Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Fuck I can't stand all this stress. I have 3 tests tomorrow, one of which I forgot to bring the notes home so I can't study, and two is actually a second chance as the teacher said we should retry the test but I still can't understand a fucking thing. There's also some work tomorrow and an important event which I should attend. I feel like I don't want to go to school tomorrow but in doing that I will miss some things and will just be a hassle afterwards, but even if I do attend school tomorrow I will still fail and have more hassle afterwards. Dammit why is everything so fucking heavy and why the fuck am I such a fuck up?

Why do I usually see moving characters and animals for a short time? Sometimes I hear single or longer words like: - Hey you! - *my name* - What you doing Sometimes they're screaming and it makes me panic, so I'm searching the house, because it's so fucking real. The things I see are not very clear, and they're more like 1-2 seconds shadow things (daylight or not). Anyone got experience with this? Yes I am paranoid, but I'm not even close to being schizophrenic.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51244489]You were right. I 'confronted' her and she basically said she was really freaked out and didn't know how to handle that situation. She apologized profusely for it but I also said I was sorry for forcing that situation on her. I was just really angry and frustrated and stressed and I reacted poorly towards her. Man, sometimes I just feel like such a burden on people that are important to me.[/QUOTE] I'm basically talking to myself right now but it feels good to get it in writing. I think, in our respective current states, we aren't good for each others mental health. I need to take a step back and work on improving myself, and start being able to rely on myself. I think I'm gonna see a therapist, guys. I don't want to subject anyone to have to deal with me as I am now.

whiny snip

Nothing really matters to me. I'm slowly killing myself by taking large amounts of pills. My life is so empty and meaningless. I just wish I wasn't so alone all the time. The pain never ends for me. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about ending it anymore. Only person that made life worth living everything I ever thought about her was wrong. She's not a good person and she never cared about me. She was never right for me anyway. Everything about our relationship meant nothing to her. I should of seen it when we were dating the kind of person she really is. It hurts when I think back and I actually thought she was the one for me. I was so stupid to think that. I just really hate her. I know I shouldn't hate her because then I'll never really move on but I can't help it. I have no feelings towards her besides hate. It's been a year now since I last saw her you would think that even the hate would of subsided but it hasn't. I guess the reason I'm bringing this up is because I need advice on how to rid her of my thoughts. I already threw away everything that reminded me of her and deleted all pictures of us together but that didn't really seem to do much.

Didnt wake up outside of my schedule to appease my dad. Also got told that I'm wasting all of my money on things I like. Another Uber and night fighting so I can get home from work I assume. Oh and he threatened to punch me in the face a few nights ago because "I'm annoying" I'm 18 and get told if I don't like it, then move out. fucking sucks.

