Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=kariko;52806363]That's odd? I don't understand why they would do that. The way me and my therapist did it was slowly exposing myself to things I find uncomfortable. For me that would be speaking to people, and so I try phone calls or making small talk with cashiers and stuff like that. It makes me less anxious about it because I start getting used to it. I'm not sure why they would induce an anxiety attack, that sounds awful :s: Maybe ask more about why they would do that? The closest thing we did to that was to talk about stuff that makes me anxious, but not purposely to induce a full attack. Just to make me feel slightly uncomfortable so I get better at dealing with it. If I started heading towards an attack I remember my therapist said we would stop.[/QUOTE] I don't remember much, but he spoke about OCD being all about control and when you have no control the anxiety starts. So if I get an anxiety attack by going against the habits under his surveillance, my mind will one day realize control is no necessary and therefore the anxiety goes away. He told me an anxiety attack is vital for progress. I don't like this at all and it starts in two days.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;52807848]I don't remember much, but he spoke about OCD being all about control and when you have no control the anxiety starts. So if I get an anxiety attack by going against the habits under his surveillance, my mind will one day realize control is no necessary and therefore the anxiety goes away. He told me an anxiety attack is vital for progress. I don't like this at all and it starts in two days.[/QUOTE] I don't know if you saw my other post but this was in relation to therapy, not a psychiatrist. I also have no experience with OCD so pretty much all of what I said is not applicable, sorry! Don't let my post discourage ya, it'll be a good thing when it is helped!

[QUOTE=The golden;52806966]Have you been taking any steps to try and bring the anxiety levels down? Apologies if you made a previous post that I've been oblivious to. Does your family know? Do you currently see a mental healthcare professional? If you haven't then I would strongly suggest both of those things if you can. It will help you a lot and maybe get you on a road to recovery. <3[/QUOTE] I have took steps to help lower my anxiety and depression, but I sink back down as the days come to an end. My mom is my only family and she isn't so great with advice and talking of my issues. She tends to just tell me to suck it up and move on. I plan on talking to professional some time this week. I just can't seem to make any progress myself. Especially after my blackout in my last post here. Driving into headon traffic pushed me to call suicide prevention and it didnt help at all.

:snip:

I found myself writing down a list of things I needed to do, almost like a bucket list. This is how bad things have gotten. Like I'm just preparing myself. I went on a walk and breathed and calmed myself down. Just hoping I can get some help tomorrow and go from there because this is really getting out of hand.

I'm just gonna toss out an offer that if anybody wants to talk I'm always available. I have bipolar 1, was kicked out, have been involuntarily hospitalized for a suicide attempt, and was homeless for just about 8 months. I've been through a lot. I can't claim to understand everyone's issues, but I do understand enough to actually help. It's no trouble to me at all. Seriously. You're not going to inconvenience me or be a burden just for talking. I'm not going to argue with you. If you tell me something, I take your word for it. You're not making excuses. You're not seeking attention. And for everyone, please just remember: It's not your fault if you feel bad about something. That's how depression works. It fucks up your brain so it's really hard see the positive side of things. People feel bad about things, and that's perfectly okay!

[QUOTE=Renderman;52810174]I found myself writing down a list of things I needed to do, almost like a bucket list. This is how bad things have gotten. Like I'm just preparing myself. I went on a walk and breathed and calmed myself down. Just hoping I can get some help tomorrow and go from there because this is really getting out of hand.[/QUOTE] Need, or needed? Forget the could've, would've, should've, because those are things you simply can't change. Instead, focus on the things you can do NOW to change yourself and your situation to benefit [I]you[/I]. Write those down as a list - you've already done the first one - because you can start crossing those off. Your goals, even recognising that you have any, are a million times more tangible when you put them into writing.

