Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

[QUOTE=mchapra;51683784]My moods still pretty bad but I was almost pretty much in a extremely numb distant state before I started taking them, so I consider that an improvement.[/QUOTE] If any doctor ever tries to prescribe you Lexapro or Escitolopram, punch them in the face. It ruined my fucking life. Turned me into an automated, unfeeling person. Like my soul had been torn out of me. I had no feelings. I didn't feel pain, I didn't fear anything. I put my life in danger so many times because the medication shut off my instincts of "this could hurt you. Probably shouldn't do that." I couldn't think. I couldn't process information, like my mind was permanently in a haze. I started having nightmares every single night, visual and auditory hallucinations when I was awake. It made me want to kill myself. It made me want to die. It made me feel like maybe death would start me over, maybe I'd be able to actually feel again. It caused me to be emotionless and distant from my friends and family. My ex actually pointed it out to me, weeks ago, that I didn't laugh like I used to. I didn't think much of it, but I knew she was right. I didn't laugh. I didn't have those borderline "roflmfao" laughs like I used to. After finally seeing a new doctor and getting a new medication.. it's beyond words. My doc prescribed me a 1mg clonazepam dose, and I can feel again. I was giving my son a bath a few nights ago, and I laughed so hard with him. I couldn't stop laughing at everything he did. Every splash, every bath toy he'd grenade-toss at me, even when he splashed water at me and soaked me, I just laughed and laughed and laughed. For the first time in almost ten fucking years, I can feel again. I can think. I started to remember everything I've done to my friends and family, and I spent almost 90 minutes in the fetal position crying my eyes out in the shower yesterday as a result. Ten years of backlogged emotion all coming back at once. Ten years of every problem I've had, becoming finally conscious that its my own fault. Everything is on my shoulders. I'm not used to feeling again. I'm not used to being able to sleep. I'm finally seeing an actual therapist instead of just talking to a general practitioner, and trying to rebuild how much I've fucked up my life. Don't let yourself stop feeling. Don't let yourself become a machine. Get the fucking help you need, don't wait.

[QUOTE=ZakkShock;51684798]If any doctor ever tries to prescribe you Lexapro or Escitolopram, punch them in the face. It ruined my fucking life. Turned me into an automated, unfeeling person. Like my soul had been torn out of me. I had no feelings. I didn't feel pain, I didn't fear anything. I put my life in danger so many times because the medication shut off my instincts of "this could hurt you. Probably shouldn't do that." I couldn't think. I couldn't process information, like my mind was permanently in a haze. I started having nightmares every single night, visual and auditory hallucinations when I was awake. It made me want to kill myself. It made me want to die. It made me feel like maybe death would start me over, maybe I'd be able to actually feel again. It caused me to be emotionless and distant from my friends and family. My ex actually pointed it out to me, weeks ago, that I didn't laugh like I used to. I didn't think much of it, but I knew she was right. I didn't laugh. I didn't have those borderline "roflmfao" laughs like I used to. After finally seeing a new doctor and getting a new medication.. it's beyond words. My doc prescribed me a 1mg clonazepam dose, and I can feel again. I was giving my son a bath a few nights ago, and I laughed so hard with him. I couldn't stop laughing at everything he did. Every splash, every bath toy he'd grenade-toss at me, even when he splashed water at me and soaked me, I just laughed and laughed and laughed. For the first time in almost ten fucking years, I can feel again. I can think. I started to remember everything I've done to my friends and family, and I spent almost 90 minutes in the fetal position crying my eyes out in the shower yesterday as a result. Ten years of backlogged emotion all coming back at once. Ten years of every problem I've had, becoming finally conscious that its my own fault. Everything is on my shoulders. I'm not used to feeling again. I'm not used to being able to sleep. I'm finally seeing an actual therapist instead of just talking to a general practitioner, and trying to rebuild how much I've fucked up my life. Don't let yourself stop feeling. Don't let yourself become a machine. Get the fucking help you need, don't wait.[/QUOTE] It sucks that Lexapro didn't work out for you, SSRI's can be very hit and miss depending on who takes it. Anyway, I wanted to say some words about the clonazepam you mentioned. I got the impression that you've gotten this prescribed for every day use as a replacement for Lexapro but I could be wrong. Just be wary that clonazepam is a benzodiazepine, a highly addictive class of drugs that can be difficult to stop using if used every day to treat anxiety. The physical withdrawal also has a poor reputation of being brutal and painful. It's one of the few drugs out there that can kill from withdrawal alone. You might already be aware and you might not even use it every day (I hope), I just wanted to pitch in some words just to inform if you didn't already know. It's not only an evil drug that fucks you up, its great for panic attacks and so on but as far as I know, it's generally very ill advised to use a benzo to treat general anxiety over the long term with frequent dosing. It only takes a few days of every day use to develop a physical dependence.

