Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

My dog Zoey has recently past away. My dad wants to get rid of some of her bowls, toys etc. Should we or no?

I'd say get rid of them unless you plan on getting another dog soon. Might help you move on a little better. Donate them, maybe? Some shelters will take used toys/bowls/accessories. That way they can do some good.

Man i don't know if it's the SSRIs but holy fuck the dreams / nightmare i have these past few days. The kind of dreams you remember for hours after you wake up. The kind of dream that feels real. The kind of dreams that you make when you have high fever.

I'm in a good mood this morning. Most of my anxiety is gone and I'm not as stressed out anymore. I hope my mood stays this way all day

My intake was good and I mentioned my friend because they asked if I had any friends and they wanted me to give them her phone number as an emergency contact but I didn't feel comfortable with that so I said no. I'm starting my new program on Wednesday and I go 3 days a week along with individual therapy once or twice a week

[QUOTE=Drk;51857992]Man i don't know if it's the SSRIs but holy fuck the dreams / nightmare i have these past few days. The kind of dreams you remember for hours after you wake up. The kind of dream that feels real. The kind of dreams that you make when you have high fever.[/QUOTE] I feel you on this... I go through cycles of having nightmares every night and most of them I remember for months, sometimes right down to the exact words in conversations. They're the worst. They're so real and I suffer a broad range of intense experiences and they don't feel any less traumatic just cuz they weren't "real".

So I've started focusing on recording and editing YouTube videos as a potential way to make money and more importantly as a cool hobby to focus on instead of letting my mind wander. I think a big source of my problems is the fact that I can't seem to find anything that I really enjoy doing that I want to dedicate myself to, as well as being unemployed. Mood disorders and problems are bad enough on their own, but if you add boredom (more dangerous to the psyche than people think) and aimless wondering to the mix it leaves you with a very poor life experience. Ever since I started fucking with videos and just uploading for fun and as a hobby, I've been feeling a lot better. It was about a week ago I started now and even though my issues are still very much present, my mind just focuses on them so much less. I guess there is merit to that whole idea that the cure for the blues is work. I think that creating things is another outlet for the brain to relieve stress as well. Not sure of the psychology on that but I'm sure it helps.

I'm on disability now DSS for awhile. I get 200 dollars a month plus my parents get another 100 or 200 I don't remember. It's not a lot of money but it will do for now until I either get SSI or a job. I probably won't get approved by SSI because I'm to healthy. My case manager said we could try anyway. I think I'm stable enough for a job either way.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51862982]I'm on disability now DSS for awhile. I get 200 dollars a month plus my parents get another 100 or 200 I don't remember. It's not a lot of money but it will do for now until I either get SSI or a job. I probably won't get approved by SSI because I'm to healthy. My case manager said we could try anyway. I think I'm stable enough for a job either way.[/QUOTE] What kind of job will you do?

Anything really. Once I'm done with all these programs I'm just going to apply everywhere again. I also got to get my GED

I really feel like I can't get a break and everything keeps piling on top of me. It's becoming super hard to handle and lately I can't even find the energy to get out of bed. I have random bursts of sadness and anger. I've always been a normally positive person so feeling like this makes me feel even worse. I hate my current life position and I have no idea how I want to fix it or what I even want to do with my life. I recently got into a pretty shitty situation with school and this lack of energy had been making me fall behind so I dropped my classes. I'm dreading going to work on Friday and having to deal with yet another thing I absolutely hate doing just for money. I feel like my social relationships are collapsing, I get angry easily, I get sad easily, I never go out anymore and I'm just genuinely starting to hate my life and then I think about my life and how much better it is then some and I feel guilty. On top of owing the school money because I dropped my classes too late, I got into an accident on the highway last Sunday and now my car has a couple thousand dollars worth of damage (I deliver pizza as a part-time job) and I don't even know if I'll be [I]able[/I] to work and make money now. I'm at a point where I've lost hope for good and just expect bad. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I don't even know how to mention this to anyone in my real life without sounding like some sappy asshole looking for attention.

I used to feel so hopeless but now I got all these people trying to help me and it gives me hope again. I was asked if I'm still feeling suicidal/hopeless and I said not anymore. I guess the point of this post is to tell you all not to give up.

