Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Yes, having that problem right now actually. I'd estimate it started around 3 years ago when I had finally picked up driving and decided to do that instead to get to work. Motivation to do anything plummeted and was drinking pretty heavily to counteract the boredom of being at the desk. More recently, sold the car and now just leaving the drinks for the weekends rather than work. The main issue now is, would rather be doing x, y and z things whilst at work but you're not allowed because you're meant to be working. Drains me fast when getting home and feels like using the limited/precious time afterward to try and forget about all the x, y and z I didn't do instead. Probably means my time is burned up in the job and it's time to move on. Difficult to get the motivation to do that as well.

I have no motivation either. I've felt apathetic and unmotivated since I was in high school which led to me dropping out a mistake I regret the most. If I hadn't done drugs and did better in school I could of graduated. I just never cared about anything. I was dealing with depression back then too which is also to blame.

-snip, fuck it-

I don't know why I bother to even live anymore. I really just want to disappear. I'm just really upset right now where I can't stop thinking about ending it. I never been this depressed in my life right now. All I do is sleep because there's nothing to do about my depression. I don't have an interest in anything anymore. Everything just seems so dull. I don't know what to do I really don't. I don't know why my life is so fucked up right now it's awful. I need help but I don't want to go see a psychologist and have them judge me and make me feel even worse about myself because that's what happened last time when I went to see a psychologist a few years ago. The only ones that were nice were the ones I stayed in the hospital with. I kind of wish I lived somewhere else that it might make a difference but it probably won't. I've been under too much stress about everything. I try to tell myself that things will get better but it doesn't really help. I try to think I won't be alone forever but I probably will because I don't think anyone would want me in their life. I think to badly about myself and think I'm worthless. I don't know how to be positive about anything since pretty much everything that's happened to me these last 2 years have been fucked up. How is my situation going to improve I have no idea. I sleep a lot to escape from reality and so I can't think. I'll probably end up dead soon anyway since I see that's the only solution. I just want to end it so bad because I'm tired of living like this where I can't feel any happiness. I'm not close with anybody so my death wouldn't really affect anyone. If things don't change for me within a year then I think I'm going to end it then. I need to get motivated somehow and try to make my life worth living. If I at least had someone to talk to that would be a start. I don't know where to even meet anyone though

I am too tired to deal with this depression, but I refuse to give in to dark thoughts, been there before and I'll go insane before I let myself slip again. I miss dad, and Plutten.

I wouldn't say I'm 'very' depressed right now but I can tell it's trying to pull me in. Do any of you get this temptation to give in but at the same time you really don't want to? It sounds so nice to give in and just give up you know, just let the depression take me wherever it pleases. At the same time I know what will happen, I will be miserable so I grip onto what I can to prevent that. It's like there are two mindsets in my brain. One wants to just give up and surrender to the depression but the other is a little more logical.

How come I can fall asleep really easily during the day but not at night?

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51082824]Woke from a nightmare where my jaw and teeth fell out. No idea what it even means, but I kind of feel worthless now because of it. Why can't I just fade away already[/QUOTE] It's actually disturbing, I had those dreams several times. Not to be a dream interpretation specialist, but I heard it's a representation of heavy anxieties and the fear of death, not particularly yours but someone else's. Obviously, someone you care about. My depression is getting worse and worse, I spend too much time sleeping. I got into a heated argument with my father, it sounded like an ultimatum, either I'm kicked of the house or forcefully interned in a psych ward, since I'm a "crazy" fucker. I don't even care right now, I feel I'm at the end of road.

[QUOTE=arthurisfine;51097040]It's actually disturbing, I had those dreams several times. Not to be a dream interpretation specialist, but I heard it's a representation of heavy anxieties and the fear of death, not particularly yours but someone else's. Obviously, someone you care about. My depression is getting worse and worse, I spend too much time sleeping. I got into a heated argument with my father, it sounded like an ultimatum, either I'm kicked of the house or forcefully interned in a psych ward, since I'm a "crazy" fucker. I don't even care right now, I feel I'm at the end of road.[/QUOTE] Thinking on that, I am pretty terrified of dying alone.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51095605]I wouldn't say I'm 'very' depressed right now but I can tell it's trying to pull me in. Do any of you get this temptation to give in but at the same time you really don't want to? It sounds so nice to give in and just give up you know, just let the depression take me wherever it pleases. At the same time I know what will happen, I will be miserable so I grip onto what I can to prevent that. It's like there are two mindsets in my brain. One wants to just give up and surrender to the depression but the other is a little more logical.[/QUOTE] I used to feel the same shortly after recovering from my fit of depression, but it helped when I found something to do. If you ever feel the same again, go get some exercise, do something you find interesting, or find any way at all to distract yourself. It'll help keep those thoughts from the forefront of your mind.

