Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=kariko;52452467]I'm so very afraid of tomorrow. All the paperwork and prerequisite junk has been finished for the job help program I'm in and tomorrow is the first meeting where we actually start doing things. I don't really know what we'll be doing or what I should be ready for but I'm really nervous and anxious about it all, to the point where I want to just give up and not go...but I know I have to do this. I'm just terrified. I'm afraid of actually starting my life and interacting with people again and learning how to work and all of this stuff. It's a lot of new things at once and I'm worried that I'll mess everything up somehow, or I'll fail and not even make it. I have so much negative feelings but I have to go...hopefully it'll be better than I expect.[/QUOTE] Well, I was worrying about everything for no reason again. It was fine, and though I was still nervous, the lady told me that she thought I was way less fidgety and tense than when I first met her. We talked about how things are gonna go and I'm really hopeful for work and learning how. I have to learn how to do a lot of social stuff that I'm really bad at, but that's why I'm doing this program. To help me learn and work with my issues as I start a job. So overall, I think things will be okay. Thanks for your replies, and for those who only read it, thank you for listening too.

do you guys recommend antidepressants?

If you talk to your doctor about it beforehand, sure. But there's a large swath of different types of antidepressants out there that work for different things and purposes at vastly different dosages that all may have different side effects so consulting with a professional is recommended before you try anything.

I don't have money to go to a therapist. Ain't that great?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52456163]I really need to tell my ex girlfriend something but I can't even send her a message via Facebook because I must be blocked or something. It's important. I haven't been this desperate before. I don't even expect her to message me back it's just something I HAVE to say.[/QUOTE] Can you come in touch with a friend of hers? Or even see her in person?

[QUOTE=Spectre1406;52456268]do you guys recommend antidepressants?[/QUOTE] If you think you need them, then yes. I personally am one of those people who can't handle medications for whatever reason (been on over 30 something of them since age 7 and they've all made me go insane or have extreme side effects that have "deformed me permanently") Speaking of deformities, I know a lot of you guys probably suffer from low self esteem, but does anybody see themselves as more runty looking than others? Like they are just too genetically different? Looking at photos I post of myself people would think I look somewhat normal but I always seem to think I look like some sort of deformed ugly runt compared to all of the other girls and I'm wondering if that's just because I'm more delayed than them or because stress and hormone-altering medications since age 7 have something to do with my appearance. I have problems accepting myself but can accept others whole heartedly and people assume I'm fake for that and it hurts. All people tell me is "you cant love others until you love yourself" but that's bullshit because I seem to love others just fine and I don't mind (sometimes I don't even see) their "flaws".

Had a nervous breakdown yesterday, that was fun.

My ex-best friend isn't ever going to learn and that's been hard as fuck to accept. She's well off in life, has litterally everything she could ever want... and one of her pals is just disgustingly mean and nasty and gets boners shit talking people because he's got a superiority problem. Her other frieds are just kindof "yes man" girls who giggle at shit talk. [B]She blocked me again after I told her:[I] "Look I'm going through a lot right now and I'm very very sad. You aren't really the person I feel comfortable with talking to anymore. Not to dismiss what you may be going through, and not to play victim, but you and your friends are lucky you are't born into my situation."[/I][/B] Why do people get so mean? If I do something wrong and hurt someones feelings its not ever intentional, I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD AND APOLOGIZE AND TRY TO NOT DO IT AGAIN. Why will nobody do that for me???

if ur talking about runty looking, it's probably my height being 5'3"

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;52457306]My ex-best friend isn't ever going to learn and that's been hard as fuck to accept. She's well off in life, has litterally everything she could ever want... and one of her pals is just disgustingly mean and nasty and gets boners shit talking people because he's got a superiority problem. Her other frieds are just kindof "yes man" girls who giggle at shit talk. [B]She blocked me again after I told her:[I] "Look I'm going through a lot right now and I'm very very sad. You aren't really the person I feel comfortable with talking to anymore. Not to dismiss what you may be going through, and not to play victim, but you and your friends are lucky you are't born into my situation."[/I][/B] Why do people get so mean? If I do something wrong and hurt someones feelings its not ever intentional, I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD AND APOLOGIZE AND TRY TO NOT DO IT AGAIN. Why will nobody do that for me???[/QUOTE] They like to shit on others to feel superior, because they sound 100% like that type. Their favorite targets are vulnerable people like you going through a bad time that isn't working out as expected. It's petty, cruel, and disgusting, but they don't care. Also people don't care about common courtesy these days in general anyway, only a very few actually take the time to do something nice to others, much less do it without hope of a reward.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52457461]They like to shit on others to feel superior, because they sound 100% like that type. Their favorite targets are vulnerable people like you going through a bad time that isn't working out as expected. It's petty, cruel, and disgusting, but they don't care. Also people don't care about common courtesy these days in general anyway, only a very few actually take the time to do something nice to others, much less do it without hope of a reward.[/QUOTE] Its sad she doesn't care. I am a deadbeat, ugly friend that she never really cared about and now she's sucessful and has sucessful friends and Im still trying to fix my own life and just survive. Its not fair. She was born into sucess and I can't even get a decent life. [editline]11th July 2017[/editline] [I]I plan on killing myself at age 30[/I] if my efforts don't get me the decent life I'm trying to work hard for, and I guess thats a very common thing a lot of people feel. I'm giving myself 10 years to sort out my own life.

