Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

It bothers me that media always depicts depression as just being some issue where the problem is you're not telling people about it, and as soon as you do there's a support network of like 5 or 6 close friends who are there for you couldn't be further from the truth (I think) and yet I see it enough to [I]feel[/I] like I'm just particularly garbage and other people get that treatment

So my life is spiralling down since my ex threw me away, meanwhile hers appears to be coming up roses and it leaves me so damn angry that someone who treated me so much as trash has things turning out for the better for them when I'm probably not gonna survive the year. Vindictive of me I know, but I just can't fathom what I ever did to deserve it, and she's so cowardly she couldn't face up to it or even give a decent explanation of her treatment of me. I mean rather than be honest about the fact that she almost kissed another guy one time, she completely lied and made it sound as if she'd almost gotten sexually assaulted by them. Guess I was the only one who valued honestly and loyalty. It's so goddamn stupid too, it's been well over a year and I'm still torn off, meanwhile she's happily getting on with her life, probably completely ignoring the fact that her actions came very close to killing me and if it wasn't for a poor choice in cable on my part, I wouldn't be here, and it's something that i struggle with every day now and tear myself to pieces for both not hanging myself and for wanting to.

I honestly don't know what there is to look forward to in life. College, work, a few painful years of retirement, and then death. It makes me question, "Why try?" when anything I do will always lead me down the same path, the only difference being the bumps along the way.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51328883]So my life is spiralling down since my ex threw me away, meanwhile hers appears to be coming up roses and it leaves me so damn angry that someone who treated me so much as trash has things turning out for the better for them when I'm probably not gonna survive the year. Vindictive of me I know, but I just can't fathom what I ever did to deserve it, and she's so cowardly she couldn't face up to it or even give a decent explanation of her treatment of me. I mean rather than be honest about the fact that she almost kissed another guy one time, she completely lied and made it sound as if she'd almost gotten sexually assaulted by them. Guess I was the only one who valued honestly and loyalty. It's so goddamn stupid too, it's been well over a year and I'm still torn off, meanwhile she's happily getting on with her life, probably completely ignoring the fact that her actions came very close to killing me and if it wasn't for a poor choice in cable on my part, I wouldn't be here, and it's something that i struggle with every day now and tear myself to pieces for both not hanging myself and for wanting to.[/QUOTE] I suspect you know what you're doing here dude and it isn't healthy. I'd suggest both of you make liberal use of the ignore list.

FEELS LIKE I'M FEELIN NOTHING AT ALL

I've been having no motivation to do anything. I've been off from work due to not many quests (i work in a restaurant) so they didn't need me, now i'm on holiday because i had to take my holidays before the end of the year. So i've been pretty much at home for the past few week all day except when i go to college which isn't much and i've just been feeling crap. I miss work already, something to do. I've got college work but i just cant be bothered to do it. I don't know, i need some motivation in my life. I've got nothing to look forward to in life except misery. I try making up stuff in my mind to look forward to which keeps me content at times but it's not enough. Every single night when i go to sleep, i imagine a girl waiting for me to get in next to her and then cuddle and fall asleep in each others arms. Every single day i have been imagining this for years now. I'm starting to feel like i'm becoming obsessed regarding this and other certain things and it's ruining my mental health. I'm surprised i've been attending every single one of my college classes and barely missed work either in the 9 months that i've been working here. I told this to a girl, that i haven't had motivation to do stuff lately and she said i should fall in love with someone. That's pretty much what i've been trying to do but i've been dissapointed so many times im starting to give up. It doesn't help that i have unrealistic expectations from relationships and i also live almost in the middle of nowhere. I feel like there is something wrong with me, all the people i talk to just tend to ghost on me and when i think we get along so well online, when i meet them they don't want anything to do with me afterwards. I might speak with my GP about seeing a therapist again... A different one this time. First time i went to this "therapist" it was a 15-20 minute session where i was asked the same questions, given this questionnare that i had to fill out and bring back and given some advice and a book and told to do this. I just couldn't be bothered to do any of it. There was no time to speak about anything with him, and he didn't seem to know a lot of stuff. I really just want to sit down with a professional and tell him my issues and discuss it with them, get some feedback, advice, small talks, discuss stuff with them and i guess the feeling of being wanted and the feeling of someone who cares about me and understands or really wants to help and not sticking to a damn schedule and tasks that we have to do. [QUOTE=mchapra;51322934]I went and talked with my mom about how I've been feeling and one thing sort of led to another and we got into a dumb argument until she finally agreed to listen to what I felt was happening to me. She still denies it on some level saying "I can just not be unhappy". I can't blame her for it, I wouldn't want to accept hearing that either. I guess it went fine, but I don't think I made any progress about it. I sort of feel awful about it since she looked distressed when I explained to her what's going on. Yesterday was a weird day to sum it up. Not really sure where to go from here.[/QUOTE] I don't even bother telling my parents anything. Why bother? They have enough issues and don't understand me anyway. I tried telling my mom but she just said it's a phase i'm going trough and that she had this as well, and that i'm being stupid. I just keep up this fake mascarade in front of pretty much everyone i know. Sometimes when i'm drunk it comes out, one time i got a bit too drunk and i can't remember some of the details but my friend said i was miserable and that he and this girl i had a crush on felt sorry for me. I don't even remember what i was doing. The only person who understands and whom i could talk to this is my best friend whom i've known since i was 4 but he lives 2000km away.

