Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

Yeah I've gotten a lot better over these past 3 weeks. I know the time is short but I can feel the change and how far I've come. Treatment works when you try

I wake up and I see I've received a new message from a good friend of mine: [I]"I want to kill myself"[/I] Fuck, I don't really know how to handle the situation. He's been terribly depressed for the better part of the past 2-3 years. He suffered a mental breakdown about a year ago and had to spend a couple of weeks in a mental health facility. What can I do? He lives in America, so it's not like I can just go over to his place and keep an eye on him. I've told him to try to get in contact with his psychiatrist, gave him the number to a suicide hotline and encouraged him not to do it, trying to remind me how well he's been doing these past 6 months. He has tried to kill himself at least once before. [editline]7th February 2017[/editline] I contacted one of his real life buddies and told him about the message I got and told him to get someone to go to his apartment and keep an eye on him. Hopefully he comes online and gets the message soon.

If he sent you that message it means he wants help. If he did want to kill himself he would have done it, he's reaching out in a way. Just support him and listen. He might just need to mega vent

I was feeling good all day today but then when I got home I started to feel really depressed for some reason. I don't usually have mood swings anymore so I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way

Its been 2 years since my girlfriend killed herself, yet I still wake up expecting her to be there. I dont think I can ever let someone close again. My fear of being abandoned doesnt help one bit. She was more than just a partner, she was also the closest & only friend Ill ever have. My therapist & I talked about handing in my guns, considering Ive had previous suicide attempts, but I dont want to. My guns are the only hobby I have left, & quite honestly, theyre also part of what keeps me going. I might sound like a psycho, but knowing that I can just end it any second gives me a sense of calm.

So, turns out I have insomnia... and tomorrow I'm going to let my teacher down again, but not being able to do my drum techniques... I cried in the practice room too... Sometimes, I wish I just could... Impress people I guess

[QUOTE=Torjuz;51791749]So, turns out I have insomnia... and tomorrow I'm going to let my teacher down again, but not being able to do my drum techniques... I cried in the practice room too... Sometimes, I wish I just could... Impress people I guess[/QUOTE]Learning how useless impressing people is was pretty liberating for me personally.

I might ask my psychiatrist if she can prescribe something to help me sleep because sometimes I go a whole day without sleep

[QUOTE=ilikecorn;51791796]You see, the problem with impressing people, is that in the end it isn't going to put you ahead in life. Validation from others isn't going to make you happy, it'll just keep adding pressure to continue to seek validation. One must learn to self validate if you want to ever be happy.[/QUOTE] Yeah, after uni that kinda disappeared...

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51790646]I was feeling good all day today but then when I got home I started to feel really depressed for some reason. I don't usually have mood swings anymore so I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling this way[/QUOTE] Happens to everyone dude, just go do something fun, chill out and watch something maybe. You'll be gud tomorrow

-snip-

You probably will sound like an attention whore externally but in a relationship you do need to go blahahahahblblbl sometimes and the other person should understand you're not doing it for attention. You should be supporting each other

