Fp anonymous confessional reboot for Summer 2012

[Scarabix]

[QUOTE=Fedalkyn;36071843]So is this anonymous confessional, or agony aunt?

You'd miss out on interesting stuff if you take the piss out of people too hard, by-the-way[/QUOTE]

Okay, it's totally you.

A shame, you could've pretended it was secrios or something.

Too bad you're real fucking obvious at that eh.

[Murkat]

[QUOTE=Sourcegamer8;36068042]Very good.

Although I prefer John Smith as my name in terms of anonymity.[/QUOTE]

but smith is a more common last name than doe so it's easier to confuse with someone whose name is actually john smith

[vkat]

[quote=john doe]I can suck my own dick.

I have talked most of my steam friend list into doing it.

It's really really easy to do. Look it up.

But even with that I think I'll just stick to plain old fapping.[/quote]
Good to know. Anyone get chatted about autofellatio?

[quote=john doe]I have this gay friend, who is gay for me, he told me he faps to me and wants to fuck me, he talks about this atleast everyday,[/quote]
I dare you to try it, you'll probably enjoy it

[quote=john doe]I've once tried erotic aphyxiation. Not fun. Not fun at all. [/quote]
guessing this is supposed to read asphyxiation not aphyxiation, nbd spelling doesn't matter. also good to know, not that i'd try it anyways. for some reason the idea of choking doesn't really turn me on. i don't know, i might be crazy but it doesn't sound too great to me so i won't be trying it.

[quote=john doe]Well I always thought My Little Pony was a terrible show and the people that watch it are fucking stupid. Well one day I decided to watch the 'sonic rainboom' episode and I thought the show was alright, so I started watching more of it. Then one day while I was jerking to some crazy porno with a lot of asians and they were outside in some weird camp or something when a thought crossed my mind "god dammit rainbow dash is just SO FUCKING HOT" so I quickly looked up some rule 34 of ponies and continued to jerk it to my favorite childrens show!

pls help me i cant watch the show without getting a boner like 50% of the time[/quote]
I have no words.

[quote=john doe]i like the idea of big cylinder sausages slapping on the ground and getting all dirty mmmm

also cocks[/quote]
this reminds me of this one time when i didn't have enough money to order lunch so i had to deal with what they had at this one store, the only thing that was substantial was a 1.5 lbs summer sausage, so i ate it for lunch. just unpeel it and dig in. i didn't have any utensils. i also wasn't the only person to do that. forget the cocks though.

[quote=john doe]This isn't really funny, or erotic, or anything like that.
Backstory:
Back in September to February, I was fairly happy, and lived in a city we'll call CityA, BC in the lower mainland (Canada). I was going to High School with my friends, and was overall okay. COnfidence was at an all time high as the year before school started, I had begun seriously weight training.

Anyways, My family and I had just sold our house, and we were looking for land for my mom/dad's four horses. In this city however, land is not cheap because of potential for wineries or other developments, despite how shit it really is (just pipe-dreams for the land owners), so we couldn't find a property. Time was running out for our moving date. My mom has lately been disliking CityA, and had always been interested in the Vancouver Island area. So, my parents fly out a few times, and decided the property we will move to.

The whole time, I'm pretty quiet about it because I know that it's not about me, and these are my parent's lives too, even though I was very upset about it all. We'd be moving out at the end of February, just after Semester 1 (out of two, half the school year). I had just finished an in School Photography course, and did very well, well enough that my teacher offered me to be Teacher Assistant next year, and he'd write out a recommendation for me. He was a really cool guy too, I know he and the other Teacher ass. had gone on photo trips and stuff like that. Obviously I wanted to do it, but I wouldn't be there. I never told him that, and so I guess he will never know.

I was also affiliated with a local music program, where I was actually a teacher for some little kid bands, as well as a student to the owner. He was really sad to see me leave as I was sort of his prize student on guitar, as well as a friend.

So now I am here, doing courses to finish up my school just barely making it through (Courses end June 15th, I'm not even done half of Social Studies) because I have no will to because I feel like there's a void inside of me, and I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's a range of things. It's probably because I have no friends anymore because no one bothers to contact me (last time I had a Facebook account was a disaster because of my mother), no one to share my music or photography with. I've looked at local ads, and all the music stuff is either not in my interest, or older musicians looking for guys to play classic rock with, and the local music store was a dead end. My only hope is a summer program, but I need the energy that you get from having a purpose NOW.

Some days I spend more time thinking about dropping out of school than I do working, and just getting a GED, but then I feel like a quitter, but I don't know.