crosspost from sex advice; this is probably gonna leave me feeling empty for a while. Why did I have to open my heart to someone again fully without thinking or realizing that she wasn't fully over her ex husband? Why did I have to fall in love and still be in love when she's fallen out of love with me? Fucking emotions man. [quote=me] I honestly don't know at this point, I'm feeling so empty and husk like. I really didn't want to let my feelings become so vulnerable to someone again but I did with her. It's just me and her here and I'm the only one on the lease. cross post from confessions in FT [QUOTE=Kite_shugo;51327032]Yeah it's not my first (probably my 4th real and long relationship) but I appreciate your words. It felt like this time it was actual love now that I'm older and not a silly idea of love you can find in highschool. But I'll find a way to get over it someway or another. I just found out she actually ended up having sex with another girl and cheating on me(she's bi) when she got drunk for the first time in a long ass time a weekend ago. She finally admitted it to me today, so that's some fuck. But at least she was able to admit it to me I guess. I can appreciate that she did that. Still really sucked to hear though. And that she thinks she was never truly over her ex-husband during the time we were dating for a year+. Hopefully I can get over it sooner than later[/QUOTE] I'll just give her the space she wants and see what happens with us. Not much else I can do at this point.[/quote]

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51328883]So my life is spiralling down since my ex threw me away, meanwhile hers appears to be coming up roses and it leaves me so damn angry that someone who treated me so much as trash has things turning out for the better for them when I'm probably not gonna survive the year. Vindictive of me I know, but I just can't fathom what I ever did to deserve it, and she's so cowardly she couldn't face up to it or even give a decent explanation of her treatment of me. I mean rather than be honest about the fact that she almost kissed another guy one time, she completely lied and made it sound as if she'd almost gotten sexually assaulted by them. Guess I was the only one who valued honestly and loyalty. It's so goddamn stupid too, it's been well over a year and I'm still torn off, meanwhile she's happily getting on with her life, probably completely ignoring the fact that her actions came very close to killing me and if it wasn't for a poor choice in cable on my part, I wouldn't be here, and it's something that i struggle with every day now and tear myself to pieces for both not hanging myself and for wanting to.[/QUOTE]i know how you feel. I hate my ex girlfriend and it makes me mad that she's happy with another guy. I'm trying to get over that but it's not easy.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51337582]i know how you feel. I hate my ex girlfriend and it makes me mad that she's happy with another guy. I'm trying to get over that but it's not easy.[/QUOTE] staying angry just means that she wins. there is no sweeter revenge than happiness my friend no person on the planet is worth destroying yourself over

I'm very depressed today.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51339949]staying angry just means that she wins. there is no sweeter revenge than happiness my friend no person on the planet is worth destroying yourself over[/QUOTE] I know she's not worth getting myself depressed like this. It's just sad to see how she replaced me. Shes on my mind all the time and I hate thinking about her

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51340098]I know she's not worth getting myself depressed like this. It's just sad to see how she replaced me. Shes on my mind all the time and I hate thinking about her[/QUOTE] The worse thing is, know you did nothing wrong, doing everything right as much as you possibly could, and you still end up blaming yourself when it's entirely not your fault.