I normally keep this kinda stuff to myself but my birthday is coming up I just feel like I need to get it off my chest. I graduated from SCAD in the beginning of June, I didn't finish any of my major animation projects and honestly felt like I didn't really deserve to graduate. Since then ive been living with my parents rent free while "job hunting". But I haven't been searching, theres always some excuse like "oh my reel isn't updated and it doesn't reflect what I can currently do, or "I want to finish my commission work first so I am in a confident enough mood to do interviews. But the fact of the matter is i'm 23 living with my parents and unemployed with a fat sack of student debt coming my way. And ive found it easier to just get high and play video games rather than worry about it or try to improve the situation because I have no confidence in my ability or work and without that I feel like I cant make anything new, therefore cannot truly escape my rut. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like a novice animator with a degree ready to join the workforce, I feel like a loser.

[QUOTE=shad0w440;52812922]I normally keep this kinda stuff to myself but my birthday is coming up I just feel like I need to get it off my chest. I graduated from SCAD in the beginning of June, I didn't finish any of my major animation projects and honestly felt like I didn't really deserve to graduate. Since then ive been living with my parents rent free while "job hunting". But I haven't been searching, theres always some excuse like "oh my reel isn't updated and it doesn't reflect what I can currently do, or "I want to finish my commission work first so I am in a confident enough mood to do interviews. But the fact of the matter is i'm 23 living with my parents and unemployed with a fat sack of student debt coming my way. And ive found it easier to just get high and play video games rather than worry about it or try to improve the situation because I have no confidence in my ability or work and without that I feel like I cant make anything new, therefore cannot truly escape my rut. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't feel like a novice animator with a degree ready to join the workforce, I feel like a loser.[/QUOTE] Sounds familiar. At this present moment I'm in the same spot, minus any conventional, valuable experience or knowledge, and the debt. It is absolutely easier to spend your time playing weed and smoking vidya, for sure - the best part is though, it's not mutually exclusive with work. As for actually getting into work, it's probably the biggest hurdle. From relatively relaxed, sedentary positions such as ours, it's easy to put it off, and put it off, and put it off. We do so for a number of reasons. First is complacency - it's difficult to light a proverbial fire under one's arse when we're already in a position of comfort without having done anything for it. Second is ego. Makes it easy to come up with a million and one rationalisations as to why we're not actively seeking employment, personal development, social stature and such, especially combined with the above. "I'm happy enough here getting stoned and watching pretty space ships blow eachother up, why would I risk the sting of rejection for something I'll enjoy less than this?" Third is the weed its self. I see it as a magnifying glass for whatever I'm feeling at the given moment, so we're more likely to take the path of least resistance in that regard - if the above two sound about right, then you're doubling down on that complacency and ego-defence. Maybe try taking a break from it for a bit. So with that in mind, my advice is this: Take two weeks. Tell yourself "I'm gonna be a piece of shit for a bit" - and fuck, tell your parents if you think they'd be receptive to it - the purpose being to remove any stressful, nagging sense that you [I]should[/I] be doing something else - "This is what I decided". Indulge the sitting around playing vidya, being lazy and all that. And if you do end up getting stoned, it can be a great tool for introspection - As I said, a magnifying glass. And separating yourself from your "soft obligations" (Get a job! Do something!) because you've allotted yourself that time in my experience makes it easier to work out a plan for when that time's up, think of what you want to spend the next bit of your life doing, what you want to achieve. Mark it on your calendar - 2 weeks from now is the 6th of November [sp]Just so happens to be my birthday; this can be your present to me![/sp] By the end of those two weeks, I bet that you'll be a lot more willing to not only "go do something", but get paid for it too. As for what to do once you reach that point, I've struggled with it too, but it is really as simple as going on a job site and applying, even if you know you're not suited, even if you know it's something you probably wouldn't be good at. Rejection stings, but that sting is trying to teach you something. Every application you send off that doesn't get a response, every interview you have where you know you've been passed over, they're all learning opportunities. You can be even more resourceful about it by calling or e-mailing them past the fact, asking for feedback (Specifically, beyond "the other guy was more qualified/experienced"). They'll more than likely be willing to give you it. And then, once you're in somewhere, you're in. And who knows, you might find yourself enjoying it. Like I said in an earlier post, a business, corporation, studio, whatever it might be would much rather invest time in helping you improve where you're short on confidence or ability, than let you go and spend even more time minus more productivity and spend more money on recruiting (and training where applicable) someone else - so don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Even if it's shit "really", any job you get will benefit you, but don't discount any of them. While you're looking, try find out what kind of opportunities there are within that workplace. Are there other areas of the business you'd be interested in trying out, regardless of your suitability? Is there a particular role you know you'd be good at within its hierarchy? Even if the answers are no, you're still benefiting yourself in a million ways. Obviously there's money (and greater opportunity for socialising), but the experience is just as, if not more valuable - and I mean valuable to YOU, not your next employer. Use it as an opportunity to work out what sort of environment you work the best in (or not-enjoy the the least) - one where everyone's all pally, or where everyone's focused on their work; whether the managers/leaders in there are supportive, hands-off or applying pressure, whether there's any level of teamwork, or if everyone's independent. Forget what you [I]think[/I] you "deserve", think about what you [B]know[/B] you want and how to get it.

