Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Plants can definitely help brighten up your room a bit. I have a Marimo that I bought off of ebay. It's a nice little aquatic plant that requires very minimal attention. Like a water change every two weeks is fine for it. But there are a lot of different kinds of plants with different levels of care. Definitely look into some that are low maintenance.

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;52887215]I really feel like my room needs a plant but I'm not sure anyone sells house plants locally. The shop with plants out the front just has garden plants, I asked about them. I'll have to look again tomorrow. Am I just making things up in believing a plant would do good things for my mood and such? I mean it's like a very low mantainence pet or something.[/QUOTE] A good thing you can have in your room is a mirror. Mirrors in general can make you happier and make you appreciate yourself more.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52887479]A good thing you can have in your room is a mirror. Mirrors in general can make you happier and make you appreciate yourself more.[/QUOTE] Can't, have a fear of mirrors. It's not all the time but I couldn't sleep in a room with one.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;52887479]A good thing you can have in your room is a mirror. Mirrors in general can make you happier and make you appreciate yourself more.[/QUOTE] I can't speak for everyone, but no matter how good a day I'm having, the mood is always ruined if I accidentally see my reflection in something.

Is there anything I could do to make scarring look less noticeable? I've self harmed quite a lot in the past, lately I'm feeling a lot better than I was, but seeing all the scarring makes me feel a bit sad. They're constant reminders of issues that are in the past and I can't stand looking at them every time I'm not covering them up. They're really embarrassing. I put lotion on these areas like every day and I also use aloe gel and the like. I'm just wondering if there's any way these things will fade to being almost unnoticeable or if I'm going to have a ton of raised scars all over my arms forever. I apologize if this isn't really a topic appropriate post.

Concealer might help. Look into some different make-up brands that are really good at doing blemish cover ups. There are some that are really good at covering up blatant and bright tattooing, so there might be some out there to make scars less noticeable. Alternatively, some people like to decorate their skin in self-harm scarring areas with ink drawings and temporary tattoos. But that depends on how you feel about that sort of therapy.

This thread makes me even more depressed LOL I think I have a phobia of loosing my teeth :angry:

I have serious rage issues. It is not a recent thing. It’s becoming a lot worse. 2013 was the year my first 'love' relationship, with a MtF trans girl online (yes I know ldr=bad, bear with me folks) and I really, really felt like I loved this person. At one point, after about 3 months in, I told her that I was trans too, having taken the time to sit down and parcel out my feelings rather than bottle them up. Instead of accepting me, she berated me, calling me a "liar" and that I wasn't "official" and that I "didn't know". I was heartbroken, and was thrown for an emotional loop for about a day. She took me back, but for the next few months I found my other relationships being cut off. She would get upset if I spent too much time with my friends, if I discussed certain topics that we used to discuss regularly. She even guilt tripped me into uninstalling Call of Duty because she didn't like the series. After dealing with this, I had essentially been whipped into a stockholm-like state, where all I cared was making her happy. She then told me on the last day of our relationship that she had made out with one of her IRL friends, and that she was done with me. Turns out that she had been bragging behind my back that she had done that. Fast forward a year or so, and I get together with a girl at my school. Cis, 1 year younger, and just the brightest thing. We hit it off right away, and spent a year together. However, bits and pieces of how my first relationship went began to eek out. I became hostile when people suggested I change my attitude on things. I would throw myself into a shouting fit when little things went wrong, to the point of putting people in tears or driving them away, and then I'd blame them. Obviously, that relationship didn't work out either. Don't blame her at all now, to be honest. There, of course, were a couple other relationships, all long distance, that didn't last long because I couldn't get a cap on my emotions. Despite previous hiccups, I am in a semi-stable one now that is about to hit 2 years in a couple months, and honestly my girlfriend is the only one who can soothe me, but I still find myself whipping into a frenzy from time to time. When I get into these frenzies, I hit things, I scream, I yell, and I generally back people into a corner because, at those moments, I feel like I'm defending myself. When the matches are over, people are simply hurt, many scared, and then I see them as being detrimental to me, when in reality, I am the abuser. These rages are now filling entire days for me. Rather than being a shouting match that lasts 10 minutes, it's a boiling hatred for myself and my failings. Instead of trying to better myself, I rip everyone down to my level. “Why do you do this?” is a question I often find asking myself. The answer is that,at a critical stage of emotional development and after making an incredibly important discovery about myself, I was shot down by a person I thought I could put my trust in. And when I was broken, I was dragged back by that person and humiliated because of it. But there is no excuse. I am not allowed to be cruel because someone else was cruel. There is enough of that in this world, and I see enough of it in my day to day life. If I don't get a hold on it, I will probably destroy every relationship that I've ever had. I just don’t know what to do.

