Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51390330]That's not true and I'm fairly sure you know that deep down. Do you have anyone to talk to in real life about this?[/QUOTE] I really don't. I used to have someone to talk to about everything and ahe was the reason I was still alive. But she's grown tired of me for always being too much like this. I wouldn't blame her, after all I'm me...

"hey, whats up?" 'Its about Anon, something happened a few days ago.' "Is he okay?" 'Well... No. No he's not okay at all.' Not a fun call to have to make. Guy was like a brother to him. tldr friend overdosed on something and it coma'd him so hard that he's not going to be recovering. And even if he did, there won't be much there. His family is going to visit him today, and then they're likely going to let him go. I don't know how I learned about this before my friend did, but I had to make sure he knew.

Hoo boy, it's one of THOSE days. I'm going to finish my first bit of food for the day, go to bed, and hope I stay there.

I decided to take a paper test over a computer test for my driving license test, and score 100%. I now have a Drivers Permit, and have about a month or two to get ready for a driving test.... I feel really weird right now.

ive gone a whole week without a meltdown i feel amazing

[B]Distracting myself and socializing doesn't help. The isolation has made me suicidal beyond belief.[/B] I've reached out to the gay community center multiple times and was let down by steryotypical sjw otherkins who disgust me despite me trying to show my tolerance and love towards them. Because god knows the gay community needs to stick together now more than ever, even if I cannot relate to 90% of them. My friend keeps saying how she's got this boy who is litterally offering to pay her rent and buy her a new phone because some financial stuff is going on with her and she complains she can't find someone who loves her. Yet here I am, a lesbian who is an outcast of the gay community because I believe there are only two biological genders. I don't think straight people get it, they have higher odds than me. When my friend says she thinks she's gonna die alone I want to smack her because she truly doesn't understand what it's like. She's already had a real boyfriend and plenty of partners, I'm 19 years old. I haven't had an actual girlfriend yet. [B][I]She doesn't grasp that I'm not sad because I can't get sex, it's deeper than that. I need a girlfriend badly to validate that I am not alone and that there's someone on this earth that's suffering like me that I can show love and get love in return. I want someone to pour my soul out to and feel comfortable doing so and have them share the same feelings. Appearance isn't a huge deal and I realize that but I feel like I am entitled to a decent looking girl especially after I completely changed my entire appearance to be "publicly accepted"... I cannot find that and because of the massive lack of normal lesbians out there my odds are slim and my chances of dying without ever having a partner are unervingly high.[/I][/B] I made myself fit and decent looking, I am going out there. I go outside for runs, I try and socialize with random girls in my daily public interactions and I seem to do just fine, I intentionally go to the same coffee shops almost every day ALONE in hopes that I can meet someone. I take care of my hygine, I go to the gym 6 days a week for several hours. I just don't get it. I'm looking everywhere, online turned me up no good results. I want a girlfriend so badly. It's especially hard to not break down and cry because my family is still driving me insane with their typical bullshit and I don't feel at home anywhere. I am constantly uncomfortable and any position my body is in causes me great discomfort. I can't stand, I cant lie down, I can't sit. My body doesn't feel comfortable existing. This apartment is disgusting and I want to die. [editline]18th November 2016[/editline] The worst part is my friend thinks I'm mad at her for finding a boy. No, I am happy and excited for her because she deserves a real relationship. No one deserves to be as alone as I am. I do feel left out and alone though and part of me will miss talking to her (because let's face it, when your best friend gets into a relationship, chances are you two wont speak as much, and your friendship may drift apart entirley over time...) and I've made that clear to her but she seems to think I'm attacking her or jealous for her happiness because I worded myself wrong and said "Well at least you have *insert name of boy here* to lean on." She has a boy to lean on that finds her attractive and seems to love her. I don't have anyone.

It sounds like your friend has a lot of growing up to do if they're unable to recognise the true reasons you're unhappy. Why do these "stereotypical sjw otherkins" of the gay community disgust you? What defines a "normal lesbian" to you? I'm perhaps thinking you might be looking in the wrong place, but that's rich coming from someone who's never been in a relationship. Why is your body uncomfortable? Is it a physical or mental thing?

[QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51392145]It sounds like your friend has a lot of growing up to do if they're unable to recognise the true reasons you're unhappy. Why do these "stereotypical sjw otherkins" of the gay community disgust you? What defines a "normal lesbian" to you? I'm perhaps thinking you might be looking in the wrong place, but that's rich coming from someone who's never been in a relationship. Why is your body uncomfortable? Is it a physical or mental thing?[/QUOTE] My friend and I just don't understand each other on a lot of things and I'm typically the one who cries about it. I'll be patient with her. I try to get along with the "sjw's" but they seem to just conflict with me too much in every single way and I can't be myself around them. They seem to always have a problem with something I do, even though I believe in a lot of the same things they do I just don't make a massive big deal about it. They're the type to attack someone just for being a white male or a christian when they haven't even been opressed by white christians. Like I come from a really religious family and they haven't responded well to me being gay (even when they suspected they abused me tenfold) and I still do not go around smashing religious people in public. I've been homeless because of my family and their beliefs, multiple times. I've had my entire life be dictated by them. I almost want to say I hate sjw's because half of them haven't been through the real struggle of being gay and opressed. A lot of them really think they're special for being a "mushroom kin" or a "doge kin" and something about it just disturbs me deeply. They give us real gays a bad image I feel. I guess the uncomfortable body issue is moreso a physical thing but I can't be bothered to get it checked out because I don't have health insurance at the moment.

When you can't control your mood and feel really happy, confident, and optimistic all day then out of nowhere feel like absolute shit and want to literally die. This rollercoaster never ends and it sucks. All day I felt super good and talkative then like the flip of a switch you hate all human contact and want nothing more than to crawl into bed and never wake up. I should've figured that switch would come soon. It always does.

sounds like bipolar

trying to stop my self-destructive cycles. stopped talking to the girl im crazy about because she was indirectly making me miserable (not her fault but she likes someone else and it hurts), stopped going to school sports games with my friends because i feel isolated when i dont like sports, started finding things to do that i find fun by myself i know they say that you should force yourself to be social but this is honestly working really well. i need to learn to rely on myself for happiness instead of creating all these dependent relationships [editline]18th November 2016[/editline] also, an underrated way to help yourself is to stop going on social media i thought it would make me feel disconnected but it just made me realize that it was just a pointless distraction that ultimately made me less happy and interested in the people around me

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51393019]trying to stop my self-destructive cycles. stopped talking to the girl im crazy about because she was indirectly making me miserable (not her fault but she likes someone else and it hurts), stopped going to school sports games with my friends because i feel isolated when i dont like sports, started finding things to do that i find fun by myself i know they say that you should force yourself to be social but this is honestly working really well. i need to learn to rely on myself for happiness instead of creating all these dependent relationships [editline]18th November 2016[/editline] also, an underrated way to help yourself is to stop going on social media i thought it would make me feel disconnected but it just made me realize that it was just a pointless distraction that ultimately made me less happy and interested in the people around me[/QUOTE] I was told interacting with people and forcing yourself to be social would help and this right here just validates why it has been ultimatley making things worse for me. I haven't ever been[I] this[/I] suicidal in my life. I've been forcing myself to talk to people and all it's done is make me feel ten times more isolated.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393067]I was told interacting with people and forcing yourself to be social would help and this right here just validates why it has been ultimatley making things worse for me. I haven't ever been[I] this[/I] suicidal in my life. I've been forcing myself to talk to people and all it's done is make me feel ten times more isolated.[/QUOTE] I think this has to do with you being around people you can barely relate to. When you find people that have similar interests as you, socializing becomes normal and you don't really think about it.

I'm Avoidant Personality Disorder. Am I fucked for life?

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51393067]I was told interacting with people and forcing yourself to be social would help and this right here just validates why it has been ultimatley making things worse for me. I haven't ever been[I] this[/I] suicidal in my life. I've been forcing myself to talk to people and all it's done is make me feel ten times more isolated.[/QUOTE] being social is part of the solution for a lot of people but not everyone. it takes time and effort but you have to pick and choose what truly makes you happy (or at least distracts you) i would honestly try withdrawing yourself a little to give yourself time to rebuild. once you feel healthy, its a lot easier to maintain and form relationships

I just watched a documentary about sleep paralysis and it made me cry.

Will someone please message me and talk to about life and shit? Just need to vent some serious ideas of mine without much concern.

