Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I caught a big wave of depression today. Shit sucks because I'm going to be pretty alone for the next 3 days IRL and Online.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;52475445]I caught a big wave of depression today. Shit sucks because I'm going to be pretty alone for the next 3 days IRL and Online.[/QUOTE] Those are the worst. Anything you can bring along with you to keep your mind busy?

[QUOTE=Vaught;52475452]Those are the worst. Anything you can bring along with you to keep your mind busy?[/QUOTE] Oh no, I'll be looking after the house. My parents went on vacation and I have to keep a close eye on the pets. I don't really do anything with my friends on weekdays. They're all busy and such, and so am I.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;52475477]Oh no, I'll be looking after the house. My parents went on vacation and I have to keep a close eye on the pets. I don't really do anything with my friends on weekdays. They're all busy and such, and so am I.[/QUOTE] Oh! Hopefully the pets aren't a handful. A mini-dauschund is all I need to say "stop giving me pets"

[QUOTE=Vaught;52475490]Oh! Hopefully the pets aren't a handful. A mini-dauschund is all I need to say "stop giving me pets"[/QUOTE] I have to check on them every half hour. One is an absolute brat, one has mental issues from old age, and the other needs attention every 30 minutes. I can't bring them downstairs with me because they're forbidden to enter the downstairs. My parents are renovating and they don't want piss on the carpet.

I just want to go back in time

I'm having a rough day and the only thing to do is sit at home and wallow.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52475594]I just want to go back in time[/QUOTE] what would you do differently?

-snip-

I have some major OCD. On my PC I frequently use the system restore point feature to undo anything I felt I done wrong. Misplaced window sizes, unwanted setting changes and third party program paranoia seems to trigger it. Even the hyper illogical stuff like pressing an unfamiliar button in fear of some bizarre setting change that probably won't happen. Whenever I feel off about my last pc session I usually spend minutes or hours weighing up whether to use a restore point or not. Arguing that if I put it off, more stuff would be undone if decided later. Do any of you have ocd and know how to combat it?

The stuff that you are most afraid to do are usually the stuff that you need to do the most. This is the single piece of advice that I have been waiting several years for.

I fucked up my sleeping schedule again. Went to bed a little to late (2am) then had one the pets upstairs wake me up at 4am. It's caused by my own summer sleep schedule (6am to 5pm) because one of the cats likes to come down and get pet so she's rowdy. I tried sleeping on the couch. Thankfully I did because the dog could've choked on a gnawed off piece of this toy meant for 6 year olds. I couldn't sleep on the couch because it was too small so I went back to bed and slept until 5:30pm. There's something seriously wrong with me when it comes to a sleep disorder. I probably inherited something from my mother because she needs a machine to sleep. I think I posted this before but I genuinely thought that people needed 12 hours of sleep each day until someone told me "um".

It seems that dying is pretty fucking scary when it happens

I'm becoming too paranoid and I feel like my therapist isn't understanding it or is just causing me more harm than good. I'm not saying that my therapist is useless, I believe she is good at what she does, but her advice is useless for me at times and sometimes feels kind of ass backwards or pretty far from how I really feel. She pretty much tells me that my paranoid delusions are not real, and that might be half truth, but I wish she could really step into my world and see the world the way I see it or the way the world has seen me. She probably has never ever felt what it feels to feel like everyone is against you, to be thrown into a city full of people that will never understand you, a culture you will never be able to fully adapt into, miserable and successful people have something in common and that is that they have some place where they belong. She will never understand how it feels to feel like you don't belong anywhere. Never miserable enough to hit rock bottom, never good enough to actually be someone. She will never understand what it feels to know that there will never ever be a place for her to call home or ever consider any place as "safe", because even at my own home I don't feel safe. I really like how she has helped me, but I feel horrible because I feel like she will never actually get to understand what's going on in my head and I'm afraid that I might be beyond helping too.

[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;52487673]I'm becoming too paranoid and I feel like my therapist isn't understanding it or is just causing me more harm than good. I'm not saying that my therapist is useless, I believe she is good at what she does, but her advice is useless for me at times and sometimes feels kind of ass backwards or pretty far from how I really feel. She pretty much tells me that my paranoid delusions are not real, and that might be half truth, but I wish she could really step into my world and see the world the way I see it or the way the world has seen me. She probably has never ever felt what it feels to feel like everyone is against you, to be thrown into a city full of people that will never understand you, a culture you will never be able to fully adapt into, miserable and successful people have something in common and that is that they have some place where they belong. She will never understand how it feels to feel like you don't belong anywhere. Never miserable enough to hit rock bottom, never good enough to actually be someone. She will never understand what it feels to know that there will never ever be a place for her to call home or ever consider any place as "safe", because even at my own home I don't feel safe. I really like how she has helped me, but I feel horrible because I feel like she will never actually get to understand what's going on in my head and I'm afraid that I might be beyond helping too.[/QUOTE] Have you told her all of these things?