To all the boys and girls, afroamericans and muslims, homosexuals and transgender individuals, and everyone... My deepest concerns are with you. I hope we can pull through this rough path leading up ahead for the world. I'm scared, that an individual of like the president could be this... Ignorant and possibly send big rights movement into the stone age again. Equality is about to be a foreign word, but let's all to our best, to respect each other and everyone. I'm mad, I'm upset, I'm sad, and I'm scared shitless. This is proving that our international society needs to stand up for the rights we want to bring through. We can't let this man start the downfall of a society that was finally going in the right direction slowly. And again, all my concerns are to people who are in life danger. To people who have seen the robes of KKK being brought out in public again, to people who have been the victims of sexual assaults, to the people who aren't straight and is going through oppression from close and unknown individuals and groups... My thoughts are with all of you, no matter who you support, who you love or who what you believe in. I wish this was all a bad dream, but let us hope for a light in these dire times, and stay strong for each other, and especially those who are endangered, families and individuals. I love you all, and I hope you all are safe. Not just for now, but forever.

What helped me feel a little bit better about the election just now was talking to one of my friends who did vote for Trump. Although her opinions disagreed with mine, she still appreciated me and respected my opinions. [quote=I]To be honest, this election has me depressed, and I'm trying my hardest to keep my composure during these troubling times. I can respect most of your opinions, but I don't get the feeling that our opinions or even our rights are respected. I feel so alone in a state and country that does not represent me. If there is a silver lining to any of this, I'd love to know about it.[/quote] [quote=My friend](my name), the silver lining is that we are still the greatest nation on earth. We are free to not only have our own opinions, but to share them at will. We have the luxury of living in a nation where the people choose their leaders. Although not everyone chose this new president, the majority did. Your view and opinion matters just as much as mine. Even though we may disagree, the fact that we are free to do so is invaluable. I respect you (my name). You are intelligent, kind and funny. I am glad to know you and call you my fellow American and my friend.[/quote]

I hope it's ok for me to post here, since there's no thread(at least active) about OC spectrum disorders I never really like to talk about my problems but I feel like unloading. I was recently diagnosed with BDD(Body Dysmorphic Disorder) I've been feeling incredibly depressed and I've been having severe anxiety for a while now. The future just seem dark and hopeless and every time I catch my reflection in a mirror at a bad angle or with bad light I just feel like breaking down entirely. I've always thought I was a pretty normal guy, but about a year and a half ago I started noticing dark circles forming under my eyes because of genetically thin skin and it has just spiralled down from there and my obsession is out of control. It's spread from my dark circles to my skin pigment, nose, lips, eyes, cheeks.. I don't know if there's a single part of my face which I don't feel repulsed by. Worst part is I remember not feeling this way and I want to go back to that so bad. I guess looking back at my past behaviours, it's not surprising, all the signs were there. I remember I would walk around in sweatshirts at 30 degrees celsius because I didn't want to show my arms since I thought they were malformed. My obsessive behaviour takes up a large portion of my day and I feel like I can't function normally. The obsessive thoughts plague me hours at a time and obsessively looking at the mirror takes up almost as much. I feel like a prisoner of my own mind and it's horrible. I can barely leave my home. I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier and he shared with me that he also suffers severely from BDD and he's giving me some tips to cope with it which helped him. It's nice to have someone to talk to who knows exactly how it is. It feels weird being labelled like this, but it's kind of liberating knowing what's wrong, how to deal with it and that a lot of it is just in my head. Telling myself it's all in my head is ironically the only thing keeping me from not losing my head.

