Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I don't think I'm suffering from depression or anxiety at the moment but I think I'll give that Headspace App a try. Only 10 minutes a day too, will let you know how it goes

do you guys have some kind of trick to cope with bad memories ?, I've been having attacks from this memories over the past 4-5 months

[QUOTE=Bradyns;52351261]Considered a GoFundMe?[/QUOTE] it makes me shake with rage that disabled/sick people have to resort to crowdfunding donations to just... BE alive!

[QUOTE=Levithan;52355761]it makes me shake with rage that disabled/sick people have to resort to crowdfunding donations to just... BE alive![/QUOTE] It's pretty heartbreaking tbh. I'm disabled but I'm not disabled "enough" to get benefits from it u feel me Funky limbo to be in.

Music can be great, but it can also trigger anxiety for me too which sucks. There was this educational game I used to play that has a super catchy song, but it also gives me crippling existential anxiety :V really blows.

The friend group I'm in has fractured and one of my close friends is in great pain. I'm hurting pretty bad too because I feel powerless while all this happens.

Maybe one day, I won't think that I'm an uninteresting unattractive worthless piece of shit. Not today though. I'm probably in one of my moods again, but goddamn I just wanna punch myself really hard for being the shitty way I am.

[QUOTE=Kiwi;52355971]Music just helps me cope in general especially when nightmares happen or I'm just generally having a very fucking shit day. Music is good for the soul.[/QUOTE] do you have any recommendation ?, especially the one that can pull you back to reality, i usually enter this "zone" and i'm stuck remembering the bad shit from the past

[QUOTE=Sire Noodles;52356910]do you have any recommendation ?, especially the one that can pull you back to reality, i usually enter this "zone" and i'm stuck remembering the bad shit from the past[/QUOTE] I don't know if it's the right music but I used to enjoy listening to Alina Baraz when I was stressed out and what not, nice to just lie down to it. Though I can't anymore since it was also music between me and my ex Will have to wait a few years before listening to it again

Man I wish I knew what the fuck it's like to study properly, to have will to do something with your life, any ambitions, goals or whatever Like I look at ambitious people and I wonder what the fuck went wrong with me? But then I remember, oh right, it's my parents not giving a shit my whole childhood

[QUOTE=damnatus;52357695]Man I wish I knew what the fuck it's like to study properly, to have any ambitions, goals or whatever[/QUOTE] Coming from a guy who's been working his whole life on that front, trust me it gets pretty stressful sometimes. Does help to have ways to beat stress though, but it still sucks having to study day in day out for something (postgrad) I should by rights have got last year. But hey, you gotta get used to it, competition is so intense for just about anything these days.

[QUOTE=Kiwi;52357660]Just anything you enjoy. There's no particular music you just play what you like.[/QUOTE] guess you're right, i'll be trying this, thanks for the advice

[QUOTE=damnatus;52357695]Man I wish I knew what the fuck it's like to study properly, to have will to do something with your life, any ambitions, goals or whatever Like I look at ambitious people and I wonder what the fuck went wrong with me? But then I remember, oh right, it's my parents not giving a shit my whole childhood[/QUOTE] Sucks that your parents were douchebags during your childhood but you're in charge now and you can make your own path. You may have a harder start than others but it doesn't mean you can't reach if not surpass those who did have good childhoods, all up to you man

[QUOTE=Sire Noodles;52356910]do you have any recommendation ?, especially the one that can pull you back to reality, i usually enter this "zone" and i'm stuck remembering the bad shit from the past[/QUOTE] Whatever you enjoy really, I use rips from the Life is Strange ambient soundtrack on my Ipod, and listen to It whenever I feel the least bit anxious. I've found that when people ask me about Anxiety/Depression I find it really hard to explain, or when smeone says they know how you feel because they occasionally get anxious about stuff I get quite annoyed, but I found a really good thingymabob the other day to help explain it, was wondering if it would help anyone here, it sums it up really well [t]http://i.imgur.com/Nh3ksIK.jpg[/t]

