Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Sorry everyone, I just need to vent a little bit. I've been quite emotionally of a wreck last week because of my great uncle who was a big inspiration for me passed away a couple of days ago. He was quite old, but it troubles me that the fact that eventually, my parents are going to pass away too. I'm situated in England, and my dad is going in for a heart operation a couple of days before I come home for christmas and I can't shake the fear that I might never get to hug him, if anything goes wrong. He is quite scared too, I've have inhereted his fear of medical interference, but I'm just worried for his sake at this point, I'm not that scared of it if it was me under the procedure. I'm not really afraid of dying either, it's just I'm quite anxious about how it will be. They know what they are doing and everything so it's an irrational fear, but a fear none the less. I just hope everything goes fine, I'm just worried sick that I ended up in bed for 2 days straight. In better news though, I conquered my acrophobia for a night when I went to the O2 in London up on the balcony for a gig, where I was about to puke during the first 5 minutes up there. Such a high positioning, but I managed. Quite proud of that atleast.

[QUOTE=Shendow;52865230]He also has trouble dealing with depression (although he's unsure if it's depression).[/QUOTE] Depression, while a "disorder" in itself, can also be a symptom of many other mental ailments, like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and etc. Depression is any prolonged period of time where you consistently feel down, anxious, sad, etc, so while he may have depression, it could be comorbid with something else, such as depression being bundled with anxiety disorders, or personality disorders. Reassurance is very important to a depressed person, tell them that their opinions and feelings are valid, that they don't deserve to feel that way, it's not their fault, that you are there for them, and love them (or care for them), and be willing to help them every step of the way, a depressed person needs to be told that there is someone there for them on a very regular basis, not because they're bad or broken, but because they can often be very fearful that they are alone or alienated from society, the first thing one can do to overcoming it and moving on from is to accept that you have it. I'm not sure what country he is from, but if it's one where depression is realized and serious, tell him to reach out and get help in any way he can, whether it be via phone or in real life, suicidal tendencies are very serious, and if he has access to nothing else, there's always local emergency services, and they're always willing to help, he can call them and tell them he is thinking of (or going to) commit suicide, it is a last resort but it's something. Sorry for the wall of text.

[QUOTE=myon;52805151]ADD was one of my first suspicions back then and is one now. But I won't know for sure until I get it properly checked out. Strange how the nurse could just dismiss it like after one visit, but as you said, can't trust a nurse to make that kind of evaluation I suppose. I'll make the doctor's appointment now and get it over with. It's years overdue.[/QUOTE] Just a quick update on it, went to the doctor last week and talked about the issues I had. I got a reply from the psychiatry centre, an appointment will be made on week 3 next year. that's actually in a shorter timespan than I expected, usually have to wait around six months if it's not an emergency.

[QUOTE=myon;52865524]Just a quick update on it, went to the doctor last week and talked about the issues I had. I got a reply from the psychiatry centre, an appointment will be made on week 3 next year. that's actually in a shorter timespan than I expected, usually have to wait around six months if it's not an emergency.[/QUOTE] That's really good news and that is a pretty quick appointment time but who's gonna complain. Keep us update with your progress as it's already started!

[URL="https://vocaroo.com/i/s1rfj6xgelPu"]So I made an audio recording of most of my recurring thoughts because I don't want to monologue in conversations.[/URL]

youd think after pushing me for so long, ruining my emotions, making me severely depressed, that peoplle wouldve learned to stop fucking pushing me when its obvious that i cant bear doing anything just let me take a fucking nap when i can barely stay awake because im so exhausted

I have major trust issues with everyone i know to a point where i just want to move away from society so that I'll never get hurt or hurt people i know. I am sure everyone is better off without me and im realizing i am pretty useless for most things. [editline]7th November 2017[/editline] I dont Really seek anyone's approval here. I just feel like this is the way things are

