Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Kolmala;51106577]My mom bitches at me for doing little around the house, but at the same time she steals my meds to treat my severe ADHD. What chance do I have?[/QUOTE] Tell your doctor ASAP. I have no experience with abusing prescriptions but I imagine if your doctor realizes that you're running out of meds before you're supposed to, he might stop giving you it completely since you could be suspected of abusing it. Don't let your druggie mother abuse your meds. It'll just put you in a bad spot and make them suspect things that are not true.

Guys I think I'm about to hit the bottom. I try to get help but when people around me try to help me I can't stop antagonizing them in my head, I feel like I just can't be helped anymore. It feels like every possible type of help doesn't work on me: - I have been treated by a therapist who used a no-bullshit, mean and draconian approach, but that didn't work on me and only made me feel more depressed and hopeless. - My current therapist tries to make me feel worthy, she tells me not to worry and reminds me that there is a solution for everything but death. She tries to push myself to improve my own self esteem, but I STILL fail at loving myself, I can't do it guys, I can't remind me about it. - My friends, after all their motivation, support and doing everything that my therapists tried doing, have decided to leave me to die and just ignore me and even then, being ignored and forgotten hasn't made me improve, instead, it has made me feel like I'm a horrible person, I have turned away every single person who believed on me. I feel like I just lost everyone and soon I'm going to lose everything. I don't want to kill myself because I feel like that would be letting myself down, but I still got nothing to do and got nowhere to go. I'm gonna try to keep it subtle, I don't want my parents to see me like this because then they will start to worry and feel bad. I don't like seeing them worried, it's not their fault I'm ill, helping a ill person is a burden even when they're your family, they deserve to feel okay. I believe that if I had never started talking (I was extremely silent in the past and never talked), nothing of this would be happening. Everyone and everything could be better if I just remained silent and just limited myself to follow orders. It's sad because a lot of people have told me that I have a really nice voice, if only I wasn't extremely emotional, I'm pretty sure my life would be different.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51109020]Tell your doctor ASAP. I have no experience with abusing prescriptions but I imagine if your doctor realizes that you're running out of meds before you're supposed to, he might stop giving you it completely since you could be suspected of abusing it. Don't let your druggie mother abuse your meds. It'll just put you in a bad spot and make them suspect things that are not true.[/QUOTE] I understand the responses I got for my post, but I think some background is sorely needed. I have a prescription for Vyvanse in 60 mg doses, which are larger pills than I need. The reason for this is that I got a coupon for free Vyvanse from my doctor that the pharma company gives out, and it is good for the 60 mg pills. Sometimes I have a coupon, sometimes not, but the script is for the 60 mg pills every 30 days. Vyvanse is very effective for me, so much that one pill can last me 3-5 days. The issue with my mother is that she has ADHD herself, so she dips into my pills because its just cost effective (when I don't have a coupon, which I haven't had for a while, the meds are very expensive). The issue is that during one of her episodes a couple of weeks ago, she took the whole bottle of pills and I don't know what she did with them. So here I am, with this ADHD fog infecting my brain, no pills to treat it, and being criticized for expressing ADHD symptoms.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51097375]Thinking on that, I am pretty terrified of dying alone.[/QUOTE] Not sure having tons of your relatives around would help, you know. When i was 17 my grandma died right in front of me when i was at home with her, and I can't even say if she cared about me at all as this was happening. Also not that I was absolutely terrified or something, but seeing someone dying is certainly not the thing I'd wish anyone to experience, and this is also a good reason to just die alone if you care about your relatives.

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;51108984]Is there a university or a workplace that can accept a failure like me?[/QUOTE] This is probably not the best place to say it, but right now whilst it's quiet I think anyone could do the job our team does. Right now there's so little work nobody wants our help, so every hour I print a few blank sheets of paper and then put the paper printed out back into the same tray for the next hour. Already caught for bypassing the internet block the first time so now reddit and reading books are the last forte keeping me from dying. Trust me, if they can accept me for all the flaws I bring to the company you're more than welcome to have a go at an office job as well.

I've felt steadily more hollow and worthless the last few months. I've also become much more irritable. I felt so pissed off at nothing in general today. Being sick and taking care of a sick relative has started draining me of everything else. I almost broke down today, but I couldn't even manage to do that. I just sat with my head on the desk for a few minutes before I had to go cook dinner.

