Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

I used to be on another account before and I mostly lurk, but I felt like posting that after avoiding any sort of treatment for my anxiety and depression, I've finally started citalopram again and shockingly after years of isolating myself and going through all sorts of self destructive and suicidal bullshit I feel great for the first time in a very long while, if not ever. A sort of haziness / dull ache in my head that I can only now notice was there due to it missing now and I can finally function normally. I can maybe even start posting more now that my anxiety is subsiding. Basically don't be me and actually try treatment if you're ill.

If only things could go back to the way they used to be...

Visiting my sister and doing a bit better right now, it feels kinda weird being ok with myself momentarily.

[QUOTE=mchapra;51808932]Visiting my sister and doing a bit better right now, it feels kinda weird being ok with myself momentarily.[/QUOTE] yeah feeling good in the moment is something I take for granted.

I recently celebrated my 2 year anniversary of delivering pizzas, so hooray. For most of those two years, I've had to come in early to do the dishes the opening driver never does because they're lazy or whatever [I](if anyone works in food service, you know that keeping the dishes caught up is the difference between getting out on time and getting out hours after close)[/I]. Hopefully in April or May, I'll be moving away for a new job opportunity that's coming in New York. But the aforementioned lazy imp who never does anything is just getting more and more on my nerves and I don't know why, and every time I bring her up with management, they just ignore it. So do I either: A) Make a deal about it and either get management to do something about it or quit, knowing that I'll be unemployed for a couple of months? B) Hold my tongue and try to deal with her shit for a few more months? I'm surprised they even got the job considering they got fired from their old job for spitting in the food [I](they told one of the employees that but they didn't tell the manager that during the interview)[/I]. I dunno if I could bring that up when if I go with option A but it just seems petty, I dunno.

Hooo boy, drinking again. I mean, I feel pretty great right about now but there's the lurking dread that I'll have one too many and crash into that shitty feeling I get when booze hits me and I just realize how fucking futile it all is and all the insecurities come rushing up to the surface. Then I'll probably shit up this thread with a post about my admittedly insignificant problems. So here's hoping for some fucking self restraint for once. Cheers!

I've lost all control of my life and I see no way of ever getting it back. At this point it is difficult to believe I ever had it in the first place. I just feel awful. This depression has worn me to nothing over it's 7+ year long course. No amount of medication has helped. I've tried Maois Ssris snris anti-psychotics even tried pills for bipolar. Nothing helps. I even went so far as to have 16 sessions of electroconvulsive therapy done to me. I'm unemployed and have been for nearly three years now. I have no car and no money. Neither does my family. I just sit and stare at my computer all day in a desperate attempt to make it to the end of the day. I'm too lazy/pussy to kill myself. There is no hope for me. I want to die. I want to die.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51805264]this weekend might be a bit depressing for me but idk I'll see how it goes. Mostly because I'll be alone and that's when the depression kicks in.[/QUOTE] I was just gonna say this too. I always find myself more depressed on the weekends because I don't do much on the weekend and that's when I feel loneliest. I find myself being happier throughout the week because I'm in class and though I don't exactly "like" going to my classes I still like being around the people in my classes. Like for example I suck at math and don't really like it but I look forward to my math class every day because I like talking to the girl who sits next to me and that just brings a bit of happiness to my day.

I don't know why, but I actually feel a bit happy?

I believe I'm finally actually overcoming my depression after almost a decade, and I'm only fucking 21 years old. Heck, around the time I joined this very forum is when I fell into the depression and I remember posting about it back then. It's odd, but I feel atleast a little bit in control of my life and when I only used to see problems and inevitable obstacles now I see opportunities and choices.

I'm so depressed right now. I was fine all day but now I can't rid of this feeling

I wish I didn't cut myself because now that's going to be a topic my counselor is going to bring up in my family meeting. I kinda regret telling them about that but I wanted to be honest about that and my symptoms. Anyway I only mentioned my ex girlfriend once to my counselor but we didn't really talk about her much. I feel like I should bring her up again since this is really bothering me that we don't speak.

Hey guys. Last night one of my best friends tried to commit suicide by jumping off of a balcony. Luckily me and my other friend were close enough to stop her from doing so but we barely caught her in time. She has a terrible family who calls her a disappointment and extreme social anxiety which she has been self-medicating with recently by mixing percocet and alcohol. Even after we saved her, we almost had to take her to the hospital because her breathing was so ragged. It breaks my heart for such a wonderful person who is universally loved by all of our friends to think of herself as so worthless. We may have saved her life tonight but it's not unlikely she'll try again eventually. I don't pretend to understand depression or any mental disorder really, and I know it's not as simple as this, but please try to keep in mind that no matter how it may seem sometimes, there are people out there who genuinely care about you. I hope that maybe this will help someone. I don't want anyone to experience what we had to do last night, let alone the alternative. Please stay strong.