[QUOTE=Mud;52865901]I have major trust issues with everyone i know to a point where i just want to move away from society so that I'll never get hurt or hurt people i know. I am sure everyone is better off without me and im realizing i am pretty useless for most things. [editline]7th November 2017[/editline] I dont Really seek anyone's approval here. I just feel like this is the way things are[/QUOTE] I personally don't think you're looking for approval at all. I just think you want to be around people but can't trust them because of how your life turned out. I understand it's very hard to learn to try and trust people, especially these days when you never know who'll do what, more so if they won't get any benefit out of it. Everybody goes through these stages at one point in their lives, but you should understand that if nobody's giving you the love and self respect you want, nobody can do it better for you than yourself. Tell yourself that you'll get through any situation no matter how hard it is and that nothing lasts forever, be it good, or bad. Change is the only constant in our lives, in some form, even if we're too mentally exhausted to see this change for what it is. But you have to understand, us human beings aren't intended to be perfect, despite society's warped idea that you have to be perfect to be accepted. If you try and accept this, and understand that it's ok to make mistakes, you'll be better off. In fact, how are you going to learn anything new without making a few flubs? Take care of yourself, now, and give yourself, at least, the care and the affection you need.

Looking for jobs is stressing me out so badly. I just need something preferably part time that pays halfway decent so I can save up for six months. Spent several hours looking last night and only managed to apply to one thing. Aaaaa it sucks.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52865963]Looking for jobs is stressing me out so badly. I just need something preferably part time that pays halfway decent so I can save up for six months. Spent several hours looking last night and only managed to apply to one thing. Aaaaa it sucks.[/QUOTE] There's nothing wrong with taking some time off from the job search to revitalize and go at it again. Even one day's rest makes a big difference.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;52865973]There's nothing wrong with taking some time off from the job search to revitalize and go at it again. Even one day's rest makes a big difference.[/QUOTE] I guess I just feel like I'm running out of time to find something. I graduate in a few weeks and my parents can't financially support me as much as they have been since my sister's been home with her daughter and they're supporting her as well. I [I]want[/I] to get a job so I can be financially independent, it's just kind of been a struggle to find something that can at least hold me over so I can move out of state and get out of my parents hair.

After all the job searching I've been doing these past few weeks, months even, including being at a job conventions, it met with little success. Last night was just searching for jobs randomly on Glassdoor. The next day (today) I got a call from them to set up an interview on Monday for some C# job I've applied then. Cannot stress how hard it is to get a job on .NET here, especially something on the entry level because of having no experience to prove on my resume. Part of me feels like this could be a great start, but I shouldn't overenthusiasm about it just yet. It would definitely help getting me out of this slump situation. Just hope I won't mess something up during the interview.

I had to quit my job after a moment of illness-induced clarity made me realise I'm suffering too much for too little. I'm watching The Joy of Painting to help myself feel better. I've thought up many ways to help my mood over the years but rarely go through with them. So my advice is to not let that effort go to waste and do the things that make you happy, even for a little while.

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52867794]One must always weigh their options. If you recieve too little compensation for your efforts, then its probably time to move on. This goes for anything really. jobs, relationships, hobbies. If you arent enjoying yourself, or arent recieving enough compensation to make up for that lack of joy, then please move on, dont stay miserable.[/QUOTE] I was on the way out due to poor performance anyway.

ive been thinking of diving into the wprld of nootropics, hopefully there will be something there that will help me get some sense of focus or clarity with my mindset. Im going to be keeping a journal of the chemicals and nutrients i put into myself and im hoping to come up with some kind of modern remedy book for things that may weigh you down mentally and how they might correlate more to physiological factors that you may sunconsciously neglect obviously not all issues can be solved with a happy helping of vitamin c but im sure everyone here can vouch for the fact that even some positive gain is better than none

