Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I think I'm a lot more depressed than I would like to think I am. I am extremely lethargic, and I am barely eating. My country handed the reins over to a bunch of tyrants, and my neighbor's dog killed my one of my cats. This was all in one week. I'm exhausted.

I feel hopeless but I'm so grateful that I have things like hot showers and a bed and a gym to exercise at and people at the gym who think I'm cool. I feel heartbroken because I can't tell people how I feel about them and I feel empty and sad because I clearly hid my feelings well from this person. I could go to the grave without telling them.

[QUOTE=UberMunchkin;51361819]I only ever feel happy when I'm distracting myself from everything.[/QUOTE] Humour/entertainment, art, music, geography and other hobbies (including politics, surprisingly, since that usually makes most people more depressed) in general really helps. Distractions are key. Until they are gone :(

deleted all the depression memes off my phone, showered several times, cleaned my room and a good deal of my house, talked to the school psychiatrist, got some beef settled with a friend, ate some yogurt instead of junk food im feelin good yall. being sad is whack im ready to be happy. gonna start taking some anti anxiety meds and keep seeing a psychiatrist and go from there [editline]14th November 2016[/editline] that same friend gave me a huge wake up slap. i cant expect anyone to love me when i cant love myself, i gotta improve myself before my friendships become healthy again

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;51370780]Humour/entertainment, art, music, geography and other hobbies (including politics, surprisingly, since that usually makes most people more depressed) in general really helps. Distractions are key. Until they are gone :([/QUOTE] Key is changing your frame of mind. Accept happiness is the default then ask what is stopping you attaining it, then ask whether those things are within your power to change and if not learn to accept them. Not sure this would work if it is the chemical type of imbalance but I'm fairly certain in any case it helps improve your mood in either case. Then you'll stop using that cool shit as a crutch and doing it as an distraction and do it because you truly enjoy it, you don't need it but you appreciate it being there.

I know people say I shouldn't keep stuff to myself, but I can't help but feel like people get really fucking annoyed at me when I start being a mopey cunt again. Starting to think I should just keep some shit inside and distract myself.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51372330]I know people say I shouldn't keep stuff to myself, but I can't help but feel like people get really fucking annoyed at me when I start being a mopey cunt again. Starting to think I should just keep some shit inside and distract myself.[/QUOTE] The honest to god truth is that you can't expect everyone to be able to handle/help you. That's why you need someone who is trained in this type of shit professionally. Just let some steam off in small amounts, it's important to maintain your friendships but save the real heavy shit for people who know how to help

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51372340]The honest to god truth is that you can't expect everyone to be able to handle/help you. That's why you need someone who is trained in this type of shit professionally. Just let some steam off in small amounts, it's important to maintain your friendships but save the real heavy shit for people who know how to help[/QUOTE] Right now, our family is pretty tight on money, so a psychiatrist is out of the question until I can find another job, which I need to do really soon before my dad may lose his disability check. Until then, it's best to just keep quiet.

[QUOTE=Mysterious;51372400]Right now, our family is pretty tight on money, so a psychiatrist is out of the question until I can find another job, which I need to do really soon before my dad may lose his disability check. Until then, it's best to just keep quiet.[/QUOTE] If you go to a highschool/college, they offer free professional help with this kind of stuff, thats what I'm doing right now. It's never best to stay quiet, you need to let someone know that you arent okay and that something needs to be done about it

[QUOTE=UberMunchkin;51377632]I don't feel like I have much of a future, or at least one I'll enjoy[/QUOTE] Take it slow, the problem of being faster than light is that you can only live in darkness.

Oh crap I just realized that I spent a ton of money on something wrong. I was supposed to buy a book for my high school studies but I just realized today that I bought the wrong book which is middle school studies, it costs me a ton of money and I can't refund it. I just wasted some money and disappointed everyone. It wasn't my money and I just feel so fucked up from making a simple stupid mistake I couldn't even read the whole cover of the book and it was so expensive. I haven't been able to think straight and use my head correctly these past few years and all I do is make stupid mistakes and disappoint and get everyone into trouble :(

So I only have three real life friends. Or so I though until earlier today. I glanced at my friend's computer screen while they were away and randomly saw my name in a conversation they've been having with another friend of theirs. I read the message because it was about me. They basically hate everything about me. I've spent the last half a year doing nothing but try and help them through a difficult situation. I allowed them to move in with me because they were really miserable with where they were forced to live and who they were forced to live with. I've sacrificed quite a fucking lot to help this person. I've done nothing but try and obey their wishes in hope of getting a good life lasting friendship and then this is what they think of me. I've done everything I promised and much more to try and make their everyday life much better than what it was and in return they see me as space wasting trash. The conversation said even that when I'm just even in the house or just say good night to them, they get annoyed as fuck. They don't know that I've seen this yet. What the fuck do I do? In the beginning they were crying for help. I helped the very best I could and I'm just trash to them. We still live together and probably will for the next 6 months or so.

