Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Well guys, I talked with my parents about it and I'm finally gonna start seeing a therapist. I feel really good about it, I am really fucking ready to be better

Last night at a party me & my roommates and another flat held, a girl was sexually assaulted, don't wanna go into detail but it was bad It's completely ruined my day, can't get it out of my head. Woke up to a policeman in my flat (where we had the party) asking me if I knew the guy. Wish I could have helped but I knew literally next to nothing. It just keeps playing on my mind, it literally happened 20-30 feet away from me, really makes me feel sick

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;51264234]Last night at a party me & my roommates and another flat held, a girl was sexually assaulted, don't wanna go into detail but it was bad It's completely ruined my day, can't get it out of my head. Woke up to a policeman in my flat (where we had the party) asking me if I knew the guy. Wish I could have helped but I knew literally next to nothing. It just keeps playing on my mind, it literally happened 20-30 feet away from me, really makes me feel sick[/QUOTE] Don't blame yourself, it may be absolutely disgusting but its not your fault.

I'm just going to kill myself I give up

Well I am apparently a liar and thief who is nothing but a problem to everyone in existence. Yeah, it's all my fault everyone is upset. It's my fault you get angry, It's my problem that I need to fix. Oh I should move out. Yeah thats really easy. Yeah you do all of this because you 'love' me. Why would I ever be so stupid to think otherwise? Maybe because you are bat shit insane? You're 45 years old dumbass. And all you did throughout my life is cause problems. I can't ever go to anyone in this family for advice or support. All you do is sit in your bedroom smoking pot and pissing and moaning. I TRIED TO MAKE ALL OF THIS WORK. I have A JOB LIKE YOU ASKED. I WENT OUT DRIVING WITH YOU. And all I got was told I'm some kind of idiot. ("Are you Drunk? Or just Stupid?") Maybe if I wasnt woken 2 hours early, maybe if you actually told me you wanted me to wake up an hour before that even to make you happy. Then we wouldnt have a problem, no? But nope, I'm a liar about dishes in my bedroom. Guess that means im going to get thrown out. Right? Thats not fucked in any way nor form? Is it? Was the freaking rooting around in my room at random hours really necessary? Huh? You didnt find whatever you're looking for so stop accusing me of whatever the fuck is the problem. Oh you're throwing me out in a month because you can't control yourself? Scream at me? Bumrush my room to take shit that I can do myself? AND THEN HAVE THE BALLS TO ACCUSE ME OF ASSAULT? Because I held you back when you tried slamming me into a wall? Either way, my days are numbered. Probably going to get fired because i have to call off so often. Sucks that i'll be losing my weekly $250. But I'll be on the streets. Im 18. It's my problem. All your fault. as usual. What the hell can i even do in a situation like this except for drop down and die? Thats all these people seem to want for me. I get barely any backup from anything. Either way im fucked now. Can't enjoy my life anymore since all i am is a useless cunt right? I should honestly just run away. and get hit by a truck. Save everyone the stress right? I'm 18, it's nobody's problem. Fuck this world and my life. Every time I try to make myself happy, to enjoy myself. He just causes my world to fall apart because of his stupid ego. Going to concerts, smoking pot every night, pissing and moaning. Berating, threatening, Oh it's my damn fault you're doing this. I hope all of you rot. At least I'll be out of your hair in a month or so. Because that's all you want. Yeah I'm sitting there in front of the entire household in tears. What do I get? Silence, nothing. It's not fair for anyone to have to go through this. And I feel like I deserve to fucking die because of it. All I wish is I had help. That's it. But nobody ever can. We all have our own problems. And I'm fucked.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51249876]Why do I usually see moving characters and animals for a short time? Sometimes I hear single or longer words like: - Hey you! - *my name* - What you doing Sometimes they're screaming and it makes me panic, so I'm searching the house, because it's so fucking real. The things I see are not very clear, and they're more like 1-2 seconds shadow things (daylight or not). Anyone got experience with this? Yes I am paranoid, but I'm not even close to being schizophrenic.[/QUOTE] From someone who's psychiatrist says they show signs of schizophrenia, I've heard things like this too. It's not that much/often due to medication, but I sympathize with you and these things make me very paranoid as well. I don't really hear voices often - maybe just a few times, but when I do it's almost always a girl. And one time when I was trying to sleep I constantly heard distant whispers that I couldn't figure out where they were coming from. I didn't know what they were saying, and it annoyed the hell out of me to the point when I just wanted to yell "shut the fuck up!!" at it. Though I think my problem is more being delusional than hallucinations. But I would advise you to let somebody know, as it can be the onset of something and would best be dealt with earlier than later.

