Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Talking about meds, how effective are they ? I've been suffering from light depression for years (without being conscious of it actually), and recently (well, a long recent, more than 7 months now) after a trauma what used to be a light depression is now a severe depression. I have no suicidal thoughts, but man, my mood is fucking shit, i sleep like shit, my whole body hurts since a lot of my psychical health seems to transfer to my body (especially the stomach and my head, headaches and nausea are like my daily routine now) i keep thinking about the past in a very nostalgic and melancolic way for no good reasons (like going to a random mall in my city reminds me of "that time when i was 10 when i used to come here and i was happy and carefree"), i watch people like they're part of another world and i have virtually no goals or things to look after anymore. I feel like a zombie, a zombie fueled by nostalgia and anxiety. Honestly i know some of the elements that led me to this (loneliness, boring job, no holidays etc), but a lot of it also comes from my past and my personality. Even if, outside of a very absent dad, my past wasn't "that bad". My psychiatrist keeps asking me if i want to start a treatment, and i don't know what to answer. Are drugs helping ?

[QUOTE=Drk;51578349]Talking about meds, how effective are they ? I've been suffering from light depression for years (without being conscious of it actually), and recently (well, a long recent, more than 7 months now) after a trauma what used to be a light depression is now a severe depression. I have no suicidal thoughts, but man, my mood is fucking shit, i sleep like shit, my whole body hurts since a lot of my psychical health seems to transfer to my body (especially the stomach and my head, headaches and nausea are like my daily routine now) i keep thinking about the past in a very nostalgic and melancolic way for no good reasons (like going to a random mall in my city reminds me of "that time when i was 10 when i used to come here and i was happy and carefree"), i watch people like they're part of another world and i have virtually no goals or things to look after anymore. I feel like a zombie, a zombie fueled by nostalgia and anxiety. Honestly i know some of the elements that led me to this (loneliness, boring job, no holidays etc), but a lot of it also comes from my past and my personality. Even if, outside of a very absent dad, my past wasn't "that bad". My psychiatrist keeps asking me if i want to start a treatment, and i don't know what to answer. Are drugs helping ?[/QUOTE] It varies from person to person. From my own experience with SSRI's, they didn't help at all. That's just me though. It's hard to say if they help or not prior to trying them so if I were you I'd give them a shot. If you don't like how they make you feel or if there's no effect, you just quit again.

Merry Christmas, gang. Take care of each other, and yourselves.

I know it's been hard for everyone, but I genuinely do hope you guys have a great Christmas and a New Year to look forward to. My word doesn't mean much, but there it is.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51578595]It varies from person to person. From my own experience with SSRI's, they didn't help at all. That's just me though. It's hard to say if they help or not prior to trying them so if I were you I'd give them a shot. If you don't like how they make you feel or if there's no effect, you just quit again.[/QUOTE] Ironically SSRIs themselves are useless. If they worked as intended (by boosting serotonin in the brain) it wouldn't take very long to work. Instead it takes four to six weeks to take full affect. This is the generally accepted timeline for new brain cells to mature. SSRIs appear have a side effect that causes neurogenesis.

[URL="https://www.google.com/url?url=http://scholar.google.com/scholar_url%3Furl%3Dhttps://www.researchgate.net/profile/Noelia_Weisstaub/publication/10621995_Requirement_of_Hippocampal_Neurogenesis_for_the_Behavioral_Effects_of_Antidepressants/links/09e41511a23e6bccfd000000.pdf%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26scisig%3DAAGBfm19NdC98BxKGmjrN4stfQpb4ygCMA%26nossl%3D1%26oi%3Dscholarr&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiipYSmvY7RAhWpsFQKHZ2nBhAQgAMIGygAMAA&usg=AFQjCNFWQ9S-2kLyWlZaVX13whe8-obnlA"]Here[/URL] is one source. But you can find tons of information via google.

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Does anyone else have an incredibly hard time at evaluating other people's feelings/emotions/their mood? Feels like everyone just suddenly hates me and ignores me, even the people I used to talk to a bunch.