[QUOTE=ejonkou;51343318]I hope it's ok for me to post here, since there's no thread(at least active) about OC spectrum disorders I never really like to talk about my problems but I feel like unloading. I was recently diagnosed with BDD(Body Dysmorphic Disorder) I've been feeling incredibly depressed and I've been having severe anxiety for a while now. The future just seem dark and hopeless and every time I catch my reflection in a mirror at a bad angle or with bad light I just feel like breaking down entirely. I've always thought I was a pretty normal guy, but about a year and a half ago I started noticing dark circles forming under my eyes because of genetically thin skin and it has just spiralled down from there and my obsession is out of control. It's spread from my dark circles to my skin pigment, nose, lips, eyes, cheeks.. I don't know if there's a single part of my face which I don't feel repulsed by. Worst part is I remember not feeling this way and I want to go back to that so bad. I guess looking back at my past behaviours, it's not surprising, all the signs were there. I remember I would walk around in sweatshirts at 30 degrees celsius because I didn't want to show my arms since I thought they were malformed. My obsessive behaviour takes up a large portion of my day and I feel like I can't function normally. The obsessive thoughts plague me hours at a time and obsessively looking at the mirror takes up almost as much. I feel like a prisoner of my own mind and it's horrible. I can barely leave my home. I was talking to a good friend of mine earlier and he shared with me that he also suffers severely from BDD and he's giving me some tips to cope with it which helped him. It's nice to have someone to talk to who knows exactly how it is. It feels weird being labelled like this, but it kind of liberating knowing what's wrong, how to deal with it and that a lot of it is just in my head.[/QUOTE] Honestly, knowing what is wrong is half the battle. It may feel weird getting a medical label slapped on you but from now on you know for sure what you're facing and how to deal with it. All of us are here for you in addition to your friends and family, it's great that you have someone who knows firsthand what it is like.

Gotta love it that when you cut all of the negative people out of your life for the better, years later they still make you out to be the "bad guy" :what: I'm not getting myself worked up over it or anything, it's just laughable and amusing to me. Not my circus, and not my fucking monkeys either! :v:

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;51343995]Gotta love it that when you cut all of the negative people out of your life for the better, years later they still make you out to be the "bad guy" :what: I'm not getting myself worked up over it or anything, it's just laughable and amusing to me. Not my circus, and not my fucking monkeys either! :v:[/QUOTE] I know it's fun to kind of look back and laugh at them but really the best course of action would probably be just to ignore them. They're hoping to elicit a reaction from you, all that stuff is dead and gone

I can't stop cutting myself and the election has not helped this is the worst time I could have possibly been forced off my meds

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51340411]The worse thing is, know you did nothing wrong, doing everything right as much as you possibly could, and you still end up blaming yourself when it's entirely not your fault.[/QUOTE] I don't really blame myself. I did try and do everything right for her though. She made her choice and abandoned me and got with someone else. I just hope she knows that I want nothing to do with her ever again

this election has pretty much made me hit the bottom i feel like theres nothing but white noise in my head right now

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51328883]So my life is spiralling down since my ex threw me away, meanwhile hers appears to be coming up roses and it leaves me so damn angry that someone who treated me so much as trash has things turning out for the better for them when I'm probably not gonna survive the year. Vindictive of me I know, but I just can't fathom what I ever did to deserve it, and she's so cowardly she couldn't face up to it or even give a decent explanation of her treatment of me. [B]I mean rather than be honest about the fact that she almost kissed another guy one time, she completely lied and made it sound as if she'd almost gotten sexually assaulted by them.[/B] Guess I was the only one who valued honestly and loyalty. It's so goddamn stupid too, it's been well over a year and I'm still torn off, meanwhile she's happily getting on with her life, probably completely ignoring the fact that her actions came very close to killing me and if it wasn't for a poor choice in cable on my part, I wouldn't be here, and it's something that i struggle with every day now and tear myself to pieces for both not hanging myself and for wanting to.[/QUOTE] Just to clear this up *again* :v: Both me and him were off our faces, he was half-and-half and was sobering up, and I was still out of it and was drifting in and out of sleep. Both me and him stared at each other and closed in about to kiss, I slightly lost my balance, and he just missed my lips and kissed me on the cheek. For the millionth time, that is [B]not[/B] attempted rape. On a sidenote, I try and defend myself, you have a go. But then when I try and be nice, you have a go too. I don't hate you [I]whatsoever[/I]. I never have, and I never will, and you don't deserve to be hated at all.

I remember this being a topic ages ago as well. I don't remember exactly what was said back then but I still stand by what I remember saying about it. Freyas most likely never meant to treat you as trash. It's either your perception of the situation, her losing her feelings for you and not acting the same as before or even a combination of both. Maybe I'm wrong but I can't imagine Freyas treating you like trash on purpose. Feelings come and they go, just like that. There's not always much of a decent explanation to give. The spark is simply gone. I understand the emotional pain you're most likely going through due to the break up. Combined with depression, it's even worse, that's understandable. But is it right to be mad at her and make it out like she's an evil person who did stuff that almost killed you? Isn't it more correct to say that your mental state at the time simply couldn't cope with whatever was going on at the time than to say her actions almost caused your death? These are some real big words to use and I don't think it's okay to tie your possible death to her when she most definitely had no intention for your mental state to get as bad as it has. From what I know, Freyas is just another innocent human being like you. The pain is real but I don't think it's right to blame someone else for your own mental state unless we're talking direct personal attacks and harassment with ill intentions.

