Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V5 - General

i hate it when you're doing okay then you just get hit with a wave of dread that you can't rlly put your finger on.

Damn I just realized I won't see her until next Wednesday I thought I had program on Friday. I told her I'll see her Friday. Oh well next time I see her I'll ask

I went in to see my therapist yesterday and during our discussion I mentioned once again wanting to get assessed for ADHD since I can't follow along in conversations and during my stay at the hospital during support groups I kept getting lost over something the doctor was explaining - basic stuff, not even complicated like how our emotions affect us. And suddenly my therapist can "see some signs of ADHD" in me even though during our last session he said he didn't see ADHD in me. Apparently he was still "trying to get to know me" so wasn't paying attention to that. Anyway, I went in expecting to need to sign a release of information so he could get the paperwork from the hospital. To my surprise he already had the paperwork - a big fat folder and had already submitted the paperwork for a psych evaluation for me a week ago. I'm doing okay by the way. Being off antidepressants is a pain but the new meds do help. One of the downsides is that I'm experiencing mood swings and high and lows like you would expect from someone who is bipolar so there goes the option for denial on my end. This is fun.

I feel kind of bad right now. I don't feel like getting another psychiatric evaluation because I have to tell everything all over again and that means bringing up stuff I'd rather not talk about. I have to go for 2 of them which seems really pointless

on viibryd, my third antidepressant, I am finally experiencing what it's like to be helped by medication :)

How does that make you feel because I need a new anti depressant Zoloft doesn't work. Also I'd really like to know when I'm starting therapy but still I've heard nothing

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51895154]Your right. I should tell her I found someone else. We weren't even dating we were just having sex. But I don't know if that would complicate things[/QUOTE] Like you say that, but your posts in the other thread tell an entirely different story. [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51875770]I had another great time with her. I'm so happy right now. I've really fallen for her. She just means a lot to me.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51880117]I can't stop thinking about this girl. We're best friends but we do stuff a normal couple does. It's kind of a complicated relationship but it works[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51880543]We used to go to school together and I sent her a friend request on Facebook awhile ago and then she messaged me. We have been talking everyday and got really close with each other.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Crpto2007;51891254]I told her I'll always be there for her and that made her really happy. I'm not going to fuck up with our friendship and I'm sure she will stay around for awhile. Im trying to do right by her.[/QUOTE] I'm a little surprised someone can make such a 180 on relationships like this, and it definitely sounds like she will be hurt by this, especially if you randomly break all communication like you planned

No seriously, am i the only one to suffer from the (according to the docs) physical effects of my psychical health ? I'm Mr.Somatoform at this stage, this is fucking awful. Stomach problems ? Lol it's your mind bro. Dizziness problems ? Lol it's your mind bro. Red and painful eyes ? Lol it's your mind bro. Psoriasis ? Lol it's your mind bro. Waking up at 4AM each night ? Lol it's your mind bro. At this stage i don't know if they're joking but i'm about to drop my sorry ass in a mental hospital, that or punch one of them in the face.

could someone add me on steam and/or send me a PM? i need help with something involving anxiety/phobias and it's really embarrassing.

