Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52624845]I think about this girl I met from my program a lot. We stopped talking awhile ago but it was me who ended it. I feel so bad about it all the time. The thing is I lost interest in her and I don't know i didn't feel the same anymore. I think about messaging her but then again I don't want her to know about my health problems. She probably thinks I don't like her anymore. I think about messaging her because I don't want to be alone in this. I never see her we go different days at our program. I really messed it up we talked all the time.[/QUOTE] I had a crush on this one girl, i thought she was really nice, so i gathered courage to finally ask her out and she said yes. Then i didn't talk to her anymore because i didnt want to show her my social anxiety and shit.

That's also kinda why I stopped talking to her because of my anxiety. Even though she told me she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and we had similar diagnoses

And i feel like my heart has been broken big time so that was a huge reason why i didnt continue. Its been like 3 years and im still very hesitant if i want to fall in love again. However, i started talking to this one girl and after a short while, she wanted to meet me. I told her about my problems because i didnt want to mislead her or something. I thought it was over then and there but somehow she was really understanding and just complimented my courage to tell her. I feel good about this one. I just hope im ready for it.

You can do it man. It's good you told her. Dont be scared about falling in love again we learn from our past mistakes and find a way to move on. [editline]29th August 2017[/editline] I also think I'm just going to text her again and tell her how depressed I been these past 2 months. I really hope I can make friends with her again

[QUOTE=Shenesis;52621757]Feels like I'm going insane. I want to participate in discussions and interact with other people but I keep hitting myself because I can't think of anything to talk about or of something relevant to say. I want to play games with other people but I have a strong feeling I'm being avoided or exploited for personal gain. I can't hold long discussions and my answers are often limited to extremely short answers so it's probably no surprise that people think that I'm a dull person. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop where I just keep compulsively checking the forums for stuff to read like an addict and when there's nothing new, I just stare at my screen like a drooling idiot. Writing this one single post took a lot of thinking, erasing, re-writing and apprehension of whether I'd look stupid or not. Its incoherentness should be enough proof that I am probably going insane.[/QUOTE] This is me to a T I don't have any answers for you but i hope at least it helps to know you're never alone in feeling certain ways [editline]29th August 2017[/editline] At what point would you guys say one moves from "having recurrent suicidal thoughts" to "legitimately being suicidal"

I'm seeing a doctor in 7 hours time, I really can't deal with my brain any longer. My mental health has genuinely ruined my life.

[QUOTE=inebriaticxp;52624998]At what point would you guys say one moves from "having recurrent suicidal thoughts" to "legitimately being suicidal"[/QUOTE] When you start making plans/buying supplies or you have moments where you actually were about to jump from somewhere or in front of a car or something, or you do extremely risky and reckless things; playing chicken with death.

I need to figure something out myself. Last few days I've only been able to get 3 hours of sleep a night and it's leading me to some serious depressing thoughts. I have a nice bed, nice room temp so I can't figure it out. I just wake up and then keep myself awake overthinking things to the point I just get myself upset.

I'd like to thank everyone who has helped me with my hair depression, I do keep looking myself and comparing my hair line to other people. How I just wanted to ask if anyone else has negative bias? I assume that I'm some how worse than everyone else is that everything positive has some hidden negative meaning or that anything positive is only positive in my head. I keep trying to push all the negatively to one side when I'm in bad situation and ignore, but unsure if that's the right thing to do or does that just turn you into an ass hole later on, while the negative comes back to bite you? I still can't shake the idea that everyone is better than me.