[QUOTE=Pascall;52866456]I guess I just feel like I'm running out of time to find something. I graduate in a few weeks and my parents can't financially support me as much as they have been since my sister's been home with her daughter and they're supporting her as well. I [I]want[/I] to get a job so I can be financially independent, it's just kind of been a struggle to find something that can at least hold me over so I can move out of state and get out of my parents hair.[/QUOTE] The running out of time thing will make things more stressful than you need to be. Job peeps accepting your applications is sort of out of your control so putting pressure on yourself is sorta pointless. All you can do is send out applications, send out applications to jobs you don't want then when the time comes to pick you'll know you have options and you'll get that "morale boost" of turning down jobs you didn't want. You have a backup if you don't get a job, sure you don't want to use it but it's there as an option. Don't think of yourself as a burden either and don't feel ashamed if you do need that extra help, I assume you're in your 20s and its fairly common for peeps to need that extra help full time jobs/jobs which pay enough to live alone are fairly uncommon and cost of living is mega high. So don't blame yourself or feel like youre in the wrong

I would like to know why the only times I've been anywhere close to happy in the last few months were when I was home alone

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;52867489]I had to quit my job after a moment of illness-induced clarity made me realise I'm suffering too much for too little. I'm watching The Joy of Painting to help myself feel better. I've thought up many ways to help my mood over the years but rarely go through with them. So my advice is to not let that effort go to waste and do the things that make you happy, even for a little while.[/QUOTE] Ive had a similar moment of clarity getting back from a vacation in louisiana. Sometimes you just need to thrust yourself into a totally different situation and give yourself a different perspective. I realized I've been lying to myself for a long time about my goals and the only way im going to achieve them is by uprooting myself and allowing the wind to carry me, enjoying every stop it brings me to. Financial stability and a consistent routine is nice when you dont have it, but 2 years of overnight work as a manager in my store has helped me realize that whats really important is that you experience new things. we are not creatures designed for stagnancy and routine, we're pathfinders and adapters. Obviously its not a blanket solution for everyone and i know it seems ignorant for me to say that having some level of reckless abandon with your life can help you mentally, but ive realized personally that its the kind of environment i need. Sometimes our stresses are purely self fabricated and require the right perspective to worm out of, i suggest anyone who feels lost listen to Joe Rogan's podcast (god i feel like a shill). Hearing a lot of my stresses rationalized into a digestible, well contextalized form has really helped me figure myself out going forward. As always, hope you all are doing well and if not, keep strong. Things -will- get better one day as long as you keep yourself conscious and constructive!

[QUOTE=cynaraos;52868423]I would like to know why the only times I've been anywhere close to happy in the last few months were when I was home alone[/QUOTE] Because maybe the other people judge you every single day that you are with them?

[QUOTE=Pascall;52866456]I guess I just feel like I'm running out of time to find something. I graduate in a few weeks and my parents can't financially support me as much as they have been since my sister's been home with her daughter and they're supporting her as well. I [I]want[/I] to get a job so I can be financially independent, it's just kind of been a struggle to find something that can at least hold me over so I can move out of state and get out of my parents hair.[/QUOTE] I know this probably isnt your ideal situation, but there's no shame in thigvs like waiting a table. Its very socially constructive and can be great money if you put in relatively minimal effort! Find a state with a relatively low cost of living and look for gigs like that. Ive got friends who split a 3 bedroom in louisiana for 1200 a month. to put it into perspective, thats how much it costs for a nice 1 bedroom up here in NH. There are so many places in the world where you can start laying out your own claim to fortune, id suggest taking the time to research it! There are thousands upon thousands of jobs out there, maybe its not exactly what you want but hey, rome wasnt built in a day. I've spent 2 years doing overnights as a gas station manager just to pad my resume and honestly you find quick that everything is what you make of it. I take some serious pride in polishing these floors, even if i hate it, and hearing people compliment me on how clean the place looks all the time is well worth not making 17/hr [editline]8th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=ilikecorn;52868787]Im actually in the process of writing out a post on things like this, since the topic at hand is depression and anxiety, and there are a lot of "half truths" out there about the topic. Its like 4 paragraphs long, and growing, so..[/QUOTE] My boy, ill definitely be looking forward to that then. once i get into it more ill probably try and talk shop about this with you

I'm so frustrated with everything. It seems like I can't catch a break. I have no father in my life, my mother is sick - I have no one I can intimately talk to. I constantly spend more time one gifts for my friends than they do for me. I feel that after studies I'm going to fail at real life. Sometimes I wish I had pulled the plug on my life, instead of wimping out at the last moment.

