Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=PredGD;52797277]I don't have high hopes in switching from one person to another to be honest. It could work, hard to tell, but I think the idea of going somewhere to get help once every week has become so normalized in my head that it's hard to get into the mindset that its a tool to help me out. I think I'll stick to it for now though. Been quite depressed recently and I've had some nasty thoughts regarding life and death so maybe not the brightest idea to ditch it.[/QUOTE] Just remember that therapists are only there to offer council. Some might try CBT or DBT but most of them just listen or talk. If you're looking for actual treatment you should be seeing a psychologist in addition to your therapist and psychiatrist. It's not a bad idea to switch therapists as It'll be a new person so their perspective will be different and it sounds like you could use someone with a fresh perspective.

I've been feeling like shit over these past 2 days ever since my treatment, constant sweating especially during the nights, nausea and other bad side effects, so I called my therapist and she told me my body doesn't seem to tolerate Cipralex all that well because it aggrevates my breathing problem even more, even at a smaller dose and even with Xanax to counter that. She only managed to make an appointment on Monday to change the prescriptions to something more tolerable, until then I will keep continue taking Xanax. Hope being off of it won't fuck it up even more for me until I can visit my therapist.

Just came home from the welfare office. They told me that I've been given plenty of time and that we need results soon so that means I'll be going back to work. Hearing that made me break down :( I already feel broken inside and I've said that the last I need is more stress into my life. I feel defeated and ready to accept that I won't be able to meet their demands. I've already accepted that the money will disappear and that I gotta move out. Feels like everything I've built and managed up to now is crumbling apart :(

First post (I think) rambly thing? I'm afraid of applying for jobs because I'm afraid I'll do badly in them, I'm afraid of telling my family I got booted from university because they'll be disappointed in me and I should be better than that, I don't know what I want from my life, I've been distracting myself from my money troubles and other similar things in my life by drowning myself in Exalted material. I don't particularly find myself caring much about things in general either. I have a near daily "I should just kill myself" or similar thought, though it's reigned in by the thought that I don't have he right to take myself away from those who care about me. I'm going to be begging my godmother to bail me out on two months of rent this weekend, which I got myself into because I lie everything's fine when it isn't and procrastinating on things like applying for welfare. At least welfare should hopefully be coming in sometime in November, maybe. I thought I'd feel more antsy/scared/something over the prospect of telling mom/godmother about the uni thing but I'm not really feeling much of anything. Maybe a bit worried about godmother since she doesn't exactly believe in depression as a thing you can't overcome wlby trying harder, or something like that, maybe? I don't know. What's changed in the past week or two is that I've applied for a job, and am thinking of applying for other jobs as well in case I don't get it. I think it was mainly spurred by the fact that I fucked my financial situation by not applying for the welfare sooner and having to beg my godmother for help with the rent once again. I think it was two years ago that she last bailed me out of a similar situation. I don't know. I just find it hard to care about friends or family or myself. Days feel like they go on forever but when you blink it's been six weeks. I just roll around in my room, listening to Exalted podplays and reading Exalted discussions in hopes of everything magically fixing itself and finding a purpose in life. I think I'm going to send more job applications today, or at least this weekend, even if it scares the shit out of me.

I just wanted to say to everyone that is having a hard time, keep fighting, you are not alone. In the end it will get better. I grew up with alcoholic parents. My father would borrow money from the bank all the time behind my mothers back. Once she found out, she started drinking and getting bitter. This again resulted in my father drinking. It got so bad at one point that my brothers moved out as soon as they had the chance. I felt so sorry for my parents i couldn't do the same. For years i watched as the house, the family and my life started to decay. No one was talking and my father started living in our cabbin. Even though I was living at home, it could go days between we talked. I had just lost my job and my girlfriend in one week. This was my lowest. I thought to myself that this could only go two ways. I could take action, or we could lose our parents living with regret the rest of our lives. Since they wouldn't talk to each other, I started talking for them. I didn't care what they thought of me or what kind of excuses they had. And trust me there was a lot of excuses, blaming other people. It has been a long and hard process, but in the end it paid of. For the first time two weeks ago, we sat down and ate dinner together as a family. My parents stopped drinking,my father moved back home and my oldest brother moved back into town. I even found out last week I am getting a new job! I hope this story can help someone <3