Woke up depressed. Did Christmas even more depressed. Went back into my room beyond apathetic. From my family who literally thinks I'm crazy I got: A box of hickory farms goodies that I literally see at work every day. $40 to dominos. Stocking Candy. $20. No thought or anything behind it. I'm not even upset, just apathetic. Meanwhile from a friend from work I got two figures which already meant so much more than the presents that I'm pretty sure went something like this: "Oh Andrew needs something for Christmas." because y'know, I'm relatively open about what I like? Is it that hard to even just go to hot topic and buy me something from there instead of consumable crap? 2 months ago I planned on buying myself a GTX 1080, another 16gb of ram. and maybe a new mobo+cpu combo for my dad for christmas. But no, that turned into a 1070 and RAM, then a single 1060 6gb model, then possibly a 1060 3gb model, Oh wait I got a shitty pay check. Maybe a 1050 TI. Then nothing at all. What happened? I got essentially told to fuck off and do everything myself. Blow $100 weekly getting to and from work for the past 3 months. Blow another $100 on food out of my $230 paycheck. Most nights I didnt and still dont even eat because I'd have no money for myself. Then this month I randomly get tossed a $100 rent demand because I'm not in school because I can't afford it nor can my family. Why? The hell if I know. All I do know is that i've been in the hospital three times in the last two weeks for being suicidal but just get told i'm okay because i'm too scared to actually say anything. Blamed for everyones problems. But then get immediately told I'm wrong for not understanding the context of anything. This isn't a post meant to be all "wah i got nothing for christmas." I wasn't even expecting anything tbh. It's just me being depressed as usual.

[QUOTE=n7610;51582492] What happened? I got essentially told to fuck off and do everything myself. Blow $100 weekly getting to and from work for the past 3 months. Blow another $100 on food out of my $230 paycheck. Most nights I didnt and still dont even eat because I'd have no money for myself. Then this month I randomly get tossed a $100 rent demand because I'm not in school because I can't afford it nor can my family. Why? The hell if I know. All I do know is that i've been in the hospital three times in the last two weeks for being suicidal but just get told i'm okay because i'm too scared to actually say anything. Blamed for everyones problems. But then get immediately told I'm wrong for not understanding the context of anything.[/QUOTE] After reading your post history it sounds like you should reach out to family/friends and get away from your father. If you don't have any of those options.. you did graduate - you can rent a room on craigslist for less then $300/month in some places. Hopefully everything works out for you.

I've been meaning to do some cleaning for Christmas... but I woke up today and don't feel like doing anything. It's not like I can just feel shitty and shut myself in my room, it's fuckin Christmas. I don't want to be here right now, being a useless shit on this spirited holiday. But I can't leave the house at this point, and that would probably make me feel worse.

Hope everyone can squeeze something good out of Christmas. We deserve to feel okay at least once this year. Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas people. I hope you have a good one. Here's to a better next year. :smile:

Never thought I would be posting on christmas, or posting this issue. Over the past few years, my father has been babying me to the point where I feel like breaking down any fucking moment. I'm 20 years old and he comes into my room every now and then just to clean it up while I'm sleeping making so much fucking noise. I'm 20 years old and he comes into my room every now and then to do my laundry while I'm sleeping making so much noise. I've told him so many fucking times to let me do my own shit. Doesn't listen. I've talked to my mother and she doesn't know what to fucking do either because she's talked to him and he's in his own little world of reality where this is apparently okay to do to his 20 year old son who has issues with his confidence. Just 5 minutes ago I brought it up and he doesn't want to talk about it. When I confront him about it he gets annoyed and it's like fuck offffff. There are people coming over today and I'm honestly not in the mood (No, he didn't clean up my room because I can't be bothered to. he cleaned it up like 3 days prior, just today he decided to do my half load of laundry). I'm grumpy, I'm tired, I'm annoyed, I'm sad. I don't want to deal with anyone especially when he doesn't want to solve this issue.

