Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I've been waking up really late lately because I usually don't fall asleep to around 4 or 5 am

[QUOTE=Mikenopa;50895968]I've procrastinated nearly everything in my life so far, and so I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself for treating suicide the same way.[/QUOTE] As if doing something "important" makes a lot of sense. I think it just takes some time for most people to understand that, aside from some really rare exceptions, everything they do in their life is completely meaningless and can be safely thrown away right after their death (or ever earlier), so the only thing that makes sense is to do what you like. Actually it's kinda funny. Ever since i graduated i had been running this cycle of work-education to be better at work-more work up until the point i suddenly lost my job a month ago. It's surprising how fast can the stuff you used to care so much about become completely meaningless. So don't be so harsh on yourself because of procrastination or some other inconsequential reason. It doesn't really matter what you do and how you spend you life as long you have some little money and a roof over your head.

My depression is starting to make me a really bitter and irritable person and I don't know what to do to help. [editline]16th August 2016[/editline] And a lot of the time it feels like me being dead is probably the best option for everyone, and that isn't a great feeling to have.

I've had success with my depression by recasting the role of pain and suffering as a refining fire from which gold, swords, and fine pots are either created or broken in the attempt.

Anyone else try to decrease the depression by materialism; buying lots of stuff? [editline]17th August 2016[/editline] I've spent $6000 on military surplus and Steam games in 9 months.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50898035]Anyone else try to decrease the depression by materialism; buying lots of stuff? [editline]17th August 2016[/editline] I've spent $6000 on military surplus and Steam games in 9 months.[/QUOTE] I wish I had money to spend. Because yes, I would be buying, buying, buying.

Problem is: Only 10% of that is what I need and use, imagine what I could've done with all that money.

I do it a lot but I try to still be frugal, considering I don't make a lot. Spent $150 today on clothes but I honestly need clothes so...

[QUOTE={TFS} Rock Su;50894835]I just can't fucking cry. This shouldn't be a problem. Just lemme cry for once, I need to get this out.[/QUOTE] I feel your pain man. I have this problem with the things that make me depressed. I can't cry for some reason and it would feel so good to just cry, but I can't even force it out. I can cry in movies and tv shows, but it does no good since it's not directed towards the things that really upset me.

Honestly I can't even begin to explain how I feel right now or type up what has happened to me now, this year guys this fucking stupid year is the worst year of my entire life like what in the fuck. I was happy, things were going 400% my way and now EVERYTHING has fallen apart. I'm actively trying to pick up pieces and the pieces are fucking breaking. Maybe I'll just die next for fucks sake.

death sounds pretty good ngl

Now my uncle has died. Three people dead this year. Who is next to die? Lets take bets. Fucking christ.

whatta birthday probably the worst since my 16th birthday where $5k of my stuff got stolen whereas this year it more or less seems like another day, no real significance to it nbd then some shitty payment service caused a favourite game of mine to temp block my account until I can get the chargebacks rectified yet the only problem is their webpages and webforms are complete shit then there's the part where I have been unemployed since december last year and can't really get a job because I'm too old for my age group and have no real applicable skills (dropped out half-way through 11th grade) also I haven't socialised with anyone face to face other than family in over 4 months Fuck today and the whole year it ain't fucking worth it

[QUOTE=ColdWave;50898941]Honestly I can't even begin to explain how I feel right now or type up what has happened to me now, this year guys this fucking stupid year is the worst year of my entire life like what in the fuck. I was happy, things were going 400% my way and now EVERYTHING has fallen apart. I'm actively trying to pick up pieces and the pieces are fucking breaking. Maybe I'll just die next for fucks sake.[/QUOTE] i had a really terrible year also. everytime i go to sleep i hope i never wake up. i have no reason to live anymore or want to.

-[I]Feel like i'm crazy / going crazy so take an appointment with a therapist -Each time i go to the said therapist i feel like i'm crazy because i'm going to a therapist [/I] :why:

I thought I knew my "best" friends, only to tell me that they're done with me and it's been planned for a while. I feel like a fool being lead on only to be cut out of nowhere.

I feel like over the last few years I have managed to lose control of ny emotions. When I watch a really sad scene in a movie, I don't shed a TEAR. When I get angry, the anger fills up inside of me for like 5-10 minutes depending on the situation. The only times emotions actually effect me is if something major happens to my family or real life friends, and if I go to a funeral. I don't know why, but for a very long time after my parents got divorced, I just got angrier and angrier inside. It just feels that one day, I am going to burst out of control. The main problem is that I have autistic tenacies, so this problem is even worse. I don't know why I feel like this, especially since I have been trying to get into a positive feeling for years.