[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;52813638]Sounds familiar. At this present moment I'm in the same spot, minus any conventional, valuable experience or knowledge, and the debt. It is absolutely easier to spend your time playing weed and smoking vidya, for sure - the best part is though, it's not mutually exclusive with work. As for actually getting into work, it's probably the biggest hurdle. From relatively relaxed, sedentary positions such as ours, it's easy to put it off, and put it off, and put it off. We do so for a number of reasons. First is complacency - it's difficult to light a proverbial fire under one's arse when we're already in a position of comfort without having done anything for it. Second is ego. Makes it easy to come up with a million and one rationalisations as to why we're not actively seeking employment, personal development, social stature and such, especially combined with the above. "I'm happy enough here getting stoned and watching pretty space ships blow eachother up, why would I risk the sting of rejection for something I'll enjoy less than this?" Third is the weed its self. I see it as a magnifying glass for whatever I'm feeling at the given moment, so we're more likely to take the path of least resistance in that regard - if the above two sound about right, then you're doubling down on that complacency and ego-defence. Maybe try taking a break from it for a bit. So with that in mind, my advice is this: Take two weeks. Tell yourself "I'm gonna be a piece of shit for a bit" - and fuck, tell your parents if you think they'd be receptive to it - the purpose being to remove any stressful, nagging sense that you [I]should[/I] be doing something else - "This is what I decided". Indulge the sitting around playing vidya, being lazy and all that. And if you do end up getting stoned, it can be a great tool for introspection - As I said, a magnifying glass. And separating yourself from your "soft obligations" (Get a job! Do something!) because you've allotted yourself that time in my experience makes it easier to work out a plan for when that time's up, think of what you want to spend the next bit of your life doing, what you want to achieve. Mark it on your calendar - 2 weeks from now is the 6th of November [sp]Just so happens to be my birthday; this can be your present to me![/sp] By the end of those two weeks, I bet that you'll be a lot more willing to not only "go do something", but get paid for it too. As for what to do once you reach that point, I've struggled with it too, but it is really as simple as going on a job site and applying, even if you know you're not suited, even if you know it's something you probably wouldn't be good at. Rejection stings, but that sting is trying to teach you something. Every application you send off that doesn't get a response, every interview you have where you know you've been passed over, they're all learning opportunities. You can be even more resourceful about it by calling or e-mailing them past the fact, asking for feedback (Specifically, beyond "the other guy was more qualified/experienced"). They'll more than likely be willing to give you it. And then, once you're in somewhere, you're in. And who knows, you might find yourself enjoying it. Like I said in an earlier post, a business, corporation, studio, whatever it might be would much rather invest time in helping you improve where you're short on confidence or ability, than let you go and spend even more time minus more productivity and spend more money on recruiting (and training where applicable) someone else - so don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Even if it's shit "really", any job you get will benefit you, but don't discount any of them. While you're looking, try find out what kind of opportunities there are within that workplace. Are there other areas of the business you'd be interested in trying out, regardless of your suitability? Is there a particular role you know you'd be good at within its hierarchy? Even if the answers are no, you're still benefiting yourself in a million ways. Obviously there's money (and greater opportunity for socialising), but the experience is just as, if not more valuable - and I mean valuable to YOU, not your next employer. Use it as an opportunity to work out what sort of environment you work the best in (or not-enjoy the the least) - one where everyone's all pally, or where everyone's focused on their work; whether the managers/leaders in there are supportive, hands-off or applying pressure, whether there's any level of teamwork, or if everyone's independent. Forget what you [I]think[/I] you "deserve", think about what you [B]know[/B] you want and how to get it.[/QUOTE] So I should just take the next two weeks to enjoy myself?

