Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I don't know what my life is and I don't see the point in it anymore.

Anybody here ever go to DBT classes? worth it or not worth it?

Just found out my granddad died, on facebook. Ever since dad died, I haven't kept up with that side of my relatives and I was never really close to my granddad and it almost feels like I wish I wasn't a part of it. [editline]29th September 2017[/editline] Welp, wasn't even my granddad, he's apparently fine, but my uncle who I never knew and only met a few times.

not feeling too well today

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52730831]I never thought about it until very recently, but I think I may have Aspergers. I have very narrow interests, a hard time to maintaining eye contact, a tendency to be socially awkward and talking to myself, and often have hard time thinking outside of box. I mean it really all comes together and I don't know why I didn't notice this earlier. I think this must be the source of all my problems alongside with my depression.[/QUOTE] Nah, it is something I do a lot. Me and my mother mostly. We doing this if we want to be more focus with a task we have to finish or to organise our thoughts in general. I have also a narrow interest myself, but because I am REALLY organise person, I put them aside to do work and speak with people. After that I continue were I left off. Sure, to find a person and talk all day for your hobby would be splented, but this is very rare. So small talk always help, but keep in mind you need following up the talk you started because you will lose interest again. Eye contact now...just smile. Seriously, every time I look someone and talk I just smile if it isn't something serious. Then you learn as you doing so. Heck even if you look strangers inside a bus smile back at them. It will work.

I got diagnosed with depersonalization-derealization disorder and got a prescription for Sertralin. So far it feels like things have only gotten worse for me.

I just found out Gabapentin literally deteriorates the brain and prevents new brain synapses from forming. All of the studies were from 2009 so I called the pharmacist to verify - it's true. Nothing was mentioned on the pamphlet they give out and my doctor never brought it up. Time to drop this shit.

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52730831]I never thought about it until very recently, but I think I may have Aspergers. I have very narrow interests, a hard time to maintaining eye contact, a tendency to be socially awkward and talking to myself, and often have hard time thinking outside of box. I mean it really all comes together and I don't know why I didn't notice this earlier. I think this must be the source of all my problems alongside with my depression.[/QUOTE] Aspergers, or autism in general, does not define you. Everything's a label in the end. I found out I might have some form of mild autism that was diagnosed when I was a small child, and my parents never told me to keep me away from that stigma. Now, I'm doing fairly well, I have a boyfriend that I'm planning on getting married to soon, friends that help and support me, and a comfortable living as a student. Just try your best not to think about it and just do you.

Turns out my new psychiatrist doesn't recommend my last psychiatrist giving Depicote (not sure it actually spelled that way). Side effect of this pill is that it makes weight gain a lot easier. I can usually shed wait easy, and have lost up to 30 pounds in one Summer by pure exercise and cutting out soda. How ever, I weighed myself and then weighed myself again after 3 weeks of keeping my usual diet through out a Summer or Winter break and it was exactly the same as the last time I weighed. I can't help but think of it like, "I've been gaining weight for no reason." I have been gaining stamina though, so there's that.

My sleeping pattern is so fucked up... I end up being awake until about 6am and then sleep until 6pm ffs :disappoint:

I had a pretty bad night last night because of the dumbest, most infuriating thing imaginable. I was going to a show with a friend in Hollywood when I really needed to take a piss, so I asked if he'd stop at a CVS, thinking "Hey it's a big store it's gotta have public bathrooms." Apparently, no. Homeless are such a problem that places won't offer bathrooms or are anal as fuck about using them. So, I go outside and debate walking to a 7/11 across the street, I'm half way to the street when I see my friend come out of CVS so I just went back to his truck. We go down the road a bit and I see a Jack in the Box, so I tell him to stop there if possible. Waiting at a red light with pedestrian traffic going by, I got out and damn near sprinted into Jack in the Box to see the fucking bathroom doors are electrically controlled and a sign that says "For paying customers". So, I stand in line for a minute, then I can feel it. I tried to be polite, I asked "Um, excuse me sorry but can you please open the bathroom door? I'll pay for something I really need to use it though." to this fucked up laugh and a roll of the eyes as the one chick working the register walks to deal with the drive thru. I pace to the door, check if it's open, and it isn't, I walk back around and ask for a second time "Mame please, can you open the door I need the bathroom." to some more laughter and because I was pacing, frantically, because I was about to piss myself, I heard "Oh sounds like a druggie" and more laughter. Walk to the door again, it does nothing and I'm starting to piss. I grabbed the tip of my dick and held that fucker like a vise, walked around the corner and basically screamed "Can you please open the fucking bathroom, I'll pay for something god damn!", walk back to the door, IT FUCKING OPENS, and I rush in. Now, the aforementioned vise grip on it was pretty effective because thank fucking god I didn't piss myself until I got into the bathroom and had to use both of my hands to take my belt off and pants. This was the moment of pure fucking absolute shame, and it was all completely fucking avoidable had someone actually gave a shit behind that counter rather than laugh at me. I mean fuck I realize there are people in line to order but if someone was asking to use the bathroom, and again as polite as I did to begin with, I fucking would have let them use the bathroom, it was a fucking press of a button. So, after that shameful fucking bullshit, I take my underwear off and throw them in a trash can that's just conveniently in the stall with me, like this is a problem they create for themselves regularly to deal with, try to dry my pants as best as I could with toilet paper, and well, waited for like 10 minutes. Texted my friend to have the truck ready, and went out and got back in the truck. Now, this is the part where I tell him basically all of the aforementioned, and his hilarity with the situation quickly changed because, as I said, this all could have been avoided with a single button being pressed by someone who gave a shit. I told him to give my ticket to someone who wanted one and to have fun, and I basically just slept the whole time he was at this show and the ride back home. I know some would keep something like this to themselves but I felt like I had to tell it, for the sake of asking where the fuck is simple human decency gone to, and a hope in time I can look back at this and laugh about it. Because this was one of those stupid "nightmare" scenarios, but it had to fucking actually happen to me.

I wish I wasn't such a nervous wreck. I haven't felt comfortable doing a lot of the stuff I used to do for a long time, including regularly posting on FP. I often worry I'm going to get lashed out at...which is weird, cause that's never once happened here. :pudge:

[QUOTE=SevenBillion;52717705]I feel like I lost the will to do anything. Coding, gaming, talking, etc. You name it. I can't even do any of those for a minute without me been bored already. I just feel like I lost my soul and my way. I don't even know what my future will be at this rate. I fear that once I graduate or if I graduate, I might become a NEET for a long time if not forever and my parents will just view me as a complete failure. Then afterward, I probably die off in a slow and miserable death with no one knowing about what happened to me.[/QUOTE] Hey man, I'm in the exact same position, so while it might not be of any consolation, at least you're not alone. How about the two of us fight this shit, together?

My first counselling appointment is in two hours and I'm really fucking nervous

Why do i suck at social situations so much

I don't post often in Facepunch because I lurk but I could really use some help here. So, ever since a few weeks I've started feeling nervous but I've always felt nervous once in a while, just quick sweats here and there but weeks ago, it started getting worse. I've started feeling sick in the stomach and absolutely nervous because of my overthinking too. I've started going to the therapist and it sorta helped but after last Friday, I've felt like the absolute worst possible. I can't eat without losing my appetite, my stomach feels sick and I have to go to the bathroom so often and sometimes taking one bite of a piece of food makes me immediately want to vomit. I don't know if there's something wrong with my stomach or if this is actual anxiety because sometimes I don't even feel nervous, to begin with. It's just when I'm around food that I have to eat, I get these awful feelings and it sucks so much. I got to school and I'm fine there as the day goes but once I'm home, it just settles in and I'm screwed. I just got home and I just puked after eating some cereal, I don't know what to do. Should I just tell my parents to take me to the hospital or wait until next week for my next appointment with my therapist? I just don't know how much longer I can last. This is just awful all around. Please, I could use any tips at this point, I just want these awful feelings gone forever.

[QUOTE=Kinky Pie;52742249]I don't post often in Facepunch because I lurk but I could really use some help here. So, ever since a few weeks I've started feeling nervous but I've always felt nervous once in a while, just quick sweats here and there but weeks ago, it started getting worse. I've started feeling sick in the stomach and absolutely nervous because of my overthinking too. I've started going to the therapist and it sorta helped but after last Friday, I've felt like the absolute worst possible. I can't eat without losing my appetite, my stomach feels sick and I have to go to the bathroom so often and sometimes taking one bite of a piece of food makes me immediately want to vomit. I don't know if there's something wrong with my stomach or if this is actual anxiety because sometimes I don't even feel nervous, to begin with. It's just when I'm around food that I have to eat, I get these awful feelings and it sucks so much. I got to school and I'm fine there as the day goes but once I'm home, it just settles in and I'm screwed. I just got home and I just puked after eating some cereal, I don't know what to do. Should I just tell my parents to take me to the hospital or wait until next week for my next appointment with my therapist? I just don't know how much longer I can last. This is just awful all around. Please, I could use any tips at this point, I just want these awful feelings gone forever.[/QUOTE] Without Question, Ask your Parents to go to the Hospital.

