Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52638679]Dropping out is the last thing I will ever do. So, the chances of that happening is nil. I know CS is very lucrative field, but it very taxing mentally. It also doesn't help that fact I have to be on teams often, which I often ended as dead weight or luggage most of the time. Not to mention, you have to good social skills (aka which I don't have) to have an edge in the CS field. Here's the problem though. In order to have an advantage, you have to be programming from young age. I only started programming at high school and even then, I am still pretty shit on programming compared to most students to this day and I am also a very slow learner too, which amplifies the problem even further because you have also be adaptive to multiple programming languages as well. And as mentioned early, good social skills, which is needed for team projects and networking, something that I am traditionally terrible at. The only redeeming factor I have is adequate math skills, but even then, I am still outclassed by most students in that field too. Combined all of those things and you get a very depressive, sad, cynic, socially inept, boring loser, which describes me perfectly.[/QUOTE] That sometimes depends on the job. When I tried to apply to a job where programming was the focus, they were really supportive to each other, helping out as much as they could. I have been asking around and some of them were also pretty late with their programming experience. If you aren't so good in programming, then don't worry, CS covers quite a lot of things. Server management is one thing that comes in my mind. Some who gratuated in college/Uni went to a much simpler job field, mostly just repairing PC's and phones, but they really enjoyed working there and the payment wasn't all that bad either. I would say, definitelly don't give up on hope. I had the same feeling when I was on an internship. You will be getting used to your crew after a while. But then again, that mostly depends on what you wanna as.

I feel like a shit for not applying to uni through clearing, been able to worry myself into rationalising doing nothing even though I've NEETed my way through the past year like I'd love to do try compsci again but I don't think I care for that part of the job market and fine art would be dandy but I'm too depressed to fill a few sketchbooks on my own so what's the point of doing that lmao

how old are you? take this as a blessing in disguise man. if I could go back to 19 / 20, I'd have held off from applying to uni. worked some jobs for a couple years, scrounged up money, travelled dirt cheap around some places. keep shit small and cheap, small apartment, etc etc. build my personality and character. and then I'd hit uni feeling like I'd lived life a little and broken out of the monotony. going into uni when all you've known in life is GCSEs / A-levels / school stress is a pain in the ass. I'm 24 going 25 now, and if I held off for 3 years from uni and just applied now as a mature student, I'd be a lot fucking happier.

My social anxiety at work is so fucking bad. Even during normal, non stressful days I spend my shift thinking about how much of an awkward asshole I am. I mentally beat myself up all day and it's starting to affect my ability to work properly. Even as I type this I'm getting nervous for work, even though I know nothing bad will happen. It's all in my head and it's so tiring. I wish I knew how to just not give a shit.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52639945]how old are you? take this as a blessing in disguise man. if I could go back to 19 / 20, I'd have held off from applying to uni. worked some jobs for a couple years, scrounged up money, travelled dirt cheap around some places. keep shit small and cheap, small apartment, etc etc. build my personality and character. and then I'd hit uni feeling like I'd lived life a little and broken out of the monotony. going into uni when all you've known in life is GCSEs / A-levels / school stress is a pain in the ass. I'm 24 going 25 now, and if I held off for 3 years from uni and just applied now as a mature student, I'd be a lot fucking happier.[/QUOTE] I jumped into my dream field at 19 swearing up and down at everyone who told me to wait that "I gotta get my foot in early". My god do I ever wish I'd waited til I was 23-24 and had 7 years of work experience behind me because I burnt myself right out of my industry [editline]2nd September 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=simzboy;52640890]My social anxiety at work is so fucking bad. Even during normal, non stressful days I spend my shift thinking about how much of an awkward asshole I am. I mentally beat myself up all day and it's starting to affect my ability to work properly. Even as I type this I'm getting nervous for work, even though I know nothing bad will happen. It's all in my head and it's so tiring. I wish I knew how to just not give a shit.[/QUOTE] You're probably no where near as awkward as you think you are. I don't know what the steps I took to "not give a shit" were, or I'd share them with you, but as counter-intuitive as it seems it really is just about not caring. I used to get that same social anxiety, one day something clicked with me and I just realized that none of this matters and being social became really easy. I just stopped caring if people didn't like me, or didn't find me to be their cup of tea. I don't exist for them. I exist for me. I'm me, if you don't like it, fuck off. That doesn't exclude changing yourself to become better, it just starts with accepting yourself I guess.

