Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52569899]Romance has always been such a easy concept when you see it in movies and TV shows. I think this is one thing I could never really cope with either. The whole "roses and chocolate" thing has always been alluring to me but I guess it's because in itself is a lot more fantasy-like than other concepts of real life. People have always been more interested in fantasy rather than their everyday reality.[/QUOTE] I liked BoJack's take on that... [video=youtube;cTAi_3HWKHQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTAi_3HWKHQ[/video]

why is it that when i get hopeful my day turns out to be more awful? Honestly, my job has kept getting more and more stressful and my health is getting far worse at the same time. Less energy than I already have, even more severe GI problems, even fuzzier brain, gasping for air occasionally, even more frequently at work, feeling of passing out when taking deep breaths, painful deep breaths, no ablity to recall events that happened a week ago. I feel like I'm at a point where I'm very likely to die very early from stress. I don't know what to do. It also doesn't help that I don't know what else I want aside from something that'll never really result in anything: Game Content creation. I don't have connections, the skill to do it on my own, or money to not work my current job. I feel like it may just be the best choice to just give up on ever moving out. I never felt stable in this job I do have because I feel like I don't have the mental capacity to do it to the level they want. I'm so miserable. I'm nothing. What's the point? Idunno.

Please anyone just tell me it's going to be ok. Please. Anyone.

[QUOTE=nagachief;52571532]Please anyone just tell me it's going to be ok. Please. Anyone.[/QUOTE] Hey of course it's going to be okay. It [B]always[/B] turns out okay. For example, i'm not depressed or anxious but I came here just to check in on everyone. There's always someone who cares.

Whenever I'm anxious about something, nothing bad happens. However, from the moment I have a positive mindset and believe in myself etc., everything crumbles and goes to shit. Should I just stay anxious then to be on the safe side? I dunno :v:

Annd time to nuke all long term plans. I suck so much at my job that if I don't improve my consistincy and efficincy I'm likely going to be let go. And my mental capacity and physical health hinder my ability to get better. God I'm such a pathetic waste of space. Why did I deserve to live? Why do I deserve to be on this planet? Why am I a cosmic punching bag? [editline]14th August 2017[/editline] I don't think everything is going to be ok. I'm scared.i can't stop crying.

Just trying to take it day by day with my health problems. I'm still in the grieving process and a lot of times I keep saying to myself I'm not going to die

[QUOTE=Sega Saturn;52571094]The world is completely fucking evil. I did everything I could to make my parents proud, to be a good person, and to help people. I graduate with my bachelor's to find the country caving in all around me, a ghoul with no redeemable qualities is my president, Nazis are marching in the streets and killing people again, nobody responds to my job applications, and I can't even have fun playing video games anymore. It's like everyone and everything around me is trying to convince me that life isn't worth living. I smile and put a good face on it because I'm scared that if people knew that I go to work and think about killing myself three times a week, they'll just use it as leverage against me rather than actually trying to help. All I want is to be loved, a little bit of good faith opportunity, and for good, honest people to win every once in a goddamn blue moon. I am so fucking miserable. I've just left one of my last remaining Discord groups. I'm so tired of reaching out to people and having them just stare me down and ignore me. I'm a human being, do I have to tear my guts out for people to recognize it?[/QUOTE] I'm here. And just wanted to tell you back at the group that we do care about you and your personal life. We care about everyone even if it may seem like we don't. Even one of the guys back there asked in public if you were alright. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. The world is a piece of shit and I'm sure everyone can agree on that. But you can't let it win against you. The best thing is that you got people around you no matter what even if you think that there isn't. In this world, we're all in this together. Don't beat yourself up. We're there to help our own and I came here because I felt that there was something wrong. I know we weren't on the greatest terms and I'll admit that I was wrong back then. I treated you like shit and my ego got the better of things. I was jealous. And that took control of my attitude. Just remember life comes in waves and it'll always get better. You can always talk to us even when you're feeling down. It always helps with your friends. Family isn't just blood, it's also people you love too. We as a species need each other for support, to socialize, to count on. The most important thing is to prioritize on yourself. Take one thing at a time and don't put yourself below the world. Because you're already one of the good ones. Everything is going to be okay, just call us or even me if you got something on your mind. Because we're always here and everything works out with family. Good luck and remember, you're one of the good things in life.

