Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Guys be honest because I need to know, are people coming back to me with negative replies or am I reading negativity into people's replies? And I mean all over the forum, sometimes I concede defeat and apologise, then someone comes back with something negative and it leaves me clueless. This is all over FP.

People call me antisocial. But in actual fact I'm 'Selectively Social'. There's a difference :v:

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;52665052]I was lonely. My friend told me I could try dating sites. I tried Badoo and Tinder. Well Badoo is a wasteland. And I haven't gotten a single match on Tinder in 7 months. I tried everything. Different bios, swiping patterns.. you know it. I only used a few pictures, because there just aren't any of me. So I had my profile reviewed on Reddit. I was told I look very sad and depressed and that it's hard to take good pictures when you're like that. Also that my bio was cringy, which was basically the main point everybody was making. That bio was the best I could come up with, when they told me to "be funny". Guess that says something about me. Was compared to neckbeards despite not having any 'neckbeardy' interests. I've been depressed for like 10 years. I always look sad and depressed, because it just reflects in your eyes. This is basically telling me I should just give up and stay lonely forever, since it's not gonna happen anyway. Nobody cares about sad people.[/QUOTE] I probably never going to understand why there's people here that go to Reddit for criticism. That forum is literally the worst if you want any sort of salvageable feedback. Specially when it comes to life advice. Sure there are some nice people here and there but most of them will just say the first thing that comes to mind and roll with it like a bitter wannabe popular teenager.

[QUOTE=SoftHearted;52676692]I probably never going to understand why there's people here that go to Reddit for criticism.[/QUOTE] I really needed an opinion from the other side. One that wasn't from my best friend. I love her, but she would never give me the hard truth.

Had a pretty big breakdown recently which gave me a huge eye-opener, and wrote myself a letter the following day while at work. [quote]Jeff, you are not healthy. It is not okay to fall into the delusion that no one loves you. It is not okay to believe that no one wants you, and it is not okay to want to kill yourself. You are not in a healthy mental condition. You are afraid of help. You delude yourself into thinking that not only does seeking help make you weak, but that it also causes you personal relationships to crumble. You fail to separate yourself from your mental illness, and you use this to justify your refusal of help in any capacity. You acknowledge that you harbor these traits, and yet you do nothing to address them. You are completely content with riding out an increasing series of emotional breakdowns because you delude yourself into thinking that enlisting anybody else to help will somehow hurt them. You know this to be irrational, and yet you continue to do so. Once again, this is unhealthy behavior. You find yourself increasingly anxious in familiar environments, such as school, gym, and work. This anxiety is making it increasingly difficult to operate day to day, and inevitably leads to the aforementioned emotional breakdowns. This is not sustainable, and [U]will[/U] lead to your self destructive thoughts manifesting themselves into self destructive behavior. You are not healthy, Jeff Get medicated, get help, this needs to stop now [/quote] Sorry for the sob story, but I thought it was worth posting

Coming back here for a bit.

everything is fucked. so my 26 year old brother and my mum are addicted to methamphetamine. they live together in my great-grandparents old house after my brother and his baby-momma trashed the house my mum and auntie grew up in and my grandparents built. both of them used to work for my grandparents, before they both started smoking p and eventually ripping them off, my mum ripped her own parents off to the tune of ~20,000 nz dollars. while all of this is happening, I'm in constant anxiety and fear for my 9 year old sister. she's living in a house with two fucking loser addicts who have no income, and she doesn't get dinner letalone food every day for school. and it fucking hurts so much me and my brother lived through poverty as children, and my mum eventually managed to work her way out of it and be well enough off by the time my sister was born. but after the earthquakes here in christchurch everyone just is all mentally unchecked and fucked up and people turn to this shitty fucking degenerates drug I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to see my sister live the same fucked up childhood me and my brother had too. but I don't want her to be taken away from my mum as the foster system here would be just as terrible. my sisters dad is out of the picture and I don't really have any options to help here. every choice I could possibly take is terrible noone should ever have to experience this especially not my sister, she deserves so much more than what she has.

for some reason I keep looking at /r/the_Donald just to see what the other side is up to it completely destroys my day every time, i don't know why I do it, the trash they spout is so hateful it makes me cry I don't know why I do it

[QUOTE=Kiwi;52679719]Talk TO CYFS. Get them involved and give them the ultimatum. I can help you out more in a pm if you like. Or add me on steam.[/QUOTE] I don't want her to go to another family. that'll just fuck things up worse. I'm not the only person trying to help in this situation but I just needed to vent mostly.

Confronted my ex about using me as a safety net. Funny thing is she had a guy over when I did it, which promptly made him leave. Still very depressed. A bit suicidal, but friends are cheering me up on discord. Just a step at a time.