God damn and I never leave the house because I'm too sheltered and scared of everything outside of a controlled environment.

Most the time I don't even feel like talking, I just don't even feel like it's worth it and end up just responding with one worded replies to my family, but at the same time I want to socialize so badly, I want a group of friends to go take pictures with, but even in CityA, I never met these people, which just further depresses me.

I still have energy for lifting, but that's only because I feel good doing it and afterwards, like it's a purpose.

This all sounds melodramatic as hell, so

tl;dr I have no friends[/quote]
tbh this is what i was expecting more than the stupid shit, but i'm committed to posting all of them unless i seriously object with it!!

so many people are being found on youtube, so if you've got some serious musical talent i'd say record yourself there.

i wish i could say it gets easier finding people who share interests with you. it is a little easier in a large city, but it gets more difficult as you get older especially if you're not outgoing.

chances are you'll find one person who's really into the "scene" you want to be in, and they'll be your connection to all of it.

someone pm'd a confession to me, it didn't read as real but it was solid gold. so gold that i posted it in the gold member forum at [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1179499&p=36089850&viewfull=1#post36089850]this link[/url]. And remember, if you talk about that post outside of the gold forum you'll probably be banned for leaking GOLD ONLY content!

if you don't want any comment from me on a submission just mention so in the title of the e-mail!

[Prez]

[quote]CityA confession story[/quote]

Damn man, that is tough. I really feel for you. Whoever you are, hit me up via PM and we can talk.

[vkat]

[quote=john doe]Well, this is it. My friend's twin sister has captivated my life and I
don't know how to escape. I want to be with her, but I trip and fall
and I just can't catch up with her, she seems completely exalted both
with her social capabilties and her beauty. She's destroyed my life.
I've sat contemplating whether I should just end my life. I know this
isn't some absolutely hillarious story about how I ended up putting my
dick in my cousin's mouth. I know. I just want to get this off my
chest and to be honest, just typing this feels great. It feels so good
getting this off my chest. However, there is something else I want to
get off my chest too.

I'm suicidal. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm thrown around
from day to day with friends, grudges, crushes, and it's not fun. It
really blows actually. Life sucks. Society sucks. People sucks. "Deal
with it" they would say. "Deal with what?" I would respond. People
don't
understand. I'm more perceptive than your average person. I don't want
to do this. I really don't. It sucks being rejected,
beaten down, forgotten. All of you guys and your perfect lives
probably don't understand. I guess in closing, I'll sing a song to
myself

If you love someone, follow your heart, love comes once, if you're
lucky enough, though I'll miss you forever, and the hurt runs deep,
only love will set you free.[/quote]
That's heavy.

I've been through moments like that, and many of my friends have been too. The conclusion is: it's not time to give up.

Your friends sister might be destroying your life now, that should be an indication that she's not the right one (or is the right one and just needs to get jealous ;) ). It's also "if you love something set it free" so you should set her free by not trying to be with her for a while. See who else is out there, what else the world has to offer.

You are probably in your teens, and that gets tough but again: it's not time to give up.

The world is a pretty miraculous place and all the shit that you think you're dealing with will most likely work itself out. There are what, nearly 7 billion people in the world? chances that you've found the right one in your small town are unlikely so wait until you move out and see more of what the world has to offer. it'll turn around and you won't be so depressed.

Another thing that helps is being able to talk to people about it. If you have health insurance that covers mental I'd suggest going to a psychiatrist. You can tell them anything and they'll sort out whether they think you need medication or need to approach weekly therapy sessions. With insurance this should be about $20-$30 unless you're somewhere with "universal healthcare", then I'm not sure.

Don't kill yourself though, it's an easy way out for you that leaves your family depressed. They love you a lot, even when it seems like no one gives a shit. If you end your life your family will never recover.

My girlfriend's cousin committed suicide when she was an infant. It caused nightmares and such for a lot of her life. She was suicidal as well, but we got her help and she's much better now, in a much better state of mind, and her life is totally different. She's thought about it and tried it, but she always remembered how much it would hurt her family.

If you need further advice or just want to talk about this PM me or e-mail again and mention that you don't want the confession posted. I've been through it and my girlfriend has been through it, we can try to help.

[quote=john doe]Hi FP

I have an amazing woman in my life who loves me, and I love her. But there are other woman that are potentially into me. I don't want to cheat on my woman. She will find out probably, word gets out very fast.

Woman A: My woman currently. We are in deep love. She smells very nice.
Woman K: Laughs at every single thing I say practically. Always talks to me.
Woman S: Always fancies me, comes around to me, talks to me, laughs with me.
Woman P: Really relaxed, laughs at alot of the things I say and likes to be around me I think.