Here we are... Saturday... What is up? I have to essentially kill my whole day with work, from 1pm to 8pm (oh wow, not 9pm, thanks a whole fucking lot Bosch), doing fucking water heaters, getting told I'm too slow after my arms feel like they're gonna fall off, and that production is gonna speed up even more next week because we're 16. Well soon enough I'll give you a reason for the number to be 15. Get home late as fuck, got a bunch of hours left, at least its sunday tomorrow... Don't have internet because instead of the already nerfed 12mb I usually have, with was 3mb lately, now I have 1mb and that can't even power up cable tv, so my best bet is someone goes out and I go out with them, which is a 50/50 chance of happening, and even then, I'll be tired as fuck and probably wont be able to get drunk the way I want to and lose myself in women because I have to drive myself home and it would be a lucky night if even one person showed up to make me forget who I remember every single day that doesn't remembers me at all. Theres times where I just want to drive the auto screwdriver through an arm and go "oh no look at the accident that just happened, now I have to go home because I'm injured, bye." so I have a good reason not to work that futureless bullshit and just so I can have more than one day to rest. I just want to fucking rest and have fun, without having to make a forced smile and a forced "I'm ok", and just socialize with people in front of me. People that make me forget the fucking awful life I live in. Yes yes, theres people with worser lives, bla bla bla, and so on. I get told this shit all the time, from people who are having it pretty easy right now, and that just pisses me off, because those same people have said to come home and cried from work because their boss was mean to them, while I cry not because my boss says this or that, but because I hate my life. I recently bought a new computer, runs everything maxed out, is the bees knees, and it still doesn't soften up all this shit I feel. I still don't get the whole feel out of it. I'm still not nearly as happy as I wanted to be right now. It's as if my life is made of work, shit and sleep. People tell me to at least not slack around work, but I just don't have the motivation to even do the 70 to 80 at a faster speed, let alone the 120 objective of next week. I just want them to fire me at this point. I won't stop, but I just won't go faster, so please fucking fire me so I can make a few courses somewhere else and get better chances at something that doesn't sucks my soul and makes me as depressed as my mother. Sorry for the venting up again guys, but shits just fucked. Losing that special someone, work being even worse than before, having no social life... It just burns me up inside.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51392830]When you can't control your mood and feel really happy, confident, and optimistic all day then out of nowhere feel like absolute shit and want to literally die. This rollercoaster never ends and it sucks. All day I felt super good and talkative then like the flip of a switch you hate all human contact and want nothing more than to crawl into bed and never wake up. I should've figured that switch would come soon. It always does.[/QUOTE] Hypomania is both a blessing and a curse. I enjoy it while it lasts because I know the very next day I'm going to crash hard and wish I was dead. If I could stay hypomanic forever I'd get so much shit done, even with being self-destructive.

I think I'm too dumb to socialize properly. No one talks about stuff I like, no one likes what I like to talk about. So I just sit there silent because I have nothing to say about the topic or can't really talk about anything I want to because no one likes it. Sometimes I wonder if killing myself would just make everyone's lives easier.

[QUOTE=nagachief;51396043]I think I'm too dumb to socialize properly. No one talks about stuff I like, no one likes what I like to talk about. So I just sit there silent because I have nothing to say about the topic or can't really talk about anything I want to because no one likes it. Sometimes I wonder if killing myself would just make everyone's lives easier.[/QUOTE] Please, never think that. Killing yourself would make nobody's life easier - but more importantly, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can and WILL get over this. I used to feel like that nobody liked the stuff I did, but when I went to college I found plenty fo people that did like the stuff I did and so I could converse. Have you tried talking to everyone about the same things? There is also nothing wrong with being silent in a group and listening. Believe or not people do appreciate those who listen. Small talk is difficult I know but it can really get people to open up and be more open. I guarantee you there are people out there who are you friends and you just don't realise it. If you do feel suicidal again [B]immediately call a suicide hotline and seek professional help.[/B]

Well, he passed away yesterday. I don't know if they pulled the plug or if his remaining functioning organs simply failed. His liver had failed and his kidney's were failing rapidly. Heart was damaged from repeated CPR attempts, and his brain was so beyond damaged from lack of oxygen that he'd have been a vegetable anyway if he had [I]somehow[/I] recovered. Preliminary results say opioid overdose because thats what was in his system. Girl we know apparently introduced him to heroin some time ago and he was at her house when this all happened. I'm devastated, but also confused and angry. He was a marine, part of a chem warfare defense unit, he was hella smart and had a good head on his shoulder. Smart enough to [I]know better than to touch that shit.[/I] Which begs the question, what happened to him post enlistment to push him to do something so knowingly self destructive?

I am sorry for your loss. I... can't be sure if it would be healthy for you to seek the answer to that question. It could provide closure, but that itself might hurt. People can fall into things that they don't intend to.