If I could go back in time and never allow a certain person in my life I would. I think I would be much better off if that were the case. Even though that person is no longer apart of my life and never will be again. I get depressed just thinking about her. Not all the time she's the reason for my depression but she's definitely left an impact on my state of mind. I don't know why some days it's not so bad where I barely think about her and other days she's on my mind quite a lot. She's left a very negative impact on me. I think the only thing that would make me feel better is if I replaced my thoughts about her and had someone else in my life. At the same time I'm kind of scared of that idea because I'll always worry about being hurt and abandoned again. It's a fear I've developed since this girl basically broke my heart. Even though it's been awhile I still feel hurt after it all. I don't miss her so I don't know why she's even on my mind right now.

My mom just threatened to send me back to the psych ward. Apparently she's fed up with me. She said she's taking me back today. Can someone just fucking kill me already

So someone who [b]was[/b] my best friend just turned 19 today and it feels weird. Because on the 29th I turn 18 and I miss her but I can't ever tell her I'm sorry because of stupid shit that happened. Like, we were best buds all the way through highschool and now it's gone.

I can't believe my Dads been gone for over a year. I have so many more questions for him.

I can't sleep I have way to much on my mind right now. I don't know what to think about anything anymore. I feel like life just isn't for me. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I'm still thinking about my ex and she really fucked me up emotionally. I think maybe going away again isn't a bad thing. I probably won't but I don't know I'm uncertain about it.

Anyone got experience with antidepressants?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51102814]I can't sleep I have way to much on my mind right now. I don't know what to think about anything anymore. I feel like life just isn't for me. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I'm still thinking about my ex and she really fucked me up emotionally. I think maybe going away again isn't a bad thing. I probably won't but I don't know I'm uncertain about it.[/QUOTE] Just do what I do when I'm down, and eat out a whole jar of Peanut Butter. Like, really, go out for a walk, buy a jar of the stuff, and fucking choke on the creamy shit. Holy fuck, fuck my life aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wfh98w274ht2 [editline]25th September 2016[/editline] What did she do to you anyway?

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;51101463]I can't believe my Dads been gone for over a year. I have so many more questions for him.[/QUOTE] I wanted to listen to my grandfather stories. Too late now. Eh probably later in heaven. This world sucks monkey ass anyway

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51103373]Anyone got experience with antidepressants?[/QUOTE] It depends on what kind you're taking or being prescribed. I take 30mg of Prozac and the side effects I had were dizziness and dry mouth, but they went away after a few weeks. I still occasionally get those side effects but it's nothing that bothers me.

[QUOTE=kijji;51103774]It depends on what kind you're taking or being prescribed. I take 30mg of Prozac and the side effects I had were dizziness and dry mouth, but they went away after a few weeks. I still occasionally get those side effects but it's nothing that bothers me.[/QUOTE]I'm on sertraline, I do have the dizziness problems with it sometimes, I don't take it as consistently I as I should. Some how though I feel less intelligent when I take it.

Lets say someone's suicidal and tells a psychologists, what happens afterwards? What is their procedure?

