Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51596638]I guess I wasn't quick enough when I snipped it. It was a long time ago I spoke to my psychologist about my issues in general, but the suicidal ones are not caused by depression since I'm quite happy, and it was after my psych sessions. My last one was for my sleep problems so I could function better home and at work. The reasons to this are not something that can be fixed, and I've tried many ways to find a solution. My special interest(s) falls into a very unique subject, and that subject has made me aware of some very disturbing things that no one should know about. I really wish I could erase my memory, because doing so would help me; but that's not the case. As I posted before, my plan is still my primary goal, and if something happens before that which proves me wrong, I'll let it rest.[/QUOTE] So have you tried medicine yet? Because you said it's something that can't be fixed and you've tried to find a solution but then you posted above that you're completely against medication and won't use it. Nothing I say over this forum is going to convince you to change your mind - at the end of the day you don't know me and I'm just some stranger on the internet.

That being said i'm not against medication, at all. But medication and nothing else is stupid as fuck. I would only accept medication if a real plan of action (goals, follow-ups, things to do, etc...) is put in place. If it's just passive medication and "come back in a month" it's no thx.

When people (like my therapist and my parents) ask me what I want to study it feels like when people ask me what I want to eat, what Music I like or what I like to do. When people ask me "Hey Niko, so, what would you like to eat?" I know I can't say Fried Chicken, Pizza or junk food in general, even if I like junk food, I just can't reply that I want to eat junk food because 1) it's expensive and most companions feel bad by spending too much money on food 2) greasy, fast food is frowned upon by many people As kid I would normally answer "pizza", but after being punished and scolded for it, I just ask the other person what they want instead. When my therapist asks me what Music I listen to, I feel afraid of telling her about the alternative, indie music I listen to, or the fact that sometimes I listen to stuff from other genres, like rap, country Music, jazz and so on. So I just reply with "Classical Music" because it's the most accepted kind of Music and it's not frowned upon by anyone. Now with a career, when my parents ask me what I want to study, I know I must be an engineer because through my entire life I was driven into engineering. I come from a family of mechanics, my father was a technician, my brother is an engineer. Money was freedom and as kid I was told engineers had the best payouts, so if I ever wanted to be free, I had to become one, so I worked my ass to get into engineering at college. Not being an engineer is frowned upon in the state where I live, more if you are guy. That's the bad part of living in a very industrial state. I just reply what people want to hear because I don't want them to hurt me or think I'm a bad person

[QUOTE=Booker K;51599601]stuff[/QUOTE] By moving to Idaho you would be giving up your relatives and all of your friends/connections.. basically your entire support network. You have one friend in Idaho. That's it. This would be a different situation if you were looking to move and had the financial means to support yourself. In your current situation I'd stay with your grandparents - you're going to move out of your parents place eventually, right? If your grandparents are willing to support you until you're self sufficient.. stick with them. Because giving up your entire support network is not as easy as it sounds and you won't make those connections in Idaho for years.

I stopped taking my antipsychotics days ago and I'm starting to feel "bad" again but part of me likes it and wants to keep "deteriorating". "Bad" in quotes because to the outside person it appears bad to them but they don't know all of it. It's not all bad. I don't even think I am deteriorating, just everyone else has a problem with me. My psychiatrist not so subtly suggested to me that if I keep doing this I can't really live a normal life. I'm sure I can though. She asked how I I thought I'd end up if I kept going this direction. There's 2 directions. The medicated route and the sober route. I'm starting to realize I might not be able to go the sober route and still lead a good life. But if that's what my regular self is then maybe that's what's meant to be, and taking medication is stealing time that's not supposed to be there. Still can't talk about what I really need to with the people who need to hear it the most. It's like having a really cool story and not being able to tell anyone and you feel upset/antsy bc of it. Not the best analogy but works for me. To darksoul: I gave my psychiatrist that paper. I brought it to read to her, not to give it to her though. I read it to her and she asked to make a copy of it and I agreed. I accidentally let a little too much slip when writing and now she has it for herself and now I'm regretting it. I see her next week, I wonder if she has anything to say about it.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51599994]I stopped taking my antipsychotics days ago and I'm starting to feel "bad" again but part of me likes it and wants to keep "deteriorating". "Bad" in quotes because to the outside person it appears bad to them but they don't know all of it. It's not all bad. I don't even think I am deteriorating, just everyone else has a problem with me. My psychiatrist not so subtly suggested to me that if I keep doing this I can't really live a normal life. I'm sure I can though. She asked how I I thought I'd end up if I kept going this direction. There's 2 directions. The medicated route and the sober route. I'm starting to realize I might not be able to go the sober route and still lead a good life. But if that's what my regular self is then maybe that's what's meant to be, and taking medication is stealing time that's not supposed to be there. To darksoul: I gave my psychiatrist that paper. I brought it to read to her, not to give it to her though. I read it to her and she asked to make a copy of it and I agreed. I accidentally let a little too much slip when writing and now she has it for herself and now I'm regretting it. I see her next week, I wonder if she has anything to say about it.[/QUOTE] So I don't take antipsychotics. I don't know much about them - but I can tell you that if you have say bipolar disorder and you stop taking your meds other people notice. You might think you're feeling better off the meds but others notice a difference like night and day (and not in a good way). The thing with your psychiatrist is that shes bound by patient confidentiality. If you wrote it on the paper it was for a reason even if you regret putting it on there now.

