Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Me and my brother had a conversation about whats been going on with my cray intrusive suicidal thoughts and we've agreed to see a professional. Back home in Pakistan we kinda had no one of that kind except a psychiatrist who gave me prescriptions to keep my depression in check, so I never got anyone to talk to for help. so one good thing happened today

To be honest I'm asking this sort of thing because I need you FP members to tell where I'm going wrong so I can improve on this forum, on other forums and in the real world. I generally don't like to open up, but if anything I say is offending or annoying you guys, I would greatly appreciate being told. Part of my frustration is just not knowing, I think I'm just saying something relatively benign and then I get a powerfully negative reaction and all of a sudden I can't deal with. And after that I'm left with a feeling that there's something wrong with me. Because of that I keep imagining that everyone else has reacted a stage of social maturity that I'll never get to. I keep thinking that most of you guys have all the answers and won't share them, like I've been excluded from the stonecutter's club or something. I do have a tendency to overreact because I assume no one is listening. Look I'm sick of being 'that guy' I just want to be normal member who makes contributions to the forum and if I'm being ridiculed I'd at least like to see where I'm going wrong. I am getting help else where, but some help with my behaviour in here would be nice too. [QUOTE=darksoul69;52503553]I'm pretty happy GoldAssassin is gone. He had issues but it wasn't until he started talking about raping little girls, etc.. just disturbing. Not exactly something I wanted to read early in the morning...[/QUOTE]Jesus fucking chris, if people are talking about serious crime like that, then yeah they're dangerous. [editline]25th July 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Pascall;52503577]Dude was literally only ever posting about how he wanted to kill himself and had been only doing that for the last 2 years or so. Was time for him to go and really get help away from the forum. For the record, mod consensus is that if someone is ever so far gone that they can no longer use the forum responsibly, then they'll likely be permabanned and asked to go seek help. FP isn't therapy nor is it a doctor so there's little anyone can do in severe cases like that.[/QUOTE]If someone is talking about pedophilia then a Pban is more than justified.

This month has been absolutely insane but it's turned out pretty okay! First off, [I]I have a car finally![/I] Months of saving and looking for cars turned out great because I bought a nice used car upfront and insured it, registered it within the same week (that was stressful as hell and I was worried I wouldn't get it done the entire time) and now I don't have to worry about transportation to and from work. [B]Seeking therapy does help somewhat. [/B]I lucked out and got bumped up on the 6 month waiting list by calling another mental health place that accepts my health insurance, and I know what kind of help I needed but now I have a case worker/therapist who is working on getting me regular therapy visits. I have years of built up unresolved trauma from insane things happening to me that needs to be worked out. IDK how this will help but I'm trying to tell myself it will, because maybe analyzing it with someone from a third person perspective might give me insight as to how to accept and move on from all I've been through, and learn what was wrong with those people in my life.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52504519]To be honest I'm asking this sort of thing because I need you FP members to tell where I'm going wrong so I can improve on this forum, on other forums and in the real world. I generally don't like to open up, but if anything I say is offending or annoying you guys, I would greatly appreciate being told. Part of my frustration is just not knowing, I think I'm just saying something relatively benign and then I get a powerfully negative reaction and all of a sudden I can't deal with. And after that I'm left with a feeling that there's something wrong with me. Because of that I keep imagining that everyone else has reacted a stage of social maturity that I'll never get to. I keep thinking that most of you guys have all the answers and won't share them, like I've been excluded from the stonecutter's club or something. I do have a tendency to overreact because I assume no one is listening. Look I'm sick of being 'that guy' I just want to be normal member who makes contributions to the forum and if I'm being ridiculed I'd at least like to see where I'm going wrong. I am getting help else where, but some help with my behaviour in here would be nice too.[/QUOTE] The only thing you've posted in this thread that I can see in recent history (2 months) is about job rejection and zolosoft. You weren't really asking for advice in the job rejection post. That was more venting in my opinion. And I don't really have much to say on the zolosoft post. But I can tell you that zolosoft can cause emotional numbing which would cause some of those issues.

She probably hates me. I thought I could talk to her again after 2 years. I blamed a lot of stuff on her

I think the reason I've been ducking out of relationships before they get too serious for the last few years is that I'm realizing that I'm kind of confused about my gender identity. I've got a 100% female body but I'd say I feel like a guy maybe like 75-80% of the time. But I'm still okay with my female features??? Being into both guys and girls and not being into sex in the least doesn't make it easier. I feel like I'm this complicated plethora of feelings and it's only getting harder to discern what I want and what I want to be. Probably explains a lot tbh. I guess there's not a whole lot I can do besides take it day by day and see if I can figure it out.

