Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;52892697]I just went through 3 days of withdrawal because my medication ran out and there's currently a manufacturing problem. And my GP didn't give me a prescription for a replacement which they would actually have until today, after contacting them multiple times and getting multiple different prescriptions for items they didn't have in stock at the pharmacy (and that I had told them were not in stock).[/QUOTE] Did you try asking for your three day emergency supply? They may not have had enough to fill your scripts but they should have had enough on hand for that.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;52892775]Did you try asking for your three day emergency supply? They may not have had enough to fill your scripts but they should have had enough on hand for that.[/QUOTE] Not a thing they do, I'd imagine she'd have given me that on Monday if they did. They don't have any at all in tablet form, just capsule (which I now have) [editline]15th November 2017[/editline] I should say the withdrawal effects have NOW started to completely wear off and I feel calm for the first time in 4 days

[QUOTE=TheCactusman;52892805]Not a thing they do, I'd imagine she'd have given me that on Monday if they did. They don't have any at all in tablet form, just capsule (which I now have) [editline]15th November 2017[/editline] I should say the withdrawal effects have NOW started to completely wear off and I feel calm for the first time in 4 days[/QUOTE] Yes they do. Pharmacies have to supply you with an emergency fill when requested if the reason is valid.

Does anyone here need or want someone to hang out with? I feel like having someone new to talk to would help out a lot.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52891797]That's a really great way to fuck up my whole future. I have schoolwork to do and getting institutionalized right now would put my entire degree at enormous risk. [editline]14th November 2017[/editline] if anybody has advice on how to control self-harm I could use it[/QUOTE] For someone who's wanting to end it, you care an awful lot about your future. Clearly your degree is important to you. If you have any doubts or negative thoughts in your mind, distract yourself with revision or anything to help get you the best grade you can. Obviously you've considered ending it, but I honestly think you still have some hope in yourself or you wouldn't be bothered about ruining your degree. [B]Focus on that hope[/b]. Pain is only a temporary problem.

I'm finding that I hate office work. The last place I worked was exciting because it was my first step into the industry. Fancy new job and so forth. Eventually it caught up with me and I started to really dislike being scheduled and rat raced into a 9-6 routine. It wore me down. I still had weekends and evenings to do stuff but there was a very limited amount of time in those moments either way. I thought it was down to that studio. Skip forward a few months, I left that place, moved to Canada and started at a new place (I didn't exactly plan on it, but it was a big career jump) Being there two months now I'm starting to hate office work again. I wake up, go to work and go home. Sure I get 3-5 hours at home but I have even [I]less[/I] free time now I'm here. It's only for another 5ish months before I go and do some of my dreams. I'm just confused how to make these things more enjoyable. I love what I do, but I hate working in studios.

I just want people here to know that I'm here reading your posts, I just don't feel too qualified to reassure people over simple text. You're not talking to an empty room. Also, sucks to hear that about work, ZombieDawgs.

I'd probably kill myself soon if it weren't for my two golden retrievers. i feel like only I can take care of them.

Ok, so... it's been awhile since I popped in here. It's been a little over a month since I drove halfway across the country to escape the depression that haunts me when I'm in my home state of Ohio. So far, it's been very slow getting on track. Thank god my friends here are top notch and have been my lifeline for the past month while we tried to get some stuff taken care of... i.e. my car. Once I got down here, a plethora of problems came to light with it, and I've been working to get it in shape to pass an inspection (was fine a couple times, but then a headlight [connection problem] would go out by the time I got my car to someplace for inspection). Just the other day I finally got my tags renewed for it, it's also decided to give in to my sheer will and stop giving me little annoyances. My good friend down here also is going to get me on at the place he's working, a little bit outside of the city (San Marcos), but the pay more than makes up for the drive. Once I get a month or two in there, I'll be good to go on getting an apartment of my own. (Also, a really good friend of mine I was in a band with back in high school is going to come down here to live as well. We'd been talking for awhile because he's a lot like me, depression-wise. I told him that coming down here, even though it's been slow for me so far, was the best move I'd made in helping to combat my depression and feel like things can start over fresh.) The dark thoughts and all that come back sometimes, sure... the dreams especially... but being so far from home and all of the things that tear me apart up there, goes to show me that I'm only 2000 miles away, can't walk that distance, takes over a day to drive it... but that's still not much distance when thinking about the entire planet. Helps me realize that the world isn't as small as I really think it is, and that life can move on. It's just that some of us have to leave our hometowns, some of us have to leave our countries even... it's the best therapy I could have, to be completely honest. Just wanted to type this out, for myself, and for anyone that happens to remember my posts awhile ago that may have had any worry about this random guy that couldn't see through the fog and felt like he was too close to the edge.

