 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=mcgrath618;49998678]Ah, how good it is to be in love again My girlfriend is really self conscious about her body, how might I help this? I feel bad for her[/QUOTE] Just be genuine and show appreciation for her body. I know that sounds weird as a sentence but my ex had similar image issues and they'll get over it just by virtue of having somebody (you) that genuinely fawns over how cute they are.

I think I'm in love. I'm nearly 22 and I've never been here before, but I think it's finally happened. A girl just walked into my life and she makes me happy.

[QUOTE=Sega Saturn;50001510]A girl just walked into my life and she makes me happy.[/QUOTE] but did she knock first [editline]25th March 2016[/editline] thanks everyone i'm here every thursday night

Hello everyone, i see a lot of you have experience with the relationship stuff so here i go with my dumb question: how do i stop getting too nervous about a goddamn simple kiss? Today i went on a date with the guy i like, its not the first i have with him but the furthest we have got when it come to physical interactions is hugging and kisses on the cheek, anyway, today he tried to kiss me for real, and i really wanted to do it but i just couldnt bring myself to it. i had TONS of chances and i missed every single one because i was too nervous, i have never kissed anyone before but i didnt expect to get so nervous for something like that, any advices? :(

[QUOTE=Sega Saturn;50001510]I think I'm in love. I'm nearly 22 and I've never been here before, but I think it's finally happened. A girl just walked into my life and she makes me happy.[/QUOTE] Really happy for you. But do tread with caution. Love is big business

[QUOTE=Sega Saturn;50001510]I think I'm in love. I'm nearly 22 and I've never been here before, but I think it's finally happened. A girl just walked into my life and she makes me happy.[/QUOTE] Have you asked her out yet Because make sure you do that before you decide you're in love

[QUOTE=Khameleon029;50002005]Hello everyone, i see a lot of you have experience with the relationship stuff so here i go with my dumb question: how do i stop getting too nervous about a goddamn simple kiss? Today i went on a date with the guy i like, its not the first i have with him but the furthest we have got when it come to physical interactions is hugging and kisses on the cheek, anyway, today he tried to kiss me for real, and i really wanted to do it but i just couldnt bring myself to it. i had TONS of chances and i missed every single one because i was too nervous, i have never kissed anyone before but i didnt expect to get so nervous for something like that, any advices? :([/QUOTE] Since he is comfortable with it, you initiate it

My roommate and good friend is in a fraternity and he invited me to their biggest party of the year, it's tonight and tomorrow all day. It's been almost a month since me and my ex broke up, would you say it's too early to try to get laid?

To each their own. If you feel up to getting laid, go for it, if not just go for a good time.

[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;50004137]My roommate and good friend is in a fraternity and he invited me to their biggest party of the year, it's tonight and tomorrow all day. It's been almost a month since me and my ex broke up, would you say it's too early to try to get laid?[/QUOTE] Well, just go and see what happens I guess. I don't get the need to make rules for yourself.

[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;50004295]Well, just go and see what happens I guess. I don't get the need to make rules for yourself.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I was just wondering what the general consensus was. If I find a cool girl and we hit it off, anything's on the table, I'm definitely not going to try to take just any girl home.

Just scored another date on tinder. That's 2 since I've started using it about 3 weeks ago. I super liked this one because she works at the same research institute I do, but a different building. She's a technical writer. We were talking about politics in Ohio, I mentioned how anyone running under the notion that outside experience is a good politician is essentially an oxymoron like "jumbo shrimp" or "cool fuckboi". She liked my comparison and now we're making plans to see the new batman vs superman because we want to see how campy it is. Bless up fam.

Second date with the sweetest girl ever. This relationship is going places. :dance:

Hi, I'm having a bit of a crisis here and I'm wondering what to do. I'm 17 and getting ready for University, and I've realised that I've completely wasted my teen years. I've spent 7 years sitting on my arse, on the internet, barely interacting with my friends outside of school. Meanwhile, most of my friends have "been there done that", and I am completely out of the loop about everything. I've never been in a relationship, been to a party or any other typical teenage stuff. I haven't the slightest clue what my earliest friends have been up to. However my friends have all been turning 18 and I've been going to the town with them, so I'm moving away from the friends I see as being "too isolated". I'm wondering how to sort my life out right now. I have 2 weeks holiday over Easter, so I'm going to be going out for school stuff (I do art subjects, so I'm visiting museums and galleries) I'm lacking confidence and I don't think my friends are totally aware of how much I lack in experience, so I'm afraid to ask them for help. I'm afraid to start any sort of interaction with people, however I'm fine once I'm talking to them. Just today I had a chat with a guy in HMV, but I would have never started the conversation. I'm going to another friends 18th tomorrow, but I'm worried that I'm just "that guy" that they've invited. I haven't really talked to him since I was ~15, even though he was one of my first friends in secondary school. Sorry to dumb my angst ridden life story, but I feel like I really need help.