I am just so fucking tired on every level except physically and I really just wouldn't mind being hit by a bus or an aneurysm right now

alcohol helps

I'm horrendously isolated and stressed. Though it's eye opening to see the lack of communication from anyone.

-snip-

My job is really affecting my mood. When I do well, I feel okay. I still don't think I'm getting the satisfaction from doing things that I used to. But when I do poorly I just feel extremely stressed out and hating myself and thinking about suicide. I don't even think anyone expects me to do well every day, several people who worked there for much longer than I have had days where they got nothing done. But for some reason it's not okay for me.

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;52803724]I'm horrendously isolated and stressed. Though it's eye opening to see the lack of communication from anyone.[/QUOTE] I can tell you now, isolating yourself is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, I did for the longest of times. Personally, I don't blame anyone for falling out-of-touch with me over the last 7 years (except those whose addiction to cannabis I share/d) because honestly it's more the other way around. Especially people I knew when I became depressed, they probably just don't know how to respond to an energetic, funny if eccentric guy suddenly becoming the opposite of those things. What I realised is that many of the roots of my own depression are things that, at least now, I'm entirely capable of changing, a lack of social contact being one of them. They might have been out of my hands, and they evidently led to a near-complete loss of motivation to seek that social contact, but it was always an unconsciously-made choice out of fear of awkwardness or bruised ego. Whatever I thought it was or blamed it on, I don't even remember. I have the good fortune of two of the best friends I could've possibly hoped for - even though they were getting frustrated that I wasn't making the effort to "sort myself out", they eventually came to realise on some level, that the point of origin of any change in my behaviour would have to be myself* - but simply being in their company has been a big help. I'm not going to make assumptions, but try and think who your strongest friendships have been with, and hit them up. Spend some time together even if it's just doing nothing, bashing video games or whatever. It's important to recognise that those people probably do want the best for you, but the fact is it's not their responsibility to be proactive about achieving that, it's yours - and even more important is recognising that you're capable of taking that responsibility. Even if you're not fulfilling it entirely, doing so to any degree will help you get there. What else helped me in a big way, sad as it might sound, is ArmA communities. Having some level of responsibility in a life otherwise devoid of it (by choice, conscious or not), as well as again, regular social interaction really kept me going. I don't know what, if any, games you play, or how compatible the concept is with them, but it's worth looking into. [quote=*]the point of origin of any change in my behaviour would have to be myself*[/quote] And this is why it's often really hard to both give and receive advice related to depression. I am making assumptions here, but I imagine for the vast majority of us there [I]are[/I] choices you can make to improve your condition. The paradox is that depression both tricks you into thinking there aren't, and if not, that they're too much effort or too unlikely to succeed to pursue. Ego is also a big component to it, because if you're not unhappy at any given moment you're "out of character", and it will remind you of that and any perceived failure at every opportunity, I had the blessing and curse of a lack of urgency, and it's given me a lot of time to introspect - work out my major malfunctions and how they've affected me, and peeking out from under the surface was how responsible I am for any of it; the degree to which I was was often surprising. There really is no easy, obvious solution behind all the barriers you unconsciously erect. But there are things you can try. If it doesn't work? No loss, you're back where you started, so you can try again, or try something else. If, as with me, you've been a victim of circumstance and then continued to believe that everything bad that's happened, or that nothing good has, is out of your control - it's really not. There are so many things that you absolutely can't change - but you CAN change how you respond to them. The best way to do that is by considering the most desirable outcome to any given scenario BEFORE doing so. Using myself as an example - My room was an absolute fucking shit-tip for months and months. That's the event (the event being unchangeable). My usual response was "ignore it, play vidya". Outcome: Room's still a shit tip and I inhale more fag ash than air through the day. Then one day I woke up and thought event: "Man, it really fucking sucks being in this room all day, the state I've let it get to.". I'd thought the same plenty of times, but the difference was I thought "I want it to be clean" - outcome. So the response, I cleaned the fuck out of it. Now I repeat that process every day. Event: Room's tidy; Desired outcome: Remains tidy; Response: Spend a minute or two a day putting shit in the bin. The process is called ERO/E+R=O/Event + Response = Outcome. You go through that process unconsciously every day, and