Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

It's going to be hard, but I'm going to try to give up drinking for good. If it hasn't fucked up my life already it's going to soon, so I'm putting a stop to it. Wish me luck

Good luck with that. I really regret drinking because it caused me to have serious problems. Drinking felt good at first but towards the end it started to make me suicidal every time I drank. Not only that but it caused me to go into a psychosis which I'm still struggling with

[QUOTE=Kolmala;51885212]It's going to be hard, but I'm going to try to give up drinking for good. If it hasn't fucked up my life already it's going to soon, so I'm putting a stop to it. Wish me luck[/QUOTE] Best of luck to you man, you can do it. My old man used to drink excessively on a nightly basis for about 30 years, until one day he just decided to go AA and up and quit. Hasn't touched any alcohol for nearly 10 years now.

I would also say go about getting some Librium for withdrawls. On an unrelated note my mood changed from feeling good to depressed as hell. My friend went to bed so I can't talk to her about it. It hurts really bad right now. Everything in my life is going the way I want it but these fucking mood swings come out of nowhere.

I really, really just want to take a break from absolutely everything, no responsibilities, no worries, no deadlines, and be able to come back refreshed and ready to pick up where I left off but it's not really feasible when everything right now is deadlines and constant responsibility. At this point I stay up late to delay waking up to and dealing with the next day. I really do want to fix my sleep cycle and actually feel rested, but I want to avoid tomorrow even more. Only thing that lets me keep pushing forward instead of stagnating is the hope that once I get all this shit done I'll have a bit of breathing room.

I need to go back to work. Right now I'm only living off 200 dollars a month from disability. I'm going to be on that for awhile though. I have improved my mental health though but I'm still struggling with paranoia and mood swings

I'm always scared to talk to people to a point I usually have big headphones on as a giant "do not even imagine im here" and I always get fucked up to talk to people or find an excuse to get out asap end my life

I wish I could just turn my life off and on whenever I want. I wish I had a switch :P

Sometimes I just want to disappear. I only have one person in my life I care about. Nobody else means anything to me. I think she knows this. Its probably not good to think this way but I've been hurt by everyone else so fuck them

It just upsets me I'm treated like shit from my siblings even though they know I'm emotionally unstable. They just don't understand and only care about them self

been feeling empty as fuck lately trying to get a job but other than that I've got nothing to do. I start up a game on my computer, look at the main menu, then close it and continue staring at the same pages over and over and over again. Try something else, start doing it, drop it in 10 minutes and again do nothing.

[QUOTE=Araknid;51892861]been feeling empty as fuck lately trying to get a job but other than that I've got nothing to do. I start up a game on my computer, look at the main menu, then close it and continue staring at the same pages over and over and over again. Try something else, start doing it, drop it in 10 minutes and again do nothing.[/QUOTE] [poppsychology] [t]https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f6/Challenge_vs_skill.svg/300px-Challenge_vs_skill.svg.png[/t] edit: change "skill level" to "control level" and "challenge level" to "pressure level". so low pressure, low control is boredom, high pressure, high control is flow - compare flow to when you're really into something like a racing game and it just goes right and you feel great. [URL="http://www.wakawaka.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/challenge-vs-skill2-e1446780166204.png"]Another diagram annotated by someone describing the feels associated with different areas[/URL] the idea of "flow" is that you feel bored when you're in a low pressure environment but feel like you have no control so you feel bored, trapped and in a rut. You can't relax because you don't really want to be there but have no control about what you're actually doing. Contrast with someone who has nothing to do but chooses to be that way, so they can relax. Obviously easier said than done but I think mindfulness might help. [/poppsychology] Maybe try to get out of your comfort zone? Do something you're not confident doing, if its shit then you might get a refound appreciation for what you know (ie you're playing games because you choose to do it rather than "its what I do"), if its not shit then find something coolio to do. A cliche might be going gym/trying a sport I think its probably "healthier" to try and accept your situation and be content rather than just cramming it with more activities (ie distractions) like you're chasing a thing which can't be reached. Try to do stuff because you want to do them, not because they're just there and you have nothing else.

Woke up feeling really good today but that could change we'll see. I start my program in an hour and hopefully I like it

As a follow up to my earlier baby woes: They started taking her to daycare today. I did not wake up once before my alarm went off at 10:30am. I feel fucking great. I mean, my neck is sore cuz I kinda slept weird all night without moving but hey I'll take the trade-off.

