Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

haven't you spoken to the rest of your family about this, and to your sister in particular? Why not try sleeping pills too, if it comes to that?

Sleeping pills help to put me to sleep but not to stay asleep. I can't take anything heavier than melatonin either way. And I worry about being kind of groggy in the morning if I take Benadryl. Talking to them doesn't do much. There isn't anything for them to do short of taking a crying baby way across the house which doesn't benefit them because her crib is on the other side of my wall. Rearranging rooms is out of the question and I can't really move myself into another room in the morning because they're all usually occupied. So short of sleeping outside, there aren't a whole lot of options I can take. Leaves me feeling extremely futile some mornings and it pokes badly at my depression when I'm being constantly knocked out of REM. [editline]11th January 2017[/editline] If I could find a way to reverse soundproof my room so it keeps all sound OUT then I'd probably do it in a heartbeat.

WHAT THE FUCK so I've been invited to take part in a TV show which will be filming this month?!?! :wow: I really don't know whether to take part up the offer or not, considering this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and my anxiety goes through the wall whenever I'm in unfamiliar places for the first time :speechless:

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51655435]WHAT THE FUCK so I've been invited to take part in a TV show which will be filming this month?!?! :wow: I really don't know whether to take part up the offer or not, considering this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and my anxiety goes through the wall whenever I'm in unfamiliar places for the first time :speechless:[/QUOTE] You have been conditioned by society to freeze in "freeze, flight or fight" mode. Imagine the emotional perspective as a battlefield with raw instinctual needs to protect your defenseless family as a God raising a sword against the devil himself with no notion of defeat since you control the entire cosmos but this devil needs to be taught a lesson.

Happiness is a pause between two sufferings

I've been struggling through a lot of stuff the last few months. It's been some of the worst and most emotional times of my life. I started self harming and was having constant suicidal thoughts. I had to pull myself away from the bridge on my way to work every day. Convince myself that I should stick it out one more day. That something would give me a reason to keep going. Then my best friend came into my life. I'm still struggling and hurting, but I wanted to take a moment to say I'm still here. I've never been able to do that. Just stop and think and appreciate that I'm still alive. That I haven't bloodied my wrists in a month. It's surreal to think about.

[QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51655435]WHAT THE FUCK so I've been invited to take part in a TV show which will be filming this month?!?! :wow: I really don't know whether to take part up the offer or not, considering this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and my anxiety goes through the wall whenever I'm in unfamiliar places for the first time :speechless:[/QUOTE] I've just gotten off the phone to my Daddykins. And just like my mum he says that I SHOULDN'T take up the TV show opportunity about 'Broken Britain'... Upon second thoughts, the way TV shows are heavily edited these days, they are only looking for opportunities for drama to occur; so the more drama that happens, the more "positive and happy times" they will cut from the show. I have been leaning towards "Yes" and "No", more towards "No"... Since I was asked to appear on this national TV show only yesterday. But after researching on the propaganda and mainstream shows that are being displayed nowadays, I am going to have to say NO to this opportunity. :smile:

[QUOTE=coyote93;51657210]Not if you die while being happy.[/QUOTE] Then you suffer for eternity while being dead :v:

I've been sleeping awfully these past few nights. Can't keep my schedule on track at all. More thoughts of self-harming that I'm trying to stave off. Trying pretty hard to ignore the lonely feelings (and failing for the most part). I'm in quite a rut. My seasonal depression seems a bit stronger than it has been in a long time. Starting to be scared that I won't be able to get passed it within the next few months.

I may be more stressed and terrified, but I am actually a lot happier. Probably because I've finally spent time with my family.

I'm gonna cross-post this from the super friendly social and love advice thread because I need more opinions/words: 2 and a half something years ago I met the love of my life. She's my first ever girlfriend and we damn love each other. In about eight months, I'm going to be transferring to school. At this point, we're both in community college still. In short, we're going to be long distance. Depending on which school I end up going, somewhere between 6-8 hours drive across California long distance. It's not just this, all my friends, and all my family are going to be staying here obviously so I will be long distance from them too. This is all happening in eight months. I'm a huge family and friends guy. I love being around people I love and this is the farthest I will be from people I love. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I've done good in life. I've done excellent in school, I saved up money for school, etc. There's nothing for me to worry about. I feel like I've been working nonstop for the past 2.5 years and now all of a sudden, when I had a bit of a break from work, all these thoughts came flooding in. I've always been an over-thinker. I always over-think the tiniest things. I think about shit that happens days, weeks, months, even years from now. I wouldn't doubt I have some sort of mental problem. I've been severely depressed. I've been sad and on the verge of a breakdown everyday for the past 2 weeks. I cried all day yesterday. I'm just sad. I'm scared of moving away. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my girlfriend. I know people go through this everyday and come out okay, but I just can't help but feel so alone and lost without them. Can someone just tell me things will be okay? I have a huge fear of abandonment and being alone. Can someone who's been through this please help me out?