usually the outcome is maintenance of the status quo, as it was with me and my room - and it was an unconscious decision to change it, but funnily enough I learned that it was one of those things that have been codified for corporate professionals. Again, recognise that an outcome is just as much a product of your own response as the event its self, and the "trick" is to recognise what you want before enacting that response, and seeing how they line up. If you think about it consciously, it can be applied to pretty much anything you can think of to bring about positive change - a couple more examples from myself E: I'm physically unfit; R: Don't think about it, keep eating tasty things and not exercising; O: Still overweight and weak becomes E: I'm physically unfit; DO: Want to be lighter and stronger; R: Skimmed milk instead of whole and less sugar in the million coffee milkshakes I drink in a day; As many press-ups as I can manage every time I die in a game (Depending on the game). O: I'm consuming less fat and exercising E: My sleeping pattern's always fucked; R: Carry on only going to bed once I'm falling asleep at my desk; O: Sleeping pattern keeps getting fucked becomes E: My sleeping pattern's always fucked; DO: Want to be awake through the day; R: Go to bed no later than 2am and don't get back out however long it takes to fall asleep; O: I'm not waking up past 2pm anymore. E: I crave cigarettes; R: I smoke as soon as I feel like it; O: My room stinks of fags, I generate mess, send my family some of that lovely second-hand and continue to fuck up my own lungs becomes E: I crave cigarettes; DO: Opposite of the above; R: I leave my fags downstairs and smoke them outside; O: Less mess to clean up, room smells better, I smoke less cause it takes more effort and don't pass it on to my family. Or, more meta E: I'm depressed; R: I let my ego keep me that way, and rationalise away any responsibility I could take to change it; O: I remain depressed and miss out on or decline opportunities to make positive changes in any aspect, maintaining or worsening my depression. becomes E: I'm depressed; DO: I want to be happy; R: I make some small positive changes to my routine; I apply myself to creating opportunities to socialise; I seek the people who can and will help me; O: I'm much happier. I have a CV that could get me an interview for an executive position despite, in practical terms, fuck-all work experience. I have a lot more self-respect, so I'm more confident in myself, my abilities and my potential. I'm readier than I've ever been to eat failure and come back for seconds. Like I was talking about earlier, it's hard to take and actually implement advice as to how to improve one's mental state, or at least how it affects your day-to-day and feeds back into it. What I've just described is just one tool you can use to do so and you all owe it to yourselves to give it a go. And like I said in an earlier post, the [B]only[/B] true failure is not trying at all [sp](Except something that could get you killed)[/sp] [editline]21st October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=SamPerson123;52804160]My job is really affecting my mood. When I do well, I feel okay. I still don't think I'm getting the satisfaction from doing things that I used to. But when I do poorly I just feel extremely stressed out and hating myself and thinking about suicide. I don't even think anyone expects me to do well every day, several people who worked there for much longer than I have had days where they got nothing done. But for some reason it's not okay for me.[/QUOTE] I am relating this to my own experience so please forgive me if I miss the mark, but we can apply ERO here. E: You feel like you're underperforming; R: You feel like your superiors dislike you for it and therefore your livelihood is potentially threatened, so you beat yourself up about it. O: You become stressed, which further detracts from your performance. Could become E: You feel like you're underperforming; DO: You want to do your job well; R: You could ask for feedback from your supervisor/boss, or help from colleagues. O: Leaders LOVE it when the people they're responsible for ask for their help or feedback, instead of having to go to them and apply proverbial boot to arse. As well as their respect, you'll likely gain some valuable insight. If they're unwilling to help, find someone else within the organisation. Regarding work in general, unless it's something really basic like warehousing (Though it can still apply), your employer as a business would much rather help you remediate however you feel (or recognise, if it turns out to be true) about your performance, than invest however much time, money and other resources it takes to recruit and train someone to replace you. It's simply more financially viable; as cynical as it sounds, it's in your favour for once. Seeking that improvement shows that you value not only your responsibilites, but the relationships therein. If I'm talking out my arse, it's time to find a different employer.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52797431]I have been struggling pretty intensely with depression lately...[/QUOTE] Keep us posted. I'm pretty sure it will settle down eventually, you seem to have a good position in life with enough support. No wonder you're feeling overwhelmed, though. Own business and a wedding? Those are two really big commitments you're doing at once. Big commitments always bring doubts. It may take some time, but you'll find your balance.