just fucking sick of myself as of late. i want to put a bullet through my fucking skull because i'm so annoying to everyone friend last week blocked me instantly when i messaged him. he still prances about here all active and shit in the threads i frequent, pretending i don't exist when i asked him what i did wrong and talking to everyone but me. i never said anything bad, just a hello. he still ignores me to this day, clearly i'm to blame for nothing. people always do this shit to me, blaming me for their problems. putting me below others because "oh x is better so i'm going to give x the attention that you deserved instead". i always try to be nice, i guess it's just fun to pick on people like me.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51249876]Why do I usually see moving characters and animals for a short time? Sometimes I hear single or longer words like: - Hey you! - *my name* - What you doing Sometimes they're screaming and it makes me panic, so I'm searching the house, because it's so fucking real. The things I see are not very clear, and they're more like 1-2 seconds shadow things (daylight or not). Anyone got experience with this? Yes I am paranoid, but I'm not even close to being schizophrenic.[/QUOTE] Discuss these sensations with a doctor as soon as possible. They could be tied to a number of potential causes, but please speak to a medical professional about this.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51241445]So... someone I know said they feel depressed, and want to kill themselves. But they won't. But the reason they wanna kill themselves, is that I'm in a relationship with the girl he loves... If this goes on, I don't have to worry about loving until I die, because I know I'm going to end up losing it at one point if people keep this up...[/QUOTE] Well, he planned to do it and cancelled it today... Because he is so in love with my girlfriend... Really fucking helps my depression that my relationship is nearly killing someone... I wanna die. I don't wanna be here anymore. I just wanna fucking die...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51256610]Well, he planned to do it and cancelled it today... Because he is so in love with my girlfriend... Really fucking helps my depression that my relationship is nearly killing someone... I wanna die. I don't wanna be here anymore. I just wanna fucking die...[/QUOTE] Don't let him manipulate you, he sounds like an arse. He needs to get over her, easiest way to do that is get him infatuated with someone else,maybe try set him up for geta mutual friend to help him meet other girls, it's sort of a hot potato but maybe other people have less shit going on so can deal with it better. if people can't control their own lives they'll seek to control yours (maybe unintentionally) It's your life so look after yourself don't let him guilt or manipulate you. You're the driver don't let him or anyone else hijack you. If you help others to the extent that you neglect yourself then you cease to be in a position to help. Also don't want be a dick but this person you know sounds like a bit of a mess. Don't take this advice without a second or third or fourth opinion but they seem toxic and I'd cut then off, it helps you coz no more of their shit; it helps them because they learn being a manipulator with no compassion doesn't win friends and influence people. Final point: you've done nothing wrong! you like the girl, she likes you, and that's great! absolutely the right thing to happen. please don't let him convince you otherwise. You're obviously a caring person, so care for yourself and your gf

So in the last week Ive had my bike stolen, my girlfriend telling me she was cheating on me, us breaking up, and my rent going up from 600 to 900 this next month unless we can find another Roomate. Its pretty fucking bad and I haven't been more sad or angry in all my low points with my depression but somehow, through it all, I've found myself really motivated to improve myself. I started working out, eating right, re-finding my love for art and music, reconnecting with old friends, and just today the police called to say they found my bike on a patrol. It goes to show no matter how much life or your own thoughts punch you in the gut you don't just roll over, you take that mother fucker by the balls and own him like its your prison bitch. Its hard as hell but you gotta keep going, go hard, be angry, be sad, use it to fucking destroy any barriers in your way, tell life to get fucked and that you own yourself. And you will try as hard to influence, whether that be with non prescription means or with, what you feel. Love and be thankful for your own accomplishments feats no matter how small, because who the fuck else will in the end eh? I think I've come to a turning point in my life and I thought it'd be good to get it out there to share to those guys, gals, what ever, that might need it. Also Deciever, you are good people.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51256610]Well, he planned to do it and cancelled it today... Because he is so in love with my girlfriend... Really fucking helps my depression that my relationship is nearly killing someone... I wanna die. I don't wanna be here anymore. I just wanna fucking die...[/QUOTE] That person Doesn't sound like a friend. As another poster said, maybe it's best to just cut ties with them. You aren't at fault here. And the pressure this person is putting on you is just terrible. It sounds extremely selfish to put friends through that, and your friend should be ashamed of doing that to you. Have you talked to your girlfriend or maybe relatives of this person about these issues?

[QUOTE=IceBlizzerd;51257299]So in the last week Ive had my bike stolen, my girlfriend telling me she was cheating on me, us breaking up, and my rent going up from 600 to 900 this next month unless we can find another Roomate. Its pretty fucking bad and I haven't been more sad or angry in all my low points with my depression but somehow, through it all, I've found myself really motivated to improve myself. I started working out, eating right, re-finding my love for art and music, reconnecting with old friends, and just today the police called to say they found my bike on a patrol. It goes to show no matter how much life or your own thoughts punch you in the gut you don't just roll over, you take that mother fucker by the balls and own him like its your prison bitch. Its hard as hell but you gotta keep going, go hard, be angry, be sad, use it to fucking destroy any barriers in your way, tell life to get fucked and that you own yourself. And you will try as hard to influence, whether that be with non prescription means or with, what you feel. Love and be thankful for your own accomplishments feats no matter how small, because who the fuck else will in the end eh? I think I've come to a turning point in my life and I thought it'd be good to get it out there to share to those guys, gals, what ever, that might need it. Also Deciever, you are good people.[/QUOTE] As someone with a shitty past two weeks, thanks for that. Happiness really does come from within.

Anyone else here feel like their "friends" are constantly fobbing them off? Everyone's positive when talking about stuff, then last minute they're suddenly always busy... [editline]25th October 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=The bird Man;51249876]Why do I usually see moving characters and animals for a short time? Sometimes I hear single or longer words like: - Hey you! - *my name* - What you doing Sometimes they're screaming and it makes me panic, so I'm searching the house, because it's so fucking real. The things I see are not very clear, and they're more like 1-2 seconds shadow things (daylight or not). Anyone got experience with this? Yes I am paranoid, but I'm not even close to being schizophrenic.[/QUOTE] That's psychosis and you really, really should talk to a doctor about that.

Finally accepted that i suffer from depression and not a deadly neurological disease (or maybe it's the case, who knows, but it's not what makes me suffer right now). Guess what ? It doesn't help one fucking bit. I feel even more hopeless now.

[QUOTE=Drk;51258601]Finally accepted that i suffer from depression and not a deadly neurological disease (or maybe it's the case, who knows, but it's not what makes me suffer right now). Guess what ? It doesn't help one fucking bit. I feel even more hopeless now.[/QUOTE] go see a therapist/psychologist, this isn't something you can do alone

I just ran into an argument with my mum because I ~really~ didn't feel like getting a shower before I sleep, and doing it in the morning instead. But nope, she had to yell so loud the entire household heard it, piss me off, then yell at me more when I came out of the shower. Oh yeah and obviously it's fault of video games, and i should see a psychologist or something (well, at least that's what she directly said to me). You know what's the funniest thing about it? I'm [B]22[/B], freshly employed and battling with depression for more than 6 years now. Sometimes I really think hanging myself a few years back wouldn't be a bad idea now.

[QUOTE=Mobo;51260271]I just ran into an argument with my mum because I ~really~ didn't feel like getting a shower before I sleep, and doing it in the morning instead. But nope, she had to yell so loud the entire household heard it, piss me off, then yell at me more when I came out of the shower. Oh yeah and obviously it's fault of video games, and i should see a psychologist or something (well, at least that's what she directly said to me). You know what's the funniest thing about it? I'm [B]22[/B], freshly employed and battling with depression for more than 6 years now. Sometimes I really think hanging myself a few years back wouldn't be a bad idea now.[/QUOTE] mate at that point just take a fuckin shower, its so much easier than dealing with peoples shit plus showering feels amazing

Managed to call the public dentist for an appointment [I]and[/I] get a doctor's appointment via phone today, only had to psych myself up for an hour to make the calls Felt pretty accomplished. Now if I had only gone to school.

[QUOTE=Zezibesh;51260407]Managed to call the public dentist for an appointment [I]and[/I] get a doctor's appointment via phone today, only had to psych myself up for an hour to make the calls Felt pretty accomplished. Now if I had only gone to school.[/QUOTE] Baby steps, dude. Everyone's gotta start somewhere.

I wish I had more confidence in myself. I feel like I never do anything right. I just want my life to be over. I have nobody in my life I can talk to and nobody understands my depression. I'm still heart broken and just an overall mess. I think being heart broken is the worst feeling in the world.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51249876]Why do I usually see moving characters and animals for a short time? Sometimes I hear single or longer words like: - Hey you! - *my name* - What you doing Sometimes they're screaming and it makes me panic, so I'm searching the house, because it's so fucking real. The things I see are not very clear, and they're more like 1-2 seconds shadow things (daylight or not). Anyone got experience with this? Yes I am paranoid, but I'm not even close to being schizophrenic.[/QUOTE] Can the voices pop up at any time or does it happen exclusively around bedtime? Either way, hearing voices can actually be normal for some without there being an underlying problem. I hear voices as well, much like the examples you give. It never makes much sense. The voice is never the same either, it's always a new one. Sometimes they can say stuff like "Did you steal the boat?", "Why did you do it?", "The train is coming", "What?", "Hello?", and so on. Properly structured sentences with little meaning.