I just want love, I'm figuring this out, I'm a pathetic hopeless romantic.

Don't want to go into detail, but parents had a huge fight last August to the point where I had to stay with friends for a week. Even after I came home things were still in total chaos, and I was having panic attacks on an almost daily basis. It's gotten marginally better since then, but the whole ordeal has taken its toll on my health. I spend way too much money on booze because that's the only escape I can find. I try to use whatever effort I can scavenge from my brain and look for jobs, but I can't manage to get anything. It feels so hopeless to even try anymore.

I HATE when people ask me "Why are you so quiet?" Because I am. That's how I function. I don't ask others "Why are you so loud? Why do you talk so much?" That's rude.

failed two exams in a row, when do i shoot myself, i was meant to study 5 years here but it's been 6 already and i still can't pass the remaining 1.5 years

Been having the urge to just run far away from society recently. Idk I feel like I don't really get people.

[QUOTE=ColdWave;51663402]I just want love, I'm figuring this out, I'm a pathetic hopeless romantic.[/QUOTE] Desire is suffering; Remove "I" and "want", and you'll end up with love. Peace my brother. [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=mchapra;51664881]Been having the urge to just run far away from society recently. Idk I feel like I don't really get people.[/QUOTE] Observational skills by relevant feelings makes you try to do your best, until you know better, then you'll be better. You are therefore a winner, and have always been one simply by this skillful form of awareness. [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Steam-Pixie;51664238]I HATE when people ask me "Why are you so quiet?" Because I am. That's how I function. I don't ask others "Why are you so loud? Why do you talk so much?" That's rude.[/QUOTE] Maybe people are interested in what kind of personality you have? Imagine having the grace of making a first impression based by design, what follows will always be the next step on working on your character. You are a spiritual engineer! [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Ldesu;51659385]Then you suffer for eternity while being dead :v:[/QUOTE] The three existential markers of the cosmos are: Suffering, impermanence and non-self. Life is suffering by being impermanent. Sickness is suffering. Health is suffering by being impermanent. Death is suffering by being subjected to reincarnation as defined by Anatta (the non-self). We are made by matter, and therefore any planet subjected to evolutionary products sooner or later attains a form that realizes the self as not-self. This is where karma comes in, anger give rise to hate, hate give rise to suffering. A society based on suffering as an end result of the natural development of civilizations is the psychological equivalent to being reborn in hell. On the other hand, if by skillful means we document our path away from suffering, God as a shepherd for example, the natural progression moves towards a paradise. [editline]13th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=The bird Man;51659898]I may be more stressed and terrified, but I am actually a lot happier. Probably because I've finally spent time with my family.[/QUOTE] Bonding with other beings do facilitate free will as the material world programs you by conditioned circumstances based on the evolution of the universe to act a certain way. We are no longer the chemical reproduction in the primordial soup as defined in mathematics, because as the universe is expanding, each conscious moment is the beginning of a new one. Imagine an eternal pattern without time, the only thing that can provide us with time is consciousness. Therefore, consciousness is the creation through each and every thought and time that perpetuates the movement and free will of beings occupying the cosmos that is designed by it's own collective free will.

[QUOTE=damnatus;51664850]failed two exams in a row, when do i shoot myself, i was meant to study 5 years here but it's been 6 already and i still can't pass the remaining 1.5 years[/QUOTE] I'm in the same boat. What was meant to take 2 years is looking like it will probably take 4. I fail most of my exams because I have trouble leaving my home, being in a huge hall with so many people will make me panic and give me immense anxiety. It's a nightmare scenario.

[QUOTE=ejonkou;51665914]I'm in the same boat. What was meant to take 2 years is looking like it will probably take 4. I fail most of my exams because I have trouble leaving my home, being in a huge hall with so many people will make me panic and give me immense anxiety. It's a nightmare scenario.[/QUOTE] Do they have disability accommodations there? I get them because of frequent absences due to my digestive disabilityand it helps a ton. But idk how it works outside of the US.