[QUOTE=Eldariub;52869130]I'm so frustrated with everything. It seems like I can't catch a break. I have no father in my life, my mother is sick - I have no one I can intimately talk to. I constantly spend more time one gifts for my friends than they do for me. I feel that after studies I'm going to fail at real life. Sometimes I wish I had pulled the plug on my life, instead of wimping out at the last moment.[/QUOTE] We are in very similar positions, my father passed away when I was young, I'm always here if you need someone to reach out to, I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from someone online, but I'm always willing to listen and offer as much comfort or guidance that I can, if you want it, or if you just want to vent to someone 1-on-1 and know that someone is listening, my mailbox is always open.

My problemo is I feel a sorta pointlessness to everything and I have this strong belief that I'ma end up committing suicide at some point in my 30s. I have a hard time making proper friends and a harder time still holding onto friends and lots of my really good friends have moved away. I have a job, I can get up early, I walk ~40 mins everyday, I'm not doing terribly but it's like I live day by day hoping that someday its all for something, like someday a different person will wake up with what I have and the money I have saved and they'll have the dreams, aspirations and social skills I dont

[QUOTE=No Party Hats;52868789]I know this probably isnt your ideal situation, but there's no shame in thigvs like waiting a table. Its very socially constructive and can be great money if you put in relatively minimal effort! Find a state with a relatively low cost of living and look for gigs like that. Ive got friends who split a 3 bedroom in louisiana for 1200 a month. to put it into perspective, thats how much it costs for a nice 1 bedroom up here in NH. There are so many places in the world where you can start laying out your own claim to fortune, id suggest taking the time to research it! There are thousands upon thousands of jobs out there, maybe its not exactly what you want but hey, rome wasnt built in a day. I've spent 2 years doing overnights as a gas station manager just to pad my resume and honestly you find quick that everything is what you make of it. I take some serious pride in polishing these floors, even if i hate it, and hearing people compliment me on how clean the place looks all the time is well worth not making 17/hr [editline]8th November 2017[/editline] My boy, ill definitely be looking forward to that then. once i get into it more ill probably try and talk shop about this with you[/QUOTE] I know where I'll be moving already, so that's not such an issue. It's really just the struggle of trying to find a job that will help me make enough to actually DO the move. No matter where I go, it's gonna cost a bit to actually move my stuff out there since I'm probably not gonna be able to roadtrip it by myself and my car is too small to fit all of my things. And then once I'm there, I'll need to have the deposit for wherever I decide to lease. I don't need to be making $17/hr but something around $12-13 like at least 30 hours a week is preferable lol. Otherwise I'm not gonna be making enough to affect much of anything. That and I've worked in food service before and they're not very lenient on needing frequent breaks to sit because of my disability. I've been looking for more of an office environment for that reason. BUT ANYWAY, I'm honestly just not wanting to go BACKWARDS following graduation. I know I'm not gonna find my dream job or anything but I'd rather find something that'll at least be somewhat marginally friendly to my health lol. Although since making that post I applied to like 4 other places that I might be a good fit at so I'm hoping to keep looking for things on that vein and hopefully get a call back from someone. Thanks for the encouragement tho~