I'm responding in private. So whether it's read or not, idk. It's more complicated than is publically known. But god fucking forbid I can't vent and rant at a desperate time when I'm feeling absoloute shit. I named no names, pointed no fingers, I just vented [B]my feelings[/B] Did I want them to read it, or care if they did? No, I vented because I needed to vent.What happened, and as importantly, the WAY it happened destroyed me as a person and left me the way I am now. If anything, my mental state was at its strongest until this happened. But fuck y'all I'm not gonna vent here again if I get people jumping the fuck on me, I have enough self manufactured guilt as it is. God forbid I dont think the sunshine comes out of someones arse when I've been left to pick up the broken pieces of myself all by myself, with noone to turn to.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51346905]I'm responding in private. So whether it's read or not, idk. It's more complicated than is publically known. But god fucking forbid I can't vent and rant at a desperate time when I'm feeling absoloute shit. I named no names, pointed no fingers, I just vented [B]my feelings[/B] Did I want them to read it, or care if they did? No, I vented because I needed to vent.What happened, and as importantly, the WAY it happened destroyed me as a person and left me the way I am now. If anything, my mental state was at its strongest until this happened. But fuck y'all I'm not gonna vent here again if I get people jumping the fuck on me, I have enough self manufactured guilt as it is. God forbid I dont think the sunshine comes out of someones arse when I've been left to pick up the broken pieces of myself all by myself, with noone to turn to.[/QUOTE] I apologize if it looks like I'm trying to attack you in any way, I just felt I had to react to "probably completely ignoring the fact that her actions came very close to killing me and if it wasn't for a poor choice in cable on my part" since in my eyes it came off as you putting your almost successful suicide on her. I don't think that's right, especially not when Freyas is active in this thread herself where it's easily visible. We're all human and if someone reads that someone blames them for their attempted suicide in this thread of all places I'm sure it could put a dent in someones emotions you know? I'm sorry that you're feeling awful and I don't mean to pick on that, I just don't feel it is right to involve someone else into it in the way I perceived you did with Freyas.

I can understand where he's coming from and I can relate. I was left really damaged by my ex girlfriend and it took me a long time to get over her. When you fall in love with someone and they claim to love you back and end up throwing you away later can really mess with your mind especially if you were dating for awhile. I don't think I'm fully over her because I still have a lot resentment towards her.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51347518]I can understand where he's coming from and I can relate. I was left really damaged by my ex girlfriend and it took me a long time to get over her. When you fall in love with someone and they claim to love you back and end up throwing you away later can really mess with your mind especially if you were dating for awhile. I don't think I'm fully over her because I still have a lot resentment towards her.[/QUOTE] Passively aggresively arguing it out on the internet isnt the way to fix it though.

[QUOTE=metallics;51347734]Passively aggresively arguing it out on the internet isnt the way to fix it though.[/QUOTE] Message coming through loud and fucking clear that I can't vent in here anymore. I didn't argue, infact I took it to private when an argument came along, I didn't name any names nor ousted anyone, I just fucking vented. But I can't do that anymore without people like you jumping down my fucking throat. So well done, I'm fucking out of here.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;51347801]Message coming through loud and fucking clear that I can't vent in here anymore. I didn't argue, infact I took it to private when an argument came along, I didn't name any names nor ousted anyone, I just fucking vented. But I can't do that anymore without people like you jumping down my fucking throat. So well done, I'm fucking out of here.[/QUOTE] ok

Woah chill. This place is for venting, sure, but it's never really been the place for bringing up issues between two FP members (especially if both post in this thread) because that just sort of introduces another layer of confrontation that the thread doesn't need. It's fine to talk about your feelings at a given moment when that sort of situation arises, but try to avoid giving context regarding it if it's under those circumstances, if only to prevent arguments from arising.