The fact that you've got the courage to admit what you did was wrong in the first place means there's still a lot of hope for you. That's more than most people have the stones to admit to begin with, even to their consultant psychiatrist. A suggestion I might make is psychotherapy centered around anger management just to get a handle on yourself, if you can access it. It would certainly help if as you say it's become that disruptive in your life. And even without that, if you find yourself getting angry, please do remember that if you try to switch your thoughts to anything other than the source of your anger, and then ignore it, it helps a lot and will calm you down more often than not. Step away from situations that make you angry instead of acting on the anger. I understand just how vulnerable it makes you feel, because at one point I had a lot of repressed anger in me I used to take out on the people around me as well. Thing is it never helps - it just self perpetuates because we don't like to feel vulnerable, powerless, or unable to change anything in our lives. Attempting to crush somebody else just to make ourselves feel better then follows.

lately I have been feeling so fucking dumb. Either I do not notice obvious things or I find stuff that previously I used to know all about and I either cannot remember anything about it or I am way out of the loop and misinformed / not aware of recent events it's usually little things here and there but sometimes it's moderate or major things and it keeps happening fuck

How bad is it that I dread talking to my mother? I feel like every time we talk it's either how little I've prepared for my future or if there's something wrong with my computer it's always me who messed up. I've neglected talking about my mental health and trans issues with her for this very reason.

give me literally one valid reason to not off myself today

I haven't wanted to be alive for so long that I struggle to remember a time I [I]did[/I] want to be alive, except when I was like 10. And I know for a fact that not many people would notice if I died beyond people who are part of why I want to be dead in the first place. Especially after this year, I have next to no drive to keep going. I'm only alive because I'm afraid of the pain that comes with dying. This has been the worst year of my life, it's just back to back awful thing after awful thing. I don't enjoy anything anymore, everything feels tainted. I was supposed to have a video done a week ago now, and I'm so fucking depressed that it takes great energy to make any progress in it. It's only 14 minutes long, and I'm 9 minutes in, but it's like every minute takes hours to push myself to get it done. I know I could have something good by pursuing youtube but it's just so fucking hard to make myself do anything anymore. The one thing I had that motivated me to keep going is gone and I'm just starting to crash and burn.

Finally managed to pick myself up and do some volunteering again at my local charity shop for the first time this year :v: Going to try and go there at least twice a week. On the downside, this was a good day. And WHENEVER I have a good day, it ends in complete shit. Every fucking time. I am in the midst of losing the same "friend" for the umpteenth time because she's being a self-centered bitch, [I]again.[/I] And to top it all off, I have a feeling that my partner is being distant with me, despite me going to his for Christmas in 8 days. :goodjob: I just don't know why I fucking bother anymore.

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52890875]Because at the end of the day thats a permanent solution to a temporary problem.[/QUOTE] It absolutely is a permanent problem. I'm never going to get better.

What do you guys think I need work as far as how I behave on this forum.

Do any Americans know what information would be reported to my family were I go to visit a psychiatrist or psychologist using one of my parent's insurance (thanks obamacare) ?

