Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Rehab with other people is great after a while.

yeah i hope it helps they said i would be with people my age going through similar problems

Everything going on finally caught up to me and I snapped. I'm not needed or wanted by anyone. A month of progress gone. I don't really know what to do anymore. My roommates are going to notice and they're going to get mad at me for it.

I posted this in [URL="https://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1549257&p=51702812&viewfull=1#post51702812"]another thread[/URL] but my friend redirected me here because it's more appropriate. So I have a life predicament and I was thinking I'd post it on here to see if anyone has any good advice or thoughts. I'll be completely honest. I'm 21 (almost 22) and unemployed. I live in a 300 person town with no source of income and no real jobs. I do side jobs from time to time but in general and especially in winter there just isn't any work here. I've worked for the general store in town (the only place to get groceries basically for 27 miles) twice but the boss and I didn't get along at all so that ended badly both times. I even used to travel 27 miles to work at Subway in the next town over but that went to shit when I wrecked my vehicle like a moron and eventually broke down emotionally and physically not being able to deal with the stress anymore. I quit because I was fucked up, but also because I lost use of my vehicle and couldn't get to work anymore. Now my family doesn't currently have a vehicle and with no work in town, I have no way to get an income at all except for once in a while in summer and early winter. Hell we can't even go properly grocery shop unless we find someone to travel 27 miles for us to do so. The only way I can properly live is with my mother who gets a social security check every month that feeds us both alright. I love working and want to work but in town there just isn't much choice. I do whatever sides I can but it just isn't enough to amount to anything. I've even tried to work for the county a few times but it never amounted to anything either. I also have mood problems (might have bipolar) and deal with depression most of the time. That makes it really hard to get motivated to do anything and I used to try so hard to fight through it but admittedly I've given up for the most part. It's just hard always fighting to be happy all the time y'know? Sorry if this comes off as whining. I just figured I'd try a new source for advice. Never really ask online that much.

If you've got some online friends, float the word that you're looking for change, and so long as you're smart about it and leave yourself an out, you might consider moving out and to somewhere more populated with some friends. Be safe if you do it and make sure you've got a safety cushion of some kind, even if it means waiting until you can get some more local work and really scrimping. Will your mom be okay without you?

[QUOTE=Sonador;51702836]If you've got some online friends, float the word that you're looking for change, and so long as you're smart about it and leave yourself an out, you might consider moving out and to somewhere more populated with some friends. Be safe if you do it and make sure you've got a safety cushion of some kind, even if it means waiting until you can get some more local work and really scrimping. Will your mom be okay without you?[/QUOTE]You picked up on the same thing I'm somewhat worried about. My mom is just getting older and older and I'm not even sure I want to leave her yet, I'm just so depressed without a job or source of income. None of my online friends could really take me right now I don't think.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51702935]You picked up on the same thing I'm somewhat worried about. My mom is just getting older and older and I'm not even sure I want to leave her yet, I'm just so depressed without a job or source of income. None of my online friends could really take me right now I don't think.[/QUOTE] Every think of maybe getting into transcription or other stuff you can do online? The pay's shitty, but you can stay home, work on your own time, and it's something constructive to do.

[QUOTE=Sonador;51702951]Every think of maybe getting into transcription or other stuff you can do online? The pay's shitty, but you can stay home, work on your own time, and it's something constructive to do.[/QUOTE] I've thought about it before but never taken it seriously. I might have to actually consider it as a real possibility though. I wouldn't even mind living here if I could work from home and make money that way. I do seriously have issues with this area and its people but it isn't like I go out very often anyway I suppose.

I wish that everyone would just get off my fucking back. I can't work because I have depression, and I have depression because I can't work. FIGURE IT OUT! :cry:

I strongly recommend that you guys try to find a hobby of some kind that you think you'd like. Some goal, something to work towards. That's what I did. My mood swings are seriously bad so even when things are going good and looking up in life I still often find myself feeling like utter shit for no reason. However, recently I took up singing and I noticed I've found myself feeling happier more often than not. And it can actually help me pull myself out of a depressive state. I'm glad I found a teacher near my college. I've never sung before, so I really sucked at the beginning but now I notice myself improving significantly. My first lesson was on a day in one of my depressed moods, and I left the lesson feeling tremendously better. It feels really good because you can literally see and feel yourself improving, and that makes me happy. I used to draw, and I really liked it and was decent, but I would often beat myself up really hard if a drawing didn't turn out the way I wanted. In those cases drawing was just counter productive because I go in hoping to feel better but end up feeling worse. I love drawing people/faces, but ironically that's what I'm worst at drawing. It's really hit and miss for me. One day I'd draw a super good ballerina and the next day I can't draw shit and I'd get so upset over it. That's why you gotta try multiple things to find what you really like or what's best for you. just my humble suggestion

I'm working towards replacing a lot of my older furniture. I got a new lamp today and it was a very small purchase, like only 30 bucks or so but it feels SO NICE to replace the old shitty floor lamp I've had for years. If you have the extra budget for it, I definitely recommend replacing stuff that is more than a few years old. It's really refreshing to have a change of pace or something different to look at. Made me happy today even though this morning I was frustrated over my tax stuff. I'm hoping to replace my desk soon and replace it with a combination desk/drafting table for my art but it's hard to find something like that that isn't garbage quality.

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51706877]I strongly recommend that you guys try to find a hobby of some kind that you think you'd like. Some goal, something to work towards. That's what I did. My mood swings are seriously bad so even when things are going good and looking up in life I still often find myself feeling like utter shit for no reason. However, recently I took up singing and I noticed I've found myself feeling happier more often than not. And it can actually help me pull myself out of a depressive state. I'm glad I found a teacher near my college. I've never sung before, so I really sucked at the beginning but now I notice myself improving significantly. My first lesson was on a day in one of my depressed moods, and I left the lesson feeling tremendously better. It feels really good because you can literally see and feel yourself improving, and that makes me happy. I used to draw, and I really liked it and was decent, but I would often beat myself up really hard if a drawing didn't turn out the way I wanted. In those cases drawing was just counter productive because I go in hoping to feel better but end up feeling worse. I love drawing people/faces, but ironically that's what I'm worst at drawing. It's really hit and miss for me. One day I'd draw a super good ballerina and the next day I can't draw shit and I'd get so upset over it. That's why you gotta try multiple things to find what you really like or what's best for you. just my humble suggestion[/QUOTE] Same, I started singing and dancing too. Its good because I don't feel like I need to muster up motivation to do it I just do it. I sound terrible and look like an idiot but don't care because when I do it nothing else matters.

I'm getting more and more depressed recently due to feeling lonely and being bad enough at socialization that finding someone to spend time with is very difficult for me. And when im at my job or out on the city seeing couples and stuff like that makes me feel even worse and I just want to go home and cry. And the fact that my girlfriend lives very very far away makes it all even worse.

I tried to kill myself once but only told my therapist about it. She told me that she wasn't gonna tell my parents, but I had to promise her that I wouldn't try it again. Honestly, I don't want my parents to know because I don't know what they would do to me. It just kinda sucks because I feel hopeless right now.

My problem with getting a hobby is that I go through deep depression and then focusing on that hobby becomes a chore and from there I lose interest. I hate it because it makes it so hard to really get in to anything or actually get good at something. Since I deal with mood issues, my depression comes and goes and can't really be fixed by positive mentality either sadly. Maybe I just have to keep trying as hard as I can but you just get so sick of trying after a certain point that you almost feel happier just giving up and accepting doing nothing.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51713398]My problem with getting a hobby is that I go through deep depression and then focusing on that hobby becomes a chore and from there I lose interest. I hate it because it makes it so hard to really get in to anything or actually get good at something. Since I deal with mood issues, my depression comes and goes and can't really be fixed by positive mentality either sadly. Maybe I just have to keep trying as hard as I can but you just get so sick of trying after a certain point that you almost feel happier just giving up and accepting doing nothing.[/QUOTE] And advice from me who I am enjoying multiple hobbies in general: [b]Try to make Lists[/b]. Making lists of any kind really made care even more for he hobbies I have. Mostly I download a pic of something and I put it inside a file I categories base the sudject I take care of. For example if you like videogames, you can categories them by consoles. I will post some examples for you to see if you like. Of course this is my opinion and my personal enjoyment I have also for making Lists.

[QUOTE=SweetShark;51713460]And advice from me who I am enjoying multiple hobbies in general: [b]Try to make Lists[/b]. Making lists of any kind really made care even more for he hobbies I have. Mostly I download a pic of something and I put it inside a file I categories base the sudject I take care of. For example if you like videogames, you can categories them by consoles. I will post some examples for you to see if you like. Of course this is my opinion and my personal enjoyment I have also for making Lists.[/QUOTE]I actually used to blog and love doing top 5 and 10 lists. Although they are horribly easy to do and I prefer to make mine a bit more involved than most. Like everything else though, I lost interest and stopped blogging. Primarily because of the issues I posted about above.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51713582]I actually used to blog and love doing top 5 and 10 lists. Although they are horribly easy to do and I prefer to make mine a bit more involved than most. Like everything else though, I lost interest and stopped blogging. Primarily because of the issues I posted about above.[/QUOTE] I LOVE Top Lists!!! Can you share them with me please!!! Is a good way to discover new games. Here a List of my favourites game of all time which I created on Pinterest: [url]https://gr.pinterest.com/sweetsharkboss/the-best-videogames-i-ever-played/[/url]