I don't know any way other than drinking to feel okay for any length of time so that's what I'm doing [editline]13th September 2017[/editline] I jjust wish it wasn't a tradeoff where I trade feeling okay for the ability to think [editline]14th September 2017[/editline] this could be a problem but I don't care right now because I feel okay and that's making me almost cry because I feel okay

I just want to die already. I can't stand constantly hurting and not being able to walk more than 10 feet without the excruciating pain. I've missed out on so much in the last 2 years because of this stupid injury and I'm just ready for it to be over

:snip: never mind

I just moved to a new town to live with my girlfriend, who I've had a long distance relationship with for some time, and the transition has been pretty rough. Our relationship is still doing very well, thankfully, but I've been having trouble making new friends here because it's a fairly small town and there's not many places to go to just hang out except for bars. I don't like her friends or their boyfriends, and I've been to a few bonfires and similar gatherings within their circles but haven't run into anyone I'd actually like to become friends with. They like country music, I like classic rock and metal. They only watch football, the only sports I can stand are baseball and boxing. They're super religious, I'm super not. No one really reads, or plays video games outside of the really big franchises that I don't keep up with. I know that people in the area with similar interests to me [I]have[/I] to be around, I'm just not sure where to look right now. I know I'm kind of just rambling right now but the point is that this move has proven to be a very isolating experience for me, and as a fairly social person the internet just hasn't been a very good substitute. So it's been wearing on me hard these last couple of months, and I didn't really know where else to vent.

I have the urge to kill myself every day

Ok, people keep telling me to be more positive, but how do you do that? It's so fucking hard to be positive, people say take your negatives and turn them into positives, but the corniness of that statement ruin the advice. Every positive thing people say seems disingenuous and I feel embarrassed about compliments.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52676399]Guys be honest because I need to know, are people coming back to me with negative replies or am I reading negativity into people's replies? And I mean all over the forum, sometimes I concede defeat and apologise, then someone comes back with something negative and it leaves me clueless. This is all over FP.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=RoboChimp;52682925]Ok, people keep telling me to be more positive, but how do you do that? It's so fucking hard to be positive, people say take your negatives and turn them into positives, but the corniness of that statement ruin the advice. Every positive thing people say seems disingenuous and I feel embarrassed about compliments.[/QUOTE] You made some really bad posts a few hours ago in CIPWTTKT&GC. You did clarify on why you disliked raid on the next page.. but you could have worded it differently originally. [QUOTE]You're using RAID? *shudders* As for backing it up to the cloud, well we can't have all have the privilege of 1 Gbps internet, so I never considered that.[/QUOTE] Could have been something like: [QUOTE]I've had bad experiences with RAID because of x here y here but good luck![/QUOTE] The other part of the post came across as rude to me. It was not needed and shouldn't have been included in the reply.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52683064]You made some really bad posts a few hours ago in CIPWTTKT&GC. You did clarify on why you disliked raid on the next page.. but you could have worded it differently originally. Could have been something like: The other part of the post came across as rude to me. It was not needed and shouldn't have been included in the reply.[/QUOTE]I wasn't talking about that, but I didn't even realise, I thought those guys were just rough around the edges. Fuck, I better apologise.

My girlfriend of almost five years broke up with me today. She said it wasn't because of me, the "spark... just left", and she and I still want to be friends. But it still hurts that it has to be this way.

[QUOTE=Arctic-Zone;52683433]My girlfriend of almost five years broke up with me today. She said it wasn't because of me, the "spark... just left", and she and I still want to be friends. But it still hurts that it has to be this way.[/QUOTE] You should really consider whether "still being friends" is good for you or not. Not if it's [I]comfortable[/I], but if it's good. It works for some relationships, and for others it just makes everything worse and drags down the process of emotional detachment and recovery from that person.

I still have no idea how to meet people. Attempts at using dating sites just result in either not getting a response or matches I have 0 interest in and having a 3rd shift job + class gives me no time to get out, not that there's really anywhere I have interest in getting out to where I could also possibly meet someone.

[QUOTE=The golden;52683861]You're going to need to think outside the box.[/QUOTE] Difficult to do when one can't even find the box in the first place. The dating sites were just an example, not really the point of the post. There's also the whole "people at this age aren't really interested in people with little to no experience" that people have stated before here on Facepunch so even if I had some idea it's sort of a self defeating cycle.

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[QUOTE=thepain;52686162]I'm am pathetic I am in my mind 20's I failed my first practicum and looks like I will fail my 2nd and I kind of hate the carer college courses am in would I be a frailer to switch careers[/QUOTE] It's [I]never[/I] too late to switch careers.

Actually getting a job is such an anti-depressant. It's really strange how much better I feel getting full time work after years of casual work.

ever get the feeling that you're a terrible person who will die alone and no one really likes you or cares about you for no dang reason

[QUOTE=Mud;52687011]ever get the feeling that you're a terrible person who will die alone and no one really likes you or cares about you for no dang reason[/QUOTE]Sometimes, but then thoughts emerge of the people who I've influenced. I'm sure you've influenced someone, as long as you haven't caused harm to someone, you're not a terrible person. Feeling that bad is mostly a mental fallacy, you can't have negativity with some positivity. But I get the feeling that something's happened to you recently you don't want to talk about. Just as fear is a load of bullshit, so is feeling that way. It's total bullshit and if you find your way to ignoring the negativity your mind has created and instead only focus on whatever you really want at this point in time, the better off you'll be.

nobody would care if I died or just disappeared

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[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52687325]nobody would care if I died or just disappeared[/QUOTE] i'll care <3