Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52496603]the whole "serotonin as the bliss neurotransmitter" thing is mostly crap. it isnt as simple as a chemical imbalance, or else everyone who has depression would magically feel better if they took an SSRI. Serotonin mostly has a role in physiological processes of the body, and barely plays a role in mood SSRIs are a mild bandaid at most[/QUOTE] Yeah they don't do shit. I've been on mine for a while on the maximum does and other than shaking like fuck all the time I don't feel any different. I thought they worked good for anxiety but it turns out I've just been living a stress free life style, as soon as I started looking for work it all came down on me like a tonne of bricks. Depression is some fucking bullshit.

My liver hurts everyday... I'm not even going to get more tests done I don't want to be told I'm dieing. At this point I'm just living everyday acting like nothing's wrong.

If you already think you're dying why you afraid of being told, go get it looked at at least then you can get treated

Naturally, I'm blamed for shit and either no one cares or don't believe me. I'm starting to realize that I've been dismissed, accused of lying, and told I'm wrong so much I no longer trust my perception or feelings at all. I defer to others as much as possible for thoughts, decisions, and what to do because my own judgement, thoughts, and perception can't be trusted and is generally inferior to everyone else. I'm generally unable to make decisions or must rely on impulsive choices to do anything. Most of the time when a decision is made for me, things work out better than if I was left to it on my own. I'm starting to realize I'm unable to have a healthy relationship with anyone because of this and that my path is likely going to lead to a bad situation for me. But i can't stop it because i can't shake the desire to submit to others. Because others know best for me. And i am just a stupid, slow fuck up that deserves whatever pain and suffering i get.

[QUOTE=purvisdavid1;52497967]I'm 24 years old. I've never had a girlfriend, mainly because of blind crushes I thought could happen but never did, and because I wanted a job so I didn't have to rely on others. I got my first "real" job in January and have been with it since, so it's nice having money. But the emptiness of being alone, no amount of money can make that better. I'm in fucking misery, I'm finally able to support myself, and everyone my age is either with someone, has had kids, or a combination of the two. I want to die because I feel like I've wasted my life.[/QUOTE] Hey, don't beat yourself up over this, a lot of people your age haven't got together yet, you know. Jumping into a relationship that presents itself can often lead to it souring as the months and years go on by, especially if it happens to be the result of a crush or something really impulsive. You're in a good position to get into a relationship because you have a job and money now, so all you need to do is go looking for a date or for that special person you want to spend your life with. I'd also argue that raising a family without being able to properly support them, much less getting into a relationship with someone without knowing what you're getting yourself into, is worse than getting a girlfriend or a wife a couple years later than other people. If you feel like you need to find somebody, knock yourself out. There are plenty of dating apps and sites to start with, try snapchat or tinder if you wish.

Everytime I get a Job rejection letter with that "we hope you do well" condensing bullshit I want to shoot myself in the face. Someone tell me, am I 100% worthless, is that what's wrong with me? Was I just not meant to exist ?