I convinced my mom to let me buy a gun 😃

[QUOTE=milktree;52894561]I'd probably kill myself soon if it weren't for my two golden retrievers. i feel like only I can take care of them.[/QUOTE] Why kill yourself when you have a badass avatar like that?

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;52894295] Also, sucks to hear that about work, ZombieDawgs.[/QUOTE] Thanks man, I know it's not on the same scale as some of the posts on here but just wanted to vent these thoughts. Thank you for reading them too.

If someone who's superior to you in a variety of skills, is basically an asshole and everyone else's advice is along the lines of "that's life mate, deal with it", does that mean I need to take antidepressants to deal with that level of hatred towards that person or is maturity measured how well you can ignore them? How do I accend to this higher level of maturity people keep referring to, is maturity measured by someone's ability to deal with hatred and anger, I don't get it. Does the fact that a I don't know to deal with this shit mean my brain hasn't developed properly. What do I do?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;52895420]If someone who's superior to you in a variety of skills, is basically an asshole and everyone else's advice is along the lines of "that's life mate, deal with it", does that mean I need to take antidepressants to deal with that level of hatred towards that person or is maturity measured how well you can ignore them? How do I accend to this higher level of maturity people keep referring to, is maturity measured by someone's ability to deal with hatred and anger, I don't get it. Does the fact that a I don't know to deal with this shit mean my brain hasn't developed properly. What do I do?[/QUOTE] Just because someone has a talent doesn't mean they have worldly wisdom.

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;52895574]Just because someone has a talent doesn't mean they have worldly wisdom.[/QUOTE] And wisdom more often than not is earned through the school of hard knocks. If you've been breezing through life without having experienced some pain, hurt, or issues of your own, chances are you're a lot more naive about how this world works than you might think you are.

I'm so fucking lost. I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I'm just so sick of myself

sudden realization that for one third of my life, I've [b]very[/b] rarely felt like I've actually been alive I can't even remember the last time I was geniunely happy for longer than just a few weeks

[QUOTE=cynaraos;52897173]sudden realization that for one third of my life, I've [b]very[/b] rarely felt like I've actually been alive I can't even remember the last time I was geniunely happy for longer than just a few weeks[/QUOTE] A lot of people are just waiting to be born.

I just realized how much my perfectionism is ruining my life. I've always been aware of my need to get things done perfectly but never to what extent. It's seeping into everything in my life, like posting on forums, chatting with people, playing games, doing chores, following a routine and everything else. I'm so obsessed with doing it in a way that I can't encounter failure or miss out on something. I'm trying my best to optimize and go through life as efficiently as possible. As a result, I never post because someone might not like my post. I don't get immersed in games anymore since I'm too busy figuring out how to 100% the game in the shortest possible time instead of experiencing it, I don't follow my goals since I might encounter setbacks and failures and the list keeps going. I never take action anymore or appreciate what I do have since I'm stuck inside my own mind figuring out how to get it right. How do I reverse a mindset like this? Thinking back, I can clearly see how it has grown and grown until has gotten into every aspect of my life. I don't enjoy anything anymore because of it.

Man has Lil Peep's death hit me hard, one of my biggest mechanisms when coping through a hard time was to listen to his music, him and nothing,nowhere really got me through these last 7 months of troubles with constantly being in and out of the doctor's office, being put on all types of medication, being given all types of treatment, and generally just trying to overcome my mental ailments. It's almost surreal, I can't really bring myself to accept the fact that he's gone, been crying on and off all day as weak as that may sound, guy was really nice to his fans and just wanted them to be happy, and tried to achieve that in any way he could, saved so many of his fan's lives through his music, but we couldn't save his. FeelsBadMan. Sorry about the dumb rant, but I just needed to vent.

I'm not even sure what the fuck is going on anymore. Been having these sudden moments where my head just starts spinning and I can feel my heartbeat and all of it just makes me worry. Like, I'll be walking somewhere and all of a sudden it feels like all of it is happening, but not happening and I fell like I'm made from electrified concrete.

This bullshit going on with the American government is making me angry and upset, I wish I had enough money to move to the Netherlands and stay there

Got a doctor's appointment on January for hopefully something for my depression. Can't wait, maybe I'll start enjoying stuff again.

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;52897042] The best way i've found to "level up" as it were, was just take responsibility for your actions. If you fuck up, own it, if you didn't fuck up, don't own it. Simple as that. When approached about your fuck up, tell the truth, ask how it could be avoided in the future (or, come up with a plan to avoid it in the future). So for example, say, you're late to your job, this is how you'd approach your boss (or how I would, anyway). "Hey, look, i'm x minutes late, and that's wrong. I've already set my alarm an hour earlier to account for traffic and other problems, I don't intend on doing this again". 9/10 times they wouldn't have anything to say to that other than "ok, cool". Furthermore most people will be impressed that you already set in motion a plan to avoid the issue in the future.[/QUOTE] Nail, meet hammer. [editline]17th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=The cheese;52898688]I'm not even sure what the fuck is going on anymore. Been having these sudden moments where my head just starts spinning and I can feel my heartbeat and all of it just makes me worry. Like, I'll be walking somewhere and all of a sudden it feels like all of it is happening, but not happening and I fell like I'm made from electrified concrete.[/QUOTE] It sounds like labyrinthitis, an inner-ear infection that induces vertigo. I had it about a year ago, not knowing what it was I thought I was gonna have a fucking stroke or seizure or some shit. Felt like the top of my head was always tingling and yeah, it's just bad news. But if you've reason to believe it could be anything other than this, seek medical assistance [editline]17th November 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;52898550]I just realized how much my perfectionism is ruining my life. I've always been aware of my need to get things done perfectly but never to what extent. It's seeping into everything in my life, like posting on forums, chatting with people, playing games, doing chores, following a routine and everything else. I'm so obsessed with doing it in a way that I can't encounter failure or miss out on something. I'm trying my best to optimize and go through life as efficiently as possible. As a result, I never post because someone might not like my post. I don't get immersed in games anymore since I'm too busy figuring out how to 100% the game in the shortest possible time instead of experiencing it, I don't follow my goals since I might encounter setbacks and failures and the list keeps going. I never take action anymore or appreciate what I do have since I'm stuck inside my own mind figuring out how to get it right. How do I reverse a mindset like this? Thinking back, I can clearly see how it has grown and grown until has gotten into every aspect of my life. I don't enjoy anything anymore because of it.[/QUOTE] I can't answer your question directly, but the end result is using mistakes and failure as learning experiences. "Perfectionism" is what I used to limit myself in the past, that if I can't get it right it's not worth trying at all - and unless you're exceptionally motivated this will lead to stagnation. The irony of perfectionism is that you don't make enough mistakes to learn from to ever come close to that perfection. Refer to corn's post I quoted, and I'll repost this: [video=youtube;90GoN-boXo0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90GoN-boXo0[/video] He's talking about creative processes but the same philosophy can be applied to anything in life.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52898550]I just realized how much my perfectionism is ruining my life. I've always been aware of my need to get things done perfectly but never to what extent. It's seeping into everything in my life, like posting on forums, chatting with people, playing games, doing chores, following a routine and everything else. I'm so obsessed with doing it in a way that I can't encounter failure or miss out on something. I'm trying my best to optimize and go through life as efficiently as possible. As a result, I never post because someone might not like my post. I don't get immersed in games anymore since I'm too busy figuring out how to 100% the game in the shortest possible time instead of experiencing it, I don't follow my goals since I might encounter setbacks and failures and the list keeps going. I never take action anymore or appreciate what I do have since I'm stuck inside my own mind figuring out how to get it right. How do I reverse a mindset like this? Thinking back, I can clearly see how it has grown and grown until has gotten into every aspect of my life. I don't enjoy anything anymore because of it.[/QUOTE] I can only answer about the videogame question: Developers generally design their games so they're the most enjoyable when playing them without looking up guides or thinking about perfect strategies. So the most efficient way to play vidya is to just dive in and let the flow carry you through the game, experience it as the developer intended you to, they've probably tuned the entertainment for the playtesters that had no previous knowledge of the game. You can always go back and challenge yourself to a second playthrough to find all the secrets and admire the levels for instance. I'm a bit like you about perfectionism and my trick is to satisfy that urge at work and promise to myself that once I get home if I don't have to run any errands or do chores I'll just become 12 again, enjoy some vidya, read a book, hang out with the bf in the living room or play with the cats, convince myself that I don't need to read more documentation or rewrite old code until tomorrow, I'll let work-me do that stuff anyway. On that last note I've picked up a few chill non-social hobbies like finding a good CRT TV and retro systems to play while snuggling with the cats and a comfy blanket. :cat:

[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;52899505] I can't answer your question directly, but the end result is using mistakes and failure as learning experiences. "Perfectionism" is what I used to limit myself in the past, that if I can't get it right it's not worth trying at all - and unless you're exceptionally motivated this will lead to stagnation. The irony of perfectionism is that you don't make enough mistakes to learn from to ever come close to that perfection. Refer to corn's post I quoted, and I'll repost this: vid He's talking about creative processes but the same philosophy can be applied to anything in life.[/QUOTE] What you're saying makes sense. It seems like a simple fact, in order to get better you gotta fail, yet it can be so difficult to see that. I watched the video you linked and he brings up some great points. Simply taking action, even if said action won't lead to what you're hoping, makes much more sense to actually do now. [QUOTE=Tsanummy;52899548]I can only answer about the videogame question: Developers generally design their games so they're the most enjoyable when playing them without looking up guides or thinking about perfect strategies. So the most efficient way to play vidya is to just dive in and let the flow carry you through the game, experience it as the developer intended you to, they've probably tuned the entertainment for the playtesters that had no previous knowledge of the game. You can always go back and challenge yourself to a second playthrough to find all the secrets and admire the levels for instance. I'm a bit like you about perfectionism and my trick is to satisfy that urge at work and promise to myself that once I get home if I don't have to run any errands or do chores I'll just become 12 again, enjoy some vidya, read a book, hang out with the bf in the living room or play with the cats, convince myself that I don't need to read more documentation or rewrite old code until tomorrow, I'll let work-me do that stuff anyway. On that last note I've picked up a few chill non-social hobbies like finding a good CRT TV and retro systems to play while snuggling with the cats and a comfy blanket. :cat:[/QUOTE] I've tried this recently actually to not use wikis and online resources but it's hard to remember sometimes. I do enjoy games more that way but one day later it's out of my head and I'm already googling for where to find what I want. Yesterday for example, I was playing Guild Wars 2 with my gf when I came to this realization and after that, the game actually became fun. I stopped focusing so much on rushing through everything to level up and instead went slower to experience it all. Just gotta keep at it I suppose to break the habit. I know I'm capable of it! Thanks for the responses, its helpful to hear how this attitude I got accomplishes the complete opposite of what I want.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52891797]That's a really great way to fuck up my whole future. I have schoolwork to do and getting institutionalized right now would put my entire degree at enormous risk. [editline]14th November 2017[/editline] if anybody has advice on how to control self-harm I could use it[/QUOTE] I don't usually read this thread but I came across this post and wanted to give you my advice. I've self-harmed to some degree in the past. For me it helped to kinda channel this pain into other physical activities, like punching my bed or some pillows. You could maybe get some kind of big plush or something which you can basically pummel without risk of physically hurting yourself. Your mileage may vary, but it helped me stay away from the knives and scalpels. [QUOTE=The cheese;52898688]I'm not even sure what the fuck is going on anymore. Been having these sudden moments where my head just starts spinning and I can feel my heartbeat and all of it just makes me worry. Like, I'll be walking somewhere and all of a sudden it feels like all of it is happening, but not happening and I fell like I'm made from electrified concrete.[/QUOTE] Have you perhaps recently stopped taking an anti-depressant? Some anti-depressants have withdrawal symptoms which can cause something known as "brain zaps". It sounds a lot like what you're describing.

[QUOTE=Natrox;52899902]I don't usually read this thread but I came across this post and wanted to give you my advice. I've self-harmed to some degree in the past. For me it helped to kinda channel this pain into other physical activities, like punching my bed or some pillows. You could maybe get some kind of big plush or something which you can basically pummel without risk of physically hurting yourself. Your mileage may vary, but it helped me stay away from the knives and scalpels.[/QUOTE] I have no frame of reference for self-harm, but if what you describe works - what about lifting weights, or getting an actual punching bag?

[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;52899927]I have no frame of reference for self-harm, but if what you describe works - what about lifting weights, or getting an actual punching bag?[/QUOTE] An actual punching bag should work, but I am not sure about weights. With punching something, you can quite quickly channel pain into aggression and "let it all out" so to speak. Lifting weights however seems like a much "slower" activity, so it may not be good enough to relieve these kind of issues. I haven't personally tried lifting weights in this situation though.

While letting out the aggression in a violent way that doesn't harm you (punching pillows) is better than cutting yourself, it's still not a necessarily good solution, because you are still expressing your urge in a negative manner. Best to find a non-violent way of expressing that frustration. (with that said, it's still a million miles better than self-harming) Lifting weights (and exercise in general) is a fantastic way to distract from those urges and feelings, not just on the short term but on the long term. It's just an overall zero cost maximum benefit thing to do and you don't even have to leave your room for it. It has been my biggest mood booster apart from all my new friends this past year. Speaking from personal experience btw, not just theorizing.