Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

And now i'm sick. Fever, headache, muscle ache, the whole fucking thing. It never stops.

"I'm feeling great... I haven't had a bad episode for a quite while, now!" *depression/anxiety sings the Jaws theme*

[QUOTE=blueNES;51544067]Don't ya just love it when you're two months since having bad anxiety, only to have it come back?[/QUOTE] Tell me about it. It's more of a weekly thing for me, it sucks.

Sooo.. I was trucking along in school, when one of my profs decides that "I'm not cut out for this career" and fails me in the class at the halfway point that I needed to go to next sem. I petitioned it, but she was given final say by the dean. I have to repeat this stupid class in the new year, setting me back a whole semester. *I'm taking one class* So I enrolled in another school at the same time to not loose my mind over failing the class, and I'm doing a specialty *with my one whole class at School 1*, so when I graduate, I'll have my designation and a specialty. I honestly don't care for this specificity (it's pretty dull), but it makes more than just a normal career in my field. I'm so peeved about the School 1 situation, that I haven't even ordered the book I need for School 2. I need a kick in the ass.

I just found out a few minutes ago that my grandpa on my mom's side passed away tonight. He had a stroke last week and has been in the hospital since. Initially it started looking up; he was talking and joking and seemed to want to push on. His right side wasn't really working but he seemed to be all there still mentally. This weekend he decided he didn't want to go on with all the IVs, the feeding tube, and all the monitors so they moved him to palliative care. Last time I saw him was yesterday, I had taken my dad in to see him. My mom and dad have been separated for around 10 years so dad hadn't really seen my grandpa in a while. It was really hard to see my dad try to talk to him after so long and not really know what to say. When dad left the room I tried talking to my grandpa. I told him I loved him and I apologized for not seeing him and my grandma very much. A few months ago I moved out of my dad's to an apartment literally 10 minutes walk away, but I only visited them once when my fiancee was visiting. I don't know what's going to happen moving forward. I guess I'll try to get to sleep and talk to my mom and grandma in the morning.

How do i stop killing my self?

No one can stand having me around...

Why do people always just completely stop their contact with me? I have to start every single conversation, and if I don't, they don't speak to me at all.

Still no results from the job hunt, it's gonna take weeks/months for any government aid to kick in, and I'm 10 days away from getting kicked out of my apartment if I can't wrangle up $500. Fuck me running.

[QUOTE=Ldesu;51556663]Why do people always just completely stop their contact with me? I have to start every single conversation, and if I don't, they don't speak to me at all.[/QUOTE] For the most part, I personally feel its best to be alone with our own lives and problems to deal with, instead of dealing with other people's dramas and fallouts etc.

ive had some seriously messed up breakups and generally losing friends and being so desperately needy for attention and intimacy and love while constantly starved for touch and I can't even word this friggin sentence right I guess what im trying to say is that i totally understand why people dont want to be around me, and why my life is so devoid of hope and affection, I'm a very large emotional drain and a very heavy burden, and nobody can stand being close to me for long

When it comes to relationships, all of my exes are all "YOU ARE A PSYCHOTIC, FUCKED UP C-WORD!" at me, whilst in fact they made my mental health worse in the first place :v: I don't have any bad blood anymore when it comes to the past, but what I will say... If anyone gives you negative energy or second thoughts, then ditch that negativity straight away. Don't wait around to pick up the pieces and "try and make it better" like me :v:

Any tips on controlling anger?

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51557345]When it comes to relationships, all of my exes are all "YOU ARE A PSYCHOTIC, FUCKED UP C-WORD!" at me, whilst in fact they made my mental health worse in the first place :v: I don't have any bad blood anymore when it comes to the past, but what I will say... If anyone gives you negative energy or second thoughts, then ditch that negativity straight away. Don't wait around to pick up the pieces and "try and make it better" like me :v:[/QUOTE] Are you still like with people like this? Because it sounds like you need a relationships break, and maybe to find better people.

I'm back to vent again I have CBT sessions booked for when I go back to uni, but Idk what to do in the mean time. I could go ask for an SSRI prescription (docs said to come back and think about it) but my exams are in a few weeks and I'm not sure if I can hack the side effects in the mean time, I have far too much work. I just get so angry and upset some times I literally don't know what to do. Or I'm just absent. I don't know how to cope any more because it just seems like the light at the end of the tunnel has gone. I have nothing to look forward to in my life anymore. It feels so futile and pointless. I want to cry but I physically can't even bring myself to. Maintaining a facade that I'm ok is exhausting, sometimes I manage to convince my self I'm fine for a bit but I just always fall down deeper again. My ex isn't helping. It's like we're still together sometimes we're such good mates but fuck she can be so cold and careless sometimes. And I know I can too. Really I just want to be with her but I know it's not going to happen in reality now. Fucking tired of thinking my life is so fucking shit. I miss being content and at this rate it's like i never will be again. I know suicide isn't an option but fuck me it's so appealing some times haha. That's all ty for reading

[QUOTE=a dumb bear;51559515]I'm back to vent again I have CBT sessions booked for when I go back to uni, but Idk what to do in the mean time. I could go ask for an SSRI prescription (docs said to come back and think about it) but my exams are in a few weeks and I'm not sure if I can hack the side effects in the mean time, I have far too much work. I just get so angry and upset some times I literally don't know what to do. Or I'm just absent. I don't know how to cope any more because it just seems like the light at the end of the tunnel has gone. I have nothing to look forward to in my life anymore. It feels so futile and pointless. I want to cry but I physically can't even bring myself to. Maintaining a facade that I'm ok is exhausting, sometimes I manage to convince my self I'm fine for a bit but I just always fall down deeper again. My ex isn't helping. It's like we're still together sometimes we're such good mates but fuck she can be so cold and careless sometimes. And I know I can too. Really I just want to be with her but I know it's not going to happen in reality now. Fucking tired of thinking my life is so fucking shit. I miss being content and at this rate it's like i never will be again. I know suicide isn't an option but fuck me it's so appealing some times haha. That's all ty for reading[/QUOTE] Time to workout if you don't already. You'd be surprised at the effects it has for depression. Do it today, even if you don't believe what I'm saying.

[QUOTE=Maksie99;51559533]Time to workout if you don't already. You'd be surprised at the effects it has for depression. Do it today, even if you don't believe what I'm saying.[/QUOTE] I've given up surprise surprise, really struggle to have the time for it

[QUOTE=a dumb bear;51559580]I've given up surprise surprise, really struggle to have the time for it[/QUOTE] Make time for it. Heck, drop whatever you are doing, and doing it right now. 100 jumping jacks, running on the spot for 5 minutes ect. Pull up an indoor workout video. Still can't find time? Make a pact with yourself that regardless of the time it is, you must workout before you can sleep. Doesn't matter if it's 5 AM, now it's time for the 5 AM jogging.

my girlfriend [of two years] went on a year abroad to america and she has been fucking a guy for a month and has gotten together with him, she didnt tell me until they were in a relationship on facebook. i rang her thinking it was a joke but it isn't. dunno what to do lads, what do i do to feel better?

[QUOTE=ElectronicG19;51559920]my girlfriend [of two years] went on a year abroad to america and she has been fucking a guy for a month and has gotten together with him, she didnt tell me until they were in a relationship on facebook. i rang her thinking it was a joke but it isn't. dunno what to do lads, what do i do to feel better?[/QUOTE] Come out of it with grace - don't be the guy whose groveling, and waiting around for this girl with a bouquet of flowers 24/7 or something. Block her on everything (start with facebook) so you're not tempted to check on her, and get depressed over how happy she looks or whatever. Time to start working out if you don't already. Get shredded post breakup 2017.

-one of the worst posts i've ever made-

I recommend to all in this thread to listen to Eckhart Tolle and Sadhguru on youtube. To be free and find happiness is to let go of the ego control. Not saying that ego is a bad thing but many times it causes us to suffer especially to those who are way to identified with their ego (your past, your career, your appearance, money....) but the truth is we are infinite beings.

god fucking damn it why can't I just quit

I feel horrible tonight, just awful. And there's not even any good reason it's just stupid overthinking about my life. I don't know if this will help, I just want to write it and have it out of my head. I'm so angry at myself and sad and it sucks. I'm just hoping tomorrow is better. I don't want to feel shitty for days again.

[QUOTE=Maksie99;51559446]Are you still like with people like this? Because it sounds like you need a relationships break, and maybe to find better people.[/QUOTE] I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now since all of that happened. And I honestly couldn't be happier :smile: He is everything I love in a partner and more. Can't help but feel that I'm not worthy of being happy though, considering all the crap I've been through for the last ten years and people impkanting in my mind that I'm the bad person and such... Oh well! The past is the past because it has passed :smile: here's to now and the future!

Why do I need to be constantly reminded that I'm such a failure everyday? By people, by things that I do, by looking back at things, and countless efforts to make myself to feel better that end up making myself feel worse.. I'm so fucking stupid.. My girlfriend wants to break up with me and would rather talk to other guys. I'm in my winter holiday until the 5th of January. I get to visit her town during 2 until 4th and I think that's my ONLY chance to save our relationship. But guess what? My stupidity has led me to fail one class and the teacher asked me to come to school on the 4th to fix it. Me and my soon to be ex-girlfriend met in a very weird circumstance on the internet and and she has all of the qualities that I am attracted to, not to mention that we found out that we live in the same country and had many talks to meet each other and talked about our future. it's very unlikely that I'll find anyone (like her) ever again, since most women, or other people, see me and turn their backs with disgust. I once made a fool of myself as a first impression and no one ever looked at me serious since. I've had many many second chances to fix it with new people and no matter how much I tried not to repeat the same mistakes, I come off as nothing more than some idiot. It's always been like that with most mistakes in my life.. I don't know what to do anymore.. Everyone is leaving me (or soon, has left) and I have nobody. Even those who I've known for a long time and those who I've tried so hard not to let go, eventually left, mostly because my stupidity, because I say something stupid or did something wrong. I just want to die right now before I hurt anyone because it seems that all I do is hurt, annoy, and bother other people with my presence. and all of those people aren't bad people, I knew some that are good and nice friends, but the fact that they react the same just shows how much fucked up I am. I hate myself because I'm such a failure in so many ways and all I can do is cry and it feels like many things inside me is broken beyond repair. I can't do many things that someone like me should. I have nobody to talk about my problems anymore and people to talk to about my problems who would comfort me was the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I can't talk to people I don't know, I can only talk to those who I'm close with but now nobody is here anymore. I've said before that I might not make it out of 2016, I may make it through, but not experience next year besides a few days. I can't take much more of this pain. I hate crying in the most dumb moments. I'm so tired I don't have the motivation nor energy to even fix the smallest problems anymore. I'm sorry everyone, I'm so fucking sorry..

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;51562562]Why do I need to be constantly reminded that I'm such a failure everyday? By people, by things that I do, by looking back at things, and countless efforts to make myself to feel better that end up making myself feel worse.. I'm so fucking stupid.. My girlfriend wants to break up with me and would rather talk to other guys. I'm in my winter holiday until the 5th of January. I get to visit her town during 2 until 4th and I think that's my ONLY chance to save our relationship. But guess what? My stupidity has led me to fail one class and the teacher asked me to come to school on the 4th to fix it. Me and my soon to be ex-girlfriend met in a very weird circumstance on the internet and and she has all of the qualities that I am attracted to, not to mention that we found out that we live in the same country and had many talks to meet each other and talked about our future. it's very unlikely that I'll find anyone (like her) ever again, since most women, or other people, see me and turn their backs with disgust. I once made a fool of myself as a first impression and no one ever looked at me serious since. I've had many many second chances to fix it with new people and no matter how much I tried not to repeat the same mistakes, I come off as nothing more than some idiot. It's always been like that with most mistakes in my life.. I don't know what to do anymore.. Everyone is leaving me (or soon, has left) and I have nobody. Even those who I've known for a long time and those who I've tried so hard not to let go, eventually left, mostly because my stupidity, because I say something stupid or did something wrong. I just want to die right now before I hurt anyone because it seems that all I do is hurt, annoy, and bother other people with my presence. and all of those people aren't bad people, I knew some that are good and nice friends, but the fact that they react the same just shows how much fucked up I am. I hate myself because I'm such a failure in so many ways and all I can do is cry and it feels like many things inside me is broken beyond repair. I can't do many things that someone like me should. I have nobody to talk about my problems anymore and people to talk to about my problems who would comfort me was the only thing keeping me from killing myself. I can't talk to people I don't know, I can only talk to those who I'm close with but now nobody is here anymore. I've said before that I might not make it out of 2016, I may make it through, but not experience next year besides a few days. I can't take much more of this pain. I hate crying in the most dumb moments. I'm so tired I don't have the motivation nor energy to even fix the smallest problems anymore. I'm sorry everyone, I'm so fucking sorry..[/QUOTE] If you are 99% sure she will break up with you come January, nip it in the bud, and leave her. Why give her the upper hand when it comes to your emotions?

Frustrated a little bit. The quarter is over and I haven't had a single sale for my small business. I know that's generally how it goes, especially since I don't have the money just yet to make examples of my services (which is hard because my CURRENT job only pays $10/hr for like 5 hours a fuckin week) but my parents are finding less and less interest in my business. I'm gonna try and find alternate ways to make money because I can't have a regular job while I go to school without it being physically taxing on me but that's difficult in and of itself. Just a lot of money issues that are compounding, especially now around Christmas and being reminded that I don't have any money to buy anyone any presents. Gotta start being successful somehow otherwise it's hard for me to justify what I'm doing with me life.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51563668]Frustrated a little bit. The quarter is over and I haven't had a single sale for my small business. I know that's generally how it goes, especially since I don't have the money just yet to make examples of my services (which is hard because my CURRENT job only pays $10/hr for like 5 hours a fuckin week) but my parents are finding less and less interest in my business. I'm gonna try and find alternate ways to make money because I can't have a regular job while I go to school without it being physically taxing on me but that's difficult in and of itself. Just a lot of money issues that are compounding, especially now around Christmas and being reminded that I don't have any money to buy anyone any presents. Gotta start being successful somehow otherwise it's hard for me to justify what I'm doing with me life.[/QUOTE] The reason why I'm going to college is so I can be successful after college. Any job you're going to get while you don't have a degree is going to suck, and I've personally forgone any jobs while pursuing my education. I know that's not an option for everyone, however.

[QUOTE=jp_rsardeto;51559128]Any tips on controlling anger?[/QUOTE] Learn to contextualise whatever is bothering you then evaluate if its worth raising your blood pressure over. Everyone gets angry now and then but the key is to have the ability to evaluate if something is worth losing your shit over and it never is.