I dunno if this is the right place to bring this up, so sorry if it isn't. But basically I used to deliver pizzas fulltime but I decided that I wanted a better paying job with more benefits and whatnot so I took a job at a recycling plant as a can crusher operator. The hours are long and the work is very stressful, having to deal with lines when people show up with minivans packed to the brim with bags of aluminum cans, but they pay is good and I get along mostly well with all the coworkers there except for the plant manager. He's friendly with everyone else but he's really short when I'm around. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. So Thursday, he tells me he signed me up for a first aid class on Friday and it should be an all day class and if I get out before the workday is finished, not to worry about coming back because he'd have someone to cover where I work that day. Friday I show up to where I need to be, only to be told that it got cancelled a week ago and the boss got an email about it. I was livid. Usually I bottle up my emotions like a fine wine [I](not the healthiest thing to do I know)[/I] and that was the straw that broke the camels back. I know that even if I could go back into work, I would just blow up in anger so I just went home and played Euro Truck Simulator. Friday I tell the boss that the class got cancelled and they sent him an email about it and he was like "I DIDNT GET NO FUKKIN EMAIL WHAT THE FUCK ALSO WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GIVE YOURSELF THE DAY OFF WE COULDVE NEEDED YOU" apparently forgetting what he said about finding someone to cover the can machine. I tried to explain to him about me bottling my emotions up and that I knew that if I came back it'd just make a bad situation worse so I just told him I didn't come back because I was mad. Obviously not the best thing to say because he went on a tirade going "OHO YOU THINK YOURE MAD LEMME TELL YOU WHAT IM FEELING RIGHT NOW ETC ETC" and told me to get back to work. Then after that workday was done, I went to my second job, which is still delivering pizzas albeit partime. Only there did I realize how much of a good job it is. Sure, the pay & benefits are chicken shit compared to the recycling plant but everyone there is nicer, the hours are a lot more flexible, and it isn't a job I get stressed over. Driving a pizza from point A to point B is nothing compared to trying to fix a jam knowing that pickup trucks and homeless people with bags full of cans are angrily eyeing you over thinking that'll help clear the jam faster. So pretty much where I'm at is that I feel like the boss is trying to make working conditions so bad for me that I end up quitting or he'll try to find excuses to fire me. At least if I quit I can go back to delivering pizzas full time so that isn't an issue. I'm just curious as to whether or not I should just cut my losses and quit, or if I should ignore all of his stuff and keep trying to make a living out of this. I haven't been in this situation before so I don't know what to do and I dunno if anyone else has been in something like this.

Huh, I've been feeling worse and more depressed and more anxious each day for weeks if not months, and yesterday I woke up feeling sort of ...okay I don't know if that did it but the day before I opened up about my constant suicidal thoughts to someone close, something I haven't talked about at all because of fear of making people concerned.

[QUOTE=sourcegamer101;52496603]the whole "serotonin as the bliss neurotransmitter" thing is mostly crap. it isnt as simple as a chemical imbalance, or else everyone who has depression would magically feel better if they took an SSRI. Serotonin mostly has a role in physiological processes of the body, and barely plays a role in mood SSRIs are a mild bandaid at most[/QUOTE] indeed. ketamine and related molecules are getting huge traction because it has antidepressent relief that can be noticed 1 hour later and lasts for 1 week between doses and works for a lot of treatment resistant depressions. yet it works via completely different pathways.

[QUOTE=uitham;52499614]indeed. ketamine and related molecules are getting huge traction because it has antidepressent relief that can be noticed 1 hour later and lasts for 1 week between doses and works for a lot of treatment resistant depressions. yet it works via completely different pathways.[/QUOTE] correct me if im wrong, but i believe it has something to do with lowering levels of glutamate and it being a NMDA receptor antagonist

i keep on getting darker and darker thoughts each day and keep feeling more and more miserable, at what point do I say enough is enough and contact my doctor?

[QUOTE=Instant Mix;52500218]i keep on getting darker and darker thoughts each day and keep feeling more and more miserable, at what point do I say enough is enough and contact my doctor?[/QUOTE] When they stop being thoughts and start being things you feel like you should act on.

I feel like I'd be better off if I were able to talk about or mention personal stuff on the internet (because lol talking to people in real life), but I'm incapable of sharing even the most inane experience and most/all of my posts just become dumb jokes man, I just want to go to fuckin' uni again, can't fuck it up on the second go round...

I'm not particularly trying to preach here, but recently I've had depressive episodes that have spiraled ever since last winter, when it was especially bad. Recently I've started going for runs mainly on the basis of my previous experience doing cc in high school and it really has been a catalyst for the turnaround of this emotional and mental rut I've been in for the last 6 months. I still really don't hang out with many people, but I try to get in around 30~ minutes of cardio exercise a day somewhat consistently. When I started in the beginning of the summer it felt like a hassle, but now its turn into a necessity to go for runs at least once a day. This was combined with dropping my occasional use of weed which I'm not really sure if it has made any additional difference.