Can you get a lock for your door? I had the same problem and I'm 25 so I had to go out and actually buy a new doorknob with a lock and install it myself. My parents weren't happy but they got over it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51583188]Can you get a lock for your door? I had the same problem and I'm 25 so I had to go out and actually buy a new doorknob with a lock and install it myself. My parents weren't happy but they got over it.[/QUOTE] Like you said that just seems like a huge middle finger to him. I don't want to do anything like that because that might make the situation and our relationship worse but that honestly seems like the best idea right now.

Maybe try to set hours where your door will be unlocked and ones where it will be locked. Like at night and until you wake up, it'll be locked while you sleep but during the day when you're up and about, it'll be unlocked. Maybe ask him his thoughts, give him the impression that you still want to allow for access to you and you're not locking him out indefinitely. It's just so you can get sleep or work on things without being disturbed. The more involved in a decision a parent is, the more lenient they are most of the time. They feel like they still have some modicum of control. Don't put the lock itself up for debate, but do ask him what times he might want to have access. Have a discussion about it. [editline]25th December 2016[/editline] I generally only lock my door when I'm sleeping so my grandma or sister doesn't barge in to clean or get something. Also if I'm recording something that's sensitive to background noise.

What's the point of having a job when tourette, ocd and severe aspergers already is a full time job, and beyond. I remember my first full time job, quit the 3rd day and that has crippled my self-esteem and motivation. I'm a failure in the eyes of my family, and society. Also, why are psychologists so obsessed by focusing on medication the very first session you have with them. It always made me worse.

Got a phone interview from the local cheese plant a little over a week ago, they said they [I]might[/I] call me up within the week to set up a real interview. Starting to think I blew it because I've not gotten any response, which figures. A good-paying job that would've been a boost to my confidence and living standards, without requiring me to go back to a college I can't afford? Like hell it's going to happen. Good thing I didn't expect it to. There's another job that I could apply for, driving a bus for a retirement community, but I suspect that will also fall through because: 1) Pays even less than what I started out with on my last job, and it's only 30 hours a week meaning I still couldn't make rent, even if I subsisted on the cheapest ramen I could find 2) Pretty sure you need a special license to drive a bus, which I do not have, so probably fucked on that front, too. The worst part is this is all my own doing, being up-front and honest about what happened at my last job to cause me to lose it, because fuck me for trying to move past it and become a better person. I couldn't even really enjoy Christmas dinner with my family, I basically ate and then asked for a ride back to my apartment (would've driven myself but my fucking battery is dead, just what I needed), because basically the reality of everything affirming the notions that I can't do anything right has become over-bearing as of late. It feels like nothing I do matters, that I'm destined to fail in any endeavor I undertake.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51576617]Try my suggestion of writing it out if you're up for it. And yeah, she'd probably put you on some other meds if it changes your diagnoses. Which is okay, since the meds you're on now may not be effective.[/QUOTE] Last night I couldn't sleep and my mind was going crazy so I did what you said and wrote out a bunch of stuff for my psychiatrist. I see her tomorrow, and I'll bring the paper with me. Hopefully we can delve deeper into this stuff now that I wrote out specifics. Still what I really need to talk about, I can't with her. However, writing about my thoughts seem to trigger an onset of something and brings out my delusions stronger than normal and in the end I don't know if it's good for me because like last night I wrote 2 papers - one for me and one for my psychiatrist. They're very different. When I was writing the one for me I'm much more specific in what my thoughts are and as I'm writing I end up believing all my delusions and am 100% convinced of them. I think in part that's counter productive. Writing about your thoughts to get them out just to have them take over you completely.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51585545]Last night I couldn't sleep and my mind was going crazy so I did what you said and wrote out a bunch of stuff for my psychiatrist. I see her tomorrow, and I'll bring the paper with me. Hopefully we can delve deeper into this stuff now that I wrote out specifics. Still what I really need to talk about, I can't with her. However, writing about my thoughts seem to trigger an onset of something and brings out my delusions stronger than normal and in the end I don't know if it's good for me because like last night I wrote 2 papers - one for me and one for my psychiatrist. They're very different. When I was writing the one for me I'm much more specific in what my thoughts are and as I'm writing I end up believing all my delusions and am 100% convinced of them. I think in part that's counter productive. Writing about your thoughts to get them out just to have them take over you completely.[/QUOTE] Well, I'm glad you took my advice.