I always feel 10x worse around new years

Any tips for dealing with a sense of impending doom? Nothing feels right and I feel tense, had it all day. I don't know of any coping mechanisms for it.

I find myself constantly trying to swim up to surface and when I do I can only stay afloat for maybe four days if I'm lucky and then everything just comes tumbling down again. When is the last time I had touched the skills, hobbies, whatever that I care about? hahahaha

I'm absolutely terrible for getting lost in nostalgia and constantly comparing the highlights of the past couple years to my current life even though I KNOW in a few years I'll be doing the same about now, and I'm only 21 but I feel like I need to grow up and be an adult which just seems 100x more depressing than being a teenager again I found an old iPhone that had gotten broken back during a party in the summer of 2015, plugged it in and it magically started working, it's completely disconnected from wifi and data so every single app running still has everything from that day like some kind of time capsule, it's really sad to look back and think how much happier I felt, hm My mother suffers from depression and I take after her more than my dad, I often feel depressed but I'm able to pull out of it usually but recently i've been finding it harder and harder, maybe it's time to see the doctor before it gets too bad

[QUOTE=PredGD;51602173]Any tips for dealing with a sense of impending doom? Nothing feels right and I feel tense, had it all day. I don't know of any coping mechanisms for it.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I've had that for weeks now. Idk how to deal with it effectively other than just indulge in some hobbies to take your mind off it.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51602173]Any tips for dealing with a sense of impending doom? Nothing feels right and I feel tense, had it all day. I don't know of any coping mechanisms for it.[/QUOTE] Back when I was a Christian I used to have what I called "religious anxiety" where I thought I was going to hell, and of course that gave me a feeling of impending doom. These episodes typically lasted a few weeks, and medication helped with taking the edge off that feeling of impending doom so I could cope through my episode. Having someone to tell me my thoughts were irrational helped. Being around people also helped. It helped me feel secure.

Welp, had to spend my Christmas alone gonna have to spend new years alone.

anybody ever make really good progress in a lot of positive aspects of your life in a year and then feel shitty because you feel like you neglected other parts of your life? [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] feels like even when I have a good year I feel shitty coz it just doesn't feel like it was enough

2017 is around the corner, so is the end of my life, probably. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] I can't fucking do this anymore..

So, I was prescribed some drug about a month ago by a psychiatrist, but never started taking them for one reason or another. My girlfriend left me last night over something unrelated, and I'm thinking I should probably start, so things don't get any worse for me, but I'm still a little uneasy on it. In general I just have absolutely no motivation to do pretty much anything right now What do people here think?

How do I make it so everyone and everything that happens don't keep reminding me on how I am the most useless, worthless and meaningless human in existence... [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] I don't have the energy and will to even hold on anymore.. I don't want to anymore... [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] I just want to go.. forever. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] Why is this happening to me [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] How do i make it stop [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] I hate my life and I hate myself even more.. I want both to be gone [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] How do I stop being replaced by everyone.. How do I become meaningful to someone even in the slightest... [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] How do I not become useless no matter how much i try... why can't people accept me on how much I tried rather than the results.. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] i think I'm broken beyond repair... Nothing can ever fix me.. I just want to die now..I'm so sorry.. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] even if something good happens i don't think i want to go on anymore... [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] no one wants me anymore... [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] i want this pain to stop.. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] i nobody else.. i'm afraid..

GoldAssassin, please PM me or add me on Steam, I do not like seeing you like this :frown:

I'm afraid.. i cannot..