Anyone ever done CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) before? How bad is it?

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52804586]Anyone ever done CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) before? How bad is it?[/QUOTE] Bad? It's not bad at all. You learn to change how you think about your problems and your feelings. It's a way of learning how to minimize the awfulness that those thoughts and habits bring. It helps you turn around the bad into the good, though I have to be honest it's very difficult, or at least for me it is. I've been doing pretty good on it though I'm not finished...but it's definitely helped me since I started. I've been slacking on therapy though so it's not the fault of the therapy that I'm in a bit of a rough point atm. Overall I really like it, much better than previous attempts at helping me through therapy. That's just my experience though.

I have problems focusing, concentrating on things. Whenever I try to do so, my mind gets foggy and I either get distracted easily, or I stress a lot and get blocks of all kind. And it bothers me, because this ties in with a feeling I've felt recently. I feel like I have peaked, that I've reached the ceiling of what I can do and become. I am a student, I study philosophy, which is an interesting subject, but my interest in it doesn't help me focus, like at all. And it's my third attempt at university, but this constant failure in the school environment just enforces that feeling that this is as far as I can go. I have nothing to show for myself, no achievements that I can proudly display to others. it's depressing. It feeds into my depression. I have friends who now work at movie studios, as game developers, who travel the world and get to do all sorts of stuff they want to do. Meanwhile I am tied to a figurative chair I can't seem to get out of. I can't reach any success because I'm impeded by my own inability to focus. I'm not happy with this at all. I want better. I [I][B]know[/B][/I] that somehow, I can break that ceiling and move further upwards. But just as I set my mind to do so, the aforementioned problems come back in, and I'm back to zero. And it's so utterly draining that I feel demotivated to do anything at all. I talked to the school nurse in high school years ago, when I still went there. I mentioned my inability to focus, but after a couple of tests was dismissed as a non-issue that I was supposed to be able to deal with myself. But I can't, I can't find a solution to it. And now I think I should get a new evaluation on it. It's definitely something. I just want to be able to focus and function again. I'm tired of feeling this way. So I'll see about scheduling an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible to talk about this, and get an opinion on it. I don't care what it takes. I just want to climb up again.

have you ever been having a relatively regular conversation with someone when an offhand comment makes you think back and realize very important things about how your mental illnesses have really affected you it made me realize that things that happened to me years ago actually happened and that they weren't from some messed-up nightmare