Relapsed into feeling like shit again. Always fun. Home life has somewhat stabilized now. Not as much fighting is always good. Still have a place to live thank god. Bought a GTX 1080 which feels nice. But lately i just don't feel like doing much at all hobby-wise. Doesn't help when people who i assume were friends end up being a bigger pain in the ass than i thought. It doesn't help that I probably ended up ruining one of their lives back when I was just starting to smoke pot. Back when I didn't realize anything awful could happen. Essentially what happened was I brought a friend over to another friend's place who happens to be a girl. What ended up happening was they ended up trying to go out. It doesn't help that this girl isn't exactly the smartest with money and crap. This essentially led to me dumping about 60% of my paycheck into weed and eating out. But I didn't care, I had a stable way to work and whatnot so I could spend freely. Then the giant shitstorm happened that I posted about ages ago. Leading me to spend more time overnight there instead of at home. Over the course of this time her van broke and my friend ended up helping her get to and from work. Only one issue I didn't realize came up. He is supposed to be in school. And he ended up getting dropped a couple months ago for not showing up all over the course of the fall semester. Which got his parents pissed as fuck and almost got him thrown out. Great feeling to have on my shoulders. Come these past few weeks I ask him about school and he isn't taking his online courses or anything. Because he isn't motivated. Great. Then lately both him and her (we work at the same place) apparently just don't give a rats ass about anything anymore. They leave an hour early. They complain about money. She sat on the counter in back for 3/4 of her shift due to a headache or something. We offer to buy some advil or something but guess what? She doesn't want any. When all 3 of us are scheduled normally we get everything done so we can work slow. But when I work slow during those days, apparently i'm being lazy all the time. And whenever I put out all our back-stock to fill our sales floor I'm "overfilling" since they'd rather not have a lot of work to do the next day. BTW this was on Superbowl Sunday. So I had a reason to instead of just padding out time until the end of my shift. Sooo they both leave at 7, leaving me with work that should've been done at 4 to 6. Because they wanted to pick up weed. They assume just because I care about earning money and crap instead of leaving early 24/7 I'll just be dandy about picking up their slack. Yeah, they aren't scheduled until 9 pm. Sit around and complain while I do things you could be doing too. Complain about the cleaning lists we get every weekend because you don't want to stay until the end of your shift and clean shit. Don't put out stock on the counters for the morning people to package and label. The double standards are unbelievable. But get this? Even though she complains about not having rent money she somehow managed to get a new top of the line android phone. The fuck? Oh and she's called off at least 2 times in the past two weeks just so she can get 3 days off in a row and did shrooms without telling anyone. Then when her and My friend went to a concert with tickets he bought, She wanted to go home early because she was tired and didn't actually plan shit out. So yeah. I'm pretty sure I lost one friend and another that I barely considered a friend in the first place due to weed. But of course now I'm the lazy crap who sits around and does nothing. I don't even have a desire to smoke weed anymore since all it does is make me tired and upset and I have a good thing going at home right now. On top of that i have been having just negative thoughts in general which isn't good at all. (As in: Would it matter if I were still here? and darker than that.) I guess instead of just ranting i could ask for some kind of advice. If I complain to my manager about this I'll end up having to likely reveal things that are best kept private. If I confront them about it. It will likely backfire on me. What are some ways of diffusing this without shit blowing up in my face? Its sort of gotten to that point where I'm more upset and stressed than neutral at work. Quitting is not an option as I make good money and get good hours as well as a fallback for when im in college. It doesn't help that I feel guilty as fuck for making a friend of mine go down a path that will ruin his life. And he doesn't care. Rather he does, but doesn't know what to do about it since he is in a position where if he says no to her she gets royally fucked. Bleh trying to keep things together sucks.

Not your fault anyway dude, they're the perfect couple for each other it seems (If you said they were going out). If they're fucking up your job for you, speak to your manager, they obviously don't care anymore and just because you're 'friends' doesn't mean you can take all the flak and shit for them. Ranting is good anyway

I find it weird how I used to drink heavily everyday and now I have no desire to drink whatsoever. I guess I never was an alcoholic I just turned to the drink to cope with my depression. But if I were to drink again I know it would make me severely depressed

No need to drink in my opinion anyway, it's something that's been set by society as the norm when it's a drug worse than many illegal ones in my opinion. I rarely every drink but I do have a nice whisky/ey collection

Alcoholism runs in my family and my doctor said that drinking might interfere with my antidepressants so I don't drink, but I do enjoy drinking socially once in a while

I was lucky enough to get my pills over the counter. Still nothing in my journal makes me happy

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51793870]I find it weird how I used to drink heavily everyday and now I have no desire to drink whatsoever. I guess I never was an alcoholic I just turned to the drink to cope with my depression. But if I were to drink again I know it would make me severely depressed[/QUOTE] I use to but I quit, a lot of reasons including alcohol is hard to find here and my life was a sort of mess.

OH MY GOD I've been shortlisted for an interview, for a change :dance:

Nice one, what job role are you going for?

It's a traineeship in hospitality and customer services in my area. Traineeships usually take up to 6 months to complete, but they said that due to my previous work experience in various placements throughout the years it may take up to 12 weeks for me to complete the traineeship?! :jawdrop: :smile:

That would be awesome and is it an apprenticeship or a trainee job? My girlfriend got a new apprenticeship and luckily doesn't have to restart the 5 months she'd already completed

It's an unpaid traineeship, but that's okay with me... As long as I get the experience in a professional environment and a good reference :smile: Hoping to move in with my partner this year too. If things don't go quite according to plan this year, then definitely next year I'll be moving in.

Unpaid man that sucks. Why not an apprenticeship?

[QUOTE=TrannyAlert;51794343]Unpaid man that sucks. Why not an apprenticeship?[/QUOTE] Because I'm out of the age range for an apprenticeship (16-19)... I'm 23 :frown: but I sure as hell bloody hope that I get the placement because I will be 24 in five months, and traineeships are for those aged 19-24.

I feel pretty good today, I have no idea why :v:

[QUOTE=kijji;51794438]I feel pretty good today, I have no idea why :v:[/QUOTE] I also woke up feeling ok, after days of being really low. Haven't done anything different but ok I'll take it.

It's because I came and visited you all in your dreams~~ :quagmire:

you came eh? :smug: