Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I wasn't sure where else to put this, but when I'm reading a textbook I have trouble absorbing the information and remembering what it was I read.

I was thinking, why do I need to step out side my comfort zone. I'm perfectly happy in it, why not choose the easiest path in life and avoid anything hard or painful. I mean I'm only going live once, so why waste my time trying to win the lottery of uncertainty and just do what's fun and easy? Life is already unfair, right, why not show life I don't care and only the things I like?

Is it wrong to feel that you just want to leave your home and do something meaningful with your life? The last couple of months have been really shitty for me and the way I see it, most of the problems come from my family and my university. The very few hangouts I had with my friends were a blast and as soon as I get home shit just hits the fan. I just had a really big fall out with my parents and temporarily moved to my grandparents house just to avoid further conflict. I don't know what to do next

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52657429]I was thinking, why do I need to step out side my comfort zone. I'm perfectly happy in it, why not choose the easiest path in life and avoid anything hard or painful. I mean I'm only going live once, so why waste my time trying to win the lottery of uncertainty and just do what's fun and easy? Life is already unfair, right, why not show life I don't care and only the things I like?[/QUOTE] Because you're basically stunting your growth as a person by not engaging in stuff that removes you from your comfort zone. If you go through life sticking to what you know and feel comfortable with, you're not going to experience new stuff that you could also potentially like, or give you a new perspective on things. Maybe you're happy chugging along the path you're used to, but life would get very boring for me if I didn't push myself to experience new stuff every now and then. It'd be easy as hell doing what I'm most comfortable with all the time, and some days that's all I wanna do, but following that mentality, you'd end up looking back over 5 years and realise you've barely changed or grown as a person.

[QUOTE=kijji;52657182]I wasn't sure where else to put this, but when I'm reading a textbook I have trouble absorbing the information and remembering what it was I read.[/QUOTE] This happens to me all the time, I am on adderall now and I still can't really remember what I'm reading but I take notes and re read stuff. Hopefully the prof goes over the stuff later in class because if they don't I just ask them or a classmate about it.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;52656550]I just want to be happy.[/QUOTE] I don't think I ever will be. There's always going to be something to bring me down, there's always been something.

Fuck me, I have a health assessment meeting this month. Part of me is shit scared but mostly I'm just resigned to my "I'm probably fucked" fate.

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52657999]I feel like I have been stagnating in life and I feel like I am just the exact same person as I was in high school. Just a lazy, unmotivated, unambitious, depressed, sad little person who is destined for the scrap heap. Meanwhile, everyone else including my friends all at least did something special like doing a big project, getting an internship, leading a group or club, going to events, and etc. And I just sitting here either doing homework all day or just browsing the internet. Man, I just want punch myself for being this.[/QUOTE] I'd write out my story of all of my struggles through school, but that'll take too long, so I'll just leave it at telling you that I honestly feel the same, and I do the same thing. I poorly balance my time between goofing off online and going to classes and doing homework, because I tell myself I have unobtainable dreams and back away when my thoughts become too ambitious. All through-out grade school, I was wasting my potential and starting purposefully flunking out, nearly dropping out entirely in my junior year because of how worthless I felt all of the time. But I truly believe it doesn't have to be this way- I may not know your story, but just because you feel like you're at a dead-end does not mean you are at a dead-end. As long as you're working to give yourself opportunities, you have a chance to pull yourself out of this monotonous slump. There is certainly a hope for you and a hope for me. Pardon me if I'm projecting my own feelings onto you, but people in general just have to stop comparing themselves to others, reach out for help so they can stop fearing failure and start making the decisions that challenge them the most.

I need to stop thinking I can become a part of a community/group or make friends when I very clearly cannot handle social situations nor do I have anything to add to anything

[QUOTE=Catscratch;52659302]I need to stop thinking I can become a part of a community/group or make friends when I very clearly cannot handle social situations nor do I have anything to add to anything[/QUOTE] The only way I can feel connected to people is when Im drunk/high