[QUOTE=kariko;52804614]Bad? It's not bad at all. You learn to change how you think about your problems and your feelings. It's a way of learning how to minimize the awfulness that those thoughts and habits bring. It helps you turn around the bad into the good, though I have to be honest it's very difficult, or at least for me it is. I've been doing pretty good on it though I'm not finished...but it's definitely helped me since I started. I've been slacking on therapy though so it's not the fault of the therapy that I'm in a bit of a rough point atm. Overall I really like it, much better than previous attempts at helping me through therapy. That's just my experience though.[/QUOTE] My psychiatrist told me they have to start an anxiety attack during the therapy

[QUOTE=myon;52804781]I have problems focusing, concentrating on things. Whenever I try to do so, my mind gets foggy and I either get distracted easily, or I stress a lot and get blocks of all kind. And it bothers me, because this ties in with a feeling I've felt recently. I feel like I have peaked, that I've reached the ceiling of what I can do and become. I am a student, I study philosophy, which is an interesting subject, but my interest in it doesn't help me focus, like at all. And it's my third attempt at university, but this constant failure in the school environment just enforces that feeling that this is as far as I can go. I have nothing to show for myself, no achievements that I can proudly display to others. it's depressing. It feeds into my depression. I have friends who now work at movie studios, as game developers, who travel the world and get to do all sorts of stuff they want to do. Meanwhile I am tied to a figurative chair I can't seem to get out of. I can't reach any success because I'm impeded by my own inability to focus. I'm not happy with this at all. I want better. I [I][B]know[/B][/I] that somehow, I can break that ceiling and move further upwards. But just as I set my mind to do so, the aforementioned problems come back in, and I'm back to zero. And it's so utterly draining that I feel demotivated to do anything at all. I talked to the school nurse in high school years ago, when I still went there. I mentioned my inability to focus, but after a couple of tests was dismissed as a non-issue that I was supposed to be able to deal with myself. But I can't, I can't find a solution to it. And now I think I should get a new evaluation on it. It's definitely something. I just want to be able to focus and function again. I'm tired of feeling this way. So I'll see about scheduling an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible to talk about this, and get an opinion on it. I don't care what it takes. I just want to climb up again.[/QUOTE] I'm mostly responding to the first and last parts, but have you considered getting checked for ADD? I'm in a similar boat. I can perform really well on most things, but opening a book doesn't work for me. I can do absolutely anything in the world to procrastinate or just not do it at all. It feel so painful to try to read line after line, it absolutely burns and my mind will jump to whatever possible to avoid it. I've been to a therapist and a doctor and both suggested I may have ADD, but I haven't had a proper evaluation for it. Those are fairly long and needs many visits, so I wouldn't trust a school nurse too much. I went to studying counselling at my Uni for it as well, they just told me to "just do it". Yeah I didn't.

