Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=Weirdness;51395578]Hypomania is both a blessing and a curse. I enjoy it while it lasts because I know the very next day I'm going to crash hard and wish I was dead. If I could stay hypomanic forever I'd get so much shit done, even with being self-destructive.[/QUOTE] Speak of the devil, been bouncing off the walls since I got home from work and been [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1452525&p=51400326&viewfull=1#post51400326"]drawing[/URL] like a madman. Got I hope it lasts for at least a few days. I've bloody well earnt it.

*snip forget I said any of that. My family is just insane*

So I was thinking about suicide the other day. [B]Not[/B] thinking about doing it myself mind you, just thinking about the concept. Hopefully this is the right thread to discuss this. If it isn't, or makes people here uncomfortable, I can snip. Note I'm not advocating suicide here, just want to have a discussion about it. Basically these boil down to if one were going to do it how would one do it in the most responsible manner? We all know to do our best not to leave a mess for the EMTs but what about minimizing financial and social fallout afterwards? i.e. what steps should you take to have your affairs in order? - Do you quit your job before? What if you have a job that requires two weeks notice? - Is there a better "time" to do it from a tax point of view? Like would doing it at a certain time of year reduce the tax burden on your relatives? - I did manage to find an answer about loans. Student loans - cosigners aren't on the hook for federal loans but they might be for private. But with car loans (assuming your family doesn't want the car) they'll auction it off and then attempt to get the difference from your estate. - Does life insurance pay out? Ditto with an answer here - Seems like the answer is no, unless you've had the policy for two years. But then I guess that raises issues with the first question if your policy if through your job. Also they can refuse to pay out if you had issues with depression in the past but failed to mention that in the application (why can't they just do a medical background check??). I tried doing some research on my questions and found either "make peace with your enemies and eat a whole pizza before doing it" (aka hippy dippy bullshit) or "[B]don't do it[/B]". Neither of which were relevant to the questions I had at all. Are there other things that one should do? It seems hard to have a discussion around this due to the way suicide is viewed in our society.

Was at my psychologist in a meeting with another psychologist on Monday. I was told "I knew all of my answers" and that there was no point in going there anymore so that's what they did, shoved me away. No more psychologist for me :( The big question I came in with, my depersonalization, is left unanswered yet again even after a year of meeting this psychologist. I don't even know anymore. I understand why everyone is complaining about the mental healthcare here in Norway now. How can they shove me away like that when they should be aware of how crippling this feeling is for me? "Oh and by the way, you're extra vulnerable for psychotic episodes by the way, just saying" is the last thing they told me and it's all I've learned over the span of a year.

That's pretty fucked up. They really turn away people from psychologists?

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;51401584]That's pretty fucked up. They really turn away people from psychologists?[/QUOTE] I didn't think this stuff happened myself before it happened to me, but I assume it happens all the time since I often hear people complaining about how bad mental healthcare is around here. They didn't really do a good job with that one year I went there either I feel, all she did was bring out diagnosis screening papers and read out questions to me for a year. No digging into past history or any questions at all other than the ones on paper.

You would think one of the most depressed parts of the world that also has a very high standard of living would attempt to have good treatments for depression. No wonder you guys are depressed jfc

What do I do if my family is teasing and tormenting me over my fetish? Like for real it's driving me insane and makes me want to break someone's neck. Not to mention I was being tormented for trying to go to california to find help because massachussetts lacks help for gays. Actually I can't seem to find proper help anywhere no matter how much research I do. It's as if there is no help for me.

I wish I wasn't ugly as fuck. I can't help but think of women as shallow whores who only want guys who have chins and normal noses. I hate that I was born this way and I don't know what to do.

I had a temporary therapist who didn't even know my issues' area, because I was in the line for a new psychologist after mine quit. I waited one and a half year, so last meeting I weren't even there, and I ignored all 16 messages they left on the phone, plus the letter. I just had it, and I've decided to move on by myself.