Hi, I wanted to post about my life I had, So during my childhood, I was happy with my brothers and sisters, my mom and dad loved each others The life I loved... But after sometimes my dad and mom started to hate each other making the family broken and finish with a divorce, this is where it started My mom kept me and my brother and sisters and let my dad the house. So we where raised by my mom and she basically didn't really raised us like a real mother.. With the divorce and this raising, I started myself to be more and more sad, being in a state of a blank shell and not having happyness, with my mother crawling in financial problems, etc.... With that my brother himself left the hosue when he the age to leave, and started to be a little against my mom and the family making big problems And so myself happyness on the internet and made new friends there. The problem with my mom raising was she wasn't strict, making me more and more lazy over time and making one of my sister spoiled and thinking she's better than anyone At least my big sister is one of the most normal of the family and lived her life peacefully A few months ago, my mom moved away with my sister and wanted to stay with my dad For the moment a little more happy but I still have this impression to have something missing With the divorce of my family, and the raising of my mom, even people who know me, said to me that I changed a lot.... I don't want anyone else to have those kind of experience in their life. If you want to raise a family think again, as it can hurt more than 1 people.

So I moved 2 days ago back to my student falt because got exams in a week and here I study a lot. At the very first minute I steeped here, I started to miss a lot my family and house , haven't seen my gf for a month (and can't see her until next week) and the fact I'm alone here and that I'll be like that for this entire week doesn't help. Sure, beign alone is cool but I can't stand beign alone for that long and having to study a lot. It seems going out to buy food and stuff I needs makes my mind forget about all that.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52628074]I'd like to thank everyone who has helped me with my hair depression, I do keep looking myself and comparing my hair line to other people. How I just wanted to ask if anyone else has negative bias? I assume that I'm some how worse than everyone else is that everything positive has some hidden negative meaning or that anything positive is only positive in my head. I keep trying to push all the negatively to one side when I'm in bad situation and ignore, but unsure if that's the right thing to do or does that just turn you into an ass hole later on, while the negative comes back to bite you? I still can't shake the idea that everyone is better than me.[/QUOTE] Yeah I have that negativity too. Only way it's really come back to bite me though is I can be a little too strong when I'm telling my friends how awesome they are at something. Like I genuinely mean it but when I see my online friends achieving great things it's kind of hard not to feel utterly useless myself- and while I want to congratulate them I'm always nervous I'm leaning too hard into it making it sound dishonest or sarcastic.

So I'll have an appointment with a counsellor/psychiatridt type person available within 2-3 weeks and I've had my medication changed. Here's hoping for postivity, it's time I fixed myself

ive been fighting the urge to kill myself today for no real reason other than i feel like im useless

Had another episode today. Got so mad I drove a fist into my mirror and it shattered. I tried to calm myself down best I could before next class. I didn't even have time to apply bandaids and my knuckles were still bleeding. Now I'm just ashamed and feel absolutely fucking stupid. It's like this pure primal feeling that washes over any reasoning whenever I get flashbacks. I'm just so fucking tired of being used by people.

I just wish any positive thinking I had didn't immediately get flushed away every time I accidentally see my own reflection.

will someone please message me on steam it's Zarjk

[QUOTE=Zarjk;52631882]will someone please message me on steam it's Zarjk[/QUOTE] I sent you a friend request, my name is "Literal Trash"

-snip-

Fuckin hell, just find out someone I knew back throughout high school just passed away. Don't know the cause but it was speculated to be suicide. Last time I ever saw him was 5 months ago at a birthday party and he was happy to see me after so long. Even studied the same major as me (Electrical Engineering). I'm just shocked and light headed at this point, someone I first met back in the 5th grade is... gone. Don't know what he's been through, but throughout this whole summer, I feel really upset at myself and stressed all the time. Wasted half of it staying at home without talking to anyone thinking I'll act desperate, now working a part-time job for ridiculous long hours with barely any time to hangout with anyone, no time to exercise and gaining weight, my 13-year-old dog being put down a few weeks back, school starting closer than I thought, and now this. It's been a really shitty summer for me, and now that I had a friend who just died, I really regret not talking to anyone here in my hometown expect for my closest friend. I always assume everyone is busy with their adult life, and I don't even know if I can handle that right now and in the future. And since I'll be leaving for school in a few weeks, I feel like there's no time to do really anything. The only thing I can to is to talk some of my friends I haven't touched since high school and see how they're holding up with this. Thinking about someone who would die just as young as me is just furthering my depressed mood.