[QUOTE=shad0w440;52813836]So I should just take the next two weeks to enjoy myself?[/QUOTE] That's the short version, yeah

Found out that I react really badly to oxycycline-type antibiotics and after a while I receive intracranial hypertension whenever I take them. [editline]October 25th, 2017[/editline] Learned just now that I've been taking doxycycline since July which explains my recent behavior for the past few months.

I have some pretty bad anxiety. I've only been able to go for the first two weeks of highschool (I'm too young to drop out) because I have panic attacks before we even get there, lasting for what feels like forever until we leave. Started taking Prozac around 5 weeks ago now and it's helped a little but but while on it I also feel more depressed than I would normally, and I feel like it's because I can't react to feelings of depression the way I would usually, by crying or what have you, because my Prozac is kinda making me feel emotionally numb in a way, it's kinda hard to explain. On top of that, I'm still having extreme exhaustion issues while on Prozac, even though that should've probably gone away by now. My dosage of Prozac might be upped later on to see if that helps per suggestion by my therapist, since I'm just on a really tiny dosage (don't remember the exact dosage since I'm not the person who pours it, my mom is). Has anyone else had a problem with Prozac and exhaustion that was fixed by increasing their dose? Sorry if this post is a bit of a ramble-y mess, I'm not good about talking about my anxiety or other mental health problems but I like to try anyways because it makes me feel better.

[QUOTE=Tomato Hentai;52814912]I have some pretty bad anxiety. I've only been able to go for the first two weeks of highschool (I'm too young to drop out) because I have panic attacks before we even get there, lasting for what feels like forever until we leave. Started taking Prozac around 5 weeks ago now and it's helped a little but but while on it I also feel more depressed than I would normally, and I feel like it's because I can't react to feelings of depression the way I would usually, by crying or what have you, because my Prozac is kinda making me feel emotionally numb in a way, it's kinda hard to explain. On top of that, I'm still having extreme exhaustion issues while on Prozac, even though that should've probably gone away by now. My dosage of Prozac might be upped later on to see if that helps per suggestion by my therapist, since I'm just on a really tiny dosage (don't remember the exact dosage since I'm not the person who pours it, my mom is). Has anyone else had a problem with Prozac and exhaustion that was fixed by increasing their dose? Sorry if this post is a bit of a ramble-y mess, I'm not good about talking about my anxiety or other mental health problems but I like to try anyways because it makes me feel better.[/QUOTE] Former SSRI user here. Anti-depressants (especially an SSRI) can be hard-hitting for a while. The emotional numbness/apathy is a common effect of an SSRI and is one that, from my experience when I took it for 3 years, never went away until I switched medications. The issue with an SSRI is that it alleviates depressive feelings, but in no way replaces it with positive ones. You have to be the one to do the work to make yourself happy. 5 weeks is a good adjustment period so you're essentially seeing Prozac's true effects. Remember, every person responds differently to medication. If you sense any increase or emergence of suicidality or ideation, tell your therapist/psychiatrist ASAP. It means Prozac isn't for you. I can't recommend medications since I'm not a psychiatrist nor do I know you personally, but I can at least share my experience and some general knowledge as an off-duty psychologist. Are you in therapy by chance? That would help immensely along with medication.