[QUOTE=loopoo;52657614]Because you're basically stunting your growth as a person by not engaging in stuff that removes you from your comfort zone. If you go through life sticking to what you know and feel comfortable with, you're not going to experience new stuff that you could also potentially like, or give you a new perspective on things. Maybe you're happy chugging along the path you're used to, but life would get very boring for me if I didn't push myself to experience new stuff every now and then. It'd be easy as hell doing what I'm most comfortable with all the time, and some days that's all I wanna do, but following that mentality, you'd end up looking back over 5 years and realise you've barely changed or grown as a person.[/QUOTE]I used to care about my career, but I'm starting to think I may as well just get a bare minimum job and do that rather than wasting my life on things I only have a small chance at being good at. If I only have 40 years left to live, why should I risk filling it with negative experiences? I'm not put 100% effort into something that's not going to work. I'm only as good as I am right now, why do I need to grow and change as a person? If look I back on the last 10 years all I did was discover I had some border line shots social disorder. The only thing that really effects me is jealousy and when something isn't how I expect it to be in a negative way. (My hair line is another issue)

I find it so incredibly difficult to appreciate the moment when it comes to anything social, be it with friends or even my girlfriend. I have moments here and there where I notice that I'm enjoying myself but that's the problem. As soon as I realize "I'm having a good time", I immediately start over thinking how to keep the torch going and everything after that quickly becomes a forced mess which zaps all the positivity out of the moment. It's a vicious thing and it feels like an impossible thing to get over. How can I appreciate things if I can never stop to realize that I'm actually enjoying the situation?

Now my hair is starting to fall out... what else could possibly go wrong. Now I'm convinced that I'm dying. A lot of it is falling off I'm so stressed now.

The weirdest shit happens sometimes. This morning, a regular decent morning, I stop at a coffee place in the town I used to live in on my way to work in the next town over. I pay for my coffee with my visa card. The woman at the till recognizes my last name on the card, admittedly it's not a common one, and says "Are you Bobs son? I'm sorry for your loss". I've never met this woman in my life. I don't know who she is. I don't know how she knew my dad. I don't know. I'm normally fine, my dads gone, I'm living with that, it's fine, I don't get too upset about it. But fuck, I'm sitting alone in my office at work, just kinda crying and kinda needing to rant and share this with someone because I just don't know how to feel when this kinda shit happens.

I was lonely. My friend told me I could try dating sites. I tried Badoo and Tinder. Well Badoo is a wasteland. And I haven't gotten a single match on Tinder in 7 months. I tried everything. Different bios, swiping patterns.. you know it. I only used a few pictures, because there just aren't any of me. So I had my profile reviewed on Reddit. I was told I look very sad and depressed and that it's hard to take good pictures when you're like that. Also that my bio was cringy, which was basically the main point everybody was making. That bio was the best I could come up with, when they told me to "be funny". Guess that says something about me. Was compared to neckbeards despite not having any 'neckbeardy' interests. I've been depressed for like 10 years. I always look sad and depressed, because it just reflects in your eyes. This is basically telling me I should just give up and stay lonely forever, since it's not gonna happen anyway. Nobody cares about sad people.

chronic depression is the worst. I know it feels like it will never get better, but it will. You'll find someone who loves you for who you are someday, and it will all have been worth it :)

I'm extremely uncomfortable bringing this up... but I legit have no idea where to go to ask about this kind of thing... I'm trying to get back to San Antonio. Got a job lined up, place to stay, I'm just broke and my tags expire on my car at the end of the month (registered in Texas). I hate talking about money n' shit, but after all the shit that's happened back here in Ohio, I gotta get out. Was happy when I was down there and I have no idea why I decided to just come back when deep down I knew shit would just crash again... so I'm trying to see if anybody is willing to help me out, even the smallest... but I've no idea where to go about that. Having to swallow my pride with this because of desperation to get out. Had 2 suicide attempts, lost my job due to it, and am on meds now. I just want to get back down there and have hope again. Idk, if this shouldn't go here or something, I understand and I'll snip. Just someone tell me if you know. I might even snip this after a little bit out of embarrassment alone.

I'm still down in SA so if you need help for a job search, hit me up on steam or something. [editline]10th September 2017[/editline] Woops you have one, missed that bit. Do you just need transportation to get back down?