After a nap I feel...a little better. I still feel like garbage. I feel like I can't even guarantee enough stability to make it out of the house for 6 months, let alone 12 months for rent. I guess I'll just be a pathetic excuse for a person that never moves out forever at this rate. I wish things would get better, and people keep telling me that. But reality says otherwise. IT ALWAYS FUCKING SAYS OTHERWISE. God damnit I just want to end it all. Just to save everyone the embarassment of dealing with me. Save my family the dissapointment of my constant failures with at least doing one final fucking thing right so they never have to fucking see me miserable or failing at everything they thought I'd be able to do but fail OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN because I'm just a shit human being. Ok I don't feel better, I still feel terrible just not a sobbing mess.

I've seriously been considering suicide constantly. i just wish someone would talk me out of it though. I wont be alive by my 24th birthday

This isn't helping, now my brother has broken down in despair. I have no one to turn to now. I have no way to find a place of peace. My state of mind is so broken right now I have no way to help him either. help

I have a pretty severe insectophobia that kind of rears its ugly head at night because no one is usually awake to help me but tonight I accidentally stepped on a small bug and didn't freak out as I got the bug spray and sprayed it and then picked it up and tossed it down the toilet and I think that was a big accomplishment for me and I'm proud of myself. It's silly but considering I'm someone who stood around for like 3 hours debating whether or not to wake someone up to help me find a bug in my room two nights ago, it's an improvement.

Today wasnt a good day.Spent all day feeling overwhelmingly hopeless for no reason. Despite any sucess I have I can enjoy them for long or at all as every nagging setback or failure just buzzes in the back of my mind forever.

I haved posted here on FP in many years. I love you all. The fact youre on this forum means youre part of an extremely old community that has given me memories I will always cherish. I keep making mistakes. Keep fucking up. But like I just need someone to tell me I matter. But you guys, you matter too. I love you.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52574302]I've seriously been considering suicide constantly. i just wish someone would talk me out of it though. I wont be alive by my 24th birthday[/QUOTE] Don't kill yourself. You might think that you're going to get relief and be out of pain, but the instant your pain ends, your family and friends pain begins. Buddy of mine is a two time divorcee at age 45-46, didn't have a lot of luck and his second wife was...questionable in her temperament. He had a son with her and when he and his wife split, he gave her the house and moved out so that she'd have a roof over her head and be able to take care of their son. When my met my buddy his son was 12 years old, smart kid had a smile that could light up a dark room and was someone you knew would be a great guy when he was an adult. My buddy loved his son and despite not having a really good relationship with his Ex-Wife was able to get his son on weekends(not every weekend, to my knowledge). Fast forward 4 years later, my buddy is talking things over with a friend of his about the house he left his wife. Their agreement was that he'd leave the house to her, so long as he was given 20% of its value at a later date. His friend was an attorney and advised him to try to get this taken care of now as it had been about 15 years or so since this agreement was made(possible statue of limitations). When this happened my friend was pretty much no longer allowed to see his son. Ex-wife would not let him. This went on for about a year or so, his son was 17 years old now and almost an adult. A week before Christmas my friends son committed suicide by jumping off the Golden gate bridge, above the rocks. This was my buddies only child and he was dead, we don't know what was going on in his life to cause him to do this but I'm fairly certain its partially due to him not being allowed to see his father for almost a year, as well as possible depression. The kid hid it well, no one knew. Not even his girlfriend. My Buddy was devastated he was now like early 60s and his only child was gone as well as his father dying earlier in the same year. So he was forced to live life one day at a time and take babysteps while being comforted by his large circle of friends, of which I'm thankful to be part of. 3 years pass by and by chance my buddy meets an old friend of his from college who got divorced a few years earlier, I believe and many many years earlier the two of them were interested in eachother, but he was like 11 years older than she was and was finishing school while she was just starting. So they started dating and about a year ago got engaged, their wedding is prolly next year in spring time and he's now a step father to six of her kids(all in their early 20s. 3 are triplets, which is funny as my buddy himself is a twin). Its been almost 6 years since his son killed himself and while thats a hole that will never be filled, my buddys life has gotten so much better the last 3 years and despite him saying he'd never get married again, here we are. He's a very happy man and I'm envious of him. I wonder if I'll ever come close to being happy like he is, but if cut my losses now I'll never know, and I can't do that. I'd kill my family and I couldn't do that to them, or my buddy. Stick around. You don't know whats gonna happen next and while it might be nothing, it might be shit, it might also be something special. I'm still waiting on something special, but nothing isn't always bad either.