[QUOTE=Psych+;52815816]Former SSRI user here. Anti-depressants (especially an SSRI) can be hard-hitting for a while. The emotional numbness/apathy is a common effect of an SSRI and is one that, from my experience when I took it for 3 years, never went away until I switched medications. The issue with an SSRI is that it alleviates depressive feelings, but in no way replaces it with positive ones. You have to be the one to do the work to make yourself happy. 5 weeks is a good adjustment period so you're essentially seeing Prozac's true effects. Remember, every person responds differently to medication. If you sense any increase or emergence of suicidality or ideation, tell your therapist/psychiatrist ASAP. It means Prozac isn't for you. I can't recommend medications since I'm not a psychiatrist nor do I know you personally, but I can at least share my experience and some general knowledge as an off-duty psychologist. Are you in therapy by chance? That would help immensely along with medication.[/QUOTE] I am in therapy, yeah. I keep forgetting to mention the way the Prozac is making me feel outside of exhaustion when at a session with my therapist because we always talk about so much other stuff at each session

This is a weird one. I perceive myself to be a fairly well rounded person. I'm probably not the most charismatic when I'm doing my day to day things or if you catch me "out of it" but when I know I'm in a social situation or prepared for one I'm relatively fine. The issue arises afterwards, or post interaction. Sometimes it can be minutes after an interaction, sometimes at the end of a conversation (and the lul between topics) sometimes it can be hours/days/weeks/months later I suddenly feel this overwhelming bubbling of pure anxiety and stress that everything I did in that situation (and even unrelated stuff outside of it) has been awful and I made the absolute [I]worst[/I] impression. I guess that stems to why I'm relatively solitary these days is because I'm just scared of the aftermath of interaction. Anything I said could end up being taken the wrong way or misconstrued as a way I think. A sarcastic joke could be misinterpreted, dry wit could be taken seriously. All that kind of stuff. It just rattles me bones. I know people build up this persona of who you are and I know I should just be who I want to be and roll with whatever people think but I just hate that niggling feeling that a person is going to miscategorize or misjudge what I said or did. Is there any mechanisms of coping with this and talking yourself down from it & rationalizing it. Comparison work really well so being able to see it in that light would be nice.

I was finally able to find a psychiatrist in network and meet with her. I was prescribed an SSRI, which is a huge relief. Took my first dose tonight. I know it will take several weeks to start having an effect, I know the dosage will probably have to be tuned in, and I know it's not a miracle pill that will make everything better all by itself, but if this helps to reduce the frequency and severity of my depressive lows, I'm grateful to have it. I hope that this can begin to Mark a turning point in my life.

I know I've said this before, but I swear to God, I fucking hate the aspie part of my brain, it just blinds me to the bigger picture. Really, can't a neurologist fix it with drugs or something?

With losing my grandmother back at the beginning of June and just over a week after my birthday, and then losing my dog i'd had for thirteen years (just over half of my life so far) a month later, I was depressed enough to dive into FFXIV extensively. Now a few months later my depression's setting in again on top of anxiety attacks from a goddamn bed bug infestation. My house doesn't have enough places to sleep for my family efficiently, and our laziness allowed them to spread combined with the problem that we're massive packrats with crap all over the house. Worse yet, we have to clean what we can on our own because my mother refuses to let our mess of a house be seen by an exterminator, despite the fact that the little bastards are now hiding under wall decorations. I can't find the source of them in my room but they're biting me at night, and my mother sprayed her room and failed to kill them, which is causing the ones in there to spread around the house now that she's trying to sleep elsewhere. Now I keep imagining every single tingle and itch as a bed bug and i'm going fucking batshit at the worst time. The amount of stuff we may have to theoretically throw out is by and far nightmarish, especially if we really have to toss the mattresses and significant furniture out.