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;52737059]My sleeping pattern is so fucked up... I end up being awake until about 6am and then sleep until 6pm ffs :disappoint:[/QUOTE] This was probably one of the most difficult things I had to do this year, as interesting as my life is :v: I have managed to stay awake for just over 24 hours now, as difficult as that was... Now hopefully I will be able to have my first PROPER night's sleep in years! :dance:

I get mad at completely pointless and meaningless internet interactions and I really need to stop doing it. I want to stop taking things so seriously. I get all pent up and irritable and it's never worth it in the end. It's just another thing I do by reflex of having done it so much, like feeling jealous towards people. I feel like I should talk to my therapist about it but at the same time it doesn't feel severe enough for me to visit. I feel like it would be a 10 minute visit at most, so I don't know. I don't feel like trying.

[QUOTE=kariko;52743733]I get mad at completely pointless and meaningless internet interactions and I really need to stop doing it. I want to stop taking things so seriously. I get all pent up and irritable and it's never worth it in the end. It's just another thing I do by reflex of having done it so much, like feeling jealous towards people. I feel like I should talk to my therapist about it but at the same time it doesn't feel severe enough for me to visit. I feel like it would be a 10 minute visit at most, so I don't know. I don't feel like trying.[/QUOTE] I had this problem before, and then I started imagining reading whatever causes my blood to boil in the silliest possible voice, and it... really doesn't work when you imagine nazi_lover88 as someone who talks like a fucking animal from some disney movie.

[QUOTE=Skeeter;52743988]I had this problem before, and then I started imagining reading whatever causes my blood to boil in the silliest possible voice, and it... really doesn't work when you imagine nazi_lover88 as someone who talks like a fucking animal from some disney movie.[/QUOTE] Hey, that's a pretty great idea actually! That will help for future stuff I may run into when I get those thoughts. Now if only my jealousy problems were that easy... Thank you though. This is genuinely a neat idea. :smile:

[QUOTE=Kinky Pie;52742249]I don't post often in Facepunch because I lurk but I could really use some help here. So, ever since a few weeks I've started feeling nervous but I've always felt nervous once in a while, just quick sweats here and there but weeks ago, it started getting worse. I've started feeling sick in the stomach and absolutely nervous because of my overthinking too. I've started going to the therapist and it sorta helped but after last Friday, I've felt like the absolute worst possible. I can't eat without losing my appetite, my stomach feels sick and I have to go to the bathroom so often and sometimes taking one bite of a piece of food makes me immediately want to vomit. I don't know if there's something wrong with my stomach or if this is actual anxiety because sometimes I don't even feel nervous, to begin with. It's just when I'm around food that I have to eat, I get these awful feelings and it sucks so much. I got to school and I'm fine there as the day goes but once I'm home, it just settles in and I'm screwed. I just got home and I just puked after eating some cereal, I don't know what to do. Should I just tell my parents to take me to the hospital or wait until next week for my next appointment with my therapist? I just don't know how much longer I can last. This is just awful all around. Please, I could use any tips at this point, I just want these awful feelings gone forever.[/QUOTE] [B]Definitely go to the hospital.[/B] A few years ago, I was in a similar situation. Turns out I actually was sick. If that's what's going on you can begin treatment for it while you're at the hospital and/or get some meds to counteract it. If it turns out to be a mental thing, then I'd recommend talking to two people, one of which you already have: A therapist, and someone who can give you advice on medication to take. Meds aren't everyone's style, but seeing a nurse specifically for my anxiety medications really helped me in the long run. After that, you might have some anxiety about eating because you associate it with that feeling. That faded for me after about a week and a half. Just keep to bland foods that come in small units, like crackers, or thick liquids like shakes (but be wary that dairy might make things worse). During this time I picked up some mindfulness and meditation techniques which also helped me out long after the situation passed. PM me or reply or whatever if you need clarification, and I wish you well. I think I can claim to know how much the feeling sucks