So, guys, I've been going through something pretty weird and I'd thought I'd share. When I was 15, I was clinically diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I didn't go to school from grades 4-9, and I did 10th grade for half credit in a therapy support program at the mental health center nearby. Was also a year late/held back in comparison to other kids as a result. Recently, I graduated highschool. I gained a reputation in the school for being the smart kid and a kid who was pretty whacky, headstrong, and someone who always took all the time to talk in class. (as far as I could tell, anyways. self-reputation reports are usually biased) My anxiety was basically gone, and I graduated with a 3.8 average GPA. I have a long-term relationship and am going to uni this fall. However, the lack of anxiety was accompanied by and possibly caused by, well, a pervasive feeling of dreaminess and not really being fully 'there': time flew by really fast, and I felt almost enslaved to routine and habit. I'm unsure of all the cause-and-effect here, whether my lack of anxiety was interpreted to my brain as a dissassociative state, or my brain using dissassociation to cope with anxiety. On the surface though, everything was fine and I was lively and energetic with everyone around me, so I suspect the former. So, seeing as I was 19 and having nothing really better to do, I decided to try marjiuana. This was not a good idea for me in retrospect. I used it three times, and I assumed that it was just weed, it couldn't really do much to me: it wasn't a major psychoactive hallucinogen like mushrooms or LSD so bad trips wouldn't be a permanant worry. Unfortunately, after that third time, my feelings of dreaminess and dissassociation stayed and turned into a full-on, permanant and PHYSICAL feeling of not being in control of my body. When I was high, the effect was like a delay between sending input and my body's output in terms of motor control, and a delay in processing sensory inputs such as somatic touch and prorioception. I felt out of body because of that delay and the seperation of mind/body it caused. After the effects of being high wore off (which took like a week) the delay went away, but that mind/body seperation feeling didn't. I was left with an inherent feeling of being in a dream and lack of control over my body; as if I was stuck inside my head and not a part of my body. An automaton with a person hidden inside. In retrospect, as I said before, I had this feeling for a while before, but it was purely mental. The drug exacerbated and triggered it to the debilitating extent it's at now, and I've been in a very bad way for 4-5 months now. My anxiety has returned in a massive way, I talk less, eat less, and use 12 hrs of screentime a day to hide the feeling. My relationship is suffering, and time flies by. I've very recently discussed this with the psychologist, and he gave me some sound advice of journalling, mindfulness, and a therapy regimen, but when I came to him he largely repeated my above hypotheses back to me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but a little part of me was hoping for an easy fix. Ah well.

Sounds like you've been suffering with anxiety for a long time but like you said your brain was interpreting it a different way. Seems like you're on the right path though, just keep it up with the psychologist and google some stuff to try and help you. Usually there are also triggers to help you come down and get rid of the out of body experience.

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;52357772]Sucks that your parents were douchebags during your childhood but you're in charge now and you can make your own path. You may have a harder start than others but it doesn't mean you can't reach if not surpass those who did have good childhoods, all up to you man[/QUOTE] If I try anything that involves moving forward for some reason I feel like a small child. I give up on the smallest sight of failure, I am jealous of people who have made even a little progress, this sort of thing. Don't know any way to deal with this to be honest

[QUOTE=damnatus;52359012]If I try anything that involves moving forward for some reason I feel like a small child. I give up on the smallest sight of failure, I am jealous of people who have made even a little progress, this sort of thing. Don't know any way to deal with this to be honest[/QUOTE] Well I can kind of understand why. It is hard though, but nothing is impossible and you will push past that wall, you just need to overcome these feelings and think logically about it rather than emotional Logical thinking is a good mindset to have vs depression/anxiety and issues like that

everyone thinks things are going great for me and they should be yet i am so dangerously close to relapsing hahaha

I got myself a job at this daycare for dogs through my benefits program where I work two days a week, 3 hours both of those days. Today is supposed to be my second day there but I can't gather the willpower needed to go there today. How are people capable of going to work at all? I've tried working before in February 2015 but that ended up with a psychotic episode. That aside, I had the same issue of pushing myself to even go there in the first place like I'm experiencing now. I don't feel like I'm able to take these things seriously enough. It's so difficult to push myself to do things that are actually important to me, for some reason I'd rather sit at home and be stuck doing nothing at all even if it makes me feel worse than actually going.