[QUOTE=Exigent;51864235]I really feel like I can't get a break and everything keeps piling on top of me. It's becoming super hard to handle and lately I can't even find the energy to get out of bed. I have random bursts of sadness and anger. I've always been a normally positive person so feeling like this makes me feel even worse. I hate my current life position and I have no idea how I want to fix it or what I even want to do with my life. I recently got into a pretty shitty situation with school and this lack of energy had been making me fall behind so I dropped my classes. I'm dreading going to work on Friday and having to deal with yet another thing I absolutely hate doing just for money. I feel like my social relationships are collapsing, I get angry easily, I get sad easily, I never go out anymore and I'm just genuinely starting to hate my life and then I think about my life and how much better it is then some and I feel guilty. On top of owing the school money because I dropped my classes too late, I got into an accident on the highway last Sunday and now my car has a couple thousand dollars worth of damage (I deliver pizza as a part-time job) and I don't even know if I'll be [I]able[/I] to work and make money now. I'm at a point where I've lost hope for good and just expect bad. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I don't even know how to mention this to anyone in my real life without sounding like some sappy asshole looking for attention.[/QUOTE] The sad thing is, when it rains, it usually pours. Sometimes we feel our problems just keep piling on one after the other and things can get seriously difficult to manage especially if we can't seem to cope with repeated stressors in our lives. I can empathize because I've been in a pretty dark hole myself not so long ago thanks to severe stress, depression, and poor health, though things did eventually get better. When you feel that things are going bad, try to search even for the smallest bits of good in your life, such as having a roof over your head while so many others are going without. It's also natural to feel upset or angry in case things keep going wrong, or not up to your expectations. Thing is though, it may seem bizarre, but life is basically a slot machine. Sometimes you get a modest return, sometimes win big, but more often than not there will be times where things suck even though we might be good people. Whoever made a success of themselves buckled down and kept going even though everybody else said they'd never succeed. While this doesn't mean everybody will get what they hope for in life, working hard with hope for a brighter future is the only way to get anywhere at all, lest we find ourselves trapped in an inescapable situation. Also, don't feel bad about needing to vent to others about your problems. It is a perfectly acceptable way to express your feelings as long as you don't make it part of your personality by basing yourself around your failures. Also don't beat yourself up when things go wrong - that does more damage than acknowledging sometimes, there are going to be circumstances beyond our control. Always remember that success and failures, bad and good, are all pretty much ephemeral in our lives. Everything, for better or worse, will pass someday, even the best, or worst of times. I hope things get better for your soon.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;51864754]The sad thing is, when it rains, it usually pours. Sometimes we feel our problems just keep piling on one after the other and things can get seriously difficult to manage especially if we can't seem to cope with repeated stressors in our lives. I can empathize because I've been in a pretty dark hole myself not so long ago thanks to severe stress, depression, and poor health, though things did eventually get better. When you feel that things are going bad, try to search even for the smallest bits of good in your life, such as having a roof over your head while so many others are going without. It's also natural to feel upset or angry in case things keep going wrong, or not up to your expectations. Thing is though, it may seem bizarre, but life is basically a slot machine. Sometimes you get a modest return, sometimes win big, but more often than not there will be times where things suck even though we might be good people. Whoever made a success of themselves buckled down and kept going even though everybody else said they'd never succeed. While this doesn't mean everybody will get what they hope for in life, working hard with hope for a brighter future is the only way to get anywhere at all, lest we find ourselves trapped in an inescapable situation. Also, don't feel bad about needing to vent to others about your problems. It is a perfectly acceptable way to express your feelings as long as you don't make it part of your personality by basing yourself around your failures. Also don't beat yourself up when things go wrong - that does more damage than acknowledging sometimes, there are going to be circumstances beyond our control. Always remember that success and failures, bad and good, are all pretty much ephemeral in our lives. Everything, for better or worse, will pass someday, even the best, or worst of times. I hope things get better for your soon.[/QUOTE] It's really nice to read that things eventually did get better for you. I struggle in realizing that sometimes. A conversation I had with somebody over the weekend really speaks to me about what they've gone through throughout their life and I find myself reflecting a lot on everything he told me and that's when I am sometimes able to realize it's not all too bad.

i didn't even sleep last night and I'm still not tired. My anxiety kept me awake. When I lay in bed at night that's when I start worrying about things

Tbh I feel like a mistake. I'm at a grade average of 90% (A, I think) at one of the best design schools in Israel, but as soon as I tell my mom I'm dating some dude she responds with a veiled threat to cut me off if I fail my classes. She also says things like: "I really hope you'll get this phase out of your system and find a nice lady" "I didn't raise you to act so whorish" "If you catch some kind of disease I don't know what I'm gonna do" I hear this in almost every conversation I have with her. It's like she forgot that I'm just a person at some point. I mean, if you're gonna say that you accept me at least mean it instead of shoehorning how much of a dissapointment I am into every conversation. Or just fucking cut me off already if I'm causing so much shit. I'm not even shoving anything in anyone's face, I'm the most heteronormative gay dude I know (not that being effeminate is bad, it's just how I act). Worst thing is that this shit makes me feel like a freak and lose hope that I'll ever be at peace with myself. I don't know what to think anymore. I feel either sad, numb or angry all the time and the stress from keeping my grades high isn't helping at all. Venting a bit, sorry if I'm a bit incoherent. Not too used to talking about these things.