In order to try and cheer myself up, I decided to make an apple butter pie from scratch. [t]http://i.imgur.com/dIX1HCF.jpg[/t] It tastes pretty good, but I really wish my nieces and nephew were not being pawned around at the moment by my ex-brother in law... I really wanted them to stay here today so we could make mini-applebutter pies.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;51265675]In order to try and cheer myself up, I decided to make an apple butter pie from scratch. [t]http://i.imgur.com/dIX1HCF.jpg[/t] It tastes pretty good, but I really wish my nieces and nephew were not being pawned around at the moment by my ex-brother in law... I really wanted them to stay here today so we could make mini-applebutter pies.[/QUOTE] Try to find the time. Making food with people you love is such an awesome experience, I miss it a lot. Bake some cookies, it's the bomb

Whenever we get the chance, we usually make bread and doughnuts together. If not that I try to keep them active by taking them on fishing trips with my mother and father.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;51265699]Whenever we get the chance, we usually make bread and doughnuts together. If not that I try to keep them active by taking them on fishing trips with my mother and father.[/QUOTE] You sound like a fantastic uncle. Keep it up man

[QUOTE=Pascall;51263502]Going to the dentist today which I fucking loathe. I have a giant phobia of gagging and so it always makes it difficult to have people's hands or the X-Ray bite wings in my mouth. I'm also trying out a new dentist so I'm even doubly nervous. Last time I went to a dentist, they said I had three small cavities and I've been taking care of them so I'm really hoping they've stayed small or the fluoride I've been using has helped to shrink them even more. If I only needed to get one filled as opposed to all three, I would be at least two thirds less nervous. It's strange because I'm not scared of the needle or the drill or even the pain in general. It's just the gagging/swallowing/dry mouth aspect of it all that makes me the most uncomfortable.[/QUOTE] Ended up not being terrible. New dentist was understanding and patient and took care of everything about as quickly as I could've hoped. Optimistic about the next two fillings I have to get in a few weeks. Not so scared anymore.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51265800]Ended up not being terrible. New dentist was understanding and patient and took care of everything about as quickly as I could've hoped. Optimistic about the next two fillings I have to get in a few weeks. Not so scared anymore.[/QUOTE] That's the spirit, sometimes all it takes is for another person to connect with you for you to realize that something is not as bad as you think it is. Keep this experience in mind next time an appointment comes around

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51265765]You sound like a fantastic uncle. Keep it up man[/QUOTE] I really sometimes don't feel like a fantastic uncle, but thank you. I'm hopeful that these kids will at least learn some of the stuff that I have taught them relating to cooking, and be able to take care of themselves.

I feel like I have no identity.

every single day I think about killing myself they say it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but what I have is a permanent problem

Bleh, what a great start to my minication. Come in to coworkers being too stupid to fill up a donut showcase from backup, leaving it empty and 3 cases worth donuts to stale out. Oh and when i tell someone about it, they throw the blame on me for not stacking them up instead of doing SOP. Then i screw up the rolls and made them too small, so i get bitched at for that. Apparently they're hinting that I'm gonna get written up for it if I keep screwing them up. The problem is that I completely lack the ability to multitask at a competent level, but I'm forced to in order to not fall behind, which results in extreme inconsistency in quality. I feel like I'm completely inept at working and I've felt this way even more every time holiday hell comes around. Sometimes I wonder if killing myself would make everyone's lives easier. I've had to struggle and put so much effort just to keep my head above water in this job that i have no friends, don't get out, and simply can no longer stand people. Honestly, if I lost this job, which the only thing in my life now, I'd probably just say fuck it and end it all.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51267263]I feel like I have no identity.[/QUOTE] I get that. It kinda feels like you put on a different mask based off of who you are talking to. You really wanna know yourself but you dont know where your facade ends and your true identity begins because you spent so much time and effort making new personalities for people to like.

I got an appointment with a psychiatrist I just got to pick up my medical records from the hospital I stayed in from. I guess this is just one step closer to getting better

Had an anger attack after 4 consecutive panic attacks, as one of my friends talked to me. Being in denial and everything, she basically told me that I should fuck off, if I act like this. I just wanna die now... Like what the fuck is the point even...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51270389]Had an anger attack after 4 consecutive panic attacks, as one of my friends talked to me. Being in denial and everything, she basically told me that I should fuck off, if I act like this. I just wanna die now... Like what the fuck is the point even...[/QUOTE] Try to make her understand, but don't be mad if she doesn't. These type of things need to be discussed as hard as it is to open yourself up

I'm fine.