[QUOTE=GoldAssassin;51604943]I'm afraid.. i cannot..[/QUOTE] Don't be afraid, friend, we're all here to here

I really really can't and don't feel comfortable talking about my problems especially with people I'm not close with, even if their intentions are good. Even if someone pushes or forces me to do so I won't talk. [editline]31st December 2016[/editline] I'm so confused about everything.. I don't know what to do... I just want to go.. :saddowns:

i don't know how much more of this pain i can take i'm sorry for being such a weak little fucktard guys i'm so fucking sorry i can't do this anymore [editline]1st January 2017[/editline] only a few hours in this new year and it's kicking my ass in my experience it always gets worse every year and this time i don't think i'll survive this year. [editline]1st January 2017[/editline] AAAAAARGH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

No matter what, I think we should all make it a new year goal of ours to go on a journey of self-discovery, and also take up a new hobby. Don't like a hobby? Then move on to something else, over and over again until you find something you enjoy doing :smile:

There used to be a time in my life when nothing I attempted worked out for me the way I expected it to, and I had to struggle hard even for scraps to come my way, never mind getting a return on something I truly worked hard for. It was a very dark time for me and something I almost didn't survive until I found a purpose I could work towards. At the time I was more of a cynical asshole who could care less about others' problems, and often turned my cynicism on others. On top of this, my family couldn't really understand what was going through in my own mind at the time, though they did try to help me for what it's worth. Things are much better for me lately, though I've still had to deal with my fair share of bullshit, but I find it easier to deal with it these days, in any event, sometimes shit happens and you have to roll with it. Complaining that it's happening won't do any good either, it makes you feel better for a while, but it doesn't change anything about the problem itself. In those days, I used to envy others' good fortune without realizing how much better I had it than most people even do, but I suppose when you're not doing so great, the grass always seems greener on the other side. On the flip side, others might envy you for what you've got and would want it, enough and more of it, that they feel they could deal with your baggage better if given a chance. But I mean, can any of us really claim we could live somebody else's life better than they could themselves, were we put in the same situations? You don't know everything about their lives and how their minds work to make such claims. Sometimes things feel pretty hopeless, and that leads to a lot of bitterness at how unfair life can be, and often it hammers us so hard that it just wants to make us give up. Rail at how unfair it is, by all means, but never, ever try to take it out on others who have their own problems. It doesn't make you a big man, and will screw you up far worse than if you just tried to be understanding. Blowing out somebody else's candle through jealousy won't make yours shine any brighter. It's better to accept what's given to you instead of chasing the wind with both hands out of envy for the success of others. Not all of us are going to become movie stars, millionaires, or even just well known. Live your life dealing with things as they come, and don't hurt others because you envy them and disagree that they should have things that you don't. And always remember: it's better to have fought until the end because giving up means you're never going to know what might have been at all.

Anyone else feel like they're not meant to have love? Being 22 and a kissless virgin has lead me to believe that i'm not really meant for relationships and stuff like that. Too much social anxiety, too much loneliness, too boring, too much fucking negativity. I just want to have someone to hug and cuddle with, is that really too much to ask for

[QUOTE=Glitch360;51609221]Anyone else feel like they're not meant to have love? Being 22 and a kissless virgin has lead me to believe that i'm not really meant for relationships and stuff like that. Too much social anxiety, too much loneliness, too boring, too much fucking negativity. I just want to have someone to hug and cuddle with, is that really too much to ask for[/QUOTE] Honestly there's nothing for it but arrange a meetup or find people to meet, i'm afraid. For what it's worth, if you're feeling a bit anxious about it, you could try seeking the assistance of somebody else you know when you're out looking for someone to meet. Yeah sometimes things won't work out, but if they don't you can always try again. The ball's in your court pretty much, go out there and meet people, or use dating sites like okcupid.

I guess. I just wish it wasn't so god damn hard for me

I've moved out for the first time in my life. Pretty weird to be all alone in an apartment and knowing that I will be for a long time. I was pretty hyped about moving but now that I've actually moved it feels a lot more scary. I feel anxious and nervous. I'm sure it'll eventually get better once I've gotten used to the place and actually feel like I'm "home". [editline]1st January 2017[/editline] Nice start to 2017 though, I managed to meet my deadline of moving out before the year was over! Or technically I didn't make it since 1st of January but it's close enough.

I'm currently going insane and I was wondering what are this thread's views on therapists?

Well for the past few days. Had a number of frantic "existential crisis" moments. Being raised Christian and then realizing that there is nothing but Eternal Oblivion after death is a pretty huge shock to your reality. I had a moment like this about a year ago, but nothing as severe as the one im having recently. So, hopefully i can live until 2030-2070 when they have something to "Cheat" death. Right now the thought of it is absolutely terrifying.