I really just need someone to talk to, I don't know if this is the place for it, but with my job and having split up from my ex, I just haven't been left with anyone. I'ts been like this for months now and I keep searching on apps for people, but genuinely all people seem to be interested in is sex, and it feels really uphill to just have someone even to talk to or be friends with.

[QUOTE=easyBeans;52489116]I really just need someone to talk to, I don't know if this is the place for it, but with my job and having split up from my ex, I just haven't been left with anyone. I'ts been like this for months now and I keep searching on apps for people, but genuinely all people seem to be interested in is sex, and it feels really uphill to just have someone even to talk to or be friends with.[/QUOTE] Totally feel you, wish there were better options online that aren't overrun with sex. I'd just like to talk about interesting shit with other people.

I'm scared of applying for a job and working. I don't know why, anxiety? depression? low self esteem? I feel like i wouldn't be able to do anything properly and that i'd just be a dissapointment or embarrassement and not know what to do. Why would anyone hire me anyway? I'm not qualified for anything. I'm 21, i've only had one job before which was arranged by my cousin and i could do it decently but now i've been fired and i feel lost. I don't really need money since i've saved up enough but i feel like a dissapointment to my parents now. I don't know i'm scared and anxious of finding a job.

I'm in the same boat as you. I just completed the shortest design education, which makes me feel even more inadequate. At least I'm forced to apply for 2 jobs a week if I want to keep my unemployment benefits. I guess that counts as motivation.

Well, I'm officially A+ IT certified now, which is cool I guess. Helps distract me from the other shit I got going on. Time for Network+.

I'm entirely withdrawn from the person I used while I had a license. I ended up with a D.U.I, and was sent to rehab. I was there for 18 days, having God shoved down my throat. It was a incredibly boring and awful time, and I came back home two weeks before my court date. I get my license back on September 8th after I complete the rest of my classes as mandated by KY. But ever since then I just feel I've been drained. I suppose a part of is due to my love of driving, and just the independence it brought with it. I've always never liked to ask people for things, if I could get them myself. I think this is driving myself insane, and depressed as a result.

[QUOTE=Thomo;52491774]The paranoia is starting to get really bad, I feel like I'm being taken for a ride by the person I love and that I'm just being used for sexual needs, when I bring up these issues I am having they do not at all seem supportive and rather assume it should just be me who should solve it and I can't do it alone, again reinforcing my feelings of being used.[/QUOTE] If your boyfriend isn't supportive and thinks it should be you who solves the issue then you should listen to the golden and put some space between you two.

my family is slowly cutting me off it seems i really didn't need to know this at the low end of a depressive episode

Does anyone else ever make up depressing and outlandish scenarios in their head? I'm doing okay and then the next moment I'm making up a story that my friends I'm having issues with are conspiring with another one of my friends, just because he isn't talking to me because I know he's busy. I know it's absolutely ridiculous, but it just kinda happens and it gets me a little upset. Better than it used to be I guess.

After some introspection that comes with the clarity granted by half a litre of Jagermeister, I think I'd like to work for a few months and hit the road as far as my money takes me.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52496064][/QUOTE] I'm surprised your psychiatrist is recommending them at all. Most recommend other drugs over benzos.

Personally, I can't stand anti depressants. I've tried a drug store worth of them, none work for me. They always leave me feeling disaffected, nauseous, with some symptoms of vertigo and even suicidal thoughts on some of them.

the whole "serotonin as the bliss neurotransmitter" thing is mostly crap. it isnt as simple as a chemical imbalance, or else everyone who has depression would magically feel better if they took an SSRI. Serotonin mostly has a role in physiological processes of the body, and barely plays a role in mood SSRIs are a mild bandaid at most

Anyone have any advice on how to get over the intimidating mental hurdle of starting productive work? What I mean by that is like when I would practice music as a kid, there would just be a point where I just do nothing and think about how it felt pointless. I don't know why my mind wanders like this, I've always tried to be a hard worker, but I have some sort of "writers block" when it comes to just trying to initiate some thing if that makes sense.

I'm 24 years old. I've never had a girlfriend, mainly because of blind crushes I thought could happen but never did, and because I wanted a job so I didn't have to rely on others. I got my first "real" job in January and have been with it since, so it's nice having money. But the emptiness of being alone, no amount of money can make that better. I'm in fucking misery, I'm finally able to support myself, and everyone my age is either with someone, has had kids, or a combination of the two. I want to die because I feel like I've wasted my life.