Well good news. They are supposed to attempt to take the nexplanon out of my arm on wednesday again. I hope they can do it this time, they tried last week but my arm didn't numb right. Basically it's been making my mental health go down the shitter to the point where I have almost self harmed and had to stop myself. Every time something remotely bad happens I freak the fuck out and my anxiety has never been this bad since middle school. I worry constantly. I can't even get out of the apartment anymore. For the love of god if you suffer from any type of depression do not get that as your birth control and if you are a guy keep your woman away from it. Honest to god being knocked up would be better than this shit. Never doing hormonal birth control again ever. Honestly I don't know how my fiance has put up with this. Fuck what this has done to me. I feel like it has robbed the last year and a half of my life away from me. I can't even get hired because I'm so depressed, fat, and moody from it. I have zero drive and zero energy, I swear I have some sort of chronic fatigue and probably anemia too. I can barely even do basic chores now. I really hope my mental health at least will improve once this shit is gone or I will have to try to find a free therapist. If they don't take this damn evil stick out of my arm I will do it myself. It needs to be OUT. FUCK.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51898463]How does that make you feel because I need a new anti depressant Zoloft doesn't work. Also I'd really like to know when I'm starting therapy but still I've heard nothing[/QUOTE] Thanks for asking because it's good for me to reflect. I personally notice the greatest change is that my mind falls into depressive spirals much less frequently. I also used to feel like I had a huge mental cache of non-constructive worries; I feel that I now dedicate way, way less brainpower to these worries. I'm living in the moment more. I'd say all in all, I feel more nonchalant about things I should have been nonchalant about my whole life. The result is that things in general are just outright more enjoyable than they used to be. I've also improved my appearance (a big anxiety issue for me), found myself in more opprotunities to socialize, and have been tracking my mood daily with an app. These plus the Viibryd, chicken vs egg—unsure what's helping me the most but it's working, whatever it is.

[QUOTE=plunger435;51898860]Like you say that, but your posts in the other thread tell an entirely different story. I'm a little surprised someone can make such a 180 on relationships like this, and it definitely sounds like she will be hurt by this, especially if you randomly break all communication like you planned[/QUOTE] I did really like her but it wasn't going anywhere. The most she considered me as was just a best friend. I just wanted a relationship

would be nice if i wasnt such a social fuck up cant start conversations cant keep conversations going i cant make friends unless I get approached and even then i cant fucking keep a friendship very well the people I talk to most are online, i've gone through periods of time where I've gone a month or two not speaking a word to anyone except for parents or answering a question at a cashier i can already see myself as being one of those old lonely 50+ year olds

I'm feeling mostly depressed but happy at the same time. Happy because I'm going to get to know the girl from my program more. I'm feeling mostly depressed though but I think I'll be fine. I've been experiencing more hallucinations both auditory and visual and it's gotten really annoying and making me paranoid as fuck.

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;51905210]I'm feeling mostly depressed but happy at the same time. Happy because I'm going to get to know the girl from my program more. I'm feeling mostly depressed though but I think I'll be fine. I've been experiencing more hallucinations both auditory and visual and it's gotten really annoying and making me paranoid as fuck.[/QUOTE] What's your actual diagnosis?

[QUOTE=Blazyd;51905927]What's your actual diagnosis?[/QUOTE] Major depressive disorder with psychotic features and possible schizophrenia I have another psych evaluation coming up

I think my confidence in myself is getting better. I don't really have thoughts that everything is going to go wrong anymore. I feel good about myself

I feel like I don't get any actual gain from any interactions from my friends. Instead I most of the time leave feeling belittled. I don't really know why I bother.

I keep trying to think if there's really any reason not to kill myself soon, and I keep coming up with not much. I have absolutely no faith that anything in this world will get better. People are too stupid, cuntish, and self-centered to actually shut the fuck up and stop being cunts to each other. My life is shit and I have no way to make it better. I'm just sick of dealing with life and there is no way to make it stop being shit.

[QUOTE=Schmaaa;51911584]I keep trying to think if there's really any reason not to kill myself soon, and I keep coming up with not much. I have absolutely no faith that anything in this world will get better. People are too stupid, cuntish, and self-centered to actually shut the fuck up and stop being cunts to each other. My life is shit and I have no way to make it better. I'm just sick of dealing with life and there is no way to make it stop being shit.[/QUOTE] I think like that a lot but its important to keep in mind that there are people that care and would be hurt by your loss. I've attempted my life about 3 times now, and I am not proud of those low moments, but its important to note that I am better than I was when I was there. Sometimes things feel awful and hopeless but I assure you that every new day is always a step forward for the better. I don't know what else to say other than a very long "hang in there" but I can assure you that you will meet good people and things will eventually work out. I don't really know you but I hope this offers some comfort.