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51105173]Lets say someone's suicidal and tells a psychologists, what happens afterwards? What is their procedure?[/QUOTE] Under or over 18? Under 18, parents will be informed and I think others in the system can be informed as well but don't quote me on that last part. I have a feeling they will at least. Over 18, they might inform someone in the system to get second opinions, much like what they'd do if you were under 18 just that they won't tell your parents. If you just say you're suicidal but they get the impression that you won't do anything about it they won't tell anyone. If you say yourself that you might do something or they get the impression, they will do something about it like intervention. You could be talked into being submitted to a 24/7 psychiatric hospital or you could end up on a forced sector within that if you say or show signs that you might kill yourself any time soon. Depending on the severity, you might also end up somewhere in the middle of that. They'll talk you into going to hospital by choice but in reality you don't really have a choice. Only difference is that you'll not be in the forced sector which is usually a lot more strict about everything but you'll still be forced. This happened to me, I ended up in between the two and got forced into going to an open 24/7 sector. They said it with their own words, it was forced with the illusion of choice.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51105315]Under or over 18? Under 18, parents will be informed and I think others in the system can be informed as well but don't quote me on that last part. I have a feeling they will at least. Over 18, they might inform someone in the system to get second opinions, much like what they'd do if you were under 18 just that they won't tell your parents. If you just say you're suicidal but they get the impression that you won't do anything about it they won't tell anyone. If you say yourself that you might do something or they get the impression, they will do something about it like intervention. You could be talked into being submitted to a 24/7 psychiatric hospital or you could end up on a forced sector within that if you say or show signs that you might kill yourself any time soon. Depending on the severity, you might also end up somewhere in the middle of that. They'll talk you into going to hospital by choice but in reality you don't really have a choice. Only difference is that you'll not be in the forced sector which is usually a lot more strict about everything but you'll still be forced. This happened to me, I ended up in between the two and got forced into going to an open 24/7 sector. They said it with their own words, it was forced with the illusion of choice.[/QUOTE] I'm 25 and I've had these thoughts since I was 13. I have Tourette, Asperger (+severe anxiety), OCD. I want help, but my biggest fear, which is far worse than life and death, is changing routines and doing things I'm not comfortable with in general; that could be from drinking water to changing clothes. How would a person like me even exist in those places without everything going to hell? I believe I'm going to die within five months. Got everything planned out in every detail (trying to find a way that cause least damage to others). There's three things that keeps me from leaving: 1. Family (social relations etc) 2. Don't know what happens after death, though I have a strong belief there's nothing 3. Just want to try live a few moments before it happens There's an extremely amount of reasons why I want to leave. It's gotten worse every year, and now it's every week which makes me insane. I'm counting days right now, because I've tried doing it twice before but haven't gotten the strenght enough due to my age and position. But now I have far more strenght, both mentally and philosophically.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51105411]I'm 25 and I've had these thoughts since I was 13. I have Tourette, Asperger (+severe anxiety), OCD. I want help, but my biggest fear, which is far worse than life and death, is changing routines and doing things I'm not comfortable with in general; that could be from drinking water to changing clothes. How would a person like me even exist in those places without everything going to hell? I believe I'm going to die within five months. Got everything planned out in every detail (trying to find a way that cause least damage to others). There's three things that keeps me from leaving: 1. Family (social relations etc) 2. Don't know what happens after death, though I have a strong belief there's nothing 3. Just want to try live a few moments before it happens There's an extremely amount of reasons why I want to leave. It's gotten worse every year, and now it's every week which makes me insane. I'm counting days right now, because I've tried doing it twice before but haven't gotten the strenght enough due to my age and position. But now I have far more strenght, both mentally and philosophically.[/QUOTE] If I were you, I'd tell your psychologist about it. They'll know what to do to help and will realise that the help you're getting now isn't sufficient. I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to change your routine, it's insanely uncomfortable. But it is the only way out of it. It's hard and I've been there too. I wasn't able to make that change alone, I had to have supporting staff on the side in a hospital to help me out. I'm not going to feed you with "oh it's going to get better!" when I can't say for sure. What I will say however is that I've been at the rock bottom myself with plans to kill myself (and even gone out to do the deed but changed my mind at the last second) and I got better. It's weird to think that if I actually killed myself when I was at my worst I would have never gotten where I am today. I wouldn't get the chance to experience happiness again you know? Without a hospital to be forced into I would be dead today. I didn't have it in me to get better without 24/7 help by professionals. Today I can prevent depression all by myself which is a huge improvement where I wasn't even able to get out of it with help before. I really, really recommend it. They'll help you make that move to change your routine in a comfortable environment. I wish you luck. It's up to you what you do, but I recommend telling them and potentially thinking about a 24/7 hospital to help. Helpful or not, at least it will be an experience that will build your character and you can say that you at least gave it a shot.

My mom bitches at me for doing little around the house, but at the same time she steals my meds to treat my severe ADHD. What chance do I have?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51103373]Anyone got experience with antidepressants?[/QUOTE] Setraline: made me feel slightly better, one day I stopped taking them and noticed no difference in how I felt. Literally zero side effects, so if they're prescribed for free go for it.

-snip-

Ended up breaking down at my psychologist today, ouch. I wasn't feeling sad but I was just so exhausted. She noticed and asked which had me break down crying. Second time this has happened due to my exhaustion. I'm just so tired and fed up by being so tired all the time and I don't even know why. I eat correctly and hit the gym, shouldn't that translate to the complete opposite of what I'm experiencing? I just want to feel refreshed and awake.

[QUOTE=Kolmala;51106577]My mom bitches at me for doing little around the house, but at the same time she steals my meds to treat my severe ADHD. What chance do I have?[/QUOTE] Waht the fuck. Just what the fuck. Shouldn't this be illegal?

Is there a university or a workplace that can accept a failure like me?