[QUOTE=Pascall;52667717]I'm still down in SA so if you need help for a job search, hit me up on steam or something. [editline]10th September 2017[/editline] Woops you have one, missed that bit. Do you just need transportation to get back down?[/QUOTE] I have a car that I got while down there last year. My buddy down there had fronted the cash since I didn't have the full amount, so I've been paying him off, only owe him about 200 more... which I would've had paid off before this month if not for the job thing going south because of my depression/anxiety. I just have to get a tune-up before I leave to be safe, and I know it should only cost me ~100 for the trip, if I go straight through without having to stop somewhere to sleep. When I came back up north, I had to stop in Tennessee because I was fighting to stay awake, got lucky at a small motel where the owner was working late (and had been sleeping on the job because of it) and he gave me a room for like 40 bucks since I only needed a few hours to get a power nap in (though idk if I'd get that lucky this time, IF I have to stop, I'm planning on sleeping as much as possible before I hit the road). But yeah, it's just general "if anyone is willing" asking from my part... toward gas, food, and most likely the first week of being down there (since I won't get a paycheck on my first day, and the chance of them not starting me the day I get there, of course). I'll be staying with my same friends that I stayed with before. One of them said he wants to help me out, but he can't for at least another month due to some stuff that came up that he has to pay for. And again, this is as embarrassing as it gets for me to talk about or ask for help... just the way I was raised... but I'm in that desperate state, because if I don't leave this month, the tags expire, and I'm screwed (since I guess the car has to be inspected in Texas for any renewal, as well as my buddy who has the title in his name can't just send it to me for transferring ownership even though he's willing to with me still owing a couple hundred).

[QUOTE=Pascall;52667717]I'm still down in SA so if you need help for a job search, hit me up on steam or something.[/QUOTE] can we arrange a meeting [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Terrible original post and user harassment - This is getting stupid now, knock it off otherwise we'll remove you from the site entirely" - Reagy))[/highlight]

Saturday: Found out my dad is going to lose his job and my mother doesnt know. + she told me she is going to a lawyer on monday to divorce him. Sunday: Found out my girlfriend (9 months) cheated on me on the same day we settled a fight over trusting eachother. My life already has been a wreck for me the past year becuase of the fights between my parents. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Hey everyone, I don't normally come in this thread but today a few hours ago, I need advice. My mother is an alcoholic and she has been for many, many years now. Today while I was sitting in my room playing Overwatch with friends, all the alarms in my house started going off. I opened my door and was met with thick smoke, and running into my kitchen I saw a thick plume of fire jetting out of a frying pan, burning all the cabinets above it. In a panic I picked up the flaming frying pan and threw it the fuck outside where I put it out, burning my hand up in the whole process. I was then joined by my brother, who helped me put out the fire on our cabinets, then we ran around the house coughing and sputtering opening all the doors and windows. The reason this all happened? My mom got drunk off her ass and curled up into a ball in front of the stove, where she fell asleep while "cooking" dinner, leaving the bloody stove on. She's so susceptible to the drink that hours later, she's currently still out of her mind as I type this. This isn't the first time this has happened either, but it's the first time it's escalated this much, to the point of actually endangering our safety and our livelihood. I need advice, because nothing has worked. We've been egging her on for years to go to rehab to which she refused, we've tried reasoning with her, we've tried showing her what she's doing. She continues to deny the truth in front of her, and claims there's no problem, that she needs alcohol because she has a rough life at work. What the fuck are we supposed to do with someone like this? Whatever on Earth can we say or do to fix her, because she refused to see the truth in front of her, refuses to heal.

[QUOTE=UntouchedShadow;52668376]Hey everyone, I don't normally come in this thread but today a few hours ago, I need advice. My mother is an alcoholic and she has been for many, many years now. Today while I was sitting in my room playing Overwatch with friends, all the alarms in my house started going off. I opened my door and was met with thick smoke, and running into my kitchen I saw a thick plume of fire jetting out of a frying pan, burning all the cabinets above it. In a panic I picked up the flaming frying pan and threw it the fuck outside where I put it out, burning my hand up in the whole process. I was then joined by my brother, who helped me put out the fire on our cabinets, then we ran around the house coughing and sputtering opening all the doors and windows. The reason this all happened? My mom got drunk off her ass and curled up into a ball in front of the stove, where she fell asleep while "cooking" dinner, leaving the bloody stove on. She's so susceptible to the drink that hours later, she's currently still out of her mind as I type this. This isn't the first time this has happened either, but it's the first time it's escalated this much, to the point of actually endangering our safety and our livelihood. I need advice, because nothing has worked. We've been egging her on for years to go to rehab to which she refused, we've tried reasoning with her, we've tried showing her what she's doing. She continues to deny the truth in front of her, and claims there's no problem, that she needs alcohol because she has a rough life at work. What the fuck are we supposed to do with someone like this? Whatever on Earth can we say or do to fix her, because she refused to see the truth in front of her, refuses to heal.[/QUOTE] Alcohol is one of the worst addictions one could experience, with withdrawals comparable to those of heroin. If a person's been drunk for some years, the withdrawal can shut down their body. The best thing you could do is to take her to a clinic with a rehab program and try to sort it out through doctors and such, not to shame the person or anything somehow but to try to help the best way possible. Since alcohol is very much legal, it's easy to get more. Which is why something with closed doors would be best. Be warned though that the treatment could range from therapy to involving anti-depressants and sleeping medication which in turn could also be dangerously addictive. Replacing one addiction with another is never advisable but if the doctors do manage everything correctly then hopefully healing can start. If a person is a danger to themselves and the people around them, then I can't see any other choice than a closed clinic, at least for as long as needed.