Like I didn't even tell them my fetish they just snooped through my computer I guess while I was away at some point and some family members started acting out the fetish or making jokes about it or straight up saying gross things about it that turned me off. Like for fucks sake that's just fucking disgusting that you are family trying to make fun of my fetish like what the fuck? Do you want me to shoot you all in your thick skulls? The fact that my mother's friend made a joke and sang "welcome to the hotel california! you can check out of *insert my hometown in massachussetts name here* but you can never leave!" as if trying to say "haha stupid cunt you left your family because you were forced to and have to come crawling and begging back to them." I hope I am over analyzing it but[B] I feel like my disgusting family gets a thrill or a high from having me under their control again and I honestly want to kill myself over this every day. [/B]

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51402319]Like I didn't even tell them my fetish they just snooped through my computer I guess while I was away at some point and some family members started acting out the fetish or making jokes about it or straight up saying gross things about it that turned me off. Like for fucks sake that's just fucking disgusting that you are family trying to make fun of my fetish like what the fuck? Do you want me to shoot you all in your thick skulls? The fact that my mother's friend made a joke and sang "welcome to the hotel california! you can check out of *insert my hometown in massachussetts name here* but you can never leave!" as if trying to say "haha stupid cunt you left your family because you were forced to and have to come crawling and begging back to them." I hope I am over analyzing it but[B] I feel like my disgusting family gets a thrill or a high from having me under their control again and I honestly want to kill myself over this every day. [/B][/QUOTE] damn dude you gotta chill find some way to move out they are obviously not good for you but seriously relax and tell them that it may be funny to them but its very hurtful to you

[QUOTE=Bathtub;51402328]damn dude you gotta chill find some way to move out they are obviously not good for you but seriously relax and tell them that it may be funny to them but its very hurtful to you[/QUOTE] I've been trying to move out since I was 17... I am now 19 and have had my plans thwarted by them and outside forces every time. My roomate kicked me out because she thought I didn't pay her rent but I did and I ended up showing her the atm receipt but she beat me up and called me retarded and I almost killed myself that same night because I felt so alone. Me and her are on good terms now and she regrets kicking me out because now she may be having money troubles and may end up homeleess. But she let her little brother move in with her instead and IDK she hasn't spoken to me since because apparently she's pissed at me for being sad over being beaten up over something that wasn't worth being beat up over. I paid her and she knows that and she apologized but it's still been so fucked up. I have been having immense trouble moving out of my parents house and in this economy [I][B]It is impossible.[/B][/I] [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Bathtub;51402328] tell them that it may be funny to them but its very hurtful to you[/QUOTE] I cannot reason with them. They do not stop. They have been doing this to me since I was a child. They always harass me and try to provoke me so they can get me to cry or yell and then they humilliate me for it and laugh at me and tease me more. They genuinley enjoy tormenting me. [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] One of the thousands of examples: when I was a child there was this youtube video that scared me a lot as a kid. My dad stumbled across it by accident. It was a cyborg that had this scary voice and I would scream and cry whenever he played it. He would play it almost every night for months at a time just to hear me scream and then he would laugh like a fucking hyeena at me and call me retarded and stupid.

Your family is a bunch of psychopaths.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;51402261]I wish I wasn't ugly as fuck. I can't help but think of women as shallow whores who only want guys who have chins and normal noses. I hate that I was born this way and I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] (maybe this should go in social love advice thread) My advice would to try to first at least be friends with girls before trying to date them? That's what I do. Try becoming friends with a couple girls and don't have any ulterior motives because women aren't dumb and can tell when a guy is just putting on a show to get into their pants. If you come across to a girl like your intentions are to have sex with them, then they'll sense that, they'll look at your attractiveness and probably decide yes/no on the spot if they like you that way. If you come across like you just want a friend or something, then I don't think they'll be so quick to deny you. Then once you're their friend then it opens you up to you meeting her friends, or even eventually dating her. Idk, that's just the way I look at it. I'm sure you're not even that bad looking, and I know plenty of guys who aren't that good looking who have plenty of hot friends.

[QUOTE=BuffaloBill;51402469]Your family is a bunch of psychopaths.[/QUOTE] I just want to escape and all my life I've been trying to. Well I made plans at age 16 but didn't put them into motion until age 17 and ever since then my family has sabotaged or guilt tripped me into coming home and then kicking me out and then having me BEG so I didn't wind up on the streets. I have goals and aspirations in my life but I need to get out of here first before I can ever achieve them. I can't even afford a car and it's gonna take me a solid year of saving up just to afford a car. [B][I]Who knows if they'll kick me out before I have enough saved up like they did last time??? They know once I get a car I have freedom but now I am at their mercy.[/I][/B] [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] Can't get a therapist because I have no health insurance and my parents cant be bothered to show me how to do that and I don't know how to.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;51402261]I wish I wasn't ugly as fuck. I can't help but think of women as shallow whores who only want guys who have chins and normal noses. I hate that I was born this way and I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] You probably aren't as ugly as you think you are, and even if you are fuck it just be confident regardless. And if you're still a teenager just relax, chances are you'll look different by the time you're 20+ anyways. Cheer up my man, hit me up if you do wanna talk though.

