Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I've been contemplating suicide all day [editline]5th August 2017[/editline] I can't fucking keep it in anymore I got to tell someone I'm in pain. I think Monday I will go. I've been feeling terrible about all this but tonight was the first time I just started crying non stop. My time left is very limited...

I don't even know how to be happy with myself anymore. I hurt the girl i love again, but what am i supposed to do if i know i can't give her the time and attention she deserves right noe? I wush so badly i met her when i was more comfortable and situated with myselfw [editline]5th August 2017[/editline] Does anyone here have experience with supplements like creatine? Ive felt so exhausted thus last year and id really love to hear if a natural energy booster loke that helps anyone here

I wish the suicide chat on lifeline was more reliable. Every time I get stuck in the waiting que and only got to chat with someone once [editline]5th August 2017[/editline] A problem I have is I don't have a regular doctor though since getting my own health insurance

I just had something really scary happen to me. My heart started racing very fast while I was very calm. I thought I was having a heart attack so I called 911 but hung up but they called me back to ask if everything was alright while my heart was still racing but I said yeah. This shits getting scary now

I'm not entirely sure what to think about myself. I'm sort of in a split personality. Online, I'm a bit eccentric, exceptionally promiscuous gay guy who is probably too open for his own good. Outside of the internet, I'm a very tired, awkward and shy person who really doesn't do anything and is asexual, has about a mile thick wall between himself and others emotionally. I'm not sure which is the real me though.

[QUOTE=No Party Hats;52541540] Does anyone here have experience with supplements like creatine? Ive felt so exhausted thus last year and id really love to hear if a natural energy booster loke that helps anyone here[/QUOTE] If you've only started feeling exhausted in the past year and nothing obvious has changed I would go get your thyroid checked to rule out any problems. If you're not taking a multivitamin you could be deficient in a vitamin or mineral. Creatine does help with energy levels both physically and mentally. It's not going to be some huge change though. Back when I was taking creatine it helped me put on a few extra reps per set.

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1st world as fuck but I really hate when I tell someone all about a game I want to play with them, tell them I want to play the game with them many times, but when it actually comes out they say 'I'm already playing with someone else but if I have the time I'll let you know' because holy shit it hurts.

Thank god. Fiance talked with me and we came to an understanding and we both wanna make this work. Now I just have to worry about my employment situation and not losing him. Fuck.

Stopped lamictal, celexa, and never started my Clonazepam. Now I'm on effexor xr enderall, and pantoprazole. Just started the effexor today. Already doing more than I usually do lol.

I'm kind of in this grey zone where I don't feel anything - not sad, happy, anything. I'd give a lot of money to have some kind of outburst of feeling, instead of this numb fuckin stasis.

When people push you to your limits, and the moment you fight back, they think [I]you're[/I] the mean one. :why:

Does anyone know of anything to relieve pain? I have to stay away from Tylenol and all that

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Anyone know anything about cbt? Got any experiences? I'm thinking normal therapy wouldn't help right now (bringing up trauma would not be good atm) and taking meds is something I want to avoid. Also I've heard it's only a few months of sessions. Needs to be cheap as possible if my dad's insurance won't cover it.

[QUOTE=GamerChick;52545212]Anyone know anything about cbt? Got any experiences? I'm thinking normal therapy wouldn't help right now (bringing up trauma would not be good atm) and taking meds is something I want to avoid. Also I've heard it's only a few months of sessions. Needs to be cheap as possible if my dad's insurance won't cover it.[/QUOTE] If you're paying out of pocket then unless you qualify for low income therapy it's going to be expensive. Good luck!

[QUOTE=Uber22;52545156]-snip[/QUOTE] I've been like that for about half my life now. I don't know what to tell you except I feel your pain.

I just want someone to talk to. one person specifically but she hates me probably. I sent her a message 2 weeks ago but she didn't answer

So during my hospitalization I met a some people. I kept in contact with a few of them and was still suicidal at the time. One of them was a heroine addict and tried to convince me that x dosage would kill me. I refused and stopped talking to the guy. That's the last time I try to help a heroine addict. In retrospect I'm so happy that I didn't take him up on his offer because it probably wouldn't have killed me and I'd be a heroine addict. Fuck that shit.

My depression got worse out of nowhere, in the timespan of a few days. I wasn't feeling great anyway but now I suddenly feel horrible and I can barely eat anything. Since I graduated school I've just been sitting in front of my pc in apathy ever single day, lacking motivation to do even the most basic stuff. I lost interest in basically everything, even brushing my teeth or taking a shower takes me a lot of willpower. I feel so distant from this world, as if I wasn't actually in my body and if everything was a dream, and it keeps getting worse. I think I need help. My sleep schedule is all over the place, sometimes I sleep a lot, sometimes I barely sleep. Sometimes I sleep by day, sometimes by night. I want this all to stop so badly. Suicidal thoughts are also becoming more frequent and intense, I can't banish them anymore.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52544632]Does anyone know of anything to relieve pain? I have to stay away from Tylenol and all that[/QUOTE] for me taking a really hot shower helped with my terrible galbladder pain a bit

I got to feeling bad again, to the point where I was going to grab a gun and blow my brains out, and was in the middle of writing out a goodbye letter. I don't know why I stopped, but I figured I'd try asking for help through my unit's chain of command, and they've got me speaking with several chaplains and I'm going to be starting on both a local program and seeing a psychiatrist every week starting on Wednesday. I reached out to them last night.