My mother passed away a week ago at 44. Throughout said the week has has been an absolute hell for me on top of my anxiety and depression to the point I nearly succumbed to my grief and almost committed suicide.

[QUOTE=NinjaGuy913;52819659]My mother passed away a week ago at 44. Throughout said the week has has been an absolute hell for me on top of my anxiety and depression to the point I nearly succumbed to my grief and almost committed suicide.[/QUOTE] i'm sorry to hear about your mother, my mom passed around that age too at a time in which i didn't really have the social support to grief properly, if you are in a very bad place you can pm me or something

it's interesting how that as my depression got worse and worse I didn't notice how I very slowly just stopped feeling like I was actually fully awake all the time a few weeks ago I got a lift home from school because I'd gotten a fever. I went to bed because I was so exhausted, and I promptly fell asleep. when I was abrubtly woken up by a text message on my phone, it almost felt like I'd woken up after being in a sort of coma for years. it felt really good everything felt so vivid

Hemorrhoids Fuck em in the [I]ASS-[/I] wait no, it's painful

I've been alluding to this and hinting at it and being all ~mysterious~ for the last two months and I need to stop being a fucking pansy and just tell somebody, but I have nobody to tell but you chucklefucks I was super excited to go to college to study game art and design and live in residence, but starting with missing the first day of a few of my classes thanks to my poor sleep schedule, I've slowly lost control and sunk into my stupid fucking anxiety. I've missed assignments I was having no issues with at first; I spent a week hiding in my dorm room out of some sudden paranoia I couldn't place but couldn't beat out of the way either, putting me further behind, which was followed by me briefly getting better and beginning to put things back together, until the college went on strike on the 16th and has been shutdown since then, and despite now having time to try and catch up (though I'm probably fucked anyways) I felt worse than before. Can't motivate myself to do shit; even taking my pills in the morning is a pain, because until I've had them I'm irrationally paranoid about being seen by my roommates (whom I don't dislike or anything, but don't have much in common with, and none of us have been able to really talk to each other). I still want to do this course so badly but I've completely fucked up my first semester, don't know if there's any coming back from that, and don't know how to tell my parents. I've been lying to my family that I'm feeling alright because I don't want them to worry, and their attempts to help always just end in more anxiety for all of us and my dad blaming me; and I have no means of talking to my family doctor any time soon. Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhh. What is the point of posting this

[QUOTE=_charon;52821379]I've been alluding to this and hinting at it and being all ~mysterious~ for the last two months and I need to stop being a fucking pansy and just tell somebody, but I have nobody to tell but you chucklefucks I was super excited to go to college to study game art and design and live in residence, but starting with missing the first day of a few of my classes thanks to my poor sleep schedule, I've slowly lost control and sunk into my stupid fucking anxiety. I've missed assignments I was having no issues with at first; I spent a week hiding in my dorm room out of some sudden paranoia I couldn't place but couldn't beat out of the way either, putting me further behind, which was followed by me briefly getting better and beginning to put things back together, until the college went on strike on the 16th and has been shutdown since then, and despite now having time to try and catch up (though I'm probably fucked anyways) I felt worse than before. Can't motivate myself to do shit; even taking my pills in the morning is a pain, because until I've had them I'm irrationally paranoid about being seen by my roommates (whom I don't dislike or anything, but don't have much in common with, and none of us have been able to really talk to each other). I still want to do this course so badly but I've completely fucked up my first semester, don't know if there's any coming back from that, and don't know how to tell my parents. I've been lying to my family that I'm feeling alright because I don't want them to worry, and their attempts to help always just end in more anxiety for all of us and my dad blaming me; and I have no means of talking to my family doctor any time soon. Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhh. What is the point of posting this[/QUOTE] Hey you in Ontario too?? My college also went on strike last week regarding the college workers not getting paid well or whatever. Regarding your situation, I felt the same way. I stupidly missed 2 big tests because I was burnt out one day and forgot we had it and coffee spilled in my bad so I had to go back and and dry up everything rather than let my self and laptop get soaked in coffee. Within these weeks though, I've managed to force myself to finish my assignments and work on some personal projects as well. Even got a part time job which I'm really loving so far! Can I ask what you are studying in game design? More 3D or programming or animation?

