Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

That's it. My nerves gave up. I don't know what will happen next but it will probably involve the police. It's a torture. I want to sleep but i can't, this is how it sounds outside of my window [B]every single week-end[/B] (friday, saturday, sunday) and two to three times during working days : [video]https://youtu.be/zqqYJ6QNwYI[/video] There's nothing i can do about it, the noise is made by an "event center" that moved in the neighborhood recently. The noise is similar to a swimming pool during daytime. My windows got double glazing coating thing and yet it's not enough to filter the noise. As an event center, people can rent the place for the night and do whatever the fuck they can and disregard whoever the fuck they want. Of course, nobody is responsible for anything : the people owning the place are saying it's not their fault and can't control who rent the place, and the people renting don't give a shit, they paid and they do what they want. The police also doesn't give a shit. Calling them is pointless. Earplugs aren't enough, and wearing them every night makes my ears hurt. Sleeping with earplugs is easier said than done. So basically i'm being forbidden to sleep. But hey, that's not enough. I also have to live in a noisy environment during daytime, my parents screams at eachother every.single.fucking.day about their work. It never stops. My dad is a straight fuck up failure, bipolar depressive and all that and my mother have to deal with his bullshit all day everyday and contain his outbursts. BUT HEY, THAT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH. I can't move out because the housing market in my city is listed as the #4 most expensive in the world, we managed to beat Honk-Kong this year. It's not only ridiculously expensive (like the shittiest 25m2 flat is around 1200 euros a month) it's also overcrowded beyond any imagination : the average waiting time to find something is 2-4 years. There's around 20-30 persons on a list for a single apartment. So let's review the situation : - noise during nighttime, can't sleep - noise during daytime, can't relax - can't escape, can't move out - have to keep working and doing my shit because [I]"hey you're 26 years old ! you should be dynamic ! what y no work bro ? do you even lift bro ? it's all in your head bro be yourself bro" [/I] Not being edgy here i would prefer to die right now or to be stuck in jail or a mental ward to have to deal with this shit anymore. I don't joke one fucking second.

Looks like I just lost my best friend due to my bipolar (again...)

[QUOTE=Drk;51171240]That's it. My nerves gave up. I don't know what will happen next but it will probably involve the police. Not being edgy here i would prefer to die right now or to be stuck in jail or a mental ward to have to deal with this shit anymore. I don't joke one fucking second.[/QUOTE] Well maybe complain to local government (council?) or talk to your neighbours see if it makes them angry too? authority can ignore 1 person but if you got a crowd then you got the power. you might try to play something relaxing or white noise, our mind doesn't get kept awake by white noise type sounds and hopefully it might drown out the assholes. as for parents not sure what can be done maybe if they knew their fighting negatively effected you they might seek better ways to deal with it? don't take my word as gospel, I know nothing good luck with your problems

It's already a month since I started Uni. My social life sucked during all the school years, and I had a naive dream that it will all change after I become a university student. I was wrong. No matter how friendly I was and how often I stepped out of my comfort zone lately, I have no people there I could relate to or at least call as a friend. I see others and they already hang out together and well, are being friends. I do have some acquaintances from my home city, but we aren't very close and I see them max 1 time per 2 weeks. And we don't really have anything in common, so they're not an option. Social circles are already closing and I feel that those 4 years won't be very fun for me. Fuck, just not again.

[QUOTE=Creatrick;51173984]It's already a month since I started Uni. My social life sucked during all the school years, and I had a naive dream that it will all change after I become a university student. I was wrong. No matter how friendly I was and how often I stepped out of my comfort zone lately, I have no people there I could relate to or at least call as a friend. I see others and they already hang out together and well, are being friends. I do have some acquaintances from my home city, but we aren't very close and I see them max 1 time per 2 weeks. And we don't really have anything in common, so they're not an option. Social circles are already closing and I feel that those 4 years won't be very fun for me. Fuck, just not again.[/QUOTE] I had all the same friends during the 12 years I was in my school district. Now that I'm at Uni I feel like I don't even want to make new friends. Socialization feels like a chore to me, people just make me upset it seems. I miss my best friends back home, I miss my ex-girlfriend I still am deeply in love with that I broke up with because I thought it would be the healthier thing for the both of us, I miss my dog, I miss my cat, I miss my family. I absolutely hated my hometown, but the longer I'm gone the more I realize how important all of my loved ones are. I believe I took them for granted. I know just about everyone that's forced to leave home goes through these emotions, but I have no idea how the fuck I'm supposed to deal with them.