So I was diagnosed with cannabis-induced psychosis back in January, and now there's a good possibility I have bipolar disorder or even a dissociative disorder (considering the symptoms they're thinking it may be bipolar) . Every day has been a fucking rollercoaster and I don't know how people deal with it. Some days I feel like I'm riding the whirlwind and can lift the weight of the world on my shoulders and other days I feel like jumping off a fucking cliff. And the meds, I hate the damn meds. I hope to god that a year goes by and it turns out I just had some bad synthetic shit but right now I feel so fucking vulnerable and depressed. I've been prescribed Depakote, Zoloft, and Abilify. The Abilify has been giving me insane dreams. One night I'm dreaming my dad's a vampire, the other I'm dreaming barking frogs are chasing after me. Does anyone here have bipolar disorder? Maybe you can share similar experiences. My psychiatrist at school also said I should see someone about alcohol usage but I don't think that it's a problem. I only drink on the weekends and if anything the benzos they prescribed as needed are the real addictions. [editline]d[/editline] holy sshhhiit not only did I bump into someone who found my phone, this girl I like texted me on fb. fuck yes my entire day and night yesterday consisted of me pacing around my room and hugging my pillow like it was my fucking lifeline, then today all this shit happened. its just the world throwing ups and downs at me all the time, I don't understand it. like literally, it's been switching off from great days, to not great days. and I hate saying literally [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Alt of permabanned user" - Kiwi))[/highlight]

That girl I kept ranting about is back. In a good way. We made up and resolved our differences. The guy she banged "behind my back." (Her words not mine. And the more I think about it the more I'm confused why she had to tell me in the first place) are now dating. I don't mind this either. I'm just glad I was able to work through this in a healthy way. She drove me around campus too while I tried to get some crazy paper work in order to escape a terrible professor. Overall I'm incredibly stressed about school but I'm very happy that I have her back as a friend. And that's just fine.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52670824]My psychiatrist said I have ptsd from my past sexual assault as well as generalized anxiety disorder, dissociation and quite possibly bpd. I actually agree with her. Ugh.[/QUOTE] I cannot imagine having to go through that. You have a whole support network here ready to help you :smile:

I get jealous over stupid little things and I beat myself up for it. The only positive is that I don't act on my jealousy because I know it's a passing feeling, but I hate it so much and it really brings me down. I feel like shit because I think such negative things about people I love but it's like it's automatic, and I hate it so much. I just hate it and I get so mad at myself. I feel pretty awful right now. :disappoint:

Suicidal thoughts are really beginning to creep into my mind more and more. I've tried to seek help with counseling, talking to family, and friends (Which I can't afford anymore) and nothing seems to be helping at all. I haven't had any improvement in terms of lifestyle. I find myself digging the hole deeper. Lost my job, my girlfriend, my house, hardly get to see my daughter now because my ex is insane. My jeep is about to fall apart. Moved back in with my mom, only to feel even more less than a person. I sleep all day because I feel I have no reason to get out of bed. I cannot seem to find an opening anywhere. Then my most recent Ex is still messaging me, and feeding me false hope one day, only to be a bitch to me the next. I know I shouldn't give into it, but when you feel someone "cares" it helps. The denial is real. I'm really lost, and the things I've been thinking are starting to really scare me.

im literally having issues with talking to people in real life

How do I feel less alone I hate this