[QUOTE=_charon;52821379]I've been alluding to this and hinting at it and being all ~mysterious~ for the last two months and I need to stop being a fucking pansy and just tell somebody, but I have nobody to tell but you chucklefucks I was super excited to go to college to study game art and design and live in residence, but starting with missing the first day of a few of my classes thanks to my poor sleep schedule, I've slowly lost control and sunk into my stupid fucking anxiety. I've missed assignments I was having no issues with at first; I spent a week hiding in my dorm room out of some sudden paranoia I couldn't place but couldn't beat out of the way either, putting me further behind, which was followed by me briefly getting better and beginning to put things back together, until the college went on strike on the 16th and has been shutdown since then, and despite now having time to try and catch up (though I'm probably fucked anyways) I felt worse than before. Can't motivate myself to do shit; even taking my pills in the morning is a pain, because until I've had them I'm irrationally paranoid about being seen by my roommates (whom I don't dislike or anything, but don't have much in common with, and none of us have been able to really talk to each other). I still want to do this course so badly but I've completely fucked up my first semester, don't know if there's any coming back from that, and don't know how to tell my parents. I've been lying to my family that I'm feeling alright because I don't want them to worry, and their attempts to help always just end in more anxiety for all of us and my dad blaming me; and I have no means of talking to my family doctor any time soon. Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhh. What is the point of posting this[/QUOTE] Is there an on-campus counseling office available to you? I had pretty good success using it when I was struggling my senior year of college. It's short-term most likely but it's just a better opportunity to vent to someone who doesn't know you on the level of a family doctor. Also, first semesters--hell the first year--of college is always difficult. Don't think you can't crawl out of this whole because you can. Take your meds, seek out counseling and see what happens. You have winter break approaching to pull yourself together.

I feel utterly alone a lot of the time because I have trouble making meaningful contact with other people. I have been alone for a few months, since school started. I still go home everyday, but I absolutely crave somebody elses care, but at the same time I fight myself by isolating myself from others, and when I do put myself out there, the anxiety kicks in, I don't know what to say, don't know what to do (although I do and the anxiety feels like its just holding me back) and most of the time when i'm walking somewhere, I feel so awkward walking, and just feel uncomfortable. I scape my feet and my body language is awkward. The only time I feel generally free is when I have a little bit of alcohol. The first time I ever drank it was an experience because it was like there was nothing holding me back, no anxiety. But I know at the same time I can't really rely on that. Also I don't know how far this anxiety goes, how bad it actually is. But I am fairly certain it's there. The loneliness is unbearable, it fucking sucks. Also i'm pretty sure it's a chemical thing because some days I can walk fine while still thinking about it, noting how i'm able to walk fine, while other days it's so fucking difficult to walk down a street without constantly thinking about how awkward I look. If I didn't give a shit I would be perfectly fine. Like those days where i'm fine, or I had a little drink, i'm pretty well off, and I feel fairly good. The rest of the time, i'm in a miserable loop that I desperately want to get out of. Another thing that doesn't help is I have to commute, so I don't really get to stay on campus for activities. I want to move out desperately, but they won't let me. I don't have the money, and they want to keep me there. I don't know what to do about that either. Also another thing i've noticed is sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I look shit, then proceed to feel more anxiety, but then when I check the mirror about 10 minutes later, I magically look better, which is weird. One time I noted this, so I said, "This could all be in your head" so I went to the bathroom as I had checked the mirror and I felt I looked like shit, ready to take a picture, but when I looked in the mirror, I looked fine. I still took the picture, which I looked at, and it looked ugly. There are pictures I have taken where I thought I looked good in, and now they look bad, and pictures that I thought I looked extremely bad in, but looked good now.