Well, at this rate my stupidity is likely to get me fired. I'm too slow despite my best efforts. Everyone including my manager hates me. I try to do what I'm supposed to, I get told to cut time I can't cut. I try to avoid overtime like my manager wants me to and I get yelled at for not doing everything I'm supposed to. I'm constantly told other people can do my job faster. CONSTANTLY. now I'm being told to follow production completely which will result in likely 5 hours of unavoidable overtime and I'll be bitched at. But I forget that I'm just a chew toy. No one actually cares. I don't even know if I could handle another job. I'm so stressed out the other day my brother says I'm balding a bit. I'm 25. I shouldn't be balding, my family has thick full hair. I can't handle interviews. So far all of the interviews I've had were flops. I only got this job because of my mom putting in a good word. I actually had a group interview for this very job and I did so poorly they stopped acknowledging my existence. I'm likely an unemployable worthless sack of shit. Of course, by now I get the feeling that no one wants me here because I rant and vent too much. Im just a basket case.

i wish i could just bash my head to a damn rock so that i forget all the bad shit that happened to me, it frustrating to have to deal with this traumatic memories, everyday i would get super depress just because i remember one small detail of the past.

I really just cannot wrap my head around the concept of death. I can't imagine only spending a spec of time in this vast universe before I take a dirt nap forever, never able to feel, worry, or think. I'm just nothing. What's the fucking point? Where is the hope? I'll only keep getting older with so much to reflect on as I get closer and closer to my time. I'm only in my early twenties but every night I lie in my bed and I can't help but lie awake and freak out over it.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52366373]My Psych put me on Escitalopram and it's making me so tired all the time. When do i stop being tired? Not even depression makes me as tired and sleepy.[/QUOTE] Try a different SSRI. Lexapro does that a bit; Prozac is more of an upper (but is usually used more on younger patients.) But really it's just up to the patient; side effects vary a lot with ssri's. I'm on brintellix right now and it's worked great, but if you don't have the insurance to cover it it's like 400 dollars a month.

moving has been great but i always get these irrational mood swings that nothings gonna work out. just been hitting extremely low lows recently

[QUOTE=mchapra;52369279]moving has been great but i always get these irrational mood swings that nothings gonna work out. just been hitting extremely low lows recently[/QUOTE] I recently moved back to where I was born and even though I some times get those nostalgic childhood vibes I've still been dealing with PTSD trips over all the shit I put up with on the east coast. Moving can make you realize a lot of things you didn't like about the place you used to live, and when adapting to a environment that can make it rough. I had a lot of shit this year also completely fail to launch and have been in depression because of it. Still though, I at least tell myself, "At least it isn't [I]that place.[/I]"

I took six sleep aids last night. I dunno what I was thinking or even if I was thinking. I was just fed up with the heat and my life and pretty much everything. I just wanted to sleep. I'm sort of afraid that, subconsciously, I was hoping that it would kill me. I'm not going to take that many again.

I have discovered how to login to any account on my insurance provider - if the account has to change their password for any reason. Try logging in (password doesn't matter) - change password page. Fake password and then hit "cancel" and be redirected to the member account and you're logged into that account. Whoever coded this is terrible...

Not sure if the right thread but I almost possibly died about 30 minutes ago. I was driving about 50mph on a road and I don't know but it felt like while I was driving like I was disassociated from my body, felt like I was looking through someone elses eyes or something and next thing I know I am running a red light and I slammed on my brakes in the middle of the intersection since I was about 3-4ft away from tboning a ford super duty, right after I slammed my brakes I kept on driving like normal then decided I was feeling weird and I am at home now and I still feel a little distant from myself, idk. Anyone else have a similar experience or like why I am feeling this way? I got plenty of sleep and I am not tired. Also shout out to BMW for having good brakes, when I slammed the brakes I hurt my nose a little bit when it hit the steering wheel but not bleeding or nothing and it doesn't hurt anymore.

Fucking went to bed sobbing again. I just don't know what the fuck is even wrong with me. I'm trying to work out, trying to look better so I can feel better but it's not working. I want to make something so that I don't have to think about how lonely I am, but I can't do anything. I just want to have someone close, I don't want to feel alone anymore, please.