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52869332]Preface: I am not a doctor. Any advice written in this post should not be construed as medical advice, always consult with your physician. Depression: Throughout my career, I’ve noticed that there are effectively 2 types of depression: Biological depression, and psychological depression. I’ll break these 2 down, and offer up some general advice. Biological Depression: This effectively means that your body isn’t making enough of something, or is lacking in something. More often than not it can be attributed to neurotransmitter deficiency, or electrolyte imbalance. It is impossible to know if you’re suffering from an electrolyte imbalance unless you undergo blood testing. Biological Depression is usually treated with things like SSRI’s or SNRI’s, or, in the case of electrolyte imbalance, a supplement (like magnesium/calcium/etc etc etc). Please note: No amount of talking to someone can fix biological depression, you’re going to need to seek treatment, and actively stick to it. This means being an active part of your healthcare team, and telling a doctor exactly what’s going on, how the drug is helping/not helping, and any side effects that you notice. YOU MUST ACTIVELY COMMUNICATE. [/QUOTE] I really liked your post, and I wish there was more information was given on what depression was when I was younger. It took years for my biological depression to be diagnosed, and for a while I was convinced that what I was experiencing was normal because I literally [I]spent all my life feeling this way[/I], but it was clear that when I start threatening myself that medication was necessary. Finding a suitable medication can be incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking. I've tried so hard to be positive and keep going, but it's hard when you feel so...Out of place? But once you find something that works, it's like...Everything gets color again. I think I recently found that in my latest medication change, but it's still a bit early to tell. Last night I get irrationally sad, but I honestly think that was due to my fever and not me.

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52869418]Well, what would you like to do? Assuming you had infinite time, money, and effort, what would you do with those things? [editline]8th November 2017[/editline] Is your disability being managed properly by a physician? I used to have to take breaks all the time thanks to a shit ankle that exploded, but once I got on a proper pain management regiment, I could walk around all day without problems.[/QUOTE] Yup! I’m on medication for it but every now and again I’ll need to take a break for a bit and just sit down for a while. Or I’ll need to use the bathroom out of nowhere so I gotta be near one sometimes. It’s just better to be in a sort of office environment where nobody would notice if I had to do that. When I was a host at an all day restaurant at a hotel, EVERYONE noticed whenever I had to step out. It was awful lol. But yeah I’m just looking for something where I won’t have to be on my feet for 8 hours.

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52869418]Well, what would you like to do? Assuming you had infinite time, money, and effort, what would you do with those things?[/QUOTE] I'd like to add to this and reference something from a film I saw recently, Office Space. The main character, Peter Gibbons, talks about how a career adviser asked him "if you had a million dollars, what would you do?" when he was at school. He felt he couldn't give an answer because his honest answer was "nothing". And that's an ok answer. If you've got a stable financial situation and a job you can at least tolerate, you can do a lot of nothing after work and you're already living your dream in a way. As someone without any real life friends I'm not the best person to help on that front, but the principle of time you enjoyed wasting isn't wasted time is something people should remember when they feel things are pointless. Maybe I'm reading into mdeceiver79's problemo wrong but maybe it'll help.

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;52869674]I'd like to add to this and reference something from a film I saw recently, Office Space. The main character, Peter Gibbons, talks about how a career adviser asked him "if you had a million dollars, what would you do?" when he was at school. He felt he couldn't give an answer because his honest answer was "nothing". And that's an ok answer. If you've got a stable financial situation and a job you can at least tolerate, you can do a lot of nothing after work and you're already living your dream in a way. As someone without any real life friends I'm not the best person to help on that front, but the principle of time you enjoyed wasting isn't wasted time is something people should remember when they feel things are pointless. Maybe I'm reading into mdeceiver79's problemo wrong but maybe it'll help.[/QUOTE] Yes, bur at some point the Tax Agents will see the big sum of money and they will ask questions where you get so much money.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52869799]Yes, bur at some point the Tax Agents will see the big sum of money and they will ask questions where you get so much money.[/QUOTE] "Selling magazine subscriptions"

had worsening anxiety attacks starting last wednesday, culminating in a complete nervous breakdown yesterday. got an emergency appointment and got prescribed citalopram, which I am now taking, and promethazine to aid getting to sleep. I really hope they help. supposedly citalopram is usually pretty effective against anxiety. whether or not it actually helps, I should have done this forever ago