I'm sick of being alive. I'm sick of my body not working. I'm sick of feeling like shit all the time. I'm sick of everything in the world being shitty. I'm sick of people being assholes to each other. I feel like I don't belong in a world where people have to have a job and income and work for assholes who don't care about them so that they can give all their money to other assholes that don't give a shit about them so that other assholes will just let them exist and not starve to death. It's a fucking shitty world that we live in and I can't fucking stand it another second.

I know what it feels like. Sometimes I get sick of being alive too and I'd rather be dead. Everyone keeps telling me not to give up though so that's what I'm trying to do. You got to find things or people that make you happy. There's always going to be terrible people out there but there's also a lot of good people too. Just don't make an attempt on your life because I've been there and it's painful for everybody

I have no idea how to make new friends. I've severed ties with most of my friends from high school, as I just found it to be an unhealthy environment after so many years. I recently moved to California, and I've had a falling out with my only close friend since first grade out here after he lied so many times about not being interested in a girl I was and the swept her from right under me. I feel alone all the time. I don't feel like I have anyone who actually had my back. And I'm so emotionally broken I can't even bother to fix it. I don't know what to do. I'm too afraid to move. Any move I make and anyone I trust and confide in just ends up hurting me. I'm sick of the constant medicine and doctors visits telling be year by year for the past 7 years "HURR DURR YOU'LL BE BETTER IN THE SPRING." I'm tired of people saying what they don't actually mean. Fucking God I just want this shit to end. I just want to stop feeling like a fuck up all the time. Why the fuck can't I make good out of anything.

I'm afraid I'll be that 90 year old who is still in school since he signed up at like 18 because he keeps failing, jobless and becoming that very old creepy and ugly guy who preys on young people because he is ugly and is as lonely as can be because everyone hates him and leaves him.

Have you ever wanted to be serious but no one takes you seriously? Have you ever wanted to make a joke but everyone takes you seriously?

I wish I am more than just a living pile of shit with no real significance at all.

Got woken up today with news that some close childhood friends, two sisters, were hit head on by a drunk driver going the wrong way on the highway. The younger sister has some lacerations and they're checking for broken bones. The older sister is in a coma with internal damage. My brain is having a hard time processing it. I've known these girls since I was itty bitty and knowing that they're hurting like this is really fucking me up. I don't want my friend to die. And I'm scared that I won't be able to respond appropriately if she does. I hate drunk drivers.

After two months of waiting, I have an appointment with a psych tomorrow for some anxiety medication. Can someone give me some pointers on what to expect, both from the appointment itself and afterwards? I've heard it usually takes the medication a couple of weeks to take effect after you first take it.

all I can really say is buckle in for a potentially long process. every drug I've been given had about a month ramp-up period, and I had to go through three drugs and two doctors to find something that helped me. but hang in here! could be very worth it to let this unfold in the background of your regular life.

[QUOTE=racerfan;51917627]After two months of waiting, I have an appointment with a psych tomorrow for some anxiety medication. Can someone give me some pointers on what to expect, both from the appointment itself and afterwards? I've heard it usually takes the medication a couple of weeks to take effect after you first take it.[/QUOTE] Your appointment will last about about 45-60 mins, the psych will ask what's been bothering you and ask a bunch of other questions based on your answers. Using your feedback he will decide a proper treatment plan to help combat your anxiety. Be honest with your psych, they're there to help you. If you are prescribed medication, it will most likely be an SSRI. SSRI's can take about 4-7 weeks to kick in (this varies on what you're being treated for, anxiety and OCD usually take longer than say depression). It is possible you'll experience side effects, and if you do then definitely talk about it with your doc. SSRI's can be a trial and error process. One drug may not help you at all while another will work miracles, or you may need an increase in dosage. It's a long process, but hang in there. I've been treated with 50mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) for about six weeks now, it completely annihilated my depression but my anxiety & intrusive racing thoughts are still mostly intact. Probably going to get my dosage increased this week. tl;dr - relax, talk to the doc, buckle up and keep your chin up.