[QUOTE=simzboy;52640890]My social anxiety at work is so fucking bad. Even during normal, non stressful days I spend my shift thinking about how much of an awkward asshole I am. I mentally beat myself up all day and it's starting to affect my ability to work properly. Even as I type this I'm getting nervous for work, even though I know nothing bad will happen. It's all in my head and it's so tiring. I wish I knew how to just not give a shit.[/QUOTE] I had the exact same thing where I used to work. I'd like to say I'm pretty humorous at times but the second I walked through the door at work I became some empty shell that couldn't stop having mental fights with myself, trying to force myself to stop being so awkward. It was never successful because the part of my brain that told me people were judging me was shouting a lot louder than the rational part. Thankfully, between my first and second year of college I think I've made progress towards just not giving shit but the only advice I give is hardly..."heartwarming". If your anxiety is anything like mine, it's constant worries that people are judging me, secretly dislike me for trivial crap like how I walk - but also more 'important' stuff. It helps to realise that you will never be able to appeal to everyone, no matter how hard you try. I went through a phase where I would change stuff about myself to try and fit in but I was disappointed and rather surprised to find it only made me feel more shit - you change how you talk, someone will still dislike how you do your job. You change how you do your job, someone will still dislike you because of your fashion sense. You change your fashion sense, someone will still dislike you because you changed how you talk. I've been told repeatedly that "people don't care, people don't care" but the message never really sunk in until I accepted that even if I devoted all my efforts to trying to get everyone to like me, I'd never be successful. I'd rather put my efforts in doing stuff that will have a meaningful impact instead of chasing around after a dream that I refuse to acknowledge as an unachievable dream. Another way I tackled my anxiety was to analyse the "people don't care" stock response. When you look at a stranger in public, does your mind immediately go 'ugh they talk weird, i dislike that person and i will never get along with them, they're awful'. Hopefully, no. So why would people do it to you? People, even when they are 100% bored, have more important stuff to do than judge you. So I worked hard and eventually stopped my brain from convincing me that I should care about what Joyce the cleaner lady at work thinks about me. Apologies if I just released a maelstrom of verbosity, I've had a lot of thoughts recently and I hope, if nothing else, you can at least relate and realise you're not alone in situations like this.

I hope that the only friend I had is happy now. I know she started college recently and I want to know how's it going for her. I can't talk to her though because I'm just not able to be myself anymore since my liver problems. She doesn't have a Facebook or any social media. I think about her a lot and I'm mad at myself for stopping to talk to her. I don't even know what to say if I text her. I think I'm going to wait a few weeks or months

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;52641166]I jumped into my dream field at 19 swearing up and down at everyone who told me to wait that "I gotta get my foot in early". My god do I ever wish I'd waited til I was 23-24 and had 7 years of work experience behind me because I burnt myself right out of my industry[/QUOTE] As someone who went the opposite route, it still fucking sucks. Being 26 with no higher education and only entry-level manufacturing jobs on my resume, I'm pretty much stuck where I am. And given that I can barely afford to pay my bills, I'm sure as hell not going to be able to afford enrolling at a college, let alone a university, and I'm too tired from work to come home and seek out that education by myself. I'm fucked because it's so hard to gain any footing that I feel like I'm not even going to get started on it in the next five years, and if I'm only just starting my education in my dream field when I'm 31, what's the fucking point? There is no greener grass. It's all fucked. I wish my parents hadn't pressured me into full time jobs.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52639945]how old are you? take this as a blessing in disguise man. if I could go back to 19 / 20, I'd have held off from applying to uni. worked some jobs for a couple years, scrounged up money, travelled dirt cheap around some places. keep shit small and cheap, small apartment, etc etc. build my personality and character. and then I'd hit uni feeling like I'd lived life a little and broken out of the monotony. going into uni when all you've known in life is GCSEs / A-levels / school stress is a pain in the ass. I'm 24 going 25 now, and if I held off for 3 years from uni and just applied now as a mature student, I'd be a lot fucking happier.[/QUOTE] I'm 20, but I'm sure of going to uni because I want to do it, not because it's just what people do. And when I say I want to despite not applying again, it's the usual thinking one should do something then getting filled with all the "but what if..." negative thoughts and end up doing nothing. I'd love for, in 6 months, to be chest deep in a fine arts course or something - and I know I can handle it - but if it's not the pointless worrying, it's the apathy.

I'm at a point where I NEED to talk to a counsellor and it's just going to take so long for an appointment. This has to have been the worst part of my life.

My antidepressant is literally only 25mg but god whenever I run out I'm the crankiest, most irritated and depressed son of a bitch in my entire house. Today's an "I wanna die" kind of day !

[QUOTE=Pascall;52644089]My antidepressant is literally only 25mg but god whenever I run out I'm the crankiest, most irritated and depressed son of a bitch in my entire house. Today's an "I wanna die" kind of day ![/QUOTE] Mine's currently at... 225mg (150mg + 75mg). Though that's only for another two days, then it's down to 150mg (I'm taking two drugs at the same time to cancel out the withdrawal effects of the other). [editline]3rd September 2017[/editline] I'm sorry you're feeling bad today

Mine was mostly prescribed for the nerve pain that stems from my digestional disability, but it also helps curb my anxiety a bit. So when I don't have it, not only am I unable to eat things like I usually am, but I'm just nervous and cranky about everything. Don't think I'd ever qualify for a full dose of antidepressants but I understand why they're crucial to function for some people.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52644132]Mine was mostly prescribed for the nerve pain that stems from my digestional disability, but it also helps curb my anxiety a bit. So when I don't have it, not only am I unable to eat things like I usually am, but I'm just nervous and cranky about everything. Don't think I'd ever qualify for a full dose of antidepressants but I understand why they're crucial to function for some people.[/QUOTE] Yeah, mine were prescribed because of anxiety/depression issues but after a while they were doing nothing. Hopefully the new ones will be better. They're certainly crucial for me at the moment.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52644132]Mine was mostly prescribed for the nerve pain that stems from my digestional disability, but it also helps curb my anxiety a bit. So when I don't have it, not only am I unable to eat things like I usually am, but I'm just nervous and cranky about everything. Don't think I'd ever qualify for a full dose of antidepressants but I understand why they're crucial to function for some people.[/QUOTE] really curious to know more about this, if you don't mind speaking about it. I've never heard of digestional disability, and taking medication to counteract it sounds pretty cool.