No offense but I think you're mom's being a complete dick in this situation. She might have some resentment stored up about not getting into a relationship of any kind in her younger days. She may be trying to live her life vicariously through you. Or she could just have a lot of stored up anger she isn't constructively channeling, but taking it out on you instead. Yet another idea is that she's a typical helicopter parent who might be concerned about you getting in a relationship but is unable to express this properly. Or simplest of all, her religious upbringing is conflicting with your own feelings. You could try having a face to face with your mother about how her attitude is causing you problems, and try to set some boundaries that you want her to respect. You could tell her that you need some personal space to make your own decisions too. Try to make her understand that being a negative nancy to your own children is a toxic attitude that can bring them to serious harm if it continues. If these fail, the only other option is to tune her out and live your own life instead of feeling like you need her approval for everything. It might be hard at first, but your life is your own to lead and your decisions are yours alone to make.

[QUOTE=Zonesylvania;51865327]No offense but I think you're mom's being a complete dick in this situation. She might have some resentment stored up about not getting into a relationship of any kind in her younger days. She may be trying to live her life vicariously through you. Or she could just have a lot of stored up anger she isn't constructively channeling, but taking it out on you instead. Yet another idea is that she's a typical helicopter parent who might be concerned about you getting in a relationship but is unable to express this properly. Or simplest of all, her religious upbringing is conflicting with your own feelings. You could try having a face to face with your mother about how her attitude is causing you problems, and try to set some boundaries that you want her to respect. You could tell her that you need some personal space to make your own decisions too. Try to make her understand that being a negative nancy to your own children is a toxic attitude that can bring them to serious harm if it continues. If these fail, the only other option is to tune her out and live your own life instead of feeling like you need her approval for everything. It might be hard at first, but your life is your own to lead and your decisions are yours alone to make.[/QUOTE] The funny thing is she's almost none of the things you described. My parents have been happily married since their early twenties and she's a hardcore atheist/liberal. But I guess all that goes out the window when it's your own kid rather than a friend. I think it stems from personal trauma since my parents lived in new York during the 80s and lost some friends to the aids epidemic. She also keeps asking if I was traumatized into homosexuality by her and my sister somehow which makes no sense IMO. I'll probably be forced into a one-on-one tomorrow so I hope it doesn't worsen the situation.

[QUOTE=ScreamingGerbil;51865496]The funny thing is she's almost none of the things you described. My parents have been happily married since their early twenties and she's a hardcore atheist/liberal. But I guess all that goes out the window when it's your own kid rather than a friend. I think it stems from personal trauma since my parents lived in new York during the 80s and lost some friends to the aids epidemic. She also keeps asking if I was traumatized into homosexuality by her and my sister somehow which makes no sense IMO. I'll probably be forced into a one-on-one tomorrow so I hope it doesn't worsen the situation.[/QUOTE] That probably explains more appropriately why she's not too keen on you pursuing a same sex relationship, and frankly makes much more sense. It's not easy for them to get through traumas like that or let go easily of the fact their friends died because of HIV/AIDS. That deep rooted fear is being expressed to you, though admittedly in a somewhat unhealthy manner. And the traumatized into homosexuality bit makes absolutely no sense to me :v: Try saying that you understand her fears, but those concerns can be handled appropriately especially in this day and age. Say that merely entering into a same sex relationship doesn't condemn somebody to inevitably contact HIV/AIDS. Even though you end up as part of the bridging population epidemiology-wise, you can lead a healthy, safe life provided you just stick to simple precautions. If you try explaining this to her she might be eventually convinced, provided you do so in a manner that tries to account for her own insecurities as well.

I feel bad that my aunt gave me 200 dollars for getting mental health treatment. It's also starting to bother me that I'm the only person that struggles with psychosis in my family. Why did it only happen to me? At least there's treatment for it but I haven't told anyone anyone I struggle with psychosis except the girl I like and my counselors are the only ones to know

I feel depressed for no reason. I'm just really upset with my diagnosis. Im telling myself everything will be okay. I'm still working on improving my confidence since that's what I struggle with a lot

been looking at my high school friends' facebook for the last our and felt a little bit jarred. There's a lot of stuff to process.

