Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I got lucky. I got prescribed fluoxetine first thing and it's still working okay. My attention and concentration have never been the same since but that's a fair trade-off.

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;52648398]I fucking hated Sertraline personally. It made me feel like a zombie. Felt no emotion whatsoever... Whenever I smiled for 2 seconds my face ached.[/QUOTE] My doctor put me on it a few months ago. I've noticed that some days I just don't really feel anything at all. I still have more good days than bad now; but those flat days are awful. It's like those days don't even [i]exist[/i].

I really wish i would go to sleep and not wake up. I hate myself so much

I lost interest in everything, I can't even get myself to watch a movie/series or play a videogame anymore. All I do is sit in front of the pc listening to some music (which is getting stale too) and lurking on here or some discord servers. That's literally the only thing I do, I don't have any hobbies and I can't get myself to find interest in anything. At this point it feels like my life is going nowhere. I landed a job at a retirement until I can go to university but I find retirement homes to be depressing as fuck, also I have to work there with my mother who used to abuse and manipulate me a lot. I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.

Falling asleep and not waking up is something I think about often. I messed my life up and it's all my mental illnesses fault.

My advice from my personal experience so far as feeling good and not anxious is as followed: Workout hard at least once a day Vitamin D/Magnesium/Zinc/B-Complex/Multivitamin/Fishoil every day Lots of vegetables, specifically brocolli,carrots, garlic and onions, as well as fruit Avoid carbs but not completely, and eat complex carbs when you do. Lots of chicken, eggs, a little beef, peanut butter, almonds, olive oil. Make sure youre sleeping well, as in you have a routine, actually sleep( This is my weakness, thanks sleep apnea, but Im working on it). Do yoga and/or stretching. Avoid alcohol, its shocking how much this is tied to depression and anxiety, even in small amounts. Dont smoke weed if it makes you anxious. Asides for physical stuff, it helps to have a clean house, organized and sorted. Keep track of thins in your life, write a diary or journal, listen to informative radio or youtube channels. Most importantly is create skills for yourself. If you dont have anything to offer to the world of course youre not going to feel great. Hedonistic lifestyles are by and large bullshit, learn how to work, learn how to suffer and grind and accomplish goals. Life should be a challenge. [editline]5th September 2017[/editline] Edit: And if you are nihilistic, you best try and unfuck yourself.

I was on Sertreline for about a year and I've taken my last dose just today, I'm now going to be taking Venlafaxine.

My no-medication funk finally wore off and I got a call in to the doc's office to hopefully get a refill. It has to get approved by the doctor but I should get a text when it's been called into the pharmacy. My mom makes jokes about me being "addicted" but she accepts that I'm on medication for my stomach issues. That's about all I can ask for! I also looked into the cost of the medications without insurance since I'm very near to losing mine. They're both affordable, luckily.

On the way home I lost my footing and fell down the steps on the Tube whilst carrying my REALLY FUCKING HEAVY suitcase and backpack. Not one person helped me or asked if I was okay. Instead they just laughed and took their fucking phones out and snapped pictures. Nice knowing that I also don't exist in public as well, apparently :goodjob: On the plus side however, I'm [I]incredibly[/I] surprised that I'm not bruised! :what:

A company said they would hire me a couple weeks ago but cancelled at the last minute. I don't want to try anymore. I just want to stay in bed forever.

[QUOTE=Kiwi;52650715]How was setreline for you? I honestly found it to make me feel less anxious but more thinking about suicide and other incredibly dangerous thoughts. First month was okay but after that I got way worse and I came off them against my doctors advice. I feel better and I can actually think and not be so impaired but I'm more dysphoric(the sex drive that died when I was on them came back with an extreme vengeance) and very prone to panic attacks (the exact reason why I was on them in the first place). I might want to pursue something better but maybe with a different doctor.[/QUOTE] Sertreline worked for a few months and then stopped doing anything, and made me think suicidally/dangerously. They're more for anxiety than anything, I think.

[QUOTE=Kiwi;52651440]How much were you on? I was only on 50MG.[/QUOTE] I was on 150mg until yesterday, now I'm on 150mg a day of Venlafaxine. though how that will go will be known in time...

I know it's not wise to self-diagnose, but considering my anxiety and eating habits, I'm beginning to think that I may have some form of anorexia. I think I just kinda need to write it out first to make myself believe it's there before addressing it more properly, since rambling my thoughts out on a keyboard usually helps me figure things out. I'm 6 feet tall, 23 and I've been constantly around 130-140lbs for the past 8 years, with 160lb being my top weight of all time before falling into a depression where I just stopped eating for a few weeks. Around the time I was 160, my main form of exercise (which was walking over 2miles per weekday) had been cut out completely, by the circumstances I was in and other issues related to anxiety. Breakfast, lunch and dinner times have all passed today, and all I've had to eat is a piece of string cheese, 7 Oreos, and a few small pouches of trail mix, alongside a small Slushie/Italian Ice-like beverage. This is very common for me, to go a day or even two without eating because I get anxious about going into my kitchen and feeding myself because I don't want to eat the same kind of meals two days in a row (for some odd reason that I can't quite figure out) or there's nothing in there that I would enjoy eating. I also hate being around the people in this house, since I get anxious for some reason and just need to be alone, and being in the kitchen puts me in the middle of everything, so I don't have much of an escape from it. The foods that I can cook for myself are very limited to a few stove-top things, and frozen meals, which I'm starting to worry about living on nothing but them since I know it's not healthy, and there are other foods that I'd like to eat, that I just feel uncomfortable about learning to cook. When other people cook for me, I feel obligated to eat it, but a lot of the time they cook the same few meals multiple times a month and I get tired of eating those foods to the point of feeling the need to vomit as I try to swallow it down. [i]To be clear, I do not and have never "purged" before, but something in my mind/stomach makes me feel that it will happen.[/i] The thing that bothers me most is I want to enjoy food, I want to eat healthy and be able to fill my face-hole with things that taste good, since taste is one of the most important primary senses to me personally. I also want to exercise properly and be fit rather than just twiggy. I still feel the sense of hunger, even starvation at sometimes, which is why days like today I've been snacking on smaller things trying to appease my stomach before figuring out what kind of meal I will eat, if I ever get around to eating. The more I type out, the more I think that it might be some sort of disorder, and I'm wondering if it's something that I can tackle on my own or if I should seek professional help/opinions. TLDR; Anxiety stops me from feeding myself to the point of starving myself for whole days, eating certain meals multiple times a month makes me feel physically ill when I eat them, and I am super finicky about eating the meals I actually like multiple days in a row since they are generally unhealthy.