[QUOTE=damnatus;52456300]I don't have money to go to a therapist. Ain't that great?[/QUOTE] Do you have health insurance? :o I ask because some therapists will actually accept health insurance for their services.

Just finished picking classes for Fall semester, and as a result, I'll definitely be cancelling with my tutor. I know I missed a few lessons here and there, but I've also tried my hardest to make an effort to explain to her that I am going through mental illness; that's why we pay for every lesson in advance, even ones I miss, because my family knows that there are just some days when I can't. And the fact that she can't understand that even when she claimed she was, "On my side" when she saw me depressed is a red flag. One of my buddies gave me the number to his tutor. She's more align with my major anyway. The only reason I stuck with the tutor I had was for her prestige, but the intensity she brings with it is just some thing I really don't need in my life right now.

I'm gonna be hurting for a while. I feel so stupid.

"antidepressants are for busy people", source: my sister who believes this shit

[QUOTE=Spectre1406;52459656]"antidepressants are for busy people", source: my sister who believes this shit[/QUOTE] I fail to understand this logic. Why would she say that? [editline]12th July 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=LordyLord;52459470]I'm gonna be hurting for a while. I feel so stupid.[/QUOTE] I hope you (and the arm!) make a quick recovery.

[QUOTE=Vaught;52459682]I fail to understand this logic. Why would she say that? [editline]12th July 2017[/editline] I hope you (and the arm!) make a quick recovery.[/QUOTE] i don't get it too

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Got rejected for the job that I got accidentally rejected for a few weeks ago lol. Ah well.

i can't be bothered to argue anymore bc i know it's always my fault and i will and always lose this argument why bother?

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[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52460303]I know I have to go to the hospital immediately but I just can't. I can't deal with stress of that. I don't want anyone to hurt when I'm gone and just live their life and be happy[/QUOTE] What's going on?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52459745]I can't even sleep anymore[/QUOTE] What's up dude you were doing so well.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52460034]Got rejected for the job that I got accidentally rejected for a few weeks ago lol. Ah well.[/QUOTE] That blows. At least you know for sure and don't have to be hung up on it! To better venues c: [QUOTE=Crpto2007;52460303]I know I have to go to the hospital immediately but I just can't. I can't deal with stress of that. I don't want anyone to hurt when I'm gone and just live their life and be happy[/QUOTE] Do yourself a favor and [b]do it[/b]. You've been posting cryptic posts the last few days and it's concerning. Go, do it now, don't do anything you'll regret down the line. [QUOTE=Spectre1406;52460060]i can't be bothered to argue anymore bc i know it's always my fault and i will and always lose this argument why bother?[/QUOTE] Take a breather! May I ask what the argument was about?

Better venues probably won't crop up until after graduation. I'm kind of thinking about living my last semester on student loans but I'm already up there in debt and idk how willing I am to take out more.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52461739]Better venues probably won't crop up until after graduation. I'm kind of thinking about living my last semester on student loans but I'm already up there in debt and idk how willing I am to take out more.[/QUOTE] That's how I went about it, and that's not too problematic. Just line up your options now instead of after graduation (like I did) so you have some preparation. Don't take it too hard if you don't get into a few places, just cast the net wide. Have you considered applying for scholarships and grants?

Bit too late for scholarships since I'm only 3 credits away from my BA. I already get financial aid grants tho, they just don't cover everything. I WAS looking at joining Americorps after school because they have stipends and education awards that help pay off debt buuuut that's kind of a large commitment with very little pay, so. Idk.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52461769]Bit too late for scholarships since I'm only 3 credits away from my BA. I already get financial aid grants tho, they just don't cover everything. I WAS looking at joining Americorps after school because they have stipends and education awards that help pay off debt buuuut that's kind of a large commitment with very little pay, so. Idk.[/QUOTE] Congrats on graduation c: Look at the positives! It's experience that so many employers have a boner for. It sucks to start so low, but every little bit helps. Imagine the look on my face when I graduated in psychology and ended up in delivery service :v:

I've been feeling somewhat better. I'm optimistic for the future, been slightly more productive as of late. It's an odd feeling after being meh for so long :v

I just got a prescription for Strattera for adhd. Anyone have any experience with it? Also I wonder how my appetite is gonna be because strattera is said to kill your appetite and meanwhile I'm also on seroquel which increases appetite.