Oh, and none of them know I smoke. And none of them know how mentally screwed I am.

Thanks, please advice me and not make fun of my English skills

Bye.[/quote]
Stick with the one that smells nice and work on your English skillz.

[quote=john doe]About 7 years ago some cat got in my bathroom through a open window. It knocked stuff everywhere and it did it 4 times I think, so one night I stayed up and waited outside in the hallway. I heard it in my bedroom so I went in there and booted it. It started to have a strange spazm so I dumped it in the back ally and never went back for it. A couple days later a little old lady knocked on my door asking if I have seen her cat. She must of been around 80 and she lived alone. I simply said "No I havn't seen it." and closed the door.[/quote]
You killed that old lady's only friend. If she was a crazy cat lady it wouldn't have even mattered, but she only had one cat and you murdered it and left it to suffer in your backyard where it probably got carried off by a larger animal.

Smooth move bucko, making old ladies miserable.

[ashxu]

[QUOTE=ventilated;36061153]I never understood how people can have foot fetishes though, second only to the asshole, feet are probably the grossest part of the human body. You keep them in tight fabric, sometimes leather, for hours at a time, they sweat, they accumulate toe gunk from socks.[/QUOTE]

same could be said about any fetish lol, especially the more peculiar ones.

[Sixer]

[quote=John Doe]Well, this is it. My friend's twin sister has captivated my life and I
don't know how to escape. I want to be with her, but I trip and fall
and I just can't catch up with her, she seems completely exalted both
with her social capabilties and her beauty. She's destroyed my life.
I've sat contemplating whether I should just end my life. I know this
isn't some absolutely hillarious story about how I ended up putting my
dick in my cousin's mouth. I know. I just want to get this off my
chest and to be honest, just typing this feels great. It feels so good
getting this off my chest. However, there is something else I want to
get off my chest too.

I'm suicidal. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm thrown around
from day to day with friends, grudges, crushes, and it's not fun. It
really blows actually. Life sucks. Society sucks. People sucks. "Deal
with it" they would say. "Deal with what?" I would respond. People
don't
understand. I'm more perceptive than your average person. I don't want
to do this. I really don't. It sucks being rejected,
beaten down, forgotten. All of you guys and your perfect lives
probably don't understand. I guess in closing, I'll sing a song to
myself

If you love someone, follow your heart, love comes once, if you're
lucky enough, though I'll miss you forever, and the hurt runs deep,
only love will set you free.[/quote]

Killing yourself: Not recommended for the following reasons; eventually, all of your shit will sort itself out. Your problems for now are temporary, but dying is a permanent solution. People -will- miss you, in spite of anything you make think to the contrary.

About the girls. Recently I've gone through my own troubles with the fairer sex. Without getting into my own horrendous personal details (Who knows, I might feel like writing in someday), no girl, under any circumstances, is worth killing yourself over. Trust me. They can really suck, and they can smell nice, and they can leave your clothes smelling like them long after they're gone, but at the end of the day it's still your shirt... I think I lost my point somewhere. Point is that you're still still worth more than they are, or can ever hope to be.

To address your issue of "I don't want to do this. I really don't." Find something you -do- want to do. I find my mind wanders to less dark places the busier I am. I guess it's kind of like distracting yourself, but you always get something back from it. If you're into sports, try picking up a new one. Keeping a healthy body often leads to a healthier mind. Not into sports? Try something nerdy like Warhammer 40K, or MTG.

I guess my point more generally is that there are all kinds of reasons and ways to keep going. Good luck, mate.

[Asgard]

[QUOTE=Sixer;36098696]Try something nerdy like Warhammer 40K, or MTG.[/QUOTE]

I can personally attest to the fact that WH40K and MTG are both great distractions. Although something that helped me very much too was therapy. (Which I found out is actually amazing and fun at times, and not the clinical shit for nutjobs only that I imagined it was.) Combine therapy with WH40K and MTG, and you'll at least have something that could pull you through.

Just don't give up. There's so much in the world you could do at this very moment, if you could just take your eyes off her.

[Zambies!]

That first one reminds me a lot like myself.

[vkat]

[quote=john doe]I love penis and im guy[/quote]
Going to be honest, I trolled this guy on facebook at one point. Added his mom and told her he was gay. I didn't feel bad until I got the e-mail. Sorry dude! But I'm glad you've embraced your homosexuality!