[QUOTE=Psych+;52823154]Is there an on-campus counseling office available to you? I had pretty good success using it when I was struggling my senior year of college. It's short-term most likely but it's just a better opportunity to vent to someone who doesn't know you on the level of a family doctor. Also, first semesters--hell the first year--of college is always difficult. Don't think you can't crawl out of this whole because you can. Take your meds, seek out counseling and see what happens. You have winter break approaching to pull yourself together.[/QUOTE] There is, yeah; have just had trouble finding an opportunity to see them. And thanks. [editline]26th October 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Swaggernaut;52822171]Hey you in Ontario too?? My college also went on strike last week regarding the college workers not getting paid well or whatever. Regarding your situation, I felt the same way. I stupidly missed 2 big tests because I was burnt out one day and forgot we had it and coffee spilled in my bad so I had to go back and and dry up everything rather than let my self and laptop get soaked in coffee. Within these weeks though, I've managed to force myself to finish my assignments and work on some personal projects as well. Even got a part time job which I'm really loving so far! Can I ask what you are studying in game design? More 3D or programming or animation?[/QUOTE] Yeah, I'm at Fanshawe. More interested in the 3D stuff, though first year isn't terribly focused on anything; took Computer Science at the University of Windsor before this, but found that while I liked programming, I was getting frustrated and anxious without doing any art stuff and it wasn't hands-on enough for me

Since I had terrible experiences with SSRIs, my therapist has replaced it with a different type, this time with SNRIs (Duloxetine). Does anyone have any experience with this type? I'm always nervous trying out new medications, especially with my anxiety and bad experience from my last try, but since this is from a different class, it should go well. I've read it also helps with nerve pain (peripheral neuropathy) which I have been having for quite a long time. What I notice is that once I have been diagnosed with GAD, I felt relieved in a way. Like I know what's going on, so it is somewhat more bearable to control, at least to an extent. Before that I kept having panic attacks and been freaking out because I was both on calcium/magnesium suppliments and beta blockers for my high blood pressure (which I still need to take for quite a while) and wasn't sure why it kept happening. Usually vitamin deficiencies used to do it for me, but not this time. Also was at a job fair today, hoping to find a suitable job to change my daily routine from doing freelance to walk to my job, which for me are usually in a different city, so taking train rides will be common routine. I noticed that having a work life and personal life merged can really tend to workaholism (not having a separate office to keep the two apart). That's a routine I'm willing to take, even if it's requires me to wake up earlier if it's for the sake of well being.

It appears everything has come to a halt in my life. University plans are being delayed, the school year isn't going nearly as fast as people speculated, and, worst of all, I've lost all drive. I've posted elsewhere on Facepunch that I've recently distanced myself from my "friends" ever since realising how insanely conniving they all are. The problem? I'm essentially all alone and that, combined with the fact everything else in my life feels like a tedious chore that drags, is taking a toll on me but I'm not sure to what extent. I saw someone use the word 'limbo' earlier and I feel like it explains my situation - nothing is going forwards nor backwards. The weirdest part is that I'm not sad about it, not in the slightest. I'm completely neutral about it all, as though this is typical Friday behaviour that I've come to expect. There's no motivation, just a feeling of almost boredom, with absolutely everything I do. Eating feels like a chore, responding to people tires me out and directly socialising can actually drain me. I'm not trying to jump on a wagon of "I'M DEPRESSED!" because I've witnessed far too many people self-diagnose themselves, only to be told that they couldn't be further from the truth. I'm just unhappy with how quickly I've become accustomed to being unhappy, if that makes sense, but I'm not one to inquire, in case it appears I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. In a way, I think I'm just talking aloud.