I think I am going to kill myself soon. I can't deal with this anymore. Every day I feel awful and nothing helps. I thought about killing myself tonight but I didn't go through with it. I need to escape and I think death is my way out of this hell. I really just want to fall asleep and not wake up. there is no hope for me anymore. I wish someone would actually give a damn about me. I want to think someone cares but I can't think of anyone. I've given up on life. I'm not going to be around much longer.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51175444]I think I am going to kill myself soon. I can't deal with this anymore. Every day I feel awful and nothing helps. I thought about killing myself tonight but I didn't go through with it. I need to escape and I think death is my way out of this hell. I really just want to fall asleep and not wake up. there is no hope for me anymore. I wish someone would actually give a damn about me. I want to think someone cares but I can't think of anyone. I've given up on life. I'm not going to be around much longer.[/QUOTE] Please consider calling someone like the talk line at 1-800-273-8255 or any of the text options in the op. [quote]Stressed about using the phone for a suicide hotline, or more comfortable with text? [url]https://www.imalive.org/[/url] [url]http://www.crisischat.org/chat[/url] [url]http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...elinechat.aspx[/url][/quote]

I'll try one of those chats since its to early in the morning to call anyone. I don't think they can help me though I'm damaged

Bleh, I hate being a recluse. But then again when you live at home and your dad thinks being gay is a mental disorder or means a guy wants to be a girl (I don't)...you kind of have to essentially pretend you're asexual at least, especially when you work in a place with family friends. Not to mention living in an area that isn't very mentally flexible. And living in a rural area. Almost all of my friends at this point are online. I have rough plans on moving out, but I can't act on them until I pay off my car. There are no decent apartments for less than $600/month and I'd rather not put myself in a dangerous neighborhood. I'd rather be a hermit than the victim of a robbing or some other crime. I'm not sure if it's fear of people, hatred of people, or something else that makes me shy away from talking to people. I haven't really recovered from the constant bullying during school. Like some days I don't want to make a fool of myself, and other days I can't be bothered to interact with people beyond a hi because I don't want to be backstabbed by some asshole again. Honestly though at this point the only thing in my life is work. If I lost it I'd probably just give up and spare everyone the trouble of disappointment and off myself. The ONLY reason I even have this job is because my mother put in a good word for me, bypassing the interviews entirely. Every other job I've tried to get up to that point was met with silence or rejection. I'm fairly certain I'm on some blacklist or something with how reliably I was rejected. I was seriously proposing putting out a ultimatum to my friends that I was going to kill myself unless someone came and got me and would ultimately serve them blindly, unquestioningly forever if they did. I think at that point I stopped viewing my life as something of value. I hold almost everyone above me, because I am nothing but garbage. I get satisfaction from making people happy at my own expense, sometimes heavy expense. [sp]The idea of being someone's slave is comforting, as they'd obviously know better for me than I could even hope to achieve. And in fact most of the time someone else's decision turns out better than my own.[/sp] And it's weird because all of it isn't a feeling of sadness, it's like a matter-of-fact thought in my head.

-snip, nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway-

I hate that my constant sadness is hurting my friends and family. It makes me want to hurt myself really bad.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51175885]I hate that my constant sadness is hurting my friends and family. It makes me want to hurt myself really bad.[/QUOTE] Your constant sadness won't hurt more than you hurting yourself. Don't think like that. You have a family and friends for a reason, they should be there for you. If they can't deal with it you need to talk to someone else. Being depressed can indeed affect a lot of people around you and the feeling of guilt can be so destructive, being scared for being too much. But you're going to be worse off if you shut it inside of you. I had one whole year of keeping my shit inside (or really a whole life of keeping the shitty parts of my childhood out of discussion) and I was on the verge of being suicidal until I broke enough, I was too much for my family to react and started with therapy once a week. So much cleared up. I don't know you or about your whole situation, but don't ever give up! If you can't find anyone to talk to, try to write off all your feelings. Keep writing.

I've kept it inside for 14 years. The first 3 years were awful, then it was just mild. Now it's been another 2 years of hell, and this year has made me "null".

-snip- it's probably not

I really hate it when I go out with friends and I'm excited to be a part of a social group and then later in the night I just fucking hate myself and everything and I don't want to talk to anyone and just want to go cry in my bed alone.

I just want things to change for me. I want to be able to wake up and not feel depressed. It's not easy going day by day feeling like this and it always gets worse. I just want to sleep 24/7 just to avoid feeling depressed. I wish I could tell someone I want to kill myself so they can help me. I haven't told anyone that I want to commit suicide because I don't think anyone would understand. It would be nice though to see if anyone would even care.