[QUOTE=PredGD;51685008]It sucks that Lexapro didn't work out for you, SSRI's can be very hit and miss depending on who takes it. Anyway, I wanted to say some words about the clonazepam you mentioned. I got the impression that you've gotten this prescribed for every day use as a replacement for Lexapro but I could be wrong. Just be wary that clonazepam is a benzodiazepine, a highly addictive class of drugs that can be difficult to stop using if used every day to treat anxiety. The physical withdrawal also has a poor reputation of being brutal and painful. It's one of the few drugs out there that can kill from withdrawal alone. You might already be aware and you might not even use it every day (I hope), I just wanted to pitch in some words just to inform if you didn't already know. It's not only an evil drug that fucks you up, its great for panic attacks and so on but as far as I know, it's generally very ill advised to use a benzo to treat general anxiety over the long term with frequent dosing. It only takes a few days of every day use to develop a physical dependence.[/QUOTE] I'll discuss this with my doctor.. but I feel at this point, the ends justify the means. I feel again. I laughed more today than I have cumulatively in the last 6 months. I feel so much different. So much better. I feel like for the first time in ages.. things might actually be okay.

ive been thinking of my ex girlfriend lately. i was thinking how long we havent spoken. over a year now. i wonder if she ever thinks of me. probably not. i guess part of me really does miss her. i want to talk to her. i think about messaging her on facebook since i dont have a phone but i dont think she would answer. i dont even know what i would say. do any of you think i should message her? i wonder how shes doing. its depressing me we might not speak again

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51688006]ive been thinking of my ex girlfriend lately. i was thinking how long we havent spoken. over a year now. i wonder if she ever thinks of me. probably not. i guess part of me really does miss her. i want to talk to her. i think about messaging her on facebook since i dont have a phone but i dont think she would answer. i dont even know what i would say. do any of you think i should message her? i wonder how shes doing. its depressing me we might not speak again[/QUOTE] A few months ago I texted my ex because we haven't talked in at least 8 months at the time. She was really nice and we hung out a few times to catch up and now we're really good friends again. We didn't leave off on the best note so I'm glad I had the chance to talk to her again and set things straight so we're both happy and not left in the dark wondering why we stopped talking, etc. It all really depends on who she is though, and if she's the kind of person to forgive and forget. Mine was, and I'm glad for that so we don't carry the burden of disliking one another.

i would like to be friends with her again. i really dont know if she hates me or not though. i hope shes happy though shes a good person

Man, anxiety induced stomach / digestive issues is the worst thing ever. [QUOTE=ZakkShock;51684798]If any doctor ever tries to prescribe you Lexapro or Escitolopram, punch them in the face. It ruined my fucking life. Turned me into an automated, unfeeling person. Like my soul had been torn out of me. I had no feelings. I didn't feel pain, I didn't fear anything. I put my life in danger so many times because the medication shut off my instincts of "this could hurt you. Probably shouldn't do that." I couldn't think. I couldn't process information, like my mind was permanently in a haze. I started having nightmares every single night, visual and auditory hallucinations when I was awake. It made me want to kill myself. It made me want to die. It made me feel like maybe death would start me over, maybe I'd be able to actually feel again. It caused me to be emotionless and distant from my friends and family. My ex actually pointed it out to me, weeks ago, that I didn't laugh like I used to. I didn't think much of it, but I knew she was right. I didn't laugh. I didn't have those borderline "roflmfao" laughs like I used to. After finally seeing a new doctor and getting a new medication.. it's beyond words. My doc prescribed me a 1mg clonazepam dose, and I can feel again. I was giving my son a bath a few nights ago, and I laughed so hard with him. I couldn't stop laughing at everything he did. Every splash, every bath toy he'd grenade-toss at me, even when he splashed water at me and soaked me, I just laughed and laughed and laughed. For the first time in almost ten fucking years, I can feel again. I can think. I started to remember everything I've done to my friends and family, and I spent almost 90 minutes in the fetal position crying my eyes out in the shower yesterday as a result. Ten years of backlogged emotion all coming back at once. Ten years of every problem I've had, becoming finally conscious that its my own fault. Everything is on my shoulders. I'm not used to feeling again. I'm not used to being able to sleep. I'm finally seeing an actual therapist instead of just talking to a general practitioner, and trying to rebuild how much I've fucked up my life. Don't let yourself stop feeling. Don't let yourself become a machine. Get the fucking help you need, don't wait.[/QUOTE] You know, as much as i would like to put the blame of my anxiety and depression on years of Accutane (which is known to fuck shit up) past a certain stage you need to realize that the medication isn't always the cause of your troubles. Also benzodiazepines (aka what you're taking now) are highly addictive and are far more "risky" if i can say it like that than SSRIs. You can be functional with them, but i know for a fact that they're addictive. My colleague at work is taking them, and when he starts getting anxious he instantly chug on one. I don't think this is a good solution. [QUOTE=gtanoofa;51682201]I keep waking up at night and it's really annoying at times. It all started 2 weeks ago when i fixed my messed up sleep schedule so i can sleep at night. I keep waking up at like 12 am and 4 am then think for a bit and sleep again but sometimes i can't fall asleep again and in result i'm very tired for the day. I don't know what to do. Anyone have a suggestion? I don't want to feel dead 24/7 :/[/QUOTE] Yeah i had that. Still do but with less intensity. In my case it was (and still is) anxiety. It's fluctuant but if you are less anxious you will sleep better and vice-versa.