[quote=john doe]I don't want to come off as sad and depressed but I feel like I can't commit myself to a person.Maybe its because I haven't found the right person yet or the right friend to help me take my mind off these stuff but every time I try to make a move on a girl,I just lost interest in her suddenly after befriending her and such..I'm also a bit shy towards girls so I don't really feel comfortable going to the other part of the classroom just to talk to her.

Other than that lets take a look at the bright side of life,compared to the shitty years I had previously as a quite nerdy guy who doesn't talk to anyone,I'm the nerdy guy who sometimes talk to someone.Its a bit of a step up but at least I managed to put matters in my own hands and somewhat improve my life.Though I have a bit of a problem with confidence.This is more of a confession than seeking for advice since I have found no way to justify this feeling.I feel like I'm just putting on a show,a mask faking my confidence even though this is the person I want to be,a confident nerdy guy.I'm not sure what I'm trying to hide so I just want to take this off my chest.

Life has been good,but it seems like I'm starting to not care about anything anymore.My mind feels empty.Maybe its because I was very sad on the lost of a lot of my favourite partner youtube comedians and other partner stuff.They were having a fun time,they are what I want to be.A guy who has a good friend to spend time with(In most cases,playing video games) with,but as I see splits in my "Idols" relationships I just started getting sad and feel empty.Hahaha,maybe I already found the reason.The lost of friendship that I wished to have,disappears..They may find some people that may reach the same standards as the last person but it will still never beat the first person.[/quote]I started to feel like this at some point in high school. I had some relationship problems and taking a philosophy class helped me find the nihilistic point of view. I've grown out of that.

Hopefully you'll meet someone that just works. My girlfriend and I started hanging out, and went on a date shortly after. Now we live together and are best friends in addition to our romantic involvement. It's a great feeling, and hopefully you'll find that at some point. Having someone that you can hang out with whenever and do whatever and it'll be totally fine.

[quote=john doe]I am a very depressed person, I get bullied at school all the time by a small gang. I am tooafraid to do anything. I have almost no friends and I feel like an outcast. Sometimes at night I cry because I want everything to be over, I hate my life. But I would not take suicideeven though I've had that feeling to suicide. Do you perhaps have any tips on what I can do?[/quote]
Seek professional help. Bullying is never fun. Bulk up and be intimidating? I'd seriously suggest going to a professional and talking to them about it.

[quote=john doe]This is probably gonna be pretty short because it's not causing much of a conflict with me, but I constantly find myself being reminded that I'm a very different person in real life than I make myself out to be. I try my hardest to be a nice and forgiving person, but I feel like if I met the person I try to be, he'd be ashamed of me. I try to make my goals seem noble and centered on finding the most ethical course of action, but in reality I'm so self-centered and manipulative I often find myself wondering about how horrible it must be for other people to live with me.

I don't want to say that I did this to "get it off my chest" since I can't say I know what it is that was on my chest to begin with, but I think I feel better knowing I've said this.

Thanks[/quote]

[Køleskab]

Know the feeling of the final post in the last one there. Feels bad. :smith:

[vkat]

two replies, then a new confession

[quote=john doe]Hello there, I know the anonymous confession thread is supposed to be anonymous, but I just want to thank you for responding back with a few tips on my confession.

Thanks alot.[/quote]
I call it "community give back"

[quote=john doe]Well I lied XD my mom thought you were funny and how did you remember my email? but anyways you should add me again[/quote]
nah. also i didn't remember your e-mail, your name was displayed!

[quote=john doe]I have couple of different things I'd like to post, this will be the first of a few.

I've been alone my entire life and I've been somewhat okay with it because I've know nothing else. I'm sorta a loner and a lot people do not realize that about me, heck I think many people think I'm the complete opposite one. Don't get me wrong, I've dated, but my problem is after two or three dates I realize or they realize that we don't like each other any more than friends.

Now I've found this new girl named Sarah that I really like, we've got a lot in common and we share the same sense of humor "black humor,' which I find to be awesome. My issue is Sarah is a bit older than me, I'll be 20 in few days and she's around 26. This doesn't seem that significant in age difference, but she got marred pretty young. She didn't have any kids or anything like that, but she got a divorce less than a year ago, and I feel like its a little early for me to ask her out. And in some ways I'm afraid to unbalance this cool friendship we've got going on.

I'll eventually get around to asking her out, maybe, its just I'm afraid this will end up like the rest of my love life. I know if I don't try I won't know if this is the "girl."

Anyways, that is the first of few.

Thanks[/quote]
Just broach the subject lightly.

Being alone sucks, but I feel that your confession has more to do with confusion about trying to date someone who is "significantly" older than you.