Moving back home to the US for a year to switch institution of study is the single worst thing I ever did for my own mental health. Holy shit. I've kinda just sat about and processed it all and it's awful. Basically it started back when my parents sold my car (first car, I bought it with my own money too) while I was gone, then they paid for half of my new one because they realised that was scummy as fuck to do without telling me. Which wouldn't be a problem if they hadn't just given my younger brother the same sum of money they contributed to my new one in cash for whatever the fuck he wanted. So I'm down a little over $4500 that they sold my car for, and another ~$2000 for the new one. The only reason I found out about this was because I wanted to move back to the US to switch schools, extra fucking not cool. And like, they didn't have to do that and all so I was major appreciative, but all my car problems have to go through my dad now since he thinks he's mechanic jesus even though he's broke more shit on my car than he's fixed, and every problem it's had I've either successfully diagnosed and fixed my self or at least successfully diagnosed and hasn't been fixed yet. I got in a fucking yelling match with him earlier in the year because I had to replace the coolant expansion tank since it was cracked when they bought it. He was so sure the fucking one I wanted to get wasn't the right one for my car because "it's a quattro hurr durr". Eventually I just got beyond pissed because I knew I was 100% right. The tank he wanted to get? The wrong fucking one. And instead of just admitting he was wrong and returning it and buying the one I wanted to get? He fucking breaks shit in my car trying to get that one to fit and then fabricates a shit house mount that doesn't even hold the tank stable to hold the wrong fucking tank he bought. Fast forward to this week, oh the tank is defective on top of that and because he plugged the pressure release port with a fucking bolt to keep it from venting my entire tank due to it being the WRONG FUCKING TANK, it now leaks through the fucking coolant tank sensor, probably because he broke it, it was defective to begin with, or his modification is allowing pressure to build up that fucked it up. Hell if I know exactly what caused it, but when you open your hood to find coolant pouring from your coolant sensor and the connector unplugged there's a pretty clear cut cause right there. Oh but no, my diagnosis is wrong because "well I plugged it in and it can't leak from there because that doesn't even go into the tank." How does the coolant level sensor in the expansion tank measure coolant level without going [I]into the fucking tank?[/I] But nope, he goes out and takes a look and suddenly I'm right. Not before he breaks the connector on my wiring harness though. So if it's not completely fucking obliterated I'm going to have to either buy a connector and re-solder one onto my harness or pay the nearest dealership to do it. Oh and the nearest Audi dealership to me is in another state. GG. And my car is just the most current thing that's eating at me. I left home and never turned back when I was 17 and never came back except to store my shit when I left for university instead of selling/giving away my shit because my mom convinced me that it would be okay and that my dad had changed a lot since I was a kid. I'm surprised he didn't pawn everything I own for fucking pot money or some shit and then just justify it as "well you weren't using it and it was just getting older and depreciating in value" like they did my car. Now I'm stuck living here with my girlfriend who has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and I'm cooking 2/3 of her meals every day because she her anxiety makes dealing with my kitchen/my dad a fucking nightmare for her even though he's nice as all hell to her. I'm a full time student, working a full time job and taking care of my girlfriend. And I mean, I don't mind doing any of it, but I really didn't think about the mental consequences for moving back into my parent's house for a year as something that outweighed the cost of rent and shit for a year. I can't wait until I can leave again and never come back. I've been a fully functioning adult in the real world for over half a decade, I'm not completely fucking incapable and utterly incompetent at doing shit. I wasn't a mechanic for over a decade, but I'm sure as shit able to use my fucking brain, the internet and the fucking car schematics to diagnose car problems.

I feel like such a shitty person because I fell for another girl at my program. She was just so pretty and I couldn't help but talk to her so I sat across the table from her at lunch and we talked for an hour. She told me her story and I told her mine. I'm going to ask for her Facebook when I see her again at Friday. We're both going through the same problems and I just feel like I can connect with her more. Am I a bad person?

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895022]I feel like such a shitty person because I fell for another girl at my program. She was just so pretty and I couldn't help but talk to her so I sat across the table from her at lunch and we talked for an hour. She told me her story and I told her mine. I'm going to ask for her Facebook when I see her again at Friday. We're both going through the same problems and I just feel like I can connect with her more. Am I a bad person?[/QUOTE] I don't think that makes you a shitty person. I fail to see any rational connection to such a conclusion unless you're already seeing someone/married or looking to use her for your own personal gain. So imo, you might be overthinking it or something. If you're in it because as you say, "i just feel like I can connect with her more" then I'd say that you're not a shitty person, you're just finding an individual that you're wanting to get to know more. Just don't rush anything and if nothing is forced/unwanted then nothing can go wrong. The big secret to relationships with romantic interest is to just be tactfully straight forward with it. If you're keen to date when you've just been friends for a while, ask them if they'd be open to going on a date. It's much easier to deal with the minor awkwardness of a straight forward rejection like that than it is to dance around the issue. Often it won't kill a friendship and it lets them know that you're open to such a thing in the future if they happen to become interested too.

I used to suffer from severe depression. I overcame it myself with no medication. It takes strong willpower but it's doable. I always told myself I don't want on medication at all. Side effects from that medication is normally worse than before you took the meds.