I bet I'm 100x more sad than all y'all [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Shitpost" - Pascall))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;52651858]I bet I'm 100x more sad than all y'all[/QUOTE] This is not a competition you know.

the new queens of the stone age album is pretty good

I'm getting stressed at work from where I'm sitting. I face the entrance and my desk is basically a glorified coffee table when people come and talk to my colleagues across from me. There is no privacy whatsoever. It sucks that I basically have to move my shit to an empty room temporarily just so I can try and do something. It's also more annoying that my sister (who doesn't have this problem) just tells me to shut up and deal with it. I was able to deal with this shit for a year but I'm beginning to really get a lot less tolerable of it. I've begged my boss to allow me to move to a different location when it frees up as we're at full capacity atm, but I don't see it happening anytime soon.

Gonna schedule a time soon to see my psych, im getting tired of venlafaxine. Nil sex drive and im always so sluggish, its driving me kinda crazy.

I have literally fell in a hole. I have gotten to the point of daily panic attacks and fits of rage and I have felt suicidal at some points. A lot is happening in my life and I feel I'm on the receiving end of a gun. I'm not sure what to do.

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;52651858]I bet I'm 100x more sad than all y'all [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Shitpost" - Pascall))[/highlight][/QUOTE] When it comes to mental illness, we are all in this together.

My head feels funny and I feel anxious and worried that nobody cares and nobody ever did. Like... I love him and he had to leave me because my mental health was toxic to us... Was it always like that? I feel like I've been like this for so long

Sorry guys my post came out wrong, I was just trying to lighten the mood I guess. I'm fucking horrible at communicating online.

shoulda done /s

I finally found a proper psychotherapist who still has a free slot. Finding a therapist here in Germany is very hard, especially because we have a 2 class health-insurance system. It can take months, even a year to find someone and I finally found someone. Maybe things will get better now, that's what I'm hoping at least.

[QUOTE=Gorgus;52655654]I finally found a proper psychotherapist who still has a free slot. Finding a therapist here in Germany is very hard, especially because we have a 2 class health-insurance system. It can take months, even a year to find someone and I finally found someone. Maybe things will get better now, that's what I'm hoping at least.[/QUOTE] Hey, that's great! Having a therapist is both challenging and worthwhile. Hopefully this particular one is a good fit for you personally.

Wahhhh :((( i depwessed im just gonna go CUT myself :(( i just wanna die fuck da world

I just want to be happy.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52656550]I just want to be happy.[/QUOTE] Mindfulness is very important on this front. You have to learn to live with the hand you're dealt and to try and find even small positives, such as having a roof over your head and three meals a day, in your life. Try to find a little happiness in small, simple pleasures, if nothing else. Coming from a person whose own life at one point could be better described as hell, and who almost lost everything, I had to force myself into being more mindful of the many blessings I had, when others had it much worse than I did. Cultivating some gratitude for the little we do have is more important than being envious about the advantages others seemingly have, but as somebody who knows what struggle is to get to where I am, let me tell you the grass is not seemingly greener on the other side. You don't know what those people have gone through to get to where they are, and envy will do you no good. I know it's difficult, but at least try to find some small joys you still have that you can feel some gratitude and happiness from. It's an important step if you want to not feel so stressed out and hopeless. Also, acceptance is important. You're in a shitty situation, but you need to remember that if you can't change something, you have to learn to live with it until you're in a position where you can change it. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life, but believe me, it's worth it in the end.

I'm starting to feel a little better about my situation but some days is still hard. I feel a lot better when I'm not experiencing any pain though. everytime I feel any discomfort I'm reminded about what's going on with me. I still have hope that maybe I can recover and it makes getting through the day easier. I'm trying to maintain a more healthy life style now

I'm stuck in this weird place in my life, feeling like I have all the determination in the world but also like I've given up all hope that there's anything better for me. Ain't got a clue where to go, or what I should, but I feel like I have an idea stirring somewhere, that I should try for it, and yet I'm just so ready to just tie the noose and end it. I know I won't, I can't do that to the people who've cared about me. I can't just give up, because that's not who I am. I know that there's something out there that I can do, that I know I'd be amazing at. But I'm just so ready to stop trying. To just give up. And I really hate it.