[QUOTE=Sepia Gnome;50007168]Hi, I'm having a bit of a crisis here and I'm wondering what to do. I'm 17 and getting ready for University, and I've realised that I've completely wasted my teen years. I've spent 7 years sitting on my arse, on the internet, barely interacting with my friends outside of school. Meanwhile, most of my friends have "been there done that", and I am completely out of the loop about everything. I've never been in a relationship, been to a party or any other typical teenage stuff. I haven't the slightest clue what my earliest friends have been up to. However my friends have all been turning 18 and I've been going to the town with them, so I'm moving away from the friends I see as being "too isolated". I'm wondering how to sort my life out right now. I have 2 weeks holiday over Easter, so I'm going to be going out for school stuff (I do art subjects, so I'm visiting museums and galleries) I'm lacking confidence and I don't think my friends are totally aware of how much I lack in experience, so I'm afraid to ask them for help. I'm afraid to start any sort of interaction with people, however I'm fine once I'm talking to them. Just today I had a chat with a guy in HMV, but I would have never started the conversation. I'm going to another friends 18th tomorrow, but I'm worried that I'm just "that guy" that they've invited. I haven't really talked to him since I was ~15, even though he was one of my first friends in secondary school. Sorry to dumb my angst ridden life story, but I feel like I really need help.[/QUOTE] I am in the same situation right now. I'm now at an art school where pretty much everyone has done everything while I spent high school doing basically nothing. At first it really bothered me and I felt seriously out of place, and I was pretty worried. You just have to take a step back and breathe. It really isn't that big of a deal and you will definitely have those experiences at some point in your life. So long as you try to push yourself to do things you otherwise wouldn't, you'll get that experience. And if it scares the hell out of you, do it anyway.

[QUOTE=Sepia Gnome;50007168]Hi, I'm having a bit of a crisis here and I'm wondering what to do. I'm 17 and getting ready for University, and I've realised that I've completely wasted my teen years. I've spent 7 years sitting on my arse, on the internet, barely interacting with my friends outside of school. Meanwhile, most of my friends have "been there done that", and I am completely out of the loop about everything. I've never been in a relationship, been to a party or any other typical teenage stuff. I haven't the slightest clue what my earliest friends have been up to. However my friends have all been turning 18 and I've been going to the town with them, so I'm moving away from the friends I see as being "too isolated". I'm wondering how to sort my life out right now. I have 2 weeks holiday over Easter, so I'm going to be going out for school stuff (I do art subjects, so I'm visiting museums and galleries) I'm lacking confidence and I don't think my friends are totally aware of how much I lack in experience, so I'm afraid to ask them for help. I'm afraid to start any sort of interaction with people, however I'm fine once I'm talking to them. Just today I had a chat with a guy in HMV, but I would have never started the conversation. I'm going to another friends 18th tomorrow, but I'm worried that I'm just "that guy" that they've invited. I haven't really talked to him since I was ~15, even though he was one of my first friends in secondary school. Sorry to dumb my angst ridden life story, but I feel like I really need help.[/QUOTE] I'm in/was in the same boat. I got past it because I realized I just didn't care for any of that. Always thought it was overrated, whether it be parties or relationships. Drifted away from people who I once considered friends, if someone is meant to be in my life I'll let them come to me. Parties? If I wanted to get drunk and socialize I'd go to a bar. Relationships? We're all in high school, how many of us will be with the same people within the next half decade? I got more troublesome issues to worry about like securing a stable career, love can take a backseat. I'm 20 and got plenty of time. I guess I'm just more rigid and boring, but I never found the appeal in wild parties or what everyone else my age considered 'fun'. I'm going home now, my bed needs to be kept warm. Society can say what it wants, but I have a different idea of life.

[QUOTE=Sepia Gnome;50007168]Hi, I'm having a bit of a crisis here and I'm wondering what to do.[/QUOTE] Your social life in high school isn't going to have much relevance once you start uni - you and your classmates will all be going separate ways and you'll have to start from scratch anyway. It's okay to lack confidence - you'll gain confidence by ignoring your anxieties and putting yourself out there. When you're talking to new people, it's not your responsibility to completely carry a conversation. Not every conversation is going to last more than 10 seconds, and it doesn't need to. Some people suck at conversation and if you suck at it too you don't have to keep talking to them. On the other hand, plenty of people would be thrilled that you acknowledged them. I used to keep to myself a lot and never start conversations with people until I realized that it's more awkward to sit next to the same person in class pretending you haven't noticed them three days a week for four months than it is to greet them with a simple "hey, how's it going?" when you see them. Also, you don't need to go to parties to be a social person. I have never gone to one because they're not my thing, plenty of my friends feel the same way.

I know only know of one highschool relationship that turned out healthy bruh so no worries that you aint started anything yet. Just do you in uni, no one really gives a shit about high school now. Anyone who's in university and cares about looking cool like they're still in highschool aint worth hanging out with.