I'm so drained of energy because of my illness and depression I can't even try to better myself. All I want to do is stop wasting my life away on my computer but I physically lack the energy and mentally am a wreck. My colitis is going to be the death of me I'm almost certain, and I'm genuinely worried it'll be soon. I don't want to keep going on like this. None of this is fun in the least, and I'm running out of reasons to keep going. If there is a God I want to punch the fucker in the face for making me the genetic mess I am.

Gotta love it when you always ended up with the wrong crowds in the past, throughout your teens... and they brought out the worst in you, especially your depression/demons. And then after you break free from them, they make you out to be the cunt ever since :suicide:

So, so tired. This constant feeling of emptiness and exhaustion is really drilling itself into my skull. It's so frustrating when I'm googling around for tips on what to do to potentially help me out and all I find is "seek a medical professional". I suppose it's valid advice but what if I've been doing that for the last 6 years already? What if I've been stuck at the same place for 2 years despite getting help from professionals? Not even they know what's wrong with me it seems.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51263315]So, so tired. This constant feeling of emptiness and exhaustion is really drilling itself into my skull. It's so frustrating when I'm googling around for tips on what to do to potentially help me out and all I find is "seek a medical professional". I suppose it's valid advice but what if I've been doing that for the last 6 years already? What if I've been stuck at the same place for 2 years despite getting help from professionals? Not even they know what's wrong with me it seems.[/QUOTE] I've seen nearly 10 so-called "professionals" in the last 10 years or so. They either didn't know shit or made me feel worse off to begin with. I shit you not; one told me to "stop using her as a soundboard." :v:

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51263455]I've seen nearly 10 so-called "professionals" in the last 10 years or so. They either didn't know shit or made me feel worse off to begin with. I shit you not; one told me to "stop using her as a soundboard." :v:[/QUOTE] I stopped going to the doctors for just this reason. I know they're just doing their job but when they don't believe me or brush off what I say I just shut down and feel like giving up.

Going to the dentist today which I fucking loathe. I have a giant phobia of gagging and so it always makes it difficult to have people's hands or the X-Ray bite wings in my mouth. I'm also trying out a new dentist so I'm even doubly nervous. Last time I went to a dentist, they said I had three small cavities and I've been taking care of them so I'm really hoping they've stayed small or the fluoride I've been using has helped to shrink them even more. If I only needed to get one filled as opposed to all three, I would be at least two thirds less nervous. It's strange because I'm not scared of the needle or the drill or even the pain in general. It's just the gagging/swallowing/dry mouth aspect of it all that makes me the most uncomfortable.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51263502]Going to the dentist today which I fucking loathe. I have a giant phobia of gagging and so it always makes it difficult to have people's hands or the X-Ray bite wings in my mouth. I'm also trying out a new dentist so I'm even doubly nervous. Last time I went to a dentist, they said I had three small cavities and I've been taking care of them so I'm really hoping they've stayed small or the fluoride I've been using has helped to shrink them even more. If I only needed to get one filled as opposed to all three, I would be at least two thirds less nervous. It's strange because I'm not scared of the needle or the drill or even the pain in general. It's just the gagging/swallowing/dry mouth aspect of it all that makes me the most uncomfortable.[/QUOTE] Having saliva or liquid stuck in my mouth for too long and not being able to swallow it drives me up the fucking wall. I'm lucky though; even though my teeth are ground down pretty badly from my school years I've never had cavities and I brush the fuckers like it's going out of style, so I haven't needed to go to the dentist in years. Not that I could afford going to one anyway. My mum was interested in sending me money so I could go to one but I'd rather save every cent I have towards getting my procedure done so I probably wouldn't even spend it on that.

You ever get accused of stealing? Yeah. 'Apparently,' I stole something last night that I have no idea what it even is from my dad last night. Days are feeling limited. As usual. Be nice if I didn't live with paranoid freaks.