Update... Stuff doesn't go well... Me and my partner broke up like 20 minutes ago, and I wanna cry my brains out... She still loves me, and I still love her, but we "came to the conclusion" that our relationship put a lot of strain on us... So I'm all alone... And I'm still very... Very sad...

If I went to a therapist using family insurance, would they know? Texas if it's more useful knowledge that way. Legally I'm an adult.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51272072]Update... Stuff doesn't go well... Me and my partner broke up like 20 minutes ago, and I wanna cry my brains out... She still loves me, and I still love her, but we "came to the conclusion" that our relationship put a lot of strain on us... So I'm all alone... And I'm still very... Very sad...[/QUOTE] If the relationship put strain on you then you are free of the strain. You can love someone and want the best for them without needing possession or influence. Use this as a time to focus on yourself and get feeling good about life, address issues you didn't/couldn't address before. Break ups are what you make of them good or bad. Best for you (and her) if you make the best of it. There is that "meme" that people get upset when their ex moves on, and because we see it on facebook lots we do feel the tendency to self sabotage and choose a rough breakup because we don't want the other person to feel bad about us moving on and feeling happy again. Don't feel guilty for moving on and don't wait for permission to feel better. Feeling unhappy is bad for you, you may not have anyone right now but do you need someone? You should be (and are) good enough alone, being with someone is cool but you shouldn't feel bad about being single. edit: you're the guy who posted a few days back about that asshole trying to guilt you. You ok dude?

Well I found the kind of self harm for me I guess

I'm not sure but I might have anger management issues. Today, I kind of freaked out during class after seeing all the perfect grades for the homework that came back (I got a lower grade, and almost every other one was perfect or a point or two from perfect). I accidentally yelled "Fuck" audibly as an almost kneejerk reaction, but tried to chill out, but eventually a lot of negative thoughts that came about got me to hit my notebook over my desk quite a few times, which apparently got the attention of everyone in class who stared back at me. I didnt do anything after that, but only a week ago I had a similar incident where I started getting audibly and noticably mad at my laptop during an especially bad day because the wifi was cutting out and ended up killing my laptop's hard drive on the spot. These aren't the only times I've lost my cool recently, and I've yelled and gotten angry at the few people I have in my life, and I don't know but I'm probably going to seek consuling regardless. I'm thinking its probably why I can't seem to make any friends. I don't know...

[QUOTE=mdeceiver79;51272959]edit: you're the guy who posted a few days back about that asshole trying to guilt you. You ok dude?[/QUOTE] Well... He did tell me he never wanted us to break up, because it would maybe push him over the edge. So I'm crying, since we broke up. I've barely slept, I couldn't bring myself to go to lectures, because I'm scared. And sad... It's most likely a sentiment of what he put me through that lead to the breakup... Why is this so fucked... She didn't put a strain on me... He did...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51273876]Well... He did tell me he never wanted us to break up, because it would maybe push him over the edge. So I'm crying, since we broke up. I've barely slept, I couldn't bring myself to go to lectures, because I'm scared. And sad... It's most likely a sentiment of what he put me through that lead to the breakup... Why is this so fucked... She didn't put a strain on me... He did...[/QUOTE] Did you tell her about him?

[QUOTE=Archimedes;51271047]I'm fine.[/QUOTE] You sure are champ. I've been really stressed lately with work and loan payments and it all sort of came to a fever pitch last night. I was pretty rude to some people and I regret it dearly, although I was lucky enough that they forgave me. I've gotta go through a bit more stress but hopefully it should all resolve soonish so I can get this horrible feeling out of my body. I'm gonna go see if I can confide in a friend a little. I've been holding in way too much stuff and I become a very ugly person when it all pours out at once. Hopefully this weekend is pleasant for all of you.

[QUOTE=Archimedes;51276012]You sure are champ. I've been really stressed lately with work and loan payments and it all sort of came to a fever pitch last night. I was pretty rude to some people and I regret it dearly, although I was lucky enough that they forgave me. I've gotta go through a bit more stress but hopefully it should all resolve soonish so I can get this horrible feeling out of my body. I'm gonna go see if I can confide in a friend a little. I've been holding in way too much stuff and I become a very ugly person when it all pours out at once. Hopefully this weekend is pleasant for all of you.[/QUOTE] That's the spirit. And honestly, if you aren't already, go see a therapist/psychiatrist. It really helps to get all of your feelings out to an impartial person.