My father is so mentally unstable it's almost laughably sad. Throws a fucking wobbly over the Christmas decorations in a bag not being put in the loft yet never asks anyone to do it and has complained previously about people going into the loft anyway. So now I type to you on tethered internet thinking how glad I am to have never told my parents anything serious because if one simple bag of Christmas decorations sends him throwing routers around then god only knows what I want to say would be 50x worse.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51665966]Do they have disability accommodations there? I get them because of frequent absences due to my digestive disabilityand it helps a ton. But idk how it works outside of the US.[/QUOTE] Not really. I do all my courses from home via the internet, and I've been lucky that some of the teachers I've had has given me the opportunity to do my final exams from my home, but most, about 90%, require some sort of in-person exam. And in those situations it's up to the draw if the exam day happens to be one of my good days or one of my bad days. I don't tell many people about my condition, because I don't want to come across and vain and superficial. Except for a couple of people, nobody know about it, not even my family or closest friends.

[QUOTE=ejonkou;51666023]Not really. I do all my courses from home via the internet, and I've been lucky that some of the teachers I've had has given me the opportunity to do my final exams from my home, but most, about 90%, require some sort of in-person exam. And in those situations it's up to the draw if the exam day happens to be one of my good days or one of my bad days. I don't tell many people about my condition, because I don't want to come across and vain and superficial. Except for a couple of people, nobody know about it, not even my family or closest friends.[/QUOTE] shit, vain and superficial are the last things that come to mind here if they think rubbish like that, their loss

[QUOTE=ejonkou;51666023]Not really. I do all my courses from home via the internet, and I've been lucky that some of the teachers I've had has given me the opportunity to do my final exams from my home, but most, about 90%, require some sort of in-person exam. And in those situations it's up to the draw if the exam day happens to be one of my good days or one of my bad days. I don't tell many people about my condition, because I don't want to come across and vain and superficial. Except for a couple of people, nobody know about it, not even my family or closest friends.[/QUOTE] Some schools also have testing accommodations, like doing it in a separate room, or being given more time, or being allowed breaks. Have you ever asked about that on those days that you HAVE to be there?

[QUOTE=Booker K;51666022]My step dad can be pretty assholish with our router sometimes. Whenever things don't go his way even if he never asked for help, he can be all "Fuck you guys, you can pay for your own internet." and unplug it until he's calmed down. It's just got to the point where I ignore it and simply say "Whatever, I can browse the net on my phone anyways." Still though, your dad sounds more shitty than my own.[/QUOTE] He's done much worse but still it's horrible I have no way to really escape from this.

Also your disability or situation is nobody's business but your own. You're totally in your right to keep that information to yourself. But know that if someone decides to lessen your worth because of it, then they're not worth much themselves.

Had a very decent week but today man... i don't know what the fuck is going on.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51666051]Some schools also have testing accommodations, like doing it in a separate room, or being given more time, or being allowed breaks. Have you ever asked about that on those days that you HAVE to be there?[/QUOTE] I haven't asked to be put in a seperate room. If I can make it to the school, hell, if I can make it out of my house, it's probably a good day. A day where I feel normal, feel like I look normal and I'm confident, with minimal anxiety. The main debilitation are the bad days, where I give in to my obsessive thoughts and compulsions, I break down mentally and just want to die. The days where just the thought of leaving my house gives me immense anxiety and the thought of other people seeing and staring at me makes me panic.

So my moms in the hospital for COPD and (probably, not biopsied yet) lung cancer - I'm not handling it very well so my doctor doubled my Fluoxetine dosage and then gave me trazodone for my insomia. It turns out trazodone is also an antidepressant.

What's the point of mental health awareness if there isn't any money to fund supports? Call me cynical, but to me, awareness initiatives (like here in Canada, Bell's Lets Talk, look it up) are just masturbatory for people who are not mentally ill, because I don't think I've ever met someone who wasn't mentally ill actually fully understand what it's like to be ill.

Awesome. I tried to explain something in front of a bunch of people in Discord and ended up sounding like the gibbering idiot I truly am. If those guys don't see how literally pants-on-head retarded I can be, I'll be amazed. I'm truly worthless lmao