I woke up feeling awful this morning. I'm very depressed. I just want to disappear right now. I hate this feeling so much.

I have been passionate about spiritual practices for about 5 years, and in essence may have ended up ruining my life with them. The issue has to do with a phenomenon known as ego death, a mental state... where there basically is none, a thread on reddit describes the experience: [URL="https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/4w306f/ego_death_the_loss_and_reconnection_of_me/"]link[/URL] My old personality has been completely shattered as a result of my delusional escapism, and I have been ruthlessly punished for disrespecting such powerful practices, which were never compatible with me to begin with as I am now realizing. There is nothing more disgusting than completely losing the sense of who you are, and I sincerely hope that I will be able to reconnect with my old self, because living without your own unique personality essentially makes everything pointless. I would not be surprised whatsoever if these kinds of experiences caused suicide, given the fact that it starts to seem like an extremely viable option after these kinds of experiences. For future reference, please never touch any spiritual practices in general people, please just accept for who you are and try to be grateful for your life in some way, it is very difficult to appreciate your own personality until it gets annihilated. All forms of yoga and meditation should be classified as systems of internal destruction and be treated in approximately the same fashion as a lobotomy. Please do not ever attempt to perceive any forms of spirituality as an easy fix solution to your problems unless you are willing to dedicate your entire life to it, if something seems like an easy way of making things better, it's probably a trap.

Despite the fact that my dad died not a long ago, my therapist's telling me I look better. The truth is I'm alone, the one person I talk on a daily basis is my mother. I feel so alone but on the other side, my mind is such a mess, I can't even start small talks with new people.

Im having a good day so far. Depression was kinda bad when I woke up but I'm better now. I was supposed to hear back from the clinic I go to about getting me a therapist but they haven't called. I'm going to do therapy twice a week instead of once

just slept throught the day, again

Literally just found out a friend of mine died this morning after losing control of her car and wrapping it around a power pole... she was the one driving. She was only 21 too. Fuck. [URL="http://www.9news.com.au/national/2017/02/25/08/20/two-killed-as-car-wraps-around-deception-bay-power-pole"]2 killed as car wraps around deception bay power pole[/URL]

[QUOTE=genkaz92;51868453]Please do not ever attempt to perceive any forms of spirituality as an easy fix solution to your problems unless you are willing to dedicate your entire life to it[/QUOTE] Well of course, spirituality isn't just a magical medicine that makes your life great. In fact, becoming a truly spiritual person is in my opinion a very uncomfortable and potentially psyche destroying experience as you have partially described in your post. I also personally believe that it can help you in ways you wouldn't normally consider though, although as with everything mind related you have to be careful. I got really heavy in to typology and psychology as well as the whole synchronicity thing. It was definitely a phase but it is a phase I am so grateful that I went through. I'm no monk, but I'm definitely more at ease with my existence and other people than I was pre-spirituality. Appreciation for everything is one of the strongest lessons I got out of the ordeal and it still sticks with me today, even though it's hard to appreciate through depression and constant mood swings. I feel that spirituality is about taking the mask off and analyzing yourself and who you are to far deeper levels than normal. It's also about looking in to the potential connections of our universe beyond our single consciousness, especially through observation of the self and others. Also I don't really believe ego death is a phenomenon. If I remember correctly from all the research I did, ego death is a natural part of the human cycle as the self goes through constant rebirth all throughout your whole life cycle. [editline]25th February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=shutter_eye5;51872563]Literally just found out a friend of mine died this morning after losing control of her car and wrapping it around a power pole... she was the one driving. She was only 21 too. Fuck. [URL="http://www.9news.com.au/national/2017/02/25/08/20/two-killed-as-car-wraps-around-deception-bay-power-pole"]2 killed as car wraps around deception bay power pole[/URL][/QUOTE] Damn... I'm sorry to hear this man. Not even sure what to say.

[QUOTE=Revelificent;51872717] [editline]25th February 2017[/editline] Damn... I'm sorry to hear this man. Not even sure what to say.[/QUOTE] It's fucked up really. Although I hadn't talked to her in years, like 5 years, I didn't know that she was having problems with her bf and then decides to drive after having a few drinks according to what I heard on the news. It's just heartbreaking really. Wasn't close to them since 2012 but still, the feeling is there. [editline]25th February 2017[/editline] I just realised... the guy who died in the car was celebrating his 21st birthday...