[QUOTE=kariko;52743733]I get mad at completely pointless and meaningless internet interactions and I really need to stop doing it. I want to stop taking things so seriously. I get all pent up and irritable and it's never worth it in the end. It's just another thing I do by reflex of having done it so much, like feeling jealous towards people. I feel like I should talk to my therapist about it but at the same time it doesn't feel severe enough for me to visit. I feel like it would be a 10 minute visit at most, so I don't know. I don't feel like trying.[/QUOTE] Probably worth addressing You could try mediation, not the ommmmmmm wololo kind but the kind where you learn to take control of your brain. Identify that the thought is just a thought and you can ignore it. In op there is a thing about mindfulness, helped me.

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;52711495]Still awaiting a counselling appointment, still feeling like absolute shit.[/QUOTE] So I should say that I didn't know what I was actually waiting for. But it turns out it's a psychiatrist, and it's in 13 days time. So that's good at least. But currently I'm having significant pain in my head because I requested a repeat prescription too late, meaning I'm in withdrawal from my medication (which I didn't think would happen so quickly, but nope nope nope I'm not having this happening again). [editline]4th October 2017[/editline] The second to last time I had withdrawal anything like as bad as this, I had to phone NHS 24 (which nobody knows about) I was in so much pain without knowing how I would get more of my medication. The last time I was in tears and it's led to my situation currently. I'm gonna have to start keeping track of EXACTLY when I need to request more.

What are some of the things that you all do to help build up your confidence? Both socially, in general and within yourselves. My biggest struggle is just being full of self-doubt all of the time, despite making so many advances in figuring out what I want to do with my life and trying new things (and succeeding) within the past year. There's just a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I can't quite kick, yet, but I'm feeling determined to break that habit.

I have no friends, no goals, no drive to do anything. I do almost absolutely nothing when I come home except browse the odd Youtube video. I have a good paying job that I'm so shit at I'm surprised that no one in my work has said anything (yet). People keep telling me I do a good job and I just dismiss any positive advice/compliments that I get. I've tired to get into other hobbies (art, design ect) but I gave up with them as I hated everything I did and I'm too dumb to get any better. I've pushed all of my shitty friends away that i made in high school and have completely isolated myself as a result. I feel like if I had friends again then I'd have to relive those experiences again, so I've gone without having anyone in real life to interact with for 7 years. I've got almost no online friends now since I pushed them all away. All I have are my parents who i visit every weekend when i want to get out of my 1 bedroom unit. My looks are another problem; balding, still getting acne despite treatment and body issues which I've grown complacent to deal with as I just don't care about getting it treated anymore. I've accepted that I'm an ugly fuck and there's not a lot I can do about it. I'm fugly and I just don't care because what's the point if nothing gets better after having to deal with this shit since i was 13? anyway there's my rambling word vomit for today.

I cannot [B]STAND[/B] the new medication I'm on. I feel constantly tired, even to the points where my bones feel like they are aching just to sleep but I can't sleep because I'm not actually tired. God this past week I've been a sloth.

[QUOTE=Paincake;52750527]I cannot [B]STAND[/B] the new medication I'm on. I feel constantly tired, even to the points where my bones feel like they are aching just to sleep but I can't sleep because I'm not actually tired. God this past week I've been a sloth.[/QUOTE] Have you told your doctor/psychiatrist about it? It would be good for them to know how it's affecting you.

Just had an appointment today actually. He says it might be caused by another type of medicine unrelated to my treatment. Regardless he wrote me a note so I can get lower doses and not have a debacle with my insurance company to do so. He says it should even out within the month but for right now man this suuuuuuucks.

[QUOTE=Paincake;52751100]Just had an appointment today actually. He says it might be caused by another type of medicine unrelated to my treatment. Regardless he wrote me a note so I can get lower doses and not have a debacle with my insurance company to do so. He says it should even out within the month but for right now man this suuuuuuucks.[/QUOTE] It is rough, I know how it feels! I had to go through quite a few medications before I got the right combination and unfortunately they all had weird side effects before they finally leveled out. I hope you can stick with it and find what helps you! It took very long for me but the medicine I'm currently on has done so much good for me, I'm very happy with it. :smile: I still have good and bad days of course but it's much less severe than it used to be. I hope things work out good for you too!