So that girl I went on a date with about 3 weeks back, the same girl I've cared about for a long time finally messaged me this morning and said hi we talked for a bit and she told me she was now seeing someone. I told her as long as he makes her the happiest girl in the world I'm happy and it's true although I'm beyond crushed and really defeated. I had plans to take her for our 2nd date up to the top of Mount Washington. I just want to laugh none of this feels at all real, this entire year is just a huge prank right like it's all jokes or a dream? I'll wake up or the camera crew is gonna jump out any minute right?

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50898035]Anyone else try to decrease the depression by materialism; buying lots of stuff? [editline]17th August 2016[/editline] I've spent $6000 on military surplus and Steam games in 9 months.[/QUOTE] Kind of? I've always thought of it this way, that depression decreases my self control making me more prone to impulse decisions, like purchasing stuff or eating food when not hungry. It gives satisfaction while doing said thing but as soon as the purchase is made or the food is eaten, I'll feel worse since I know I did something irresponsible. Continuing [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1529438&p=50885085&viewfull=1#post50885085"]this post,[/URL] I have no idea whats up. I left this topic with the idea that it just happened like it happened, not because of any particular reasons. I'm starting to feel that something is up now though. On Monday, these guys usually participate in parties I go to so I usually just ask how they get there so I can join them, either by train or them driving. I was ignored for a few minutes despite her being active and then she just replied "i dont know". Um okay I guess. Just wanted some company along the way, perhaps that idea isn't as mutual as I would hope. That has happened before, her just answering "I don't know", and then she has said they'll drive and I can come along. She didn't do that this time though. I had asked another girl who lives nearby how she was intending to get there too, but she was busy with work etc so she would be a little late. That's okay, but the funny thing is that she showed up with these other guys I just wrote about. Once they came to the scene, they didn't even say hi. We didn't speak at all other than some weird stares every now and then. Two days later (today), I decided to ask the boyfriend of her what they were up to so we could hopefully get together to do something. Saw the message but no reply, been an hour. This is just so weird from their side. The guy I just sent a message is always up to do something, what is going on? Knowing them, something is definitely up. If I would take a wild guess, it's just because I've been with one particular person they're not too fond of. I'm just so tired of mentally unstable people in general. It is okay to have problems but when said problems drags others into it, it's not as easy to tolerate anymore. Knowing them, I'm most likely heavily disliked right now for some weird fantasy they've made up about me. From past experiences with them, sounds plausible. [editline]17th August 2016[/editline] But hey in other news, been feeling pretty "immortal" the past few days. Just all around good mood. I'm pretty drained and exhausted still, but that's mostly because I'm rotting away in front of a PC while the weather is nice. Can probably blame my ear infection too. [editline]17th August 2016[/editline] This has been such a good period in general just thinking of it. I'm back to where I left off in regards to my lifts in the gym, financially I've been doing fantastic (still have loads of money left and I get paid on Monday again), I feel like I have some new social opportunities (gotta get better at initiating conversations tho yo) and I'm actually really happy with the current state of my body. I can't wait until I'm all bulked up, gonna be fun.

[QUOTE=ColdWave;50901225]So that girl I went on a date with about 3 weeks back, the same girl I've cared about for a long time finally messaged me this morning and said hi we talked for a bit and she told me she was now seeing someone. I told her as long as he makes her the happiest girl in the world I'm happy and it's true although I'm beyond crushed and really defeated. I had plans to take her for our 2nd date up to the top of Mount Washington. I just want to laugh none of this feels at all real, this entire year is just a huge prank right like it's all jokes or a dream? I'll wake up or the camera crew is gonna jump out any minute right?[/QUOTE] wow that's rough I'd feel devastated too. Sorry to hear about that. I know what it feels like to of had a girl you cared about get with someone else. it hurts really bad at first but over time ive just stopped caring

[B]Fuck unrequited love. [/B]She liked me alot and asked me out, but I had no interrest for her, but after one and a half year, we've switched positions. I guess she must have felt awful because I do.

:snip:

Ive decided pretty much that Ill die on the 22nd of April when Im 25. Im turning 21 this december & I still dont have a drivers license, still live at home, unemployed, no friends, fat, ugly, stupid, no confidence whatsoever & my girlfriend, the only person ever to tell me they loved me, killed herself last year. Everyone tells me "but youre only 20 you have to much time left", well that time wont do you any good when youre sickened with your very existence. Getting true friends beyond 20 is basically impossible, so there goes that.

[QUOTE=AntontheFox;50909827]Getting true friends beyond 20 is basically impossible, so there goes that.[/QUOTE] I really don't understand this. Events that surround people and the people themselves are what determine the beginnings of friendships, not something as arbitrary as their age. Don't worry about not having any friends right now. They'll come, eventually. In a world as big as ours there are bound to be thousands of people who'd love to be your friend.