Lately every time I go to bed and think to myself if I was to die tonight in my sleep I would be fine with that. I keep thinking about dieing a lot lately. Like I just want to get it over with. The thought of a never ending sleep with no consciousness or thoughts or anything seems comforting to me

[QUOTE=Pascall;52507794]Being into both guys and girls and not being into sex in the least doesn't make it easier. I feel like I'm this complicated plethora of feelings and it's only getting harder to discern what I want and what I want to be. Probably explains a lot tbh. I guess there's not a whole lot I can do besides take it day by day and see if I can figure it out.[/QUOTE] I know the feeling, I like to think that I never get myself involved too much in relationships because Im way more emotional than the average person. I really need to feel connected to the person to work it out. Is really hard for me to go after someone purely for sex.

Fuck yeah I got psychosis, never felt better

First post here. I recently got diagnosed with non-alcoholic steatohepatitis, which in layman terms is called "fatty liver". This means my liver has gotten damaged because I am too heavy. The effects of this is generally just a liver that doesn't work all that well. I also get extremely tired and need tons of sleep in order to feel normal (at least 10 hours a day). Obviously this scares me. If I don't shape up and continue this lifestyle, I'll die. I know what to do (change my diet + exercise) but I find it hard to get started. Because this disease makes me tired all the time, I feel lethargic. If I sleep 10 hours, I feel okay but I also feel like I have wasted my day by sleeping. Basically, it's tough, and I am wondering if anyone here has some good advice. Or perhaps there is someone here who is going through or has gone through the same thing? Obviously, there is no magic cure for this, but would there perhaps be medicine which can aid my liver or sleep quality? It's just causing me a bunch of anxiety, because I'd rather not be a fat sack of shit.

One thing you can always do is start small with exercises. Something to be your base so you can go up from there. Ride a bike or do some morning/afternoon walks. After you dont feel so tired from the walks you can try to start jogging. I also recommend walking to places instead of driving/getting a bus if you can. You can lose a incredible ammount of weight by doing this.

Can corroborate that, walking to places, and pulling some daily 5 km, will do wonders. Still, best of luck, I have an aunt with that disease and it isn't really a joke. Anyway, got a case of chest discomfort due to anxiety. And it was quite a ride of feedback, with my father having recovered from a heart attack a few months ago. Oh well, walked 3.5 km uphill in half an hour without getting winded out, so I'm certain my heart is okay, but, fuck this feeling.

I thought my depression was bad enough before but now that my health has rapidly been declining these past 2 months the depression is paralyzing. Nobody to talk to about it fear of going to the hospital. Tried to reach out to someone but went nowhere

I've been feeling pretty great for most of the year especially after getting put on antidepressants but the last week it feels like everything's been collapsing I've been constantly stressed out over a major project, lost or came very close to losing a few friendships, and found out my military healthcare benefits (the only reason I'm fucking breathing today)are likely going to be cut all within the span of 5 or so days I'm scared and sad and angry and every emotion in between and don't know what to fucking do about any of this. I've felt some pain around where my heart is the last couple days and I think the stress is getting to me physically as well as wrecking me emotionally help i'm fucking terrified

Hello. First post here and I had a really rough day. I couldn't sleep all of last night and I kept thinking of death (Fear of death, death of loved ones, dying in my sleep, etc.) and the worst suicidal thoughts I've had yet. I just kept crying and my heart kept beating a million times a minute. I kept hyperventilating and my legs felt really weak. I actually thought I was going to pass out. I have went to the Psychiatrist and he calmed me down and assured me a man my age is super unlikely to die. Then I went to another doctor and a change in my medication to help me combat this. This is the most scared I've been in my life and I'm terrified that something like this could happen again. Like I would never be able to get the thoughts of dying out of my head.