Oh boy, winter anxiety kicking in. Hopefully my meds can keep me up and going.

IJNOMED - if they apparently hate/dislike you so much why are they still taking care of you? [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] [quote]Can't get a therapist because I have no health insurance[/quote] why aren't you on your parent's? iirc you can stay on until like 26 or something.

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;51402582]IJNOMED - if they apparently hate/dislike you so much why are they still taking care of you? [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] why aren't you on your parent's? iirc you can stay on until like 26 or something.[/QUOTE] ...Letting me live with them isn't caring for me, while I appreciate it their intentions are to serve themselves and not me. If they truly wanted to help me they'd show me how to apply for health insurance and tell me what the hell my own policy is or if I even have any (they refuse to let me know) and they wouldn't torment me and do the things they do. They have not treated me nicely and partially some of them treated me awful because I am gay. I am on my own and they have kicked me out multiple times. I used to be constantly yelled and screamed at as a child into teen/young adulthood and I was (once in a blue moon) beaten. My story is hard to follow because it is so long but in some of the earlier threads I posted about how they crave control over me and my grandmother pulls most of the strings, she tells me I have to be a cooking cleaning house wife and be obedient. She got drunk the day before my 19th birthday and harassed me, tried to beat me but I told her to back off, and kicked me out. I wish I knew what the fuck was going on with my health insurance, every time I try to bring it up with my mother she tells me "its none of your concern" or "ill help you some other time." and she never does. I think I've gone a year without health insurance now... I'm living under the radar. [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] TLDR: they do not have unconditional love for me and I have done nothing to deserve the abuse. I just simply existed.

To anyone with anxiety I'd highly recommend opening up to someone irl, I went to a mental health drop in clinic and told a complete stranger everything, stuff I'd never tell anyone I know. For about an hour after I actually felt normal for the first time in years, was like a high.

Ah, sorry to hear that. I don't visit this thread often. I figured them taking you back / taking care of you may have been a sign that not all things are bad, and that perhaps you had been over reacting. It does indeed sound like a bad situation, sorry to hear that. Hope your situation improves soon.

Just feels like my dad's apartment is a place I store my food and belongings and go to sleep. I spend my time just outside in random places hoping to find friends.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51402475](maybe this should go in social love advice thread) My advice would to try to first at least be friends with girls before trying to date them? That's what I do. Try becoming friends with a couple girls and don't have any ulterior motives because women aren't dumb and can tell when a guy is just putting on a show to get into their pants. If you come across to a girl like your intentions are to have sex with them, then they'll sense that, they'll look at your attractiveness and probably decide yes/no on the spot if they like you that way. If you come across like you just want a friend or something, then I don't think they'll be so quick to deny you. Then once you're their friend then it opens you up to you meeting her friends, or even eventually dating her. Idk, that's just the way I look at it. I'm sure you're not even that bad looking, and I know plenty of guys who aren't that good looking who have plenty of hot friends.[/QUOTE] I've tried that before, also this is a small Canadian town that is literally empty so it's hard to meet anyone. And I don't literally think of all women as shallow whores, I just feel that way especially when rejected. But my personality needs improvement so it's not just looks. [QUOTE=Arc Nova;51402529]You probably aren't as ugly as you think you are, and even if you are fuck it just be confident regardless. And if you're still a teenager just relax, chances are you'll look different by the time you're 20+ anyways. Cheer up my man, hit me up if you do wanna talk though.[/QUOTE] I'm 21 but still feel like I'm about 15 with regards to maturity and life experience, also I'm still in that "nu metal the hedgehog" phase that all teenagers go through. And sure, I just sent you a friend request.

ive been feeling better lately now that I got someone I can talk to about things. Shes been really nice to me