I just went to the psychiatrist and confessed everything. They put me on surveillance and will prescribe me medication next week. Even though it's good for me I still regret it. For the first time I feel vulnerable, and my family will probably find out. I perfected my plan to leave this place but I had no guts, even though my beliefs are still strong.

I need to keep distracting myself because I keep getting really upset about things that I've had happen in the last week or so, and generally how shitty everything has gotten.

Back when I was in the hospital I met good people. It was 2 years ago but I remember genuinely having a good experience because of everyone I met. Most people I speak to said they always had a bad experience in the hospital but for me it was the opposite

-nah-

what's your degree? and just an fyi, lots of people feel that way during their degree. but i've heard from tonnes of post-grads that once you're out and working, that feeling goes away, especially if you land a job at somewhere nice with good colleagues and a nice work environment. makes life better by far.

dropping out now will be one of the biggest regrets of your life. you've stuck through it this long, and you said yourself you're almost done, so I'm guessing you have a year left? don't bounce. you might have zero interest in it now, but computer science is a legit degree, and you could end up working at a really cushy company, surrounded by great people. university is shit because so much of it is boring practicals or theory lectures, but working a job is different. you can work on something you're actually passionate about, with people around you who feel the same way. uni has an odd way of sapping that enthusiasm and enjoyment out of you, cause day in day out of the same mind numbing lectures has that effect. [editline]1st September 2017[/editline] i guess you could always take a gap year, but that'd fuck up your social life cause all your friends will be graduated and gone by the time you come back, and you'd be stuck in a year with people who are close with each other, but don't know you. [editline]1st September 2017[/editline] my degree has made me miserably depressed and i hate every second of it because i genuinely don't think i'm cut out for uni (not that I can't do it, just that it really doesn't coincide with my personality and way of working). i'd be far happier with a hands on job, working on things that i physically see making a difference. in uni, it's just assignments and practicals that are meaningless and just numbers on a page.

My dad's kicking me off the family phone plan and making get a single line plan. I've talked to him many times about me wanting to pay for my bill, but he refuses. And, he's going to start making me pay for payments on my car and car/health insurance. All of this because he feels like he's not respected in the family. I have been kind of a leech these past few years, and I regret it and want to help, but every time I try to, I get pushed away. I'm completely willing to pay, and have expressed so. I'm also in my last semester of college, which I should have finished already but failed many courses, and I still don't have a job. I managed to fuck up school by failing too many heavily project based classes because I'm not good at managing my time, and I have issues with feeling overwhelmed and stressed when I don't know how to overcome a problem, which leads me to procrastinate and not finishing the work. Now I'm in my last semester with two classes, that I can't pay myself because I don't have the money. My parents decided to help pay for these last two classes. I'm thankful for everything they do, and would eventually like to pay them back everything they've had to pay off because of my incompetence. Having these two classes makes my schedule very weird, and trying to find a job that'll work around that schedule is kind of hard. I'm also scared about getting a job. I feel like I won't be good enough for a job in the field that I studied for four years. If I could just be handed a job, I would work without complaints and strive to exceed what's expected of me. I'm just scared of rejection, because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough, and it just fuels my anxieties and insecurities. I think a lot of my problems stem from my insecurities but I don't know how to fix them. My parents have also been fighting nearly constantly, and I'm scared that they'll divorce. It's seeming like they will day after day. The fighting is mostly due to petty differences like politics that blow out of proportion and end up with screaming and name calling and other such bullshit. I'm just stressed and I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't keep on going anymore. Like there's just no point. I hate myself and I hate everything and I just want this to end. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of living. I'm just lost.

Urgh, fuck it. Mind if I vent?

It is just completely impossible for me to take my meds on any kind of consistent basis and I don't understand why

stick the pill bottles somewhere you spend the most amount of time. make it routine to always take at a specific time of day, so that really annoying thing doesn't happen where you look at the bottle and can't remember at all if you've taken it that day, or if it was actually yesterday. or buy one of those cheap plastic pill containers, that have the days etched onto the surface. that way you set it up for the week, and then can know for sure whether you've taken it that day.