I've deleted the blogs I wrote them on. If I ever start writing again I'll be sure to hit you up haha. Nice list!

i feel guilty that i don't miss my dad enough

I sincerely hope that no kids would have the misfortune of growing up and becoming a pathetic failure that I am. I'm on the middle of an exam which I am massively failing on and I just lost my card which is my access to the exam. Without it I can't join the exam or have a time reduction on an already short time limit. At this rate I'll graduate high school at 45. Do you know what happens when a loser, pathetic, lonely old man who watches porn all day get desperate at school, around children? [editline]23rd January 2017[/editline] It's only a few days into 2017 and my life has been nothing but going downhill. [editline]23rd January 2017[/editline] I really feel like I'm put into this world by mistake. I feel like an object for everyone to lash out, beat up and throw shit upon. I have many dreams but my dreams never come true and the odds are never on my side. I just feel like dying and/or not existing. Even if I die or cease to exist there's nothing more than just feeling nothing I'd much prefer that over this never lasting constant pain, pressure and heartache.

GoldAssassin, you really need to take a year off your studies. You live in an enviroment that pushes studying way too far. You need a break [B][I][U]badly.[/U][/I][/B]

It's not acceptable nor possible for me to do so.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51713398]My problem with getting a hobby is that I go through deep depression and then focusing on that hobby becomes a chore and from there I lose interest. I hate it because it makes it so hard to really get in to anything or actually get good at something. Since I deal with mood issues, my depression comes and goes and can't really be fixed by positive mentality either sadly. Maybe I just have to keep trying as hard as I can but you just get so sick of trying after a certain point that you almost feel happier just giving up and accepting doing nothing.[/QUOTE] I don't have any hobbies for that reason. Either I lose interest quickly, it becomes a chore rather than an enjoyable activity, or I get frustrated and give up if I'm not good enough at that said-hobby...

I feel like a hollow person, everything I was was just uninstalled from my brain and then a new person was re-uploaded, a person who is sociopathic, irritable, and a general asshole. The worst part about it is, that even if In was motivated enough to try and change its too deep rooted now, I suppressed my emotions for so long that this is who I am now, that person is forever gone. Life closed that door. Word of advice, just be who you are, dont worry about what people think, or you will end up a husk of a person, with no feasible way out. even my therapist cant help Im tired of going in circles [editline]24th January 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=mchapra;51713942]i feel guilty that i don't miss my dad enough[/QUOTE] Dont be, you cant help it. Guilt is a useless emotion anyway.

been having increasing instances of decent mood in past weeks which is no doubt progress, but now the idea of hanging onto a good mood—defaulting to it instead of a bad mood—makes me really nervous. it is a huge source of worry & naturally taints any sort of good mood.

Anyone else who's in an extreme position of existential crisis that says "There's nothing" and it has changed you fundamentally for years? That there's no reason to feel sad or happy?

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51719948]Anyone else who's in an extreme position of existential crisis that says "There's nothing" and it has changed you fundamentally for years? That there's no reason to feel sad or happy?[/QUOTE] Yes. I dont know the answer, but I do feel like that.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51713672]I've deleted the blogs I wrote them on. If I ever start writing again I'll be sure to hit you up haha. Nice list![/QUOTE] Thank you! I am very sure I will die before I play all these games [inside my others lists], but at least I can feel I have a nice rich "bucket list" for others can who can also enjoy and explore new videogames. For example did you know there are two new game which copy the gameplay of Danganronpa and they will get released soon? So excited about these games! And so many others as well!!! EDIT: Sorry, forgot to name the games. Here they are: [t]http://www.akibagamers.it/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/exile-election-cover.jpg[/t] [b]Exile Election[/b] [t]https://www.nowgamer.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/idol_death_game_promo_art.jpg[/t] [b]Idol Death Game TV[/b]

[QUOTE=The bird Man;51719948]Anyone else who's in an extreme position of existential crisis that says "There's nothing" and it has changed you fundamentally for years? That there's no reason to feel sad or happy?[/QUOTE] Yeah, its changed how I view a lot of things. Having spending money or all of those fancy technical things I own which used to excite me just no longer does. Social relations would get me all pumped and happy, now I don't really care since its going to end and ultimately it has no special meaning in the long run, I feel. I can't play games or watch Netflix without feeling bad since it feels like a huge waste of time now since it's just entertainment and nothing else. Life just feels so random and without purpose. [editline]25th January 2017[/editline] Its like I can't do something if it doesn't have a greater purpose but if I think like this I'll never do anything since there is no answer to life.