[QUOTE=jiggu;52805074]I'm mostly responding to the first and last parts, but have you considered getting checked for ADD? I'm in a similar boat. I can perform really well on most things, but opening a book doesn't work for me. I can do absolutely anything in the world to procrastinate or just not do it at all. It feel so painful to try to read line after line, it absolutely burns and my mind will jump to whatever possible to avoid it. I've been to a therapist and a doctor and both suggested I may have ADD, but I haven't had a proper evaluation for it. Those are fairly long and needs many visits, so I wouldn't trust a school nurse too much. I went to studying counselling at my Uni for it as well, they just told me to "just do it". Yeah I didn't.[/QUOTE] ADD was one of my first suspicions back then and is one now. But I won't know for sure until I get it properly checked out. Strange how the nurse could just dismiss it like after one visit, but as you said, can't trust a nurse to make that kind of evaluation I suppose. I'll make the doctor's appointment now and get it over with. It's years overdue.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;52797431]I have been struggling pretty intensely with depression lately. It's always been an ugly companion, but since starting my own business it has been increasingly destructive and intense, presumably because of the stress and pressure of having that kind of responsibility on my shoulders now. I have no energy, no motivation, and am quick to anger. I stay up half the night, not wanting to sleep, and then lay awake in bed for hours the next day, not wanting to have to get up. I spend the days feeling like a useless, stupid failure, convincing myself that it's pointless to get up and try, and then I spend my nights feeling like a lazy piece of shit for not doing anything all day. I have my good days and bad days (and weeks, and months), but lately its been a hell of a lot more of the latter than the former. That self-destructive cycle of ugly emotion repeats almost daily, and only reinforces itself, so that each day feels worse than the last. I recently sought out some help, but I guess I just wanted to chime in and share my experience, as this week has been especially rough for me. It's frustrating, because I know I [B]shouldn't[/B] feel this way. I just got married to a woman that I love with my whole heart. While my business is not doing nearly as well as it could be (thanks to my self-destructive depressive cycle), we're still afloat financially. I get that depression isn't rational, but knowing that I [B]should[/B] be consistently happy right now is only making me feel worse that I'm not. I have my first appointment on Monday, and am just hoping that it will mark a turning point for my emotional state.[/QUOTE]I've seen a few people start businesses and edited a few seminars about business. Going into business is like driving to a destination and never knowing when you'll get there. It may feel like an uphill battle, but you'll turn a profit soon if you stay the course, you seem like a competent guy and unlike me, you've got your shit together. As soon as you start turning a profit you'll feel much better. Sometimes you just have to look back on your past achievements and derive confidence from them in those hard times. Good luck with it and again Congrats.

It feels like I've fucked up so much and lack the social skills to get anywhere that I'm at a dead end. It feels like the only options left are suffer or end it all. I can't get another job due to inept social skills. And I have tried. And it's so painful falling over and over again. Being told essentially there are always people better suited for the job. My current job is breaking me to the point I'm just miserable all the time. And my days off make it so much more worse because I start having a glimpse of happiness before work shatters it into a million pieces as it laughs at me. I do have a risky and socially horrible solution that is basically a crapshoot if I'll be happy or not, but considering the miserable state I'm in, it feels like a somewhat valid option.

[QUOTE=nagachief;52805411]It feels like I've fucked up so much and lack the social skills to get anywhere that I'm at a dead end. [B]It feels like the only options left are suffer or end it all.[/B] I can't get another job due to inept social skills. And I have tried. And it's so painful falling over and over again. Being told essentially there are always people better suited for the job. My current job is breaking me to the point I'm just miserable all the time. And my days off make it so much more worse because I start having a glimpse of happiness before work shatters it into a million pieces as it laughs at me. I do have a risky and socially horrible solution that is basically a crapshoot if I'll be happy or not, but considering the miserable state I'm in, it feels like a somewhat valid option.[/QUOTE] If you feel like you've got nothing to lose, then you've got nothing to lose by continuing to try to change your situation - which from where you're sat, might seem like more pain than maintaining the status quo, but if you're that close to wanting to kill yourself you delay that decision and suffer that potentially greater pain for a bit and see what you gain from it. You can't come back from suicide, and you throw away every opportunity to improve your life. As for social skills, they are exactly that, skills, and can be actively learned just like any other. And experience is the best teacher. If you have friends, close ones who understand your state especially, ask them to bring you along to some gatherings, parties, whatever - for me, they'd always assume (correctly, usually) that I wouldn't want to go anyway. It doesn't hurt to ask. If they're equally introverted, spend some time with them anyway. And tell them about what you're going through, you'd be surprised by how many people share the same mindset and swapping the stories behind it really helps - which is why you posted here. As for your risky solution, what is it? Not to pry, but the cryptic wording makes it sound worse than it probably is Above all else, seek professional help if you aren't already receiving it - check the OP.