Anyone else head off to a Uni that's far away from their hometown and are now feeling extremely lonely and depressed? I thought I had my emotions under control for this but apparently not. I had to leave what felt like my entire life behind, and now I'm barely keeping afloat half way across the country from my hometown, my family, and my friends. I've never felt this so alone, actually.

i've hated myself and have had low self-esteem and have also been critical about my intelligence and social disorders all my life, i tried changing it but every time i try it never works and i have to accept that it's part of my personality and who i am. i am always going to be the dull one. i am always going to hate myself. i just have to find a way to make it work for me somehow someday.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;51119345]i've hated myself and have had low self-esteem and have also been critical about my intelligence and social disorders all my life, i tried changing it but every time i try it never works and i have to accept that it's part of my personality and who i am. i am always going to be the dull one. i am always going to hate myself. i just have to find a way to make it work for me somehow someday.[/QUOTE] hey you're a pretty cool guy and I like the posts you make here

[QUOTE=Zingly;51119062]I've felt steadily more hollow and worthless the last few months. I've also become much more irritable. I felt so pissed off at nothing in general today. Being sick and taking care of a sick relative has started draining me of everything else. I almost broke down today, but I couldn't even manage to do that. I just sat with my head on the desk for a few minutes before I had to go cook dinner.[/QUOTE] I've also had some problems with my anger recently. Ever since a party I went to last Saturday where I realized I don't have many social skills. I've been pretty depressed since then. I just sat there drinking beer and smoking weed, trying to get myself into a mood where I wanted to talk to someone. I was fucking surrounded by people and I felt the greatest feeling of loneliness I've ever experienced. It hasn't really gone away since then, and my social skills have been pretty fucked.

My life is going great, I'm doing well at uni, I have a group of very close friends whom I can rely on, and a great girlfriend to boot. Yet I feel like absolute garbage all the time and find myself wishing everything was just... [i]over[/i]. Like, either I was dead, or everything around me disappeared, or something along those lines. I don't know why. The fact that I have no logical reason or excuse to feel this way just makes me feel worse.

[QUOTE=Headhumpy;51119549]hey you're a pretty cool guy and I like the posts you make here[/QUOTE] i make some really bad posts occasionally, i try not to (anymore) but sometimes i just post something really dumb without thinking.

I've been feeling really tired lately. I don't know what's causing I think it might be because of my worsening depression. I feel really exhausted from doing nothing. I'm going to try and not sleep so much but the tiredness is kind of overwhelming.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51120861]I've been feeling really tired lately. I don't know what's causing I think it might be because of my worsening depression. I feel really exhausted from doing nothing. I'm going to try and not sleep so much but the tiredness is kind of overwhelming.[/QUOTE] If I remember correctly (which means I'm not sure so don't quote me on it), oversleeping actually makes you more tired, so it could be that you're sleeping too much. I feel exhausted if I sleep for like 12 hours, but then I'm wide awake if I sleep for like 8-10 hours. It's weird.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51120861]I've been feeling really tired lately. I don't know what's causing I think it might be because of my worsening depression. I feel really exhausted from doing nothing. I'm going to try and not sleep so much but the tiredness is kind of overwhelming.[/QUOTE] When I don't take my adderall I am basically an asocial zombie, I can't even do basic tasks because of how tired I feel. [editline]28th September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Reyjr43;51121000]If I remember correctly (which means I'm not sure so don't quote me on it), oversleeping actually makes you more tired, so it could be that you're sleeping too much. I feel exhausted if I sleep for like 12 hours, but then I'm wide awake if I sleep for like 8-10 hours. It's weird.[/QUOTE] Oversleeping definitely makes you tired. You are supposed to wake up with your circadian rhythm, which can be hard unless you fall asleep at exactly the correct time. You can only sleep for a few hours and wake up feeling refreshed if you hit your circadian rhythm correctly.

Money is hard. If my budgeting is correct then the most I can pay in rent is 866$. That leaves me with 20$ pocket change for the rest of the month. This is excluding typical things you pay when you live by yourself, like internet, electricity and household items. So frustrating. I need to move out ASAP before my brain falls apart and this makes it very difficult. Working is a gamble since I might end up pushing myself to the verge of a psychotic break again which happened last time I started working 3 full days a week. Apparently I have a weakness for that according to my psychologist. Hopefully my grocery budget is completely wrong. I calculated my way to 500$ a month for that but so far after only 3 weeks I've only spent 150$. I really hope I grossly exaggerated my grocery budget because that means I can move out easily. I wish my dream last night was true. I had a dream that me and some friends were cooking meth and at the end of the dream I got 250 000$ sent to my account from sales. I'd be set for sooo long