I get into these weird cycles where I feel fine about myself so I stop going to therapy, but then weeks go by and I sorta feel horrible on the inside and want to go back, and then I set up an appointment but by the time it comes I feel fine again...I'm trying to break it right now by going tomorrow but I feel so fine that I really want to just cancel even though I'm not gonna. And I have to set up recurring appointments too but I don't know...feeling positive is discouraging me from going. And I'm glad I feel good but I know that when my bad moods come on it's gonna be shitty again so I have to figure out why it's happening. It's very confusing and odd :s:

[QUOTE=kariko;52510940]I get into these weird cycles where I feel fine about myself so I stop going to therapy, but then weeks go by and I sorta feel horrible on the inside and want to go back, and then I set up an appointment but by the time it comes I feel fine again...I'm trying to break it right now by going tomorrow but I feel so fine that I really want to just cancel even though I'm not gonna. And I have to set up recurring appointments too but I don't know...feeling positive is discouraging me from going. And I'm glad I feel good but I know that when my bad moods come on it's gonna be shitty again so I have to figure out why it's happening. It's very confusing and odd :s:[/QUOTE] It could be bipolar or borderline personality disorder.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52510960]It could be bipolar or borderline personality disorder.[/QUOTE] I was thinking about that since my family has a history of it, but I was unsure since I don't get completely sad all day for long periods. And on the flip side I don't feel like I get manic highs where I feel incredibly happy. A better way of describing it is that I feel generally happy but when I start to think more deeply about things, sometimes I start getting depressed and it lingers for a few hours until I stop thinking about all that. But then there's other times where I think the negative thoughts and then I can just ignore them easily. It's kinda weird and why I'm gonna talk to my therapist again. Reading up a bit on borderline personality disorder, some of the symptoms oddly sound like mine but I'm not sure entirely. :s: I think I'm going to bring up the possibility and see what my therapist thinks about it. Thank you for bringing those up! But hopefully I'm just fine and it's a matter of changing my thought process.

[QUOTE=kariko;52511221]I was thinking about that since my family has a history of it, but I was unsure since I don't get completely sad all day for long periods. And on the flip side I don't feel like I get manic highs where I feel incredibly happy.[/QUOTE] It could be rapid cycling bipolar type 2. But if it's happening as fast and often as you say it is my bet is on borderline personality disorder.

I just finished talking to someone from suicide prevention hotline and honestly it didn't help. i told him about my health problems with my liver and he didn't really know what to say other than the longer I wait to go to the hospital the worse the pain will probably get. [editline]27th July 2017[/editline] I actually feel a lot worse after that chat because I was hoping someone could convince me to not kill myself and go to a damn hospital but all I got was I can't tell you what to do. I'm such an idiot for not going 2 months ago when the pain started. I hope my liver isn't in the process of liver failure..

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52511596]I just finished talking to someone from suicide prevention hotline and honestly it didn't help. i told him about my health problems with my liver and he didn't really know what to say other than the longer I wait to go to the hospital the worse the pain will probably get. [editline]27th July 2017[/editline] I actually feel a lot worse after that chat because I was hoping someone could convince me to not kill myself and go to a damn hospital but all I got was I can't tell you what to do. I'm such an idiot for not going 2 months ago when the pain started. I hope my liver isn't in the process of liver failure..[/QUOTE] Please dude, go to a hospital. We don't want you to end up dead, the longer you wait the worse it will get.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52511596]I just finished talking to someone from suicide prevention hotline and honestly it didn't help. i told him about my health problems with my liver and he didn't really know what to say other than the longer I wait to go to the hospital the worse the pain will probably get. [editline]27th July 2017[/editline] I actually feel a lot worse after that chat because I was hoping someone could convince me to not kill myself and go to a damn hospital but all I got was I can't tell you what to do. I'm such an idiot for not going 2 months ago when the pain started. I hope my liver isn't in the process of liver failure..[/QUOTE] Just go to hospital man, whatever it will be, it will be better than death.

I feel like I'm never heard. Like talking to the void. Edit: I've starting dry heaving again. So disappointed in myself.

I got put on Zoloft recently, on my 3rd week right now. Not seeing very much of a difference, but what I have to get off my chest is my immense gratitude to the company I work for. I've been there a little under a year. Got hired on as a temp after over 40 people were fired. I was moved to a shitty spot because they wanted to make sure to keep me (spot I was in became invalid)... my suicidal thoughts and depression got so strong that it overwhelmed me even in the workplace and I had to take a personal leave of absence. Now, usually, that's a month of time that is covered... my management approved the wait (because I couldn't get into the actual prescribing psychiatrist for about a month, was only seeing a therapist that couldn't fill out all of the paperwork my job needed), and a one-month leave became a 3-month leave... but was all approved... Even though I know the medication isn't working completely yet, I almost want to cry due to the fact that I'm finally at a company that sees my worth, and have co-workers that actually care (on the same level and above me, as well). I really hope this stuff works and I can climb the rungs quickly and finally get to a point in my life that I can say I'm actually happy and mean it.