I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52501607]I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.[/QUOTE] This thread has helped some people over the years, but a forum isn't a substitute for real help. Also, some people can't afford or are unable to get access to psychiatric care for various reasons. And it would be either that or people making threads all over the place to talk about their depression, which would be summarily closed anyway with 'get a blog' as the reason. Talking about your problems does help instead of keeping them bottled up, which is far unhealthier anyway.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52501607]I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.[/QUOTE] Because this more serves as a place for people to vent (which can really help) and sometimes get advice. Also some people already are getting help or can't for whatever reason.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52501607]I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.[/QUOTE] It has helped me to hear others struggling with similar problems, and I like to think my advice has been of some help at least. Plenty of us are recieving professional help if that at all is an option.

i seriously don't know anymore whether i have a gaming addiction or i have poor self-control or anything else, bc i can't even stop playing arcade games which costs me around $100 or more each month and my savings are running low

for the first time in my life I have a small period of nothing to do and all I can do is contemplate killing myself

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52501607]I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.[/QUOTE] This is like asking people why they go to depression groups. You talk. Some people listen, some don't. Other people talk and share their problems. You listen and you may or may not respond to that person. Personally I prefer online forums over depression groups (which coincidentally don't cure your depression either)

Does anyone here ever feel there's a disconnect between you and your parent's ?, I've been having this kind of feeling lately, not that i have a bad relationship with my parents its just that sometimes i feel like there this big gap between me and them.

[QUOTE=Sire Noodles;52502251]Does anyone here ever feel there's a disconnect between you and your parent's ?, I've been having this kind of feeling lately, not that i have a bad relationship with my parents its just that sometimes i feel like there this big gap between me and them.[/QUOTE] It's kinda like that for me and my dad. It's mostly because his world views are...upsetting. For example, he thinks being gay is a mental illness. Alternatively, he thinks gay guys are just guys who want to be girls. I am still very much in the closet IRL because of this.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52501607]I don't understand why there is a depression thread on this forum of all place when it activity contribute to depression. How many people have actually been cured of their depression because of this thread? Anyone? I'd advice anyone posting in here to get real help.[/QUOTE] The purpose of this thread is to let people vent, share their stories and experiences, and (if they can) offer any advice. Everyone deals with this stuff in different ways, and there is no one-size-fits-all remedy. Believe me, I wish it were that easy too, but it's not. One thing that's similar for all folks who go through this, however, is the feeling that you're alone. That you're the only person who feels like this. Obviously not true and irrational, but then again, doesn't depression try to justify irrational shit all the time? I get how you feel, though. I used to think much of the same about this thread. Just seemed like an echo chamber of depression that only amplified the feelings, but the biggest comfort I've taken away from this is that I really am not alone. No matter how hard this thing will try to justify itself, this thread is living proof that no one is truly alone when it comes to depression.

And another nice thing about this thread that depression groups don't have is that you can share pretty much anything. The only thing that's going to get you in trouble on facepunch is talking about committing rape/murder. Almost everything is fair game here. Depression groups worry about "triggers" so everything you say has to be closely monitored. You'll get kicked out if you start talking about cutting.. or really anything that could trigger someone. I'm pretty happy GoldAssassin is gone. He had issues but it wasn't until he started talking about raping little girls, etc.. just disturbing. Not exactly something I wanted to read early in the morning...

Dude was literally only ever posting about how he wanted to kill himself and had been only doing that for the last 2 years or so. Was time for him to go and really get help away from the forum. For the record, mod consensus is that if someone is ever so far gone that they can no longer use the forum responsibly, then they'll likely be permabanned and asked to go seek help. FP isn't therapy nor is it a doctor so there's little anyone can do in severe cases like that.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52503553] I'm pretty happy GoldAssassin is gone. He had issues but it wasn't until he started talking about raping little girls, etc.. just disturbing. Not exactly something I wanted to read early in the morning...[/QUOTE] What now? :v That's pretty intense. Were they just venting about having dark thoughts and that slipped out or what?

I've lost all hope

[QUOTE=LordyLord;52503620]What now? :v That's pretty intense. Were they just venting about having dark thoughts and that slipped out or what?[/QUOTE] I don't recall what he said exactly and the post was edited by either a mod or himself. He was definitely going on about raping little girls among other things and he was doing it in a completely serious way. He says hes "probably already classified as a pedophile" in this post [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1529438&p=52029963&viewfull=1#post52029963"]here[/URL] quoted by pascall.. if you really think about the way he says it that means he likely is a pedophile and did something to someone. Actually I fully believe he is a pedophile based on that post and the one talking about raping little girls.

Yeah, that's worrying. Best to seek professional help at that point.