That's what I'm thinking. It was just so unexpected I didn't think this would happen. If me and this girl get close though I'm going to stop all communication with other girl because that will just make things awkward

[QUOTE=Plowed;51895092]I used to suffer from severe depression. I overcame it myself with no medication. It takes strong willpower but it's doable. I always told myself I don't want on medication at all. Side effects from that medication is normally worse than before you took the meds.[/QUOTE] It depends for some people, but a general rule of thumb from my understanding is that medication is a tool to help you work toward a solution through therapy and time. Medication isn't able to 100% solve the problem, it just makes dealing with it more doable for those who can't manage it yet without. [editline]1st March 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895110]That's what I'm thinking. It was just so unexpected I didn't think this would happen. If me and this girl get close though I'm going to stop all communication with other girl because that will just make things awkward[/QUOTE] You don't have to stop all communication really. If you're kinda involved with the other girl, but not dating or anything, you can just tell her that you've met someone and that your relationship is going to have to be one of friends. If you're just friends then you can just still be friends. If she's got a problem with that then it's not a big loss for you, bad friends aren't worth the hassle. If this new girl has a problem with you having female friends then it's kinda a thing that you'd rather address and help her work through now rather than later because that's a huge red flag for a relationship.

[QUOTE=F.X Clampazzo;51895117]It depends for some people, but a general rule of thumb from my understanding is that medication is a tool to help you work toward a solution through therapy and time. Medication isn't able to 100% solve the problem, it just makes dealing with it more doable for those who can't manage it yet without. [editline]1st March 2017[/editline] You don't have to stop all communication really. If you're kinda involved with the other girl, but not dating or anything, you can just tell her that you've met someone and that your relationship is going to have to be one of friends. If you're just friends then you can just still be friends. If she's got a problem with that then it's not a big loss for you, bad friends aren't worth the hassle. If this new girl has a problem with you having female friends then it's kinda a thing that you'd rather address and help her work through now rather than later because that's a huge red flag for a relationship.[/QUOTE] My brother tried medication for depression and it didn't do much of anything for him. He said it made him stay sleepy if anything.

Your right. I should tell her I found someone else. We weren't even dating we were just having sex. But I don't know if that would complicate things

[QUOTE=Plowed;51895153]My brother tried medication for depression and it didn't do much of anything for him. He said it made him stay sleepy if anything.[/QUOTE] For some people yeah, it's 100% worthless. Brain chemistry is really complex and you basically have to roll the dice which, if any of these drugs helps you at all. [editline]1st March 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895154]Your right. I should tell her I found someone else. We weren't even dating we were just having sex. But I don't know if that would complicate things[/QUOTE] Only if you were having sex under the pretense that it was amounting to more than just sex. If it's pretty clear established that you guys were just friends with benefits, then there's no big deal going from that to just friends really. She could even be happy for you finding someone, just kinda depends really. But any friendship lost from a transition from friends with benefits to just friends wasn't really a good friendship you needed anyway.

That's true that's all we really were together. I need time to think about all of this. I'd rather get to know this girl I just met more and from everything she told me so far we have so many similarities. She even felt comfortable telling me her diagnosis so I told her mine also

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895281]That's true that's all we really were together. I need time to think about all of this. I'd rather get to know this girl I just met more and from everything she told me so far we have so many similarities. She even felt comfortable telling me her diagnosis so I told her mine also[/QUOTE] Yeah you definitely don't have to tell the other girl anything until you're sure of anything. Since well, nothing has really changed other than the potential for something better. I wish you the best of luck friend.

Well I'm only going to be able to see her twice a week because that's the only days she goes. I'm going to ask for her Facebook so I can message her outside of program and see where it takes me. I should of asked today

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895445]Well I'm only going to be able to see her twice a week because that's the only days she goes. I'm going to ask for her Facebook so I can message her outside of program and see where it takes me. I should of asked today[/QUOTE] meh, today, friday, next week. If it's meant to be it'll come as it does. No big rush man. Probably sounds a bit cliche, but confidence comes with comfort and the most comfortable thing I've found is being able to just go with the flow. If it makes sense to ask her for her facebook, go for it. If it doesn't feel right, then it's okay to wait. It's easier to talk your self down than it is to talk your self up.

I was able to build up the confidence to walk over to her and start having a conversation so I think I'll be okay asking her for it.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895571]I was able to build up the confidence to walk over to her and start having a conversation so I think I'll be okay asking her for it.[/QUOTE] That's the spirit!

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895571]I was able to build up the confidence to walk over to her and start having a conversation so I think I'll be okay asking her for it.[/QUOTE] Build on that confidence. For like 2 weeks straight I kept telling myself that I was gonna sit with someone at breakfast in the cafeteria at college because I always felt sad sitting and eating breakfast alone. It was a Friday so it was either do it now or gotta wait again till Monday. I saw a girl sitting alone and at first I pussied out and went and sat by myself. Then I just had to tell myself "fuck it" and force myself to go and so I went over to her and was basically like "I don't really like sitting alone, mind if I join you?" and she was more than happy to have me sit with her. It was literally the best feeling ever getting over those "I can't do it" thoughts. Then once you do it once, it's not so hard the second and third time and eventually it's not that scary talking to new people.