Out of curiosity i dig up my broken past, just when i thought i would be able to overcome the pain and suffering from my trauma, well i was wrong it still lingers on me so tightly and now i can't stop being anxious my heart keep beating really hard and i can really feel it, dammit man, this is so dumb should've just buried my past and move on.

Welp, I just got diagnosed with a personality disorder and am supposed to go to therapy, where I'll probably get even more diagnoses. Also my blood pressure is too high. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to the doc, at least I could pretend that everything was alright then. Why can't things go well for me once.

[QUOTE=Gorgus;52575266]Welp, I just got diagnosed with a personality disorder and am supposed to go to therapy, where I'll probably get even more diagnoses. Also my blood pressure is too high. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to the doc, at least I could pretend that everything was alright then. Why can't things go well for me once.[/QUOTE] When it comes to mental illness, once you are diagnosed, at least you know what you are dealing with.

I've likely got a lot more than just Major Depression, but I haven't gone back to the doctor. Fear of sudden unexpected bills like last time and an inability to will myself make an appointment. I'm practically at the point someone else needs to make the appointment. Though I'm worried about getting meds again. Lexapro made me violent. Kinda like how I was as a kid being picked on.

Ever have one of those days where you're constantly reminded of your repeating failures growing up that only got more emotionally painful as time and life gets more complicated? I'm having one of those day.

-snip-

[QUOTE=Paincake;52576339]Ever have one of those days where you're constantly reminded of your repeating failures growing up that only got more emotionally painful as time and life gets more complicated? I'm having one of those day.[/QUOTE] I used to have those days even until fairly recently. Life is pretty complicated but all we can do is stick it out and play with the cards we're dealt. Just because your life might be shit now doesn't mean it'll be shit forever. Hell, Colonel Sanders only succeeded after being a washout his entire life, and died a billionaire in his 80s. If you're in your early to mid 20s, also remember that while succeeding early can get you noticed, the majority of us bloom late, in our late 20s to early 30s. It's important to stick it out no matter how tough things may seem, because none of us know what's in store for us around the corner.

I've had a headache for three days and I'm not sure what to do. The pain seems to be making my depression way worse somehow as well.

Mum is mad at me, because I'm lazy. I tried to take a sleep deprivation test by releasing a spoon in my hand to a metal tray. I didn't wake up, slept for 4 hours after that, and I just passed out, mostly straight away they say 5 minutes is hard sleep deprivation, I literally laid down and passed out, and didn't wale by it. Apperantly I need to get my life on track. I had forgotten how much I can hate my mum for being an ignorant bitch sometimes...

maybe one day I'll be able to hold on to the people I care about and not ruin every chance of a relationship with anyone who gets near me, be it platonic or romantic

The release of Flower Boy has been a wonderful mix of feelings for me. I hadn't really been listening to Tyler much at all since I was still in high school and struggling with untreated anxiety and depression. Overall it's a reminder that literally everyone feels this deep, digging need for someone else. It's kind of helpful how his music has grown up along with me as well. I even feel that I truly can make music that people will like instead of playing and singing to myself like I have for the last ten or so years. I'm still rather fucked from my relationship experiences though, but not so much emotionally. More that I don't think I'll be able to trust my romantic emotions with another person for a very, very long time. Twice now I've been the one that gets hurt, and apparently both times weren't my fault, which I don't believe.

I just wish I wasn't dying and had someone to talk to

I find it interesting how my outlook over the years went from "happiness is impossible" to "happiness was very possible but you completely wasted your chance". Went from being a problem with ~the world~, to a problem with me.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;52581133]I find it interesting how my outlook over the years went from "happiness is impossible" to "happiness was very possible but you completely wasted your chance". Went from being a problem with ~the world~, to a problem with me.[/QUOTE] I think its a healthy attitude to see if theres any flaws in yourself, and ask yourself what you actually want, and strive and work towards those goals. Its not perfect and things will be hard to achieve sometimes, but the worst thing you can do is give up.

Whelp, I sometime I feel like just giving up on life.