Seriously, broach it lightly. If she is into you then it won't be a problem. Age is just a number, I know couples who have 20 years between them, that is when it starts to get a bit weird. If you spend a decent amount of time with Sarah then it should be pretty obvious if she reciprocates your feelings.

Once you're confident of that you can be a little more open. You can do some things that people might think is romantic even though it's just something you're doing for a friend. Take her out to dinner and keep the conversation friendly instead of small talk. If it goes well you're probably headed in the right direction.

[MountainWatcher]

My grandfather actually fell in love with my grandmother when he was 19 and she was 13 or something like that. he asked her out and she said no. He then waited until she was 18 and asked her out again. Then they lived happily ever after until he died of a heart attack in bed.

[vkat]

that's just weird because she was underage and probably in the first half of the 20th century. still messed up

[editline]28th May 2012[/editline]

if you were 19 and had a crush on a 13 y/o people would call you a pervert or pedophile

[Matrix374]

[QUOTE=ventilated;36114011]that's just weird because she was underage and probably in the first half of the 20th century. still messed up

[editline]28th May 2012[/editline]

if you were 19 and had a crush on a 13 y/o people would call you a pervert or pedophile[/QUOTE]

I have seen a lot of hot 13 year olds so I'm not surprised if anybody falls in love with one
well if you are one to fall in love because of looks

[Agoat]

Thanks for bringing this back, ventilated.

[darcy010]

Not enough incest

[Variant]

[QUOTE=darcy010;36116393]Not enough incest[/QUOTE]

yeah! put that dick in your sisters butt for christ sakes!

[Wafflemaster]

Needs more masturbation involving spiders.

[DainBramageStud]

[QUOTE=Wafflemaster;36116661]Needs more masturbation involving spiders.[/QUOTE]

oh fucking hell why would you remind me of that

[RobyYe]

[QUOTE=Wafflemaster;36116661]Needs more masturbation involving spiders.[/QUOTE]:suicide:

[MountainWatcher]

[QUOTE=ventilated;36114011]that's just weird because she was underage and probably in the first half of the 20th century. still messed up

[editline]28th May 2012[/editline]

if you were 19 and had a crush on a 13 y/o people would call you a pervert or pedophile[/QUOTE]

It's true, I was creeped out when I heard it, too. But he was a pretty cool guy, he worked on a ship-building factory, made lots of international friends who sneaked him vodka and shit (back then, it was illegal). He also beat the crap out of a coworker who raped his daughters and told him he wasn't going to raise meat so other people could have it. And ran inside a burning ship to save some other coworkers.
A shame I never met him.

[Conely]

why the fuck has nobody sexually assaulted their sister with a melon yet

[Køleskab]

Nothing can ever exceed Version 3. If it's accessible from the OP, take read guys. Lots of wincest and one serious tearjerker.

[editline]29th May 2012[/editline]

Turns out the first 3 threads are lost to time, but with Ventilated's permission (i didn't ask), i'll just drop the links to the next four versions:
[URL="http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=778040"]Version 4[/URL]
[URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/797556-Facepunch-Anonymous-Confessional-v5-%28BLOG-EDITION%21%29"]Version 5[/URL]
[URL="http://www.facepunch.com/threads/968961"]Version 6[/URL]
[URL="http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1127594&highlight=Anonymous+confessional"]Version 7[/URL]

There might be some gold in v4, i dunno...

[vkat]

I didn't give you permission but I don't care! Maybe those will provide inspiration 👦

[editline]29th May 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE=MountainWatcher;36117741]It's true, I was creeped out when I heard it, too. But he was a pretty cool guy, he worked on a ship-building factory, made lots of international friends who sneaked him vodka and shit (back then, it was illegal). He also beat the crap out of a coworker who raped his daughters and told him he wasn't going to raise meat so other people could have it. And ran inside a burning ship to save some other coworkers.
A shame I never met him.[/QUOTE]
Badassery doesn't make it ok

[DrasarSalman]

[QUOTE=Wafflemaster;36116661]Needs more masturbation involving spiders.[/QUOTE]

link?

[Katamari_Jr]

Hezzy's comments were the best.

[vkat]

[QUOTE=Katamari_Jr;36122431]Hezzy's comments were the best.[/QUOTE]

Good for him! Glad you have so much to say about the topic!

[meepugh]

[QUOTE=Katamari_Jr;36122431]Hezzy's comments were the best.[/QUOTE]
More like the worst! HEHEHEH

[Køleskab]

He handled all the wrong ones in the perfect way and all the right ones as off-hand jokes. That's a reverse psychologist if they even exist. Encourage suicide and discourage inner calm... unless they're murderous sexual predators.