[QUOTE=Gorgus;52546627]My depression got worse out of nowhere, in the timespan of a few days. I wasn't feeling great anyway but now I suddenly feel horrible and I can barely eat anything. Since I graduated school I've just been sitting in front of my pc in apathy ever single day, lacking motivation to do even the most basic stuff. I lost interest in basically everything, even brushing my teeth or taking a shower takes me a lot of willpower. I feel so distant from this world, as if I wasn't actually in my body and if everything was a dream, and it keeps getting worse. I think I need help. My sleep schedule is all over the place, sometimes I sleep a lot, sometimes I barely sleep. Sometimes I sleep by day, sometimes by night. I want this all to stop so badly. Suicidal thoughts are also becoming more frequent and intense, I can't banish them anymore.[/QUOTE] I would recommend talking to a professional. Try to talking to your doctor and see if they can refer you to someone.

[QUOTE=Tinter;52547359]I would recommend talking to a professional. Try to talking to your doctor and see if they can refer you to someone.[/QUOTE] I tried calling the doctor's office today, and an automated message told me that he's currently in vacation and that I'm supposed to go to the nearby doctor and they gave me a new number. I called the office of the number they gave me but then I got an automated message again saying that they're in vacation too. Ugh.

Does the fact that I don't have a career path mean that I'll be unsuccessful in life? I've noticed all the top VFX artists, IT, people with social media following, successful business people all knew what they wanted to do their entire life. Does the fact that I don't, mean that I'm destined to fail at life? Being interested in multiple things means I'm worthless. For everyone else to win I have to lose, so I shouldn't both with anything right? Find a basic brain dead job and basic job and give on everything. That makes sense. I'm 29 and don't earn the 55K AUD per year everyone else does.

Nah. [url]https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/11-people-who-achieved-success-after-age-30[/url] Lots of successful people don't really hit what they want to do until 30 or 40. Some people not even up until their 50's. Age doesn't matter that much. Starting younger gets you a head start, sure, but it doesn't guarantee anything. [editline]7th August 2017[/editline] Here's another similar list: [url]http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/ages-famous-people-got-big-break-facebook-status_uk_5721f18ee4b0a1e971cb20f6[/url]

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52547934]Does the fact that I don't have a career path mean that I'll be unsuccessful in life? I've noticed all the top VFX artists, IT, people with social media following, successful business people all knew what they wanted to do their entire life. Does the fact that I don't, mean that I'm destined to fail at life? Being interested in multiple things means I'm worthless. For everyone else to win I have to lose, so I shouldn't both with anything right? Find a basic brain dead job and basic job and give on everything. That makes sense. I'm 29 and don't earn the 55K AUD per year everyone else does.[/QUOTE] I feel kinda the same way. I just wanna do something as a job than can get my rent paid and help me support a small family. I've never seen myself as a big manly career woman. I don't want to be rich. I would rather do what I want (some sort of aquarium fish rescue) and be poor than get into some work world full of fucking slimy backstabbing unethical cunts who only got there because daddy paid for it instead of doing their own hard work. Ugh. I feel like a late bloomer too dude because of my traumatic past and a bad start in life. The way I try to think is that either these other buttwads did work hard and came from a shitty background too or yeah, sucked dick and stole dad's wallet to get there.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52547934]Does the fact that I don't have a career path mean that I'll be unsuccessful in life? I've noticed all the top VFX artists, IT, people with social media following, successful business people all knew what they wanted to do their entire life. Does the fact that I don't, mean that I'm destined to fail at life? Being interested in multiple things means I'm worthless. For everyone else to win I have to lose, so I shouldn't both with anything right? Find a basic brain dead job and basic job and give on everything. That makes sense. I'm 29 and don't earn the 55K AUD per year everyone else does.[/QUOTE] Throughout my life I keep changing my mind as to what I want to do for a living. I know I wish to work in the creative sector, but what do I [I]specifically[/I] want to do within it, I have no clue!

When you're looking for something to pursue, you want to take into account: 1) What you like to do. 2) What you already know how to do. 3) What you can see yourself doing for an extended amount of time - i.e.: a couple of years. 4) What you want to learn more about. Somewhere in there lies a few different opportunities that you could pursue, depending on your answers.

Whenever I look back at my life, I see nothing but regrets, the wrong choices, and missed opportunities. And yet, it's not enough to motivate me to put any work into trying to change. I've had so many warnings and wakeup calls, why doesn't anything actually motivate me?