After pulling an all nighter I was cuddling with my puppy in her play pen and she started vomitting out of the blue. We took her to the vet and apparently she's having some sort of small blockage or some thing. Now she's going to be spending the whole day at the vet clinic and the thought honestly annoys the hell out of me. I just got this dog a month and a half ago and she's been my pride and joy ever since. We think she got into the mulch garden when we weren't looking. If that's the case, then she probably just needs to get her stomach pumped or some thing. I know it's probly not a big deal, but I have serious anxiety so the only thing my body functions off of is the, "what if". Also I just find that writing out my benine life crisis' to help. I love my dogger.

[QUOTE=Paincake;51689997]I know it's probly not a big deal, but I have serious anxiety so the only thing my body functions off of is the, "what if".[/QUOTE] I lived out of "what if" for the past seven months. It's abominable. There was a stage where i was so anxious and the "what if" was so strong that for a few days everything felt possible. Everything. By that i mean that i was outside and the thought of the sky opening up to let pass a giant hand was entirely possible to me. It felt possible. My mind wasn't set in stone anymore, my mind didn't filter what was possible and probable from pure imagination. Atrocious. I came to realize that it was just an expression of anxiety but still.

I sleep 13-20 hours a day. I still feel like shit

[QUOTE=Drk;51689914]Man, anxiety induced stomach / digestive issues is the worst thing ever..[/QUOTE] If you have a gastro doctor, I'd recommend asking to be put on Dicyclomine. I have a pre-existing stomach disorder and anxiety just fucks me up even more. I take Bentyl as needed and it works great as an antispasmodic. My stomach aches are gone in 20-30 minutes.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51690122]If you have a gastro doctor, I'd recommend asking to be put on Dicyclomine. I have a pre-existing stomach disorder and anxiety just fucks me up even more. I take Bentyl as needed and it works great as an antispasmodic. My stomach aches are gone in 20-30 minutes.[/QUOTE] In my case it's no so much the cramps or pain, i'm ok on that side. It's the nausea.

Two things've been keeping me anxious the past few days: A) A voice actress who was doing stuff for an animation series of mine suddenly got cold feet and now I'm rushing to find a similar sounding replacement B) I took my car in to get it's brakes looked at and it turns out the calipers needed to be replaced. No problem there, but I got a call from the mechanic this morning saying they found a problem with the master cylinder they have to fix and I'm anxious as to whether or not the car'll be ready by the time I have to go to work tomorrow. All this is making my anxiety shoot up like a thermometer on a summer day.

Might wanna preemptively let your boss know that your car might not be ready because of an emergency repair. Just so they're aware. Can take some stress off of you.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51691489]Might wanna preemptively let your boss know that your car might not be ready because of an emergency repair. Just so they're aware. Can take some stress off of you.[/QUOTE] When they called me to let me know, they asked me what time I would need the car by and I said "3 at the latest" and they were like "oh yea we should have no problem getting it done by then" and here's hoping they don't. I would call work and let them know I might not be able to make it in tomorrow because of car troubles, but I did that the other day when I first went to get my car taken in and I don't wanna be "that guy" who keeps calling out of work. Even though it's for an actual matter instead of I WANNA DAY OFF LEMME LIE AND SAY IM SICK or something along those lines, it's still something I really really don't wanna do.