[QUOTE=loopoo;52644724]really curious to know more about this, if you don't mind speaking about it. I've never heard of digestional disability, and taking medication to counteract it sounds pretty cool.[/QUOTE] I have some severe Irritable Bowel Syndrome - gross, I know - that is reactive to stress and anxiety which causes some severely debilitating stomach aches which affect my presence at work, school, and literally anywhere else. It can also hit me in the middle of the night with pains that have sent me to the ER before. The issue stems from a spastic colon which doesn't properly process food in the way that it's supposed to and can throw me from one extreme to another in terms of processing that food. Neither are great. And I get disability accommodations at school because of it. ANYWAY, my gastro doctor prescribed me some Imipramine HCL to help with the pain and a bit of the anxiety that stems from it. Since I started taking that medication, I haven't had a severe anxiety attack or an incident in public or in the middle of the night so it's definitely necessary for me to keep functioning. Without it I can't eat anything without being afraid that it's gonna affect me negatively so everything is a risk. I do have another medication but it's only as needed and only in response to an incident to curb it a bit so it's not the same as the Imipramine. Shit sucks, bruh!

IBS is a lot more severe than lactose intolerance and gluten allergy, but I feel you man. that shit is the worst. Rated winner for you kickin rad attitude.

ty. I actually also have lactose intolerance, so that's a real peach lol. I'm okay on Gluten though as far as I know.

people don't stop and appreciate how amazing intestines are until your intestines fuck you over royally with so many things. i miss being able to drink milky coffees and icecream and cheese when i'm on dates, without the sudden and severe onset of stinky wind billowing out my ass.

another night dedicated to ol' Calypso

has anyone had gynecomastia surgery? its started to bother me a lot more in the last couple of years and my GP said its not bad enough to get the surgery on the nhs but the surgery is 4-5k privately maybe 2.5 at a good hospital in thailand, i dont know if getting surgery would make me feel better enough to be worth it, that sort of money is a pretty significant amount to me

:snip:

How does one act like a normal human being when trying to interact with other people? I just started college and when a friend of my roommates was leaving the apt. after talking to me briefly I said: "Have a nice day" Why?! Why did I say that?!

What's wrong with saying "Have a nice day"? That's just normal social etiquette.

God, I'm on like week 8 of taking this Sertraline and it sucks but I feel pretty good [i]sometimes[/i], I'm not sure if I should try a [i]third[/i] anti-depressant or come off them all together like my therapist suggested

[QUOTE=Tacooo;52648071]God, I'm on like week 8 of taking this Sertraline and it sucks but I feel pretty good [i]sometimes[/i], I'm not sure if I should try a [i]third[/i] anti-depressant or come off them all together like my therapist suggested[/QUOTE] I fucking hated Sertraline personally. It made me feel like a zombie. Felt no emotion whatsoever... Whenever I smiled for 2 seconds my face ached.

So far Mirtazapine and Propranolol in actually alright. Especially the Propranolol, I can heardly feel my heartbeat anymore.

No one ever take Cipralex, that shit fucked me up good. Or maybe I was just unlucky and had a really bad reaction. I took 2 pills, and on the 3rd day I went absolutely mad. I had to keep flicking light switches off or else I'd feel like a family member would die, had to draw the curtains, couldn't watch TV, had next to no appetite and would have killed myself if I had access to a gun. I'd sit on the sofa staring at the wall for hours like a fuckin lunatic, stuck inside my own head, telling myself I'll be back to normal tomorrow, repeating the mantra to stay sane. I didn't get better tomorrow, or the day after, I had to fight it every day for 9 months until I felt somewhat better. At the start, dumb shit like people posting "you're now breathing manually" would send me into a fit cause I'd feel like I was suffocating. Was like being on a bad trip after taking drugs, except the one saving grace with drugs is you know they'll wear off quite quickly. Cipralex hung around for months. 4 years on, I still think whatever the fuck was in those pills did more harm than good. I never used to be anxious, but it's like they switched something in my head and now I get anxiety quite a lot. Wish I'd never taken the fucking things. Though I was in the Middle-east at the time, and doctors over there are utter shite. The doc put me on 20mg right off the bat, which I really think was dumb, but at the time I thought it was the norm.

i've been horribly underweight for as long as i can remember, and only last month did i actually manage to break the 100 lbs mark. recently i've started becoming self-conscious of it and having a horrible body image of myself and i'm not sure what to do about it [editline]5th September 2017[/editline] worse even i'm like 6'1

The worst one for me was Fluoxetine. It heightened my anxiety levels and I was shaking even when I relaxed my body.