[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;51396337]Well, he passed away yesterday. I don't know if they pulled the plug or if his remaining functioning organs simply failed. His liver had failed and his kidney's were failing rapidly. Heart was damaged from repeated CPR attempts, and his brain was so beyond damaged from lack of oxygen that he'd have been a vegetable anyway if he had [I]somehow[/I] recovered. Preliminary results say opioid overdose because thats what was in his system. Girl we know apparently introduced him to heroin some time ago and he was at her house when this all happened. I'm devastated, but also confused and angry. He was a marine, part of a chem warfare defense unit, he was hella smart and had a good head on his shoulder. Smart enough to [I]know better than to touch that shit.[/I] Which begs the question, what happened to him post enlistment to push him to do something so knowingly self destructive?[/QUOTE] Opioids / opiates are probably one of the most manipulating type of drugs you can get your hands on. One time is enough to open a door that should remain closed. I've read other peoples experience of it and it's often "that's it?" which is what makes people use it more since it doesn't feel as dangerous or that big of a deal that people think it is. Then before you know it you're knee deep in a very powerful addiction with no exit in sight, both psychologically and physically. It becomes your new life. I'm sorry for your loss, opioid addiction is no joke.

[QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51396236]Please, never think that. Killing yourself would make nobody's life easier - but more importantly, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can and WILL get over this. I used to feel like that nobody liked the stuff I did, but when I went to college I found plenty fo people that did like the stuff I did and so I could converse. Have you tried talking to everyone about the same things? There is also nothing wrong with being silent in a group and listening. Believe or not people do appreciate those who listen. Small talk is difficult I know but it can really get people to open up and be more open. I guarantee you there are people out there who are you friends and you just don't realise it. If you do feel suicidal again [B]immediately call a suicide hotline and seek professional help.[/B][/QUOTE] College was actually the point in my life where I felt the lonliest. I deeply struggle interacting with people because I am utterly terrified of people still thanks to public school. It's betterish nowadays but it seems that I am very behind or utterly confused about what others are talking about, sometimes feeling like I'm 'stuck in the 90s' or something. I flip flop between hating people and being scared shitless of people, though I've been gravitating towards misanthropy ever since I got a job in a bakery department. I have been trying to get better at small talk, but I'm struggling pretty badly. I live in the middle of nowhere and I don't actually know any places to hang out (aside from having anxiety from being alone in public). Most of the people I know are no where near my age. Most of my interaction with people is over the internet, and I wish it wasn't like that. As for suicide, if I lost my job, I don't think a hotline would help. My job is the only singular thing holding everything together. It's the only constant despite it's stress. Literally everything in my life relies on this job and everything would fall apart without it. I'm gonna go to sleep now, maybe I'll feel better afterwards.

I think I experienced my first in years almost panic attack yesterday. I was out in Oslo to join a video shoot for a tattoo studio which went fine. On the way back to the train, my gf stopped us since she saw a Ferris wheel nearby. So many people, you could barely see anything but heads. I was fine up until we entered the crowded area. Lights got really intense, my vision started to blur, my body felt super light and I got really light headed. I lost sensation of my body and it felt like I was going to pass out any second. Luckily it only lasted for a few seconds after I started thinking "dude it's okay, I know it's okay, its no worries". Really freaky but it went fine.

Does anyone here take Zoloft (also known as sertraline)? Mounting stress at school and recent relationship issues severely exacerbated underlying anxiety and dysthymia issues which I have dealt with for years, leading me to have full on anxiety attacks, which I have never experienced before. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed 100 mg Zoloft. I have taken 25 mg for the past two days, with only nausea, drowsiness, and a slight headache as side effects. Was wondering if anybody else has had any sort of similar experience

[QUOTE=Smug Bastard;51393149]I'm Avoidant Personality Disorder. Am I fucked for life?[/QUOTE] No, there is still hope. Trust me.

[QUOTE=OrkO;51399058]Does anyone here take Zoloft (also known as sertraline)? Mounting stress at school and recent relationship issues severely exacerbated underlying anxiety and dysthymia issues which I have dealt with for years, leading me to have full on anxiety attacks, which I have never experienced before. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed 100 mg Zoloft. I have taken 25 mg for the past two days, with only nausea, drowsiness, and a slight headache as side effects. Was wondering if anybody else has had any sort of similar experience[/QUOTE] It usually takes 6-8 weeks for it to work. I've been on it since I was 16 and it worked wonders personally. Although I had to lower my dosage because 150mg made me feel so zombified that if I smiled it hurt within two seconds :v:

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51391784]ive gone a whole week without a meltdown i feel amazing[/QUOTE] i almost had one last night but i [I]actually fucking stopped myself before it escalated[/I] there is hope for me yet boys