[media]http://youtu.be/m3SjCzA71eM[/media] Everything I'm feeling right now just resonates so much with this song, just that slow build trying to keep something with you that will never last. Antidepressants, substance binges, distractions all constantly to keep just the loosest grip on how I want to feel, it's hard to describe. All those solutions are temporary and at best just give me the nostalgia of what I'm after, part of me knows that what I'm feeling is just fake but I can't help but just keep trying to feel it. Sorry for the weird ramblings, expressing emotions is hard for me to put into words, just needed to vent that. [editline]19th January 2017[/editline] The only way that I can express what im feeling is drawing, but it's frustrating because then I look at the page and I can't even understand those feelings [url]http://i.imgur.com/u08BBhl.jpg[/url]

i feel really depressed right now. i don't know what to do...

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51690060]I sleep 13-20 hours a day. I still feel like shit[/QUOTE] I don't sleep like at all, I get weirdly anxious at night.

i'm losing my mind a bit being at uni. people don't feel very genuine

I honestly feel like shit right now. Everything seems pointless and I'm hardly actually happy nowadays. I might sound melodramatic but it seems like life lost some of it's meaning to me. I've been going to the gym lately. Doing all that stuff but it barely makes any difference.

It feels odd and unfair but I miss my guinea pig more than my dad

snep

I'm worried what I said to my parents whilst blacked out drunk on Sunday, I told them to never tell me but I kind of want to know if it was serious stuff or not.

If anyone feels incredibly stupid and clumsy, remember my existence, you'll feel like Einstein. So my dad is a college graduate and he graduated from one of the most high-praised college in the country. My brothers went to university but not college that is of a similar level of my dad. Now since my brothers didn't go to college he is trusting me to go to the same college (or one that is a similar level) to keep the tradition or some shit and learn subjects that I have absolutely no interests in, not to mention how much I won't be able to hold on studying hard there. I said I wanted to go to university and take a class I am interested in and can do even if just the least but my dad doesn't want me to and I think I just screwed up again the last available date to sign up is today and i don't know what to do. Studying is extremely hard for me. I study slower and adapt to something waaaay slower than anyone else. Put it this way, if me and some young kid were asked to study mathematics, in a few months they would probably be a math genius or a professor of some kind while I'll still be struggling on how to solve 1+1. That's how I am with everything in life and I hate it. My future is as bright as the darkest material in the universe and I'm so fucking confused and stupid this is not even all of my problems as I still keep bothering everybody with my existence I really just want to go now.

-snip-

There are times when I feel like fucking Sisyphus pushing his boulder uphill over and over again hoping I can finally get it over the hump, but every time something fucks my shit up out of random and sends me back to square one again. I swear to god, I'm getting tired of the way they fetishize exams in this country.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;51694116]There are times when I feel like fucking Sisyphus pushing his boulder uphill over and over again hoping I can finally get it over the hump, but every time something fucks my shit up out of random and sends me back to square one again.[/QUOTE] Sound just like me.

So my dad is trying to get mom removed from the rehab center (they're teaching her how to live life on oxygen) already after only a couple of days. She needs far more time in there (doctors recommended six weeks). Hes also mentioned wanting to move to the east coast which would rip her away from the entire family (20+ people). I ended up leaving a letter for the social worker handling her case about my concerns, past history of domestic violence on both myself & mom and how controlling my dad is. They likely already have an investigation underway so this should speed things along. In regards to my depression, asked my councilor if seeing a psychiatrist would be a good idea (PCP recommended it) and I've never heard anyone say yes so fast...

I think Im about to hit rock bottom again. I've been pretty stable for years but Im starting to feel really scared of whats going on with me and by scared I mean really desolated, crying out of despair, feel like my fears and my insecurities are going to eat me from the inside. I cant enjoy anything once again. Also I dont want to be with my family and I hate my friends.

im a bit nervous about starting this program for people with severe depression and other mental problems. it starts at 9am to 5pm everyday except weekends. i guess its going to consist of group sessions and such. has anyone been in a similar program and did you find it beneficial?