I really hate myself. Lately, I actually felt motivated, hopeful, something that I rarely feel now. So I try to take advantage of it, but like all of my efforts, it failed. That state of hopefulness don't come often. I don't know why people even tolerate my presence. I fuck things up for me and everyone, a few days ago I was so angry at myself and at something stupid I broke a window and cut my arm, so the window had to be repaired and shit. I just destroy shit and hassle everyone who uses it. I say incredibly stupid things so people hate me. There's simply nothing worth liking about me. I'll be better off dead (and some people want me to as well) I'm so fucking sorry to everyone I who I gave problem My friend who's been with me for the last 4 years and is the only reason I've been holding on, left me because I'm a stupid fuck. I said something stupid and she wasn't going to take me anymore. I lost the person I loved most and I don't know what to do. I'm incredibly lonely and no one has since came into my life to stay with me anymore. I'm so sorry I'm a stupid, unintelligent, and shallow fuck. I study lots of hours a day (probably spend more time at school than at home) and I still manage to fail everything. I make an idiot of myself and say stupid shit in front of others and even though I had the chance to start all over again and I've learned not to do it again I still manage to be dumb as fuck again. At school I'm nothing but a fucking laughingstock, someone to laugh at when I make my mistakes and for someone to feel better about themselves, they just think of me. I have no talents at all and I just can't, and there's nothing about me that people find notable, I'm just another nobody. Like if you had to choose between me, an idiot who can't do anything with a mental problem who can't be fixed or someone else, maybe even younger than me, who is happy, friendly, can do many things, smart, etc, I'm sure no one would pick me, I fail competing against them anyway. I'm sorry to everyone that has to put up with my worthless existence. People in the internet say that it's worth living and that they love me but I feel it's just a wording so I just stay longer and that it is a nice gesture to say so and it'll be mean not to say it. In reality if you meet me you'll probably hate me too like everyone else and want me gone as well. Why would anyone want me... Everyone says it's going to get better but for me it's been getting worse. I feel like I'm not going through a dark tunnel with a light at the end of it, but rather falling in a deep, dark pit which I'll soon drop to the bottom. I'm so sorry I'm so fucking sorry everyone but I don't think I can do this anymore. I give up and I just can't do it anymore.

I screwed up my first college year. Although im sadden by the fact, I don't give up. They let me redo the year which is far better than getting kicked out i guess.

im a fucking drag on everyone around me just erase my existence

It never gets better. It never gets easier. That's all I feel

[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;51125282]I love you don't give up dude[/QUOTE] I'm at the end of my rope I don't even know how to make it another day let alone another week

Taking sleep aids every night now just so I can at least attempt it with some help. it's so hard to shut my mind off. lots of dark thoughts creeping in and i dunno how to get them to stop.

[QUOTE=HumanAbyss;51125312]I'm at the end of my rope I don't even know how to make it another day let alone another week[/QUOTE] I feel this way too. I really just want to end it so bad. It hurts to be alive. I don't think I'm going to make it another year or even a few months.

nothing makes me start the day better than feeling a sudden impulse to jump in front of a speeding train :^) good thing i barely ever acted on impulses alone

ahahaha fuck my colitis is getting worse what a fucking joke

Always gets me a little depressed to think of my life situation. To lean back and actually look at it from a more neutral perspective. What am I even doing with my life at this point? I'm just sitting in a room, day in day out. If I didn't have any long term plans I'm sure I'd succumb to both depression and suicidal thoughts. Its the only thing that keeps me going at this point, knowing that I at the very least have some plans.

Everything's so slow.

I didn't know where to post this, i'll snip if i should There's a friend I talk to on steam regularly. He's older than I am, and I don't think he's in college, and I think I've known him for as long as 4 or 5 years. He has a debilitating disease and can't live for more than a few days without any medicine. He seriously hates his sister who lives as a NEET with him and I think he believes his family doesn't care about him He's very suicidal. He says he'll probably kill himself at age 30. I try to talk him out of it all the time, but I never know what to say. Last night he was talking about it and disappeared before I could say anything. He came back in the morning. I hope to god I don't ever become partially responsible for his death. I don't want that to happen to him

Almost passed out outside. But [I]it's all in my head[/I], haha.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51126765]Everything's so slow.[/QUOTE] To me is the opposite. Everything moves so fast. The hours fly way too fast and days pass by like seconds. Sometimes I really wish I had the power to freeze time so I could just relax and think things over.