Insomnia kicking in mad time.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51808425]If only things could go back to the way they used to be...[/QUOTE] I don't suffer from any long-term depression, only sporadic bouts so I'm not sure if my comment will relate to those vastly more unfortunate than myself but for me the best thing was to accept that things aren't going to be they way they used to be. I used to have an obsession with a specific period in my life (2010-13) and felt as if nothing ever reached that pinnacle for me again, and everything henceforth was a shadow of the "glory days" (I realize the irony in a young person using this phrase, and I know it's delusional to think that way but that's just how it was). Recently I realized that the opportunities and events that occurred after that period really were comparable to what occurred before and my perspective was just tainted by nostalgia. I used to want to go back to that period in my life. Now I try and live more in the present, because I realize that in the future I may look back to now and see this period as "the greatest time". Every couple of years is, in another couple of years the golden years to look back on. I don't know if that makes much sense

i slept for over 24 hours and when i woke up i thought it was the same day and i had only taken a nap.

[QUOTE=Qaus;51812465]i slept for over 24 hours and when i woke up i thought it was the same day and i had only taken a nap.[/QUOTE] I wish I could actually sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3am last night

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51812555]I wish I could actually sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3am last night[/QUOTE] i do this regularly too except instead of 3am it's usually 8am.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51812555]I wish I could actually sleep. I didn't fall asleep until 3am last night[/QUOTE] I try to go to sleep but i just can't. It sucks I haven't slept on time in a long ass time. Being well rested is so rare for me.

My sleeping pattern has been buggered for years. I either sleep too little or sleep too much... There is NO INBETWEEN :v:

[QUOTE=mchapra;51814169]I try to go to sleep but i just can't. It sucks I haven't slept on time in a long ass time. Being well rested is so rare for me.[/QUOTE] I have problems sleeping a lot but sometimes I'll play music on my phone and fall asleep

On the brink of what would be suicide if people didn't depend on me. Instead of a failed attempt, I was just left with panicking, yelling at the floor and losing the ability to talk. Definitely time to see a GP and re-evaluate this relationship.

I've been trying to work up the nerve to get to start talking to a couple of specific people but I'm worried about how I'd come across in chat since I pause often for several minutes at a time to collect my thoughts. Do you think mentioning I have anxiety after I start talking to them for a bit would help explain that away or just come across as even more awkward? I'm thinking more in terms of online chatting, by the way. Wasn't sure if this fit better here or the social advice thread but w/e.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51815859]I've been trying to work up the nerve to get to start talking to a couple of specific people but I'm worried about how I'd come across in chat since I pause often for several minutes at a time to collect my thoughts. Do you think mentioning I have anxiety after I start talking to them for a bit would help explain that away or just come across as even more awkward? I'm thinking more in terms of online chatting, by the way. Wasn't sure if this fit better here or the social advice thread but w/e.[/QUOTE] I honestly dont think you need to say anything unless you need to volunteer it. It really depends on what you can contribute to a conversation. Personally, I zone out when people talk about things I don't do or haven't done, maybe mention that it's something I havent done before and wait until the subject changes. I'm also more of the guy who likes to enter into existing conversations than start many topics of my own, largely because these days most of my time gets squeezed into studying, leaving me with little to do other stuff.

I'm still hearing voices even after having my dose of rexulti increased to 3mg. I've been on it a few days now. Should I wait to tell my psychiatrist since the new dose might still be adjusting?

Better off letting them know so they can keep a track of it. It may be nothing to be concerned about but worth logging it

I feel a bit more confident in myself today, I even participated in class more than usual what

Does anyone have those days where they don't feel much of anything besides "tired". It's like my emotions aren't processing at all. I'm just kind of here.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51817095]Does anyone have those days where they don't feel much of anything besides "tired". It's like my emotions aren't processing at all. I'm just kind of here.[/QUOTE] Happens to me once or twice a week but only towards the end of a day.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;51817100]Happens to me once or twice a week but only towards the end of a day.[/QUOTE] [t]http://68.media.tumblr.com/6dae442b869f729e422cc507d76e7bd7/tumblr_ohvhaaT3Zc1uaid8go2_500.gif[/t] I feel like this tbh.