[QUOTE=PredGD;51401646]I didn't think this stuff happened myself before it happened to me, but I assume it happens all the time since I often hear people complaining about how bad mental healthcare is around here. They didn't really do a good job with that one year I went there either I feel, all she did was bring out diagnosis screening papers and read out questions to me for a year. No digging into past history or any questions at all other than the ones on paper.[/QUOTE] I hope you are all right. Norway is not really that great, and just the way people believe it's working scares me. The psychiatrists are probably what got me depressed, I still get flashbacks to thetime were I sat in that weird office, lying to this person who I felt no connection to. He seemed so distant, and he scared me... Norway in general is really weird, I think. Might just be me, but I feel I was judged when some people told teachers I was suicidal, when I wasn't even suicidal. I'm scared to get diagnosed with something since people keep track of it, and use it to guide theirselves on eho is sane and who is a total nutjob. I'm scared I'm in the latter category, so I'll just keep being silent about it. Speaking of, a littlr over 4 years since I was in theraphy. So there is that? Also I left my discord account, cause I'm scared I'm making everyone upset I am around... Why do I feel this way...

Another week of hell till late hours... Wish me good luck in getting fired, because I sure as hell want to get the fuck out of that place and be happy again.

Yeah staying at a job that makes you miserable and you get mis-treated and abused at is not healthy. I made the mistake of holding onto a job where the managers were abusive and made me count trash for no good reason other than this manager made other employees quit the same day and made a manager cry. You feel guilty for leaving because "I have a job so I shouldn't complain and I need the money" yet you don't need the abuse. Don't ever feel guilty for leaving if it is a valid form of abuse you're going through at work. I didn't have a safety net and a place to call my own either so if I lost the job I'd most likely lose where I live too, and it happened. But I do not feel guilty about being fired from mcdonalds. That manager was crooked. Never let yourself take the abuse no matter how much money you need.

[QUOTE=IJNOMED;51402507]I just want to escape and all my life I've been trying to. Well I made plans at age 16 but didn't put them into motion until age 17 and ever since then my family has sabotaged or guilt tripped me into coming home and then kicking me out and then having me BEG so I didn't wind up on the streets. I have goals and aspirations in my life but I need to get out of here first before I can ever achieve them. I can't even afford a car and it's gonna take me a solid year of saving up just to afford a car. [B][I]Who knows if they'll kick me out before I have enough saved up like they did last time??? They know once I get a car I have freedom but now I am at their mercy.[/I][/B] [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] Can't get a therapist because I have no health insurance and my parents cant be bothered to show me how to do that and I don't know how to.[/QUOTE] Can't you like... Gather up evidence and report them to some sort of authority, from what I've read, the way they treat you, nobody should have to go through with that. Like I know it's not as easy as I make it sound, but their has to be something you can do. [editline]edit[/editline] I do understand abuse from family though, the feeling that you are trapped, the hurt, my father was a drunken, constantly drugged up fucker of a man, who beat my mother in front of me and treated her and me like dogshit throughout my childhood, he also had a temper that could go off on anything at any moment and who worked my mother to the bone, cleaning, actually going to work and providing for the house hold and not lifting a finger himsef, she still has breakdowns even now because of it, while he sat down and ate and drunk, in fact his side of the family are all straight up horrible people, they blamed my mother for everything, despite her being the victim, including leaving him and you might be thinking "Oh they didn't know he was horrible" oh they knew and they let it happen and they still forgave him and demonized my mother and me and now they are fucking stuck with that horrible man, as he lives with them now and I pity them for it. And they also blamed me for not wanting to see him anymore and love to talk shit about me, the things I hear from people I know who know them, I understand that he is my grandparents son I do, but the fact that they ignored our suffering, everything my mother told them about in favor of him and hate US for that, is just horrid. This entire thing crippled me emotionally for years, caused me to have spurts of anger, I lashed out a lot, did a lot of stuff I regret, but I'm better mentally now and to be quite frank, while it's dark and while I shouldn't want "revenge" because the bastard doesn't deserve my time, I can't wait until my father is dead and buried, the fucker deserves it. [editline]edit[/editline] Anyway, I really do hope you can get away from them somehow, I wish you the very best.

I wish I didn't breakdown as much as I did. My hands become extremely shaky and unstable for hours after the fact and I get physically sick. I have to lie in bed for hours at a time to feel even just a little bit better and sometimes I accidentally fall asleep far too early when I have things I need to do The hair falling out is getting worse. Even if I just itch at my hair or eyebrows in the slightest, a lot falls out and it scares me to hell. I can't take this anymore I feel so small and lonely all the time. No matter what I do, I feel like I fuck everything up and it's an endless cycle. Everything feels so sad. I can't take it anymore I work. I breakdown. I fall asleep until I can function again, rinse. Repeat. I wanna give up.