Highlights (good AND bad) of my Christmas yesterday: ~Met my brother's boyfriend properly AT LONG LAST ~Had a nap for a new hours x Found out that I might be allergic to dogs... Still puffy-eyed etc. at the moment. x My best friend decided to cut all ties with me. Let's just say that she'd rather turn to the bottle than to me. It's brought quite a weight off of my shoulders now, but I can't help but think that she would do something stupid, whether it's overdosing again or what. x AND a murder happened down the road from me just after midnight on the 25th. HAPPY CHRISTMAS! :v:

[video=youtube;fMTTw90eEmg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMTTw90eEmg[/video] For some reason this song seems to describe my feelings of depersonalisation/derealisation perfectly to me. It's a beautiful song and I guess it really helps me put my feelings in perspective

My cousin killed herself on Christmas eve. She was always so strong, I can't imagine what sort of mental anguish she was going through to make her think this was her only option. I don't want to be sober for a while.

Just spent my entire 21st birthday alone. Feel like a little bitch for complaining that everyone had to work and had other priorities, but damn for a number like 21, I wish it would have been at least SOMETHING... I'm going to bed.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51584023]Also, why are psychologists so obsessed by focusing on medication the very first session you have with them. It always made me worse.[/QUOTE] This. My therapist asked me four or five if i wanted some. Not much different from a dealer when you think about it. And the worst part is that i don't know what to answer.

[QUOTE=Drk;51593587]This. My therapist asked me four or five if i wanted some. Not much different from a dealer when you think about it. And the worst part is that i don't know what to answer.[/QUOTE] One of them asked me three times and each time I answered: [I]"I rather take the natural course of action to fix my issues, while medication is my last alternative in case of emergency"[/I]

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51594955]One of them asked me three times and each time I answered: [I]"I rather take the natural course of action to fix my issues, while medication is my last alternative in [B]case of emergency[/B]"[/I][/QUOTE] I'd consider the post you made a few weeks back qualifies as an emergency. You weren't just discussing a suicide plan - you were discussing how long it would take your body to decompose so your family wouldn't find out you killed yourself. In vivid detail.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51596147]I'd consider the post you made a few weeks back qualifies as an emergency. You weren't just discussing a suicide plan - you were discussing how long it would take your body to decompose so your family wouldn't find out you killed yourself. In vivid detail.[/QUOTE] I guess I wasn't quick enough when I snipped it. It was a long time ago I spoke to my psychologist about my issues in general, but the suicidal ones are not caused by depression since I'm quite happy, and it was after my psych sessions. My last one was for my sleep problems so I could function better home and at work. The reasons to this are not something that can be fixed, and I've tried many ways to find a solution. My special interest(s) falls into a very unique subject, and that subject has made me aware of some very disturbing things that no one should know about. I really wish I could erase my memory, because doing so would help me; but that's not the case. As I posted before, my plan is still my primary goal, and if something happens before that which proves me wrong, I'll let it rest.

[QUOTE=Drk;51593587]This. My therapist asked me four or five if i wanted some. Not much different from a dealer when you think about it. And the worst part is that i don't know what to answer.[/QUOTE] In my experience they're pretty quick to put you on pills, yeah. First evaluation they said "Well you're either depressed because you can't focus, or you can't focus because you're depressed. Here, have some Zoloft!" (awful stuff BTW) Second time they pretty much threw me on Prozac right away. (different doctor, at least this one scheduled follow-ups while the first didn't)