I had someone try to kill themselves in work last week, not going to say exactly what my job is but basically I'm a training instructor and they're a trainee. They came into my office looking worried, we talked a bit, then they just completely broke down, told me they'd taken a painkiller overdose in the bathroom and kept going between saying they didn't want to die, saying they didn't want an ambulance, and not to tell anyone. We called an ambulance, one of my coworkers went with them to hospital, I had to notify managers and shit about what happened. No one gave a shit, management told me to fill out the paperwork for it and check we weren't liable for anything, her social worker said she'd meet her at the hospital and then didn't show up until the next day. We got chastised by management for leaving ourselves short staffed because one if us went in the ambulance. Haven't heard anything more about them since, it's confidential so I can't ask. I'm sitting here in my office with the chair they had a breakdown on and the phone I called an ambulance with in front of me and I just can't concentrate or think about anything else. I don't know how to handle this.

this election is driving me insane I just want it to be over but I don't want to live in a world with trump's america [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] dunno if I'm worrying about these things because I'm depressed or I'm depressed because I'm worrying about these things [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] I need some good news instead of a never ending fucking hate crime riddled horror show [editline]10th October 2016[/editline] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF0cGt5-69k[/media]

My anxiety has been pressuring me for many years, but recently, since I've found a close friend in someone I just met, I feel a lot better when talking to them and being around them. However, I get clingy and dependent, worried that I might eventually drive them away with the desire to speak to them or simply be around them a lot. In turn, I have pretty extreme panic attacks whenever I don't get any response to them after a long period of time, and the general anxiety from it overall is becoming strenuous on my body, it's causing indigestion, stomach pain, and just general fatigue. The panic attacks are much worse, though, and despite dealing with this sort of anxiety for over 3 years, this is the worst it's ever been. I try to reason with myself, you know, it's not like other people don't have lives. I understand they may be busy and we do talk often, but I have bad experiences from an ex of mine who near never replied to anything I said to her. Do any of you have suggestions for what I might be able to do to worry myself less? I've grown so tired of shivering myself to sleep at night over something as senseless as a person not replying. Thank you, in advance.

I just stole three bottles of wine from mom, that is, one yesterday, one today, and one that I will continue drinking now. If you don't hear from me for another month or two or so, I was probably kicked out.

It's getting real close right now. Soon it'll be over.

I'm now stuck in the hell of researching a place to live. Woop-da-fucking-doo. Considering the state of the housing market in my city it's going to be a FUN FUCKING RIDE.

Well the suicide hotline sucked ass

Sometimes I just wanna die simply because of shame and being a pathetic desperate piece of shit. I don't deserve all the good manners people give me.

I can't go another day

Went to a nearby wooded area and snapped. Ended up breaking any tree I could put my fist through and hit myself numerous times with railroad spikes while cursing under my breath. Just everything seemingly had to go shit in one day. Our cat ran off last week and we haven't seen or heard of his whereabouts, and my dad said he's seen coyotes in the area(local extinction is imminent), and my grandfather was diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer. So yeah, lovely day/week. How have you all been?

I just wanted to say that all of you guys are really strong for just continuing to survive. I have gotten a lot of support and things are still hard for me, so I can't imagine how difficult things are for some of you. Please don't give up!

[QUOTE=Nerts;51181975]I had someone try to kill themselves in work last week, not going to say exactly what my job is but basically I'm a training instructor and they're a trainee. They came into my office looking worried, we talked a bit, then they just completely broke down, told me they'd taken a painkiller overdose in the bathroom and kept going between saying they didn't want to die, saying they didn't want an ambulance, and not to tell anyone. We called an ambulance, one of my coworkers went with them to hospital, I had to notify managers and shit about what happened. No one gave a shit, management told me to fill out the paperwork for it and check we weren't liable for anything, her social worker said she'd meet her at the hospital and then didn't show up until the next day. We got chastised by management for leaving ourselves short staffed because one if us went in the ambulance. Haven't heard anything more about them since, it's confidential so I can't ask. I'm sitting here in my office with the chair they had a breakdown on and the phone I called an ambulance with in front of me and I just can't concentrate or think about anything else. I don't know how to handle this.[/QUOTE] I met that person again today, they're ok, which makes me feel a lot better.

had 5 separate instances recently where i try to be socially outgoing and plan things or try to hang out with other people only to get declined or backed out on... it gets old a bit too fast. where do i go to meet people? i have a basic outline for how to talk to people and it works but it's crippling being such a socially awkward person in real life in general.

I made my first serious attempt at killing myself yesterday, and obviously failed since I'm here writing about it. My roommate left and I was finally alone in my dorm. I put the dead bolt lock on the door to spare me a few extra seconds in case he came back when I wasn't ready. I tied a belt tied around my neck hanging from one of my bed posts so that I was [I]almost[/I] sitting on the ground but high enough off the ground for the belt to be real tight around my throat. Last thing I remember was just sitting there staring in front of me. I don't remember what I was thinking at the time. I started to feel a little bit weird, then I blacked out. I don't know how long I out for, but when I awoke I was still fading in and out of consciousness really fast and my right leg was trembling. The trembling caused me to kick over my roommates little food shelf under his bed - sorry about that! During the first maybe 10 seconds as I was regaining consciousness, I heard strange things. It was like a combination of static, ringing, booms/thumps, and indistinct voices. I was really light headed and dizzy after that and just laid in my bed for a long time to steady myself. I strangely found myself feeling happier and more optimistic than usual the rest of the day after that, and even today too.