I think out of all things, lonliness and isolation hurts the worst out of everything that comes from depression and anxiety. It doesn't really mix when you're trying to get yourself out there, whether it be to find new friends, or to work your hardest, but just not succeeding. Work hurts. I was gonna let it all out but to put it simply: It really, really hurts I just wish I was apart of the circle of friends who all work together and succeed but it's my own damn fault for being so anxious all the time. Work makes me wanna curl into a ball and never wanna get out of bed, but I have so many responsibilities nevertheless. Work is actually making my hair fall out and causing all of these weird side-effects that make my body barely function as well as it used to. What's going on? Attention to detail is every which place for me lately. A task that would take someone else an hour tops takes several for me and I absolutely have no clue why I can't focus on a damn thing. I -know- I want to and I am capable of doing so, but simple tasks are just getting harder and harder for me to do. What's wrong with me? I just want to succeed and have friends and -be- where my friends are. I feel selfish wanting to be where they are, but all I want is solidarity and peace of mind. The depression and anxiety is aging me like hell. I feel like an outsider no matter what I do, and I know it's nobody's fault but mine. Big projects are being delayed and released last second because my attention doesn't wanna focus on the big picture at hand, and I can't even help it. No matter how much I wanna get things done. My brain just does -not- wanna cooperate. Why does it not want to cooperate? On a daily basis I can hear the words of my family echo to "give up and do something else" or how they would ask me "why do you even try?" I wonder these same things myself lately. The work I'm in isn't worth losing hair over. The work isn't worth being an anxious mess 24/7 because of it. I should just give up.

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51370838]deleted [B]all the depression memes[/B] off my phone, showered several times, cleaned my room and a good deal of my house, talked to the school psychiatrist, got some beef settled with a friend, ate some yogurt instead of junk food[/QUOTE] Glad to know I'm not the only one that stockpiles the hell out of these

[QUOTE=thelurker1234;51383031]Glad to know I'm not the only one that stockpiles the hell out of these[/QUOTE] i had between 60 and 70 of them

Realized no one cares about me again... Kinds breaks my soul when I try to be nice and everyone is like... No, go away...

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51381715]So I only have three real life friends. Or so I though until earlier today. I glanced at my friend's computer screen while they were away and randomly saw my name in a conversation they've been having with another friend of theirs. I read the message because it was about me. They basically hate everything about me. I've spent the last half a year doing nothing but try and help them through a difficult situation. I allowed them to move in with me because they were really miserable with where they were forced to live and who they were forced to live with. I've sacrificed quite a fucking lot to help this person. I've done nothing but try and obey their wishes in hope of getting a good life lasting friendship and then this is what they think of me. I've done everything I promised and much more to try and make their everyday life much better than what it was and in return they see me as space wasting trash. The conversation said even that when I'm just even in the house or just say good night to them, they get annoyed as fuck. They don't know that I've seen this yet. What the fuck do I do? In the beginning they were crying for help. I helped the very best I could and I'm just trash to them. We still live together and probably will for the next 6 months or so.[/QUOTE] Kick them out dude, talking behind a friends back is one thing, but talking behind their back while they're doing you a life saver? They aren't your friends, they're squatters pretending to be.

I completely broke down at work today. I told my boss what happened and he's coming with me home today to kick out my former friend

My life is just filled with me struggling and trying to my fullest only to fail and fuck up at last moment with every opportunity, and there are NO second chances, NONE. I won't try anymore, as it only just wastes my energy. Please don't say just keep on trying and holding, because I did and I don't have infinite amount of motivation and energy to just keep on holding like you always think. There are not much opportunities left for me either. I'm a fuck up. The only results of trying hard is a big failure. In short, no matter how much I try, no matter how much I sacrifice things, I will always fail no matter what.

I don't know what to do. I'm working a job I hate just because I can't get anything better than this, working the shittiest schedule ever that can get even shittier of production fails halfway through a day, and that makes me work on saturdays aswell effectively losing 1 of the 2 days I had to rest, and I can't sort of quit because "I have to be a man and take it and get money" and all of that shit. I also lost a friend of mine, who I was pretty sure had feelings for me, because I made huge mistakes in my way to be towards her and problems between us and essentially lost a huge oportunity at being truly happy and changing my life completely in a positive way, after spending one of the greatest summers ever with her that turned sour because of said problems, and now she doesnt speaks to me at all, even after I helped her when she blacked out drunk at someones house and her friends left her there. Thats a badly explained story, but theres noyhing left to be done in regards to both of us. There just isnt a both of us anymore, and I miss her so fucking much, and can't shake it off in any way because I have no social life at all due to.my job being shit at everything and i feel like I will never be anything more than a lowly factory worker that has to sacrifice himself 110% for fucking scraps that then spit you out after a couple of years, who won't find someone like I did before that puts a smile on my face like she used to, and this is all burning me inside, quite literaly taking my will to live.

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51385010]I completely broke down at work today. I told my boss what happened and he's coming with me home today to kick out my former friend[/QUOTE] Fuck them, just fuck them. I would never had been able to accept it without aggression, you're strong. I would've thrown their stuff out and changed the locks, and left them for good, if I could hold my anger that well.

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51385010]I completely broke down at work today. I told my boss what happened and he's coming with me home today to kick out my former friend[/QUOTE] your boss is a real one

I got the day off tomorrow because of this shit.

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51387865]I got the day off tomorrow because of this shit.[/QUOTE] boy you gotta make sure you thank your boss a lot over the next couple of days, that is a seriously classy and considerate move on his part

snip

i feel happy because i met up with a girl i used to know from school years ago and now were friends

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51387865]I got the day off tomorrow because of this shit.[/QUOTE] Your boss is gold, I don't think he could've handled it any better.

I'm not good enough... Not for me.. not for anyone else... Never was and never will be..

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;51390223]I'm not good enough... Not for me.. not for anyone else... Never was and never will be..[/QUOTE] That's not true and I'm fairly sure you know that deep down. Do you have anyone to talk to in real life about this?

I feel like I don't fit in anywhere