[QUOTE=AntontheFox;50909827]Ive decided pretty much that Ill die on the 22nd of April when Im 25. Im turning 21 this december & I still dont have a drivers license, still live at home, unemployed, no friends, fat, ugly, stupid, no confidence whatsoever & my girlfriend, the only person ever to tell me they loved me, killed herself last year. Everyone tells me "but youre only 20 you have to much time left", well that time wont do you any good when youre sickened with your very existence. Getting true friends beyond 20 is basically impossible, so there goes that.[/QUOTE] Which city you live in

[QUOTE=AntontheFox;50909827]Ive decided pretty much that Ill die on the 22nd of April when Im 25. Im turning 21 this december & I still dont have a drivers license, still live at home, unemployed, no friends, fat, ugly, stupid, no confidence whatsoever & my girlfriend, the only person ever to tell me they loved me, killed herself last year. Everyone tells me "but youre only 20 you have to much time left", well that time wont do you any good when youre sickened with your very existence. Getting true friends beyond 20 is basically impossible, so there goes that.[/QUOTE] Friends come and go, that's just a part of life. I've left so many friends behind in my life and I know, even now, that what "friends" I have at the moment I will also have to leave behind one day. The best thing to do is to just enjoy whatever time you have with people. You don't make friends overnight. Build goals and priorities for yourself. You don't have a license? Get that knocked out. Keep looking for a job; not your dream job, but a job that fits with your skill set or you can feel comfortable working in. Work towards finding a place to move out and buying a car. Build a foundation of goals and work your way up. Confidence is something that has to be built up over time. Start with talking to people and doing nice gestures for people for no other reason than to do it. If it's your body image you dislike and you're serious about changing it, do research into workouts and diets. Working out doesn't even have to be going to the gym, it can be doing a series of body weight exercises. Create a routine and stick to it. Watching a movie at home? Do a series of squats. A cut scene or you died in a game? Do some push ups. Buy some weights; they don't even have to be heavy. Truth is, you do have all the time in the world, if you choose to utilize it. You are really all that holds you back; likewise, you are the only one who can change your situation.

Wanting to die is a terrible feeling to have. I shouldn't want it but I just don't see myself getting better. The apathy and depression stops me from doing anything meaningful with my life. If I could just disappear I would. I don't have any confidence either. The only thing I am sure of is that I will be dead within a few years

I've been trying to change my life for the better, but nothing is working and I'm running out of chances to. This is my final year in high school and I'm interested in joining a committee. However, I was told that I may not join because my grades were bad and that I should fix them, but my grades are getting worse even though I've been trying harder than usual. This really means a lot to me because; Good grades > Join the committee > CV gets filled > Good university > Good job because of the University and filled CV. Now I've never joined a school organization because I feel like I wasn't focused and I need to focus on my studies first. But only now in my final year that I feel like joining one and when I do I am fucked. I don't want to join one in college because I feel like I will be busy and I won't the time and energy for it. I've been studying hard but all my efforts has gone to waste (as usual) and I have to do a remedial. I am very pissed off because now I have to focus on both the remedial (which I will probably fail again) and the next test so I have to carry twice the weight. I studied hard for a physics test and failed, can't do the remedial either and tomorrow I have another physics test and I didn't really study because I think I will fail again but at the same time I am very scared. I feel like I'm very slow and inferior compared to other students because I have to focus a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooot more than them, not only in studying for the initial test, but for the remedial. It's like I need to study a million hours to understand some subject and the other students would probably need a few hours only. Again, a failure. I just see no way out and those problems aren't even all of my problems right now. If someone would describe me or my life, failure would be the one word answer to it. I'm running out of chances and all is just getting worse.

Sorry this is rough: but i've been there and how do you deal with a friend who has mental health issues, won't admit it and won't allow you to help them? I've been that guy and I can accept that now, and I lost friends for it, gained them back in halves but seriously. Me and my buddy are so worried about this over friend of ours who is knowingly going down a downwards spiral and is absolutely unwilling to budge.

[QUOTE=Rossy167;50914183]Sorry this is rough: but i've been there and how do you deal with a friend who has mental health issues, won't admit it and won't allow you to help them? I've been that guy and I can accept that now, and I lost friends for it, gained them back in halves but seriously. Me and my buddy are so worried about this over friend of ours who is knowingly going down a downwards spiral and is absolutely unwilling to budge.[/QUOTE] Speaking from experience, distance yourself from this friend if it's negatively impacting you. I've been through this myself and it put such a large amount of stress on me to the point where my own mental state started falling apart. I'd constantly hear complaining etc and no matter what I said, I'd hear the same complaints over and over. Their struggles are real of course, but what can you do about this when nothing you do helps? If you have the capacity and want to help, then by all means do so. I don't think you can do much more than to just listen though. I just got annoyed responses when I tried to help, not sure if that's a common theme or not. But if you notice that you're sacrificing your own well being while trying to help, put some space between the two of you and come back later. It's not worth it to sacrifice your own mental health when said person you're trying to help won't accept any of it anyway.