[QUOTE=thelurker1234;52891238]Do any Americans know what information would be reported to my family were I go to visit a psychiatrist or psychologist using one of my parent's insurance (thanks obamacare) ?[/QUOTE] I think doctor patient confidentiality would be able to protect any specifics unless you sign off on it

I think the only thing that isn't protected is if you're in immediate danger of hurting yourself or others. Most psychiatrists and psychologists are legally obligated to report that. At least that's what I was told when I saw the therapist at my school, so I'm not sure if that's a universal law of therapy, but I can see it being one.

If theres something that puts you in general danger or people around you in danger then doctors could at their discretion share with any emergency contacts you write

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52891251]None at all. HIPAA prevents information being shared with non involved parties. Are you over the age of 18? Then you can tell your parents to mind their own business. If you're under, your parents could still request the info, but it'd be up to the doctor to fill that request, and most will not without due cause.[/QUOTE] My concern largely is in reporting on where I went/what I paid for, but that is true that specifics would be hidden which at least counts for something. My plan was to largely hold off on dealing with my problems until I was independent, but honestly if I want to have a chance of getting into med school I will need help with my depression first to keep my grades and whatnot from falling apart. Thanks

My stress levels are through the roof and as a result my eczema has spread to maybe 20% of my body, I have frequent short term memory loss, and I find myself getting increasingly agitated and distant. Does anyone have any advise for stress management or relief?

Honestly I need help really bad so I don't, like, die but I have no money and my school is being a dickhead so no help for me I'm mad

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52891338]Honestly I need help really bad so I don't, like, die but I have no money and my school is being a dickhead so no help for me I'm mad[/QUOTE] If you feel that you are a danger to yourself, call EMS.

[QUOTE=Reyjr43;52891502]If you feel that you are a danger to yourself, call EMS.[/QUOTE] That's a really great way to fuck up my whole future. I have schoolwork to do and getting institutionalized right now would put my entire degree at enormous risk. [editline]14th November 2017[/editline] if anybody has advice on how to control self-harm I could use it

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52891797]That's a really great way to fuck up my whole future. I have schoolwork to do and getting institutionalized right now would put my entire degree at enormous risk. [editline]14th November 2017[/editline] if anybody has advice on how to control self-harm I could use it[/QUOTE] avoidance, avoidance, avoidance. If you ever feel the urge to self harm, immediately do something else that draws your attention away from it, such as going for a walk, exercise, listening to music, literally anything that distracts you from thoughts of attempting self harm. Also remove anything from your immediate reach that might be used to cause self harm, such as locking away all knives or other sharp objects out of your reach.

I keep catching myself getting depressed because I'm reminded of how I'm currently far from being able to be productive like a regular person I'm unable to be properly productive to begin with because I'm depressed, so it doesn't exactly help to get more depressed when I get reminded of it. how can I remind myself of this in a good way so that I don't immediately forget it

This year for my birthday I don't want anything, just go to a psychiatrist to know what happens to me. It has to be anxiety or low steem or both, because I can't keep doing my hobbies; if start a game, I find it hard to keep playing it without getting bored, I have to make me play it in order to finish one. I'm also saying sorry for almost everything without it beign a reason to do so.

[QUOTE=Catscratch;52889459]lately I have been feeling so fucking dumb. Either I do not notice obvious things or I find stuff that previously I used to know all about and I either cannot remember anything about it or I am way out of the loop and misinformed / not aware of recent events it's usually little things here and there but sometimes it's moderate or major things and it keeps happening fuck[/QUOTE] Kinda felt like that during the interview I had, been asked for some trivial tests but one of them took me so much time to figure out and it wasn't hard or anything, but between job interview anxiety and brain fog, pretty sure this shrank my chance. Not to mention my current medication is making me sleepy almost all the time and hard to keep my concentration for a longer period.

I just went through 3 days of withdrawal because my medication ran out and there's currently a manufacturing problem. And my GP didn't give me a prescription for a replacement which they would actually have until today, after contacting them multiple times and getting multiple different prescriptions for items they didn't have in stock at the pharmacy (and that I had told them were not in stock).