Suprisingly, a first meeting with a mental health team had its date brought FORWARD, which is a first. With any luck maybe I'll say what's eating me instead of clamming up like usual.

[QUOTE=Natrox;52508880]First post here. I recently got diagnosed with non-alcoholic steatohepatitis, which in layman terms is called "fatty liver". This means my liver has gotten damaged because I am too heavy. The effects of this is generally just a liver that doesn't work all that well. I also get extremely tired and need tons of sleep in order to feel normal (at least 10 hours a day). Obviously this scares me. If I don't shape up and continue this lifestyle, I'll die. I know what to do (change my diet + exercise) but I find it hard to get started. Because this disease makes me tired all the time, I feel lethargic. If I sleep 10 hours, I feel okay but I also feel like I have wasted my day by sleeping. Basically, it's tough, and I am wondering if anyone here has some good advice. Or perhaps there is someone here who is going through or has gone through the same thing? Obviously, there is no magic cure for this, but would there perhaps be medicine which can aid my liver or sleep quality? It's just causing me a bunch of anxiety, because I'd rather not be a fat sack of shit.[/QUOTE] All you can really do is gradual exercise, cut down on alcohol if you use it, and control what you eat. Move away from the fatty stuff and eat less meat, and more fruits and vegetables. Intake has to be less than output, which means you'll need to exercise at least an hour a day to start with in as many intervals as you like, and stop eating while you still feel a little hungry. Walk more often to places instead of taking a car/bike or public transport. Use stairs instead of an escalator or elevator if you're heading out somewhere. Walking a couple miles twice a day in addition to your regular activity will help a ton. And remember losing weight is about sticking it out because the body doesn't like to lose weight. It interprets loss in intake to mean it might be starving, so it resists the usage of stored fat for as long as possible, while making you feel extra hungry, to make you go back to eating as much as you used to. You have to power through this when you feel it come on, or whatever you might lose will come to nothing and even increase your pre-diet weight.

Today was even worse than usual since everyone I knew was offline the whole day so I couldn't even stare at their profile images and contemplate if there's anything we could talk about. I hate myself, no motivation to do anything at all. Can't figure out where/how to find new friends. I want to just stop existing without anyone noticing.

i don't understand why everything in my life is so... heavy. it feels like everything is too much and ive just been so tired.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52507794]I think the reason I've been ducking out of relationships before they get too serious for the last few years is that I'm realizing that I'm kind of confused about my gender identity. I've got a 100% female body but I'd say I feel like a guy maybe like 75-80% of the time. But I'm still okay with my female features??? Being into both guys and girls and not being into sex in the least doesn't make it easier. I feel like I'm this complicated plethora of feelings and it's only getting harder to discern what I want and what I want to be. Probably explains a lot tbh. I guess there's not a whole lot I can do besides take it day by day and see if I can figure it out.[/QUOTE]I'd say it doesn't really matter which gender you identify as. If you can get full employment, have a group of friends around you that don't care, it's not really an issue. I mean, is there a specify reason you're worried about it? Who you are now is probably who you should try to be, I mean there isn't anything wrong with feel a bit like the opposite gender, if you get on more with 'the guys' it just means you know who you want to hang out with. I think when you find someone who 'you get on well with', you should try to dig deep at where your fear is coming from, it'll only hurt your partner if you're distant, they could be thinking they've done something wrong. If you like your partner, just be honest. There are people out there who can see more of you than you can and are attracted to those parts of you, you didn't realise were there. But I'm probably wrong, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

It's less that I get on more with guys. I have an equal amount of women and men friends, really. It's an internal feeling that I'd prefer to be seen as a guy for any number of reasons. But either way it's something that I need time to figure out. It's not as simple as just sort of letting it be, I don't think. I'm not super worried about it beyond being unable to do much about it here at home and being unable to discern my feelings regarding relationships in general. Being asexual makes it difficult to date in general, but throwing gender confusion on top of that doesn't help lol. Anyway it's just kind of an amalgam of thoughts and things that just made me realize why I tend to struggle with relationships.