I've tried for a while to avoid coming to terms with it, but I think lately I've been feeling things I could equate as depression. I just feel like I've lost passion for basically everything, I'm too tired to get out of bed at a reasonable time in the mornings, I'm too tired to do anything than putz around my apartment or sit at my computer. Feels like a lot of people I know are doing much better in managing their time while I dick around all day. My roommate is going to grad school likely after graduation while the only thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to stay at my mom's or dad's for the foreseeable future. I'm not dropping out of uni, but I'm pretty sure I've wasted my time pursuing something I'm not confident will find me work. I feel like anything I'm remotely interested in there's millions who are better than me, and I know that's a silly reason to get caught up on, but I just feel to myself what's even the point of doing anything. I feel like I've just sort of blown it when it comes to doing anything about my situation. Like it's too late for me, so might as well do nothing since it doesn't matter anyway.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52805029]My psychiatrist told me they have to start an anxiety attack during the therapy[/QUOTE] That's odd? I don't understand why they would do that. The way me and my therapist did it was slowly exposing myself to things I find uncomfortable. For me that would be speaking to people, and so I try phone calls or making small talk with cashiers and stuff like that. It makes me less anxious about it because I start getting used to it. I'm not sure why they would induce an anxiety attack, that sounds awful :s: Maybe ask more about why they would do that? The closest thing we did to that was to talk about stuff that makes me anxious, but not purposely to induce a full attack. Just to make me feel slightly uncomfortable so I get better at dealing with it. If I started heading towards an attack I remember my therapist said we would stop.

Of all the things to help me combat anxiety, it had to be the litany against fear from Dune. Guess this is that mindfulness thing folks were talking about.

[QUOTE=kariko;52806363]That's odd? I don't understand why they would do that. The way me and my therapist did it was slowly exposing myself to things I find uncomfortable. For me that would be speaking to people, and so I try phone calls or making small talk with cashiers and stuff like that. It makes me less anxious about it because I start getting used to it. I'm not sure why they would induce an anxiety attack, that sounds awful :s: Maybe ask more about why they would do that? The closest thing we did to that was to talk about stuff that makes me anxious, but not purposely to induce a full attack. Just to make me feel slightly uncomfortable so I get better at dealing with it. If I started heading towards an attack I remember my therapist said we would stop.[/QUOTE] It's his psychiatrist doing it not his therapist. Likely for a baseline and to see what kind of medication he needs, etc. I wouldn't call it odd considering whats been going on in this thread with Bird Man. By some miracle he actually told his therapist everything and is getting treated now.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52806492]It's his psychiatrist doing it not his therapist. Likely for a baseline and to see what kind of medication he needs, etc. I wouldn't call it odd considering whats been going on in this thread with Bird Man. By some miracle he actually told his therapist everything and is getting treated now.[/QUOTE] Ahh I didn't notice that. Well I apologize for spreading misinformation but I hope it's understood that I just read it wrong. My psychiatrist doesn't do that with me, only my therapist, so my experience is probably not accurate then. I also admit to not having read previous posts. I mostly come here to speak about how my day went and so I usually miss many posts. Very sorry about this! I hope it doesn't discourage you, Bird Man! It's good to be getting help. I'm sorry :s:

Really hitting rock bottom. I'm having massive panic attacks, cant sleep or eat. Just went 2 days without any sleep. I have found myself just digging my own grave in my mind. Friends and family have been completely avoiding me. I feel I am going to snap at any moment. Its only a matter of time now.

kinda got cast out of a community i recently returned to because of some toxic debate I got into. I feel really awful for getting into it and upsetting people and now i'm basically alone with nobody to talk to. oops

[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;52805536] As for your risky solution, what is it? Not to pry, but the cryptic wording makes it sound worse than it probably is.[/QUOTE] I don't think it's as bad as I made it out to be. I can sometimes exaggerate. I don't particularly feel comfortable with saying details, but it's most definitely not even remotely illegal. I'm not sure how to vaugely describe it beyond giving up on being independent. Which already sounds dubious. I should probably add that it's my last resort, something I'd consider far before even thinking seriously about suicide beyond meltdowns. My last post was made in the middle of a meltdown...so... Yeah...