Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=elevate;51565212]The reason why I'm going to college is so I can be successful after college. Any job you're going to get while you don't have a degree is going to suck, and I've personally forgone any jobs while pursuing my education. I know that's not an option for everyone, however.[/QUOTE] [video=youtube;9dgmp3KmwGg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dgmp3KmwGg[/video]

[QUOTE=ElectronicG19;51559920]my girlfriend [of two years] went on a year abroad to america and she has been fucking a guy for a month and has gotten together with him, she didnt tell me until they were in a relationship on facebook. i rang her thinking it was a joke but it isn't. dunno what to do lads, what do i do to feel better?[/QUOTE] Wow,and people wonder why I'm so fucking paranoid about relationships in general. What a grade A whore.

I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes, I just get waves of self-loathing and not want to do anything or overthink every interaction. I think last weekend I did nothing but stay in bed most of the time, having zero motivation to do anything for no actual reason.

Does anyone else feel bored? Not bored as in there's nothing to do, but bored as in there's no pleasure in anything. Hate to sound cliche, but like simply existing is painful. I don't know if "bored" is the right word, that's just the best way I can describe it. This is a new feeling too. Like just the past few weeks it's been an on and off feeling of no pleasure or interest in ANYTHING!!! Like everyone and everything is just so typical.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51569987]Does anyone else feel bored? Not bored as in there's nothing to do, but bored as in there's no pleasure in anything. Hate to sound cliche, but like simply existing is painful. I don't know if "bored" is the right word, that's just the best way I can describe it. This is a new feeling too. Like just the past few weeks it's been an on and off feeling of no pleasure or interest in ANYTHING!!! Like everyone and everything is just so typical.[/QUOTE] That's depression. I've felt that way since I was 5 - started getting treated a few months back and I'm already noticing a difference. Speaking of depression, my doctor just doubled my dosage on fluoxetine and wants to quadruple it in a month. I got a second opinion.. and the other doctor said the same thing. And to top it all off when visiting my councilor yesterday with my (significantly older) sister he dropped a bombshell and told her I had PTSD (I had no idea about this) along with depression. So, yeah. My life is great :v:

I'm always tired, even if I get 9+ hours of sleep and wake up at noon, I'm just exhausted after a few hours

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[QUOTE=Blazyd;51569987]Does anyone else feel bored? Not bored as in there's nothing to do, but bored as in there's no pleasure in anything. Hate to sound cliche, but like simply existing is painful. I don't know if "bored" is the right word, that's just the best way I can describe it. This is a new feeling too. Like just the past few weeks it's been an on and off feeling of no pleasure or interest in ANYTHING!!! Like everyone and everything is just so typical.[/QUOTE] My previous answer hasn't changed - but it just occurred to me that three weeks ago you said you had been on Fluoxetine previously. How long ago was this? Fluoxetine has a half life of 7 days. However, it can take up to three months to be completely out of your system (primarily because of the metabolite Norfluoxetine).

For those of you who have moved out from your parents house - Any regrets?

my glass wasn't fully rinsed so I poured my fruit juice in it and it still had soap scum or bubbles or wahtever p. much i drank half a glass of soapy fruit juice because I couldn't be arsed enough to get up and rinse it. I wish I had any motivation even in the small things instead of sitting on my ass

[QUOTE=polarbear.;51571047]For those of you who have moved out from your parents house - Any regrets?[/QUOTE] Considering my dad was a hard-ass who loved to drink (he was fine when sober, but drunk-dad is an asshole), I do not. Even in my current situation where my mom said "you could always move back home", all I could do was glance towards the back door that dad just left from and say "No I can't", and she understood. [editline]22nd December 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=darksoul69;51570192]That's depression. I've felt that way since I was 5 - started getting treated a few months back and I'm already noticing a difference. Speaking of depression, my doctor just doubled my dosage on fluoxetine and wants to quadruple it in a month. I got a second opinion.. and the other doctor said the same thing. And to top it all off when visiting my councilor yesterday with my (significantly older) sister he dropped a bombshell and told her I had PTSD (I had no idea about this) along with depression. So, yeah. My life is great :v:[/QUOTE] Sweet jesus, the hell is your current dosage? I was bumped up to 40mg/day until I decided it wasn't cutting it.

[QUOTE=Zero-Point;51571146]Sweet jesus, the hell is your current dosage? I was bumped up to 40mg/day until I decided it wasn't cutting it.[/QUOTE] They started me off on 10mg. Just got bumped up to 20mg and will be bumped to 40mg in a month.. apparently that was my PCP's plan from the start. I'm getting the feeling they may put me on the maximum dosage of 80mg depending on how things go. I guess the reason they started me at 10mg was because of how repressed and withdrawn I was. I recall my PCP stressing to me multiple times that I wouldn't be myself on the meds and that I should let other people know that I'm on them. In hindsight, this was a good idea. The first week I had vivid dreams, insomnia, rapid mood swings, suicidal thoughts (and almost threw myself in front of a car), crying spells.. and there have been times where I feel such extreme emotions with HUGE depths (like flipping a coin into an ocean) for 2-3 seconds and then it's gone. Considering prior to going on the meds I was just depressed and withdrawn, yeah. I have 20+ years of issues that are now surging forward and it's just a pain in the ass. I have a great memory. It's not photographic, but pretty darn close. In junior highschool I successfully memorized a 120+ character password. Not a shitty one, a secure password like what's generated in a password generator. It took me a long time to memorize it and I was able to recall it in perfect detail for months until I stopped using it for a few weeks. I did this by using muscle memory and specific words/patterns to help me if I got stuck. There was no specific reason, I just wanted a challenge. And when you can recall in vivid detail crawling before learning how to walk, TV shows you watched as a toddler, actual conversations that took place when you're a kid.. it doesn't exactly help with my situation. Especially since at the time I didn't understand the context of everything going on and now I do.

I've noticed that ever since I got put on SSRI's, all my ambition, motivation and fun turned into anhedonia, boredom and complete lack of interest in anything. All the hobbies and interests I had before simply dissipated; video games were no longer fun, learning new things was otiose and I just stared at the ceiling in bed for God knows how many days. Now I've made the decision to stop the SSRI (still on an NDRI and antipsychotics) and slowly, but surely, I start to feel as I was four years ago. I feel more (thats both negatively and positively), but I'm in a much better mental state than I was back then, and I feel as if I now know what to do. If anything, I feel a slight regret of wanting antidepressants. But back then, that felt like it was the only option.

Is there anything that can suppress OCD I can ask my therapist about? Is it possible for Obsessive compulsive disorder to conflict with other aspects of my psyche?

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51572173]Is there anything that can suppress OCD I can ask my therapist about? Is it possible for Obsessive compulsive disorder to conflict with other aspects of my psyche?[/QUOTE] What kind of OCD you have if I may ask?

[QUOTE=kijji;51570422]I'm always tired, even if I get 9+ hours of sleep and wake up at noon, I'm just exhausted after a few hours[/QUOTE] I feel you. I'm sick and tired of people always telling me to "have earlier nights", etc. Like no matter how long I sleep or how little, I would still be tired either way :v:

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51572241]I feel you. I'm sick and tired of people always telling me to "have earlier nights", etc. Like no matter how long I sleep or how little, I would still be tired either way :v:[/QUOTE] The trick for me is to make myself tired so I feel the need to sleep. A good Breakfast when you wake up is recommended to get energy if you still feel tired. Drinking Vitamins also is a plus.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;51572237]What kind of OCD you have if I may ask?[/QUOTE]I'm not sure, it's the type that wants everything to conform to how I think everything should be, gets irradiated by lateral ways of doing things. It seems to amplify annoyance when I'm wrong about something. It's a real hindrance, if know an injustice has been committed, I just get really annoyed.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51572278]I'm not sure, it's the type that wants everything to conform to how I think everything should be, gets irradiated by lateral ways of doing things. It seems to amplify annoyance when I'm wrong about something. It's a real hindrance, if know an injustice has been committed, I just get really annoyed.[/QUOTE] I though it is fair normal in general to get angry sometimes if you are wrong or things don't go the way you like. Just think as a group how you may act and not as an individual. Most of the times it works for me when I get REALLY angry.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;51572359]I though it is fair normal in general to get angry sometimes if you are wrong or things don't go the way you like. Just think as a group how you may act and not as an individual. Most of the times it works for me when I get REALLY angry.[/QUOTE]This is more than that, it's like I go nuts over the slightest injustices or of I buy something that doesn't work properly, I get really annoyed even if there only a small problem, eg I buy a laptop with 1 dead pixels and it irritates the shit out of me.

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51572394]This is more than that, it's like I go nuts over the slightest injustices or of I buy something that doesn't work properly, I get really annoyed even if there only a small problem, eg I buy a laptop with 1 dead pixels and it irritates the shit out of me.[/QUOTE] I think this is normal again if something you bought doesn't work. For example I recently I ordered a new N3DS to play some games. If I checked and the handle Console didn't working properly, I will just slip my sh*ts. However if you mean you have the need to complain to a person unrelated if this person have something to do with the source of the problem, then just do as I said: Don't think that you will feel better if you yell to someone. But think how the other person feel also when you leave the room. Or something like that. I don't want to see me like a "pro" or anything. Just giving an advice how I see things in my way.

[QUOTE=Maksie99;51563201]If you are 99% sure she will break up with you come January, nip it in the bud, and leave her. Why give her the upper hand when it comes to your emotions?[/QUOTE] because she's all i have and she's perfect in my eyes... i know if she's gone i won't have anyone anymore.. no friends, family who's 100% I can't connect with nor talk about my problems nor anything.. let alone another girl like her.. I can't do this I can't fucking do this anymore I'm positive my girlfriend has left me.. i have nobody else.. I hate myself as a person in so many ways.. I want this pain to end now..

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51572394]This is more than that, it's like I go nuts over the slightest injustices or of I buy something that doesn't work properly, I get really annoyed even if there only a small problem, eg I buy a laptop with 1 dead pixels and it irritates the shit out of me.[/QUOTE] That would irritate the shit out of anyone. OCD - Feeling the need to open and shut a door 20+ times in a row, checking if your door is locked multiple times, etc.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51573277]That would irritate the shit out of anyone. OCD - Feeling the need to open and shut a door 20+ times in a row, checking if your door is locked multiple times, etc.[/QUOTE]Ah ok, Someone suggested that I can it a few weeks ago. But there is certainly something thing refuelling the anger and irritation. It's like I calm down, then some part of my mind which isn't always present can't deal with it and pushes me to get annoyed again. There's also the fact I have strong reluctance to accept things as they are, for example if I has wrong about something I would get the feeling of irradiation which turn to anger which turn into self loathing at the fact that I'm not able to control 100% of my environment. I keep imagining that there's some genius out there who has 100% control of their life and if I can't keep up with them I feel like I'm not worthy of existing. For example all those dot com millionaires have control over everything around them. Even take the guy who founded this website, Garry (what's his name), he has control over everything around him, he's rich, he has his own form of media to control. So I feel like if I can't have that level of control I'm just not worthy, I feel like I should be able to control any situation and the fact that I can't provokes some sort of irrational. I don't understand how people don't overreact to situations that aren't in control of, I have no concept of acceptance, I think if some is any asshole, to me other someone else unjustly so, that my mission is to make that asshole go away and inflect as much negativity on them as possible. And it's everything, I think because there are corrupt politicians, that life is hopeless and that I should move to another country so that these monsters can't get to me. I think having too much sugar in my diet causes some of the anger or the irrational thought process. That was the post: [QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51480030]That sounds like issues I've dealt with before. It possibly could be OCD - but I'm no psychiatrist. Nor have my issues gone away. You need to clear your thoughts. Have you tried meditation or other relaxation techniques?[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=RoboChimp;51573405] That was the post:[/QUOTE] It doesn't sound like OCD to me but I'm not a psychiatrist and there are different types of OCD.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51573468]It doesn't sound like OCD to me but I'm not a psychiatrist and there are different types of OCD.[/QUOTE]Yeah I didn't think so, but I though perhaps someone on here knew about a type of OCD I wasn't sure about.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51571017]My previous answer hasn't changed - but it just occurred to me that three weeks ago you said you had been on Fluoxetine previously. How long ago was this? Fluoxetine has a half life of 7 days. However, it can take up to three months to be completely out of your system (primarily because of the metabolite Norfluoxetine).[/QUOTE] I was on fluoxetine (prozac) around April/May. I stopped taking at in late May right after I got prescribed to take more. When they wanted to up my dosage I basically said "screw this" and stopped taking it all together. Hard to explain how I felt on it, I just didn't like it. I think they were treating the wrong thing. Now since like late July/early August I've been on Seroquel which is an anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist said I'm likely schizoaffective because I show signs of schizophrenia and also mood problems (if I had to take a guess it'd be bi-polar but was never diagnosed). It's hard to explain how I feel on this too. I dread taking any medication, but seroquel is definitely doing better for me than prozac. Though that's because when I was taking prozac they weren't looking at schizophrenia symptoms. I don't think I was even showing symptoms back then, or if I was I was at least good at covering them because I refuse to talk about certain thoughts with therapists and psychiatrists. The majority of this "psychotic" shit started popping up in the last 6 months. I don't have hallucinations but I think what signs of schizophrenia they see is delusions. Like that I often believe things are sending me a personal message. Like a frequent one is song lyrics - I often think that the lyrics are trying to send me a message on something, or are telling me how to do something or telling me that something should've happened but didn't. This has always been "normal" for me and so I haven't really been aware too much of it until now. I can't it. I can't help but think that some ordinary thing or event (song lyrics, license plates, a picture, a movie, etc) are PERSONALLY sending me a message on something. Then I try to incorporate it into my life so I can do whatever the thing is telling me to do or how to think. If I don't do what it's telling me to do I get really anxious and or upset. Or if it's telling me that something should've happened but didn't, I feel deep regret and depression for things that never happened because of a message that doesn't really exist.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51574927]Now since like late July/early August I've been on Seroquel which is an anti-psychotic. My psychiatrist said I'm likely schizoaffective because I show signs of schizophrenia and also mood problems (if I had to take a guess it'd be bi-polar but was never diagnosed). It's hard to explain how I feel on this too. I dread taking any medication, but seroquel is definitely doing better for me than prozac. Though that's because when I was taking prozac they weren't looking at schizophrenia symptoms. I don't think I was even showing symptoms back then, or if I was I was at least good at covering them because I refuse to talk about certain thoughts with therapists and psychiatrists. The majority of this "psychotic" shit started popping up in the last 6 months.[/QUOTE] Are you discussing everything with your psychiatrist now? I understand the reluctance to discuss some things with your psychiatrist but they can't help you if you don't let them know what's bothering you. You may want to consider writing it out and just handing it to your psychiatrist -- doesn't even need to be during a session. Just drop it off at the front desk in an envelope addressed to him/her. Of course, it's entirely up to you. The point I'm trying to make is that your psychiatrist is diagnosing you as schizoaffective based on what you've provided and your body language. It's possible what you're not sharing with him/her may change your diagnoses.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51575081]Are you discussing everything with your psychiatrist now? I understand the reluctance to discuss some things with your psychiatrist but they can't help you if you don't let them know what's bothering you. You may want to consider writing it out and just handing it to your psychiatrist -- doesn't even need to be during a session. Just drop it off at the front desk in an envelope addressed to him/her. Of course, it's entirely up to you. The point I'm trying to make is that your psychiatrist is diagnosing you as schizoaffective based on what you've provided and your body language. It's possible what you're not sharing with him/her may change your diagnoses.[/QUOTE] I still don't tell her everything. When I try going deeper into those thoughts or I try telling her them, I get a feeling that tells me to shut up. Like if someone yelling "shut the fuck up" in your ear could have a feeling, that's what I feel when I try to talk about certain things. So I don't. Even if I did, I don't think it'd make a difference. If anything it'd make her want to put me on more meds because she'd think I'm more screwed up than I already am.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51575330]I still don't tell her everything. When I try going deeper into those thoughts or I try telling her them, I get a feeling that tells me to shut up. Like if someone yelling "shut the fuck up" in your ear could have a feeling, that's what I feel when I try to talk about certain things. So I don't. Even if I did, I don't think it'd make a difference. If anything it'd make her want to put me on more meds because she'd think I'm more screwed up than I already am.[/QUOTE] Try my suggestion of writing it out if you're up for it. And yeah, she'd probably put